Harry Potter and characters belong to JKRolling and Warner and? Books (anyone but me)

This is Profits free.

I know this fic is just another piece of my insanity...

I've corrected most of the spelling errors in the first part. Go back and check at your own risk.

What goes on in the mind of our sex symbol? Find here.

THANK YOU PINEDORE I LOVE YOU TELLING MY INSANITTY WAS HILARIOUS

------ Neville Longbottom's (very) one-sided point of view ----

-------------A piece from Longbottom's Fan Club----------------

Since 1st year I was attracted to that poster. Now in my 6th it could not be any different, I never change. I was looking at the West Hams when someone opened the door.

"Something wrong, Neville?" I recognized Dean's voice

"No" I said to him and turned back to the poster, then I had the insight maybe I just wanted to know - "How does it work, Dean?"

"What?" Why doesn't anyone understand me? I pointed to the West Hams "Oh! Football...well I could just show you" He went to his trunk and picked a ball "Let's go outside" and he pushed me out taking me to the Quidditch pitch "I think we can play in here" I looked him "It's not like they use the field in Quidditch"

"Yeah" I murmured I was not alright with the idea.

"First let's get rid of those robes, they are not going to help us" I put mine beside his in the bench "What do you know about Football?" Nothing.

"That...that is a game with 11 players and one ball. No flying" Really what else could I know?

"It's 22 men, 11 in each team" He corrected me but that just sounded wrong that much people and -

"And only one ball! That's absurd!" I could not control myself, sometimes that happened.

He kicked the ball to me a few times and I kicked back "I think now we can make some penalties" What? He took off his shoes and placed them far from the other him in the middle telling me to kick, he defended. In the end it was relaxing "So what did you think"?

"Wow" It was better than I thought I dried my sweat "It's quite hard but really cool"

We dated Sunday as next practice. Saturday I could barely sleep. Sometimes I hate this feeling of anticipation I have all the time. When I could not stand anymore I started to dress in the closest thing I had to shorts and t-shirts. And went to wake Dean "Dean lets go" He didn't move so I pushed him "C'mon" how could he fell and stay sleeping?

"What" he sat "Neville?" Okay maybe I shouldn't have done that.

"Let's go play football" I smiled maybe he would not notice what I did. But Dean just eyed me head to toes. Is he by any chance..?

"You can't play with that" he laughed pointing at my boots, thanks Merlin.

"But I" have nothing else Gran only give me those "All my shoes are like this"

"Okay, we'll just play shoeless...But Neville don't you think it's too early?"

"No I wake this hour every day" Well except when I have too many butter beers.

"Everyday?" what did I just said?

"Everyday."

"You're insane let me sleep some more" usually I hate when people say something about insanity but I was too anxious to care.

"But--"

"Please I need sleep" he turned his back to me.

"Okay... But can you lend me the ball?" I didn't want to go back to my bed.

"Yes" he gave me and I thanked, Gran always says to be polite "Don't lose it!" he obviously did not had a Gran like mine.

I went happily to try some moves and wait and when I was starting to think dean was not coming someone said.

"Can I play too?" I turned some boy certainly younger maybe 2 years and from Huflepuff? They all have that strange air around them "I love football" he went on as we passed the ball "... What is you team?" that was directed to me but I did know any.

"I don't have one. I'm new at it." I tried to sound cool.

"Oh! You are a pureblood then?" yeah that explained everything "You should be arsenal, they are the best"

"Dean, my room mate, prefer the West Ham"

"They suck" Then I saw Dean and by his face he heard.

"They do not, Arsenal that did not won for centuries" How did a perfect Sunday turned to a fight? I had other ideas in mind.

"Can we just play ball?" I made a pleading tone.

---------------------------------------------

Every Sunday I started to understand why purebloods are mostly prejudicers. Muggle born and half bloods are a little out of it. They are loud. They fight because of their teams (and other small things) and they seem to think that I need to choose one too to cheer.

Soon it wasn't just boys some girls started to come. One particular they ware doing some silly marked move with dust removers. As I watched it all from afar I realized that if Grandmother knew it she would put me in the same ward as mum and dad. I was walking around shirt and shoeless, falling in the mud and swimming in a big pond (that's how she calls the lake) and I felt happy about it.

And two months latter we're like a big family or something I felt safe enough to bring my special drink. I had invented it when I was 7 and our cook was sick. It was better than anything else and did not left me drunk at the end.

"Since today is quite chilling I brought this" I announced.

"What is that?" I liked Denis he was always direct.

"A refreshment" but I love being vague "It's supposed to be warm in the cold weather and fresh at sunny days."

"And you made it?" Flinch-Flachey was always suspecting of a prank

"Yeah"

"I'll pass" they said.

"OH c'mon!" they're prejudicing me.

"Neville you dropped potions!" Dean was harsh time to time, mostly when he fought with his girlfriends.

"But I've been doing that all my life"

"Who invented it?" Gilderoy Lockhart, who the hell do you think?

"Myself" I said the truth. They stared me "Argh...I'll just take one first" What are they thinking, that I would bring something that wasn't safe? "See safe"

"You cowards" Eloise was always supporting someone.

"Sissy" Hannah always wanted to say something.

" 'Gime some, I'll try it!" Lisa was braver than me "That was great, gi'me more!" and enthusiastic

"Sorry there Neville" sometimes Perks irritated me with all his lunatic logic.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm used" I am a failure after all "Let's just play"

"Maybe you should bring it every match" trust these boys to be lazy bums.

"And some sandwiches too" that was too much I was not their maid.

"I'm not making sandwiches!" juice, ok. Sandwiches, no.

And as always they started to fight over who was going to bring food. Against his will Justin was selected. But playing had started to get harder the weather would not cooperate and also the school wit OLWs. Finally in the spring we could go back to our games.

"We should make an official game" This Ravenclaw was specially loving with his long hair.

"Hey I'm here" we tended to ignore Euan, his things always ended in Galleons.

"Sorry didn't see you there..." he was small even for an 2nd year.

"No on does"

"HAHAHAHAHA" that was just cruel and coming from Denis absurd.

"Why are you laughing Denis, you're even smaller"

"I'm not!" Denis was oblivious "I'm older, I can not be!"

"Oh Deny shut up" thank you Colin "I think the official game is a good idea"

"Why is that?" asked Dean.

"Well I've been selling a lot of pictures of you all" he what?

"To whom?" someone asked, the question should d be why?

"Girls specially," oh "they seam to like shirtless Neville a lot" I was ready to laugh when I understood and blushed "We would have a big audience"

"And could charge tickets" what had I said about Euan. Everyone stared "What? We should make some money too."

"And when would that be?" they weren't taking this serious, ware they?

"As soon as possible" SOON? They totally lost it! "The term is ending"

"That's time enough to make the flyer" Dean is a dunder head, there's time for nothing I say!

"But we have no names" Why of all things our Huflepuff keeper is worried about names?

"Since girls will mostly come for Longbottom" I don't want to hear what Turpin has to say.

"It should be shirts against no-shirts" Jolly god I heard from Abbot.

"And Longbottom in no-shirts, obviously" Greengrass you could just come and kill me now. Please someone Avada Kevrada me!

"Uhg" my idea exactly.

"Girls do you also think Longbottom shirtless sexy?" Oh yeas he had to go and say the S word.

"Of course they do" Macdonald was always spilling the truth.

And I don't know how just that it started with Justin they're all insulting me. Me from all people! I tried to give my opinion but they just ignored me. I had to scream, and I hate being brute because Gran would always put me in the basement when I was.

The guys quickly changed subject but I was still tempered. My bad mood faded when Colin said Parkinson as in Pansy Parkinson from Slyterin bought pictures and then he said my name. I was drinking and choked. That could not be.

"WHATT?!" Was the only thing I managed to say.

"And she had quite a dreamy state too" was Colin saying he sold pictures of me, without permission, for Pansy Parkinson?

"And I ask again, what does he have that I don't?" I don't know but I'm starting to wish I hadn't had it.

They started to discuss galleons and I just sat there thinking. Pansy Parkinson and maybe other Slyterin girls can't have liked me. They are just doing Voodoo dolls, that's it American dark magic. I am not handsome and certainly not sexy "No WAY" the guys had just said that didn't they. But the girls had blushed and admitted that fancied me.

I'm not going to think about it. In he end I'm just going to picture girl and they want me to and "I don't want to be naked for everyone!" the girls are just going to touch me and I'm not really a touch person. Maybe Gran's fault, I don't really know. At this point I notice they're all staring at me "Yes" I say weakly. I don't know why but they cheered.

---------------------------------------------

"We need pictures of you as a baby" unfortunely now I understood with what I had agreed...

"Why it's always me?" was all I could say these last few hours.

"Because Slyterine girls adore you!"

"Why?" couldn't they just ogle over Malfoy?

"Probably because you are the only pureblood--e" that's it! The keeper is right and by his poses gay... It's just because I'm a pureblood, simple. They started to fight once again. Like a big family or something. When I overhear...

"Y-You are g-going to make t-t-shirts and b-b-b-bands" Maybe that was going too far "With my face on it?" I wanted to be sure. When they nodded I felt all going black. I can't handle the truth (they say something like that all the time) As I lied there I pictured all the money I could imagine and sat "I could do with the extra money" Gran and me lived only with her retirement salary, that was short very short.

"Longbottom aren't you rich?" yes I'm.

"HA! I wish," I said laughing we do have lots of spare money but it all goes to mum and dad treatment, St Mungus isn't exactly for free "and the ingredients for our refreshments are not for free."

"I thought you said you picked them in the green houses" Ops I forgot I had told Dean that.

"Well..." Sometimes like now I feel the need to lie but did not know what to say so I blushed.

They started to insult me all over again "Oh stop that will you" I felt my face very hot. Greengrass defended me and Turpin officially started my fan club. Avada Kevrada me now, please!

---------------------------------------------

I was taking a relaxing hot shower when I turned and saw him. Colin Creevey with his camera - precious as he calls it- taking pictures of me cleaning...well myself. I promptly showed him the way out and locked the door muggle and wizard way, he must be acquainted with alorramora by now...

What's with those girls and nudity really a boy's body isn't that interesting is awkward compared to what girls have. I sighed if I was a witch I would be a lesbian...

I finished my shower and slowly directed to our empty class room- the head quarters. I started studding while others came and go.

"Neville you are going to give them your underpants" Colin panted from the door.

"What?" don't they think I need a little privacy "First nude pictures now this?"

"It was the only way she became interested." I don't believe a word.

"Colin Creevey, I'm going to kill you" I state. He screams and run away I go after him. Until I was lost somewhere. I decided to walk but then running would be best to find the way back.

As I collide in someone and fell I decided that that was not one of my greatest ideas.

"Hum Longbottom" I focus my eyes and there she was the reason of my agony, Pansy Parkinson around us pictures. I blushed knowing of what they ware "You're heavy"

"Sorry" I moved to a dog's position and noticed that she was really soft, if you understand me. Still gazing at her I get the way her hair falls and the picture indecencies. Gran is going to be very disappointed as I get of age, becoming a pervert I am. But if you think at it Pansy Parkinson is the one with a picture of me naked "Are those pictures of me?" I asked not really believing and imagining more indecencies. She's not that bad, may she would agree with a quick snog -not like that ever happened to me...

"I-This-Well-The truth" I could not provoke her like this.

"Are those girls from that fan club?" Gran taught me to never let a lady uncomfortable " These girls--"So I said our meeting place I notice Colin had not done a good job he had forgotten to tell her where to find the fan club.

---------------------------------------------

That same week on Sunday, just one week after our plans started the girls announced we could have our official game. It seemed like I had a big legion of fans, I was astonished, Dean patted my back. I never asked them if every integrant of my fan club (I like how that sounds my fan club) had seen my naked side. I didn't want to know, maybe a little but not that much.

We expended a few days placing flyers and after that I had that horrible anticipation feeling again. Why just me, the other boys seemed so normal like they did that all the time. Well maybe over summer they did.

Saturday morning, the last one from this term, we ware up early to prepare all: juice, food, field. Our cheerleaders ware in a corner making them look like scarlet women. And I had thoughts again. That was it when I got home I wasn't waiting for Gran I would lock myself in the basement until this perverted ideas ware out of my mind.

The stands ware filed and we started to play. When I turned to the crowd I saw it: shirts, banners, hats I felt slight sick. What ware they doing here? Most didn't even understood this game, hell sometimes didn't. When the game was finished -the shirts won- we're all attacked I crawled my way out caught a robe tossed it around and runed to the prefects bathroom, there I thought I was going to be sae and could take a bath. Boy was I wrong. Minutes latter. I had only discarted the robe Pansy Parkinson came in.

"There you are" the way her hips swing made me glup my saliva "I want you to know I've been fancying to met you alone for quite an while" she fancy what? "You are very handsome" When she placed that hand on my chest was like petrificus totalus again "Come here" she was kissing me. Oh, Merlin! I didn't knew what to do and I had waited for this moment all my life (maybe not all but at least for a year) and after I stopped thinking I decided to copy what she was doing she was the experienced one here... but then she pushed me away, did I make it wrong? Well just one more thing I am not capable of.

"I---I---" don't know what to say it was wonderful, splendid, my hands are sweaty and-- is she moving out? Oh, Merlin, she is. I just hope for the better after summer I'll not have things good like this happening again.

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================== FINIS =======================

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i know not so funny but it has his own beauty...

*FEATURING*

According too book five:

5th year Neville and Dean (Griffindor), Justin, Hannah and Eloise (Huflepuff), Lisa (Ravenclaw), Daphne Greengrass and Perks (?)

4th year Colin Creevey (Griffindor)

3rd year Nathalie MacDonald (Griffindor)

2nd year Dennis Creevey ( Griffindor), Stuart Ackerley (Ravenclaw), Kevin Whirby (Huflepuff)

1st year Euan Abercrombie (Griffindor)

Also

The Four Eyed and the Long Haired Ravenclaws, the Chubby Griffindor, The Huflepuff Keeper, the Dark-Skinned Boy, the Irish Boy, The Misterious Prefect and Pansy Parkinson. thehorny boysare not in this piece.

All my characters end up insane in some level (Oh, dear. Just like me).

NEXT EPISODE

Longbottom's Fan club after the summer. {a\n i still have to finish it}

ALSO

Longbottom's Gran discoveries (The woman with no first name)

IF

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