Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It all belongs to J. K. Rowling. Well,
except the part that me and Stacy thought up. She's an amazing beta reader,
and her e-mail's silenceofthemind@hotmail.com if anyone needs one.
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Chapter 11: Going Back
I work up the next morning to sunshine flooding in through my window. It was a gorgeous day outside. Birds were singing and trees were blowing slightly in the wind. The sweet smell of flowers drifted in from outside.
I threw the curtains closed and climbed back into bed.
Harry was gone. I heard my family talking in the hall that morning as I laid half awake in my room. He hadn't come back in the middle of the night like I'd hoped.
I had planned on just lying in bed for the rest of the day and sulking properly, but Christina had other plans. She started crying and, since I didn't want social services to take her away just yet, I rolled out of bed (literally), and walked over to her crib.
"Hungry, are you?" I asked, picking her up and allowing Christina her breakfast.
"I don't like this little deal we've got going on." I said conversationally to my child. "I'm no good at the whole Giving Process."
I sighed heavily and stroked Christina's fuzzy, red head.
"Are you sure you want to go to Ireland?" I asked her. "I mean, I know daddy's there and all, but it's a rather... damp place. Where as England; it's always sunny." I said sarcastically. "And, you know, if you grow up in Ireland, you're bound to have a drinking problem. There're pubs everywhere. And mummy really doesn't have the money to pay for your rehab just yet."
"I hope you're not wanting her to talk back." Came mum's amused voice from my doorway. I sighed with annoyance. I really wasn't in the mood for someone else's sarcastic comments. I was quite content with my own.
Mum came in and sat on my bed next to me.
"So, what are you and Christina chatting about?" She asked with a smile. I was not amused.
"Where's Harry?" I asked.
"Oh, honey, let's not get on that subject." Mum sighed. "You're going to Ireland with Devon in a few days. That's what you should be thinking about."
"I don't want to go." I said, ashamed at how selfish I sounded.
"And deny Christina a steady family? I don't think so." Mum said firmly.
"But it's so far away." I said. I moved Christina and positioned her in front of my other breast. "I'd never be able to see you guys, and-"
"What did you just do?" Mum asked, pointing to my chest.
It took me a few moments to understand what she was talking about.
"Oh, I just switched which breast she was drinking out of." I said simply. Mum continued to look at me, as if saying, "yes, aaand....?"
"That way one boob doesn't get smaller then the other." I finished. Mum barked with laughter.
"You have a lot to learn." She sighed.
"Enough about my stupidity," I said, rolling my eyes and trying desperately to keep my cheeks from flushing. "do you really think I should go to Ireland?"
"Of course." Mum said simply. I looked at her hesitantly. "I know that you think you and Harry might have something, but you and Devon literally *do* have something." She said, staring pointedly at Christina. "And if things don't work out, at least you'll know and not have to live with that question lingering over you forever. Everything will be the same if you decide to come back home."
But I knew she was wrong. Harry and I would never be the same.
~*~*~*~
Hermione came over the next day and was a big help in helping me pack.
"You don't need that." She said, pulling the hairdryer out of my hand.
Yep, a big, bitchy help.
"Yes I do." I argued, grabbing it back and shoving it in my bag.
"Devon'll have one at his place." Hermione re-assured me, taking the hairdryer back and holding onto it.
"Okay, then what should I pack?" I asked, getting a little frustrated. She'd been doing the whole 'you don't need that' thing for about half an hour.
"Mostly things for Christina." Hermione said.
"Right. I'll go get her toys." I said, leaving the room and starting to walk downstairs. I had somehow found the energy the other day to take Christina outside and, being the organized person that I am, I left everything out there. Her toys, her diaper bag, her blanket. I don't know why people trust me with a baby. I could just leave her on a train without knowing it, and wouldn't realize she was gone until I woke up the next day from a night of uninterrupted sleep.
I dashed down the stairs, threw the front door open, and nearly ran into the person standing behind it.
He had his hand extended, probably getting ready to knock, but ended up having to steady me with it.
"I just came here to get my stuff." Harry muttered.
I wanted to hug him, I was so happy. But I knew that our relationship wasn't like that anymore. So I just smiled at him, receiving nothing in return.
After a small, very uncomfortable silence, Harry spoke.
"I can just come back later." He muttered, his words barely audible. I grabbed his arm just as he turned to leave.
"No, don't." I said. "Harry, don't run away just because of me."
"What did you expect Ginny?" He said, his face angry, but I could see the sadness in his eyes. "I can't be in the same room with you without..."
He didn't have to finish what he was saying. I knew exactly what Harry was talking about. As desperately as I wanted to be his friend, I knew that I wanted more. It was so hard for me to have to stand there and not be comfortable with him. I just wanted to kiss him and hug him... but I needed to stop being selfish.
"I'm gonna go." Harry said. He still seemed so angry with me, and I hated it.
"Are you going to King's Crossing to see me off tomorrow?" I asked hopefully to his retreating back. The sun was almost completely hidden behind the horizon, and I could barely make out Harry's figure as he neared our front yard fence.
"No." Harry called over his shoulder. I didn't want to believe him. I knew that it was hell not being able to be together, but I still couldn't picture him not being there.
"Good night, Harry." I called, trying to keep my voice from shaking. The thought of never seeing him again terrified me.
"Good*bye* Ginny." He called back. Everything outside was black, and I could no longer see him. I slowly closed the front door and made sure it was locked before I leaned my back against it and cried.
~*~*~*~
The next day came far too quickly. I dreaded having to go to Ireland, and just wanted to stay in the Burrow forever. I wanted to track Harry down and tell him just how much it killed me to leave him like this. That he had every right to be mad at me, because I was too. I wanted everything to end on a good note, but that was impossible.
"Ginny, the train leaves at three!" Mum called from downstairs. "We'll be late if you don't hurry up!"
"I'm coming." I called back half-heartedly. I was sitting in my room, staring into the mirror on my vanity. I was suppose to be bringing my trunk downstairs, but something stopped me. I was searching through my drawers, looking to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. It was then that I stumbled upon a picture I hadn't seen in years.
It had been taken my sixth year, out on the grounds of Hogwarts. Harry and I were sitting underneath the huge willow tree by the lake, while Ron and Hermione were bickering in the background. Harry and I were just laughing to each other as we watched the two of them. And, even though my eyes were on Ron and Hermione, Harry was looking at my face, smiling to himself.
I had never noticed that before, and it just made my heart ache worse.
"Ginny!" mum screamed impatiently. I nearly jumped out of my skin.
I shoved the picture in my pocket and hurried downstairs.
When we arrived at the train station, it all happened so fast. People were walking in every direction, whistles were blowing, and train conductors were making the final calls. I just tried to look over the chaos, searching for Harry. I knew that he told me he wouldn't be there, but I didn't want to believe it.
I hugged everyone goodbye as my mum shed a few tears. As I pulled Hermione into a close embrace, I whispered in her ear, "Tell Harry goodbye for me."
She pulled back and looked at me pitifully.
"Oh, Ginny-"
"Just do it. Please." I said quietly. I hesitated before saying, "And... tell him that... I love him."
Hermione nodded, a sympathetic frown on her face.
The last call for my train echoed throughout King's Crossing. I looked around the station once more, hoping against hope that my life would suddenly turn into a romantic movie, and Harry would come running through the crowd, begging for me to stay.
But Harry was nowhere in sight. He'd kept his word, and didn't come to say goodbye to me. I suppose that he thought that if we didn't have to say our final goodbyes, then it would be less painful. But I couldn't imagine anything more painful then the sight of me leaving without him waving me off.
After I kissed everyone goodbye, I boarded the train with Christina in my arms. I quickly found a seat all to myself, and just stared out the window at my family. They were all waving like mad, and mum kept wiping her eyes with dad's handkerchief. I waved back half-heartedly.
Just as the train began to depart from the station, I saw it. A tall man with jet black hair running through the entrance and jumping over carts to get to my platform. My heart jumped up into my throat at the sight of Harry. He was midway between the front doors, and where my family was, when he looked up and saw my train slowly gaining speed and leaving the station with me in it. His face, which had been set, fell and he stopped dead. Harry just stood there, completely still, as he watched my train get further and further away.
I wanted to scream for them to stop the train. I wanted to get off and run to Harry and tell him how stupid I was being. That I couldn't live without him, and I didn't want to be with Devon.
I watched Harry until he was too small to see. I stared out the window until he was swallowed by the trees and mountains that rushed past me.
It wasn't until five minutes later that I realized that Christina was crying. I finally tore my eyes away from the scene which once held the person who'd haunted my dreams since I was ten.
"Do you miss him too?" I whispered to Christina. She cried louder, and I took that as a yes. "Shhh, Chrissy. Stop crying, you're going to make me start."
But still she wailed. I shushed her and gently bounced up and down. As I glanced down at the ruby ring on my right hand that I always wore, I thought of something that would quiet her.
"It's not the pale moon that excites me. That thrills and delights me." I sang quietly, rocking Christina slightly. "Oh no, it's just the nearness of you. It isn't your sweet conversation that brings this sensation. Oh no, it's just the nearness of you."
That song brought back so many bitter-sweet memories of Harry. I wanted to cry from the loneliness I felt, but managed to stay strong.
Christina's tears slowed, and she quickly fell asleep as I continued to hum the melody.
Long after Christina had fallen into a deep slumber, I quietly sang the lyrics, still not allowing myself to cry. I didn't want the song to end, because the memory that came with it was something I never wanted to forget.
I closed my eyes as I sang, chiseling the memory into my mind.
~"When you're in my arms, and I feel you so close to me." I sang, entwining my fingers of one hand with his. "All my wildest dreams come true. I need no soft lights to enchant me," I giggled quietly in between lines as Harry's arm slithered just under my breasts and he pulled me closer. "if you only grant me the right to hold you ever so tight, and to feel in the night the nearness of you..."~
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Okay, first off THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF MY REVIEWERS! I've never had so many reviews for one chapter! This just makes me so happy, especially when I'm being weighed down by finals. Anyways, I'm going to be gone this entire weekend, so I decided to post a day early. Also, I was really busy studying for finals, so I couldn't reply to the reviews, sorry!
Anways, I promise that this isn't the end!!! I'll post the next chapter on Monday, since this one is do damn short!
Much love,
Nicole
************************************************************************
If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just give me you e-mail address in the review and I'd be happy to do it :)
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Chapter 11: Going Back
I work up the next morning to sunshine flooding in through my window. It was a gorgeous day outside. Birds were singing and trees were blowing slightly in the wind. The sweet smell of flowers drifted in from outside.
I threw the curtains closed and climbed back into bed.
Harry was gone. I heard my family talking in the hall that morning as I laid half awake in my room. He hadn't come back in the middle of the night like I'd hoped.
I had planned on just lying in bed for the rest of the day and sulking properly, but Christina had other plans. She started crying and, since I didn't want social services to take her away just yet, I rolled out of bed (literally), and walked over to her crib.
"Hungry, are you?" I asked, picking her up and allowing Christina her breakfast.
"I don't like this little deal we've got going on." I said conversationally to my child. "I'm no good at the whole Giving Process."
I sighed heavily and stroked Christina's fuzzy, red head.
"Are you sure you want to go to Ireland?" I asked her. "I mean, I know daddy's there and all, but it's a rather... damp place. Where as England; it's always sunny." I said sarcastically. "And, you know, if you grow up in Ireland, you're bound to have a drinking problem. There're pubs everywhere. And mummy really doesn't have the money to pay for your rehab just yet."
"I hope you're not wanting her to talk back." Came mum's amused voice from my doorway. I sighed with annoyance. I really wasn't in the mood for someone else's sarcastic comments. I was quite content with my own.
Mum came in and sat on my bed next to me.
"So, what are you and Christina chatting about?" She asked with a smile. I was not amused.
"Where's Harry?" I asked.
"Oh, honey, let's not get on that subject." Mum sighed. "You're going to Ireland with Devon in a few days. That's what you should be thinking about."
"I don't want to go." I said, ashamed at how selfish I sounded.
"And deny Christina a steady family? I don't think so." Mum said firmly.
"But it's so far away." I said. I moved Christina and positioned her in front of my other breast. "I'd never be able to see you guys, and-"
"What did you just do?" Mum asked, pointing to my chest.
It took me a few moments to understand what she was talking about.
"Oh, I just switched which breast she was drinking out of." I said simply. Mum continued to look at me, as if saying, "yes, aaand....?"
"That way one boob doesn't get smaller then the other." I finished. Mum barked with laughter.
"You have a lot to learn." She sighed.
"Enough about my stupidity," I said, rolling my eyes and trying desperately to keep my cheeks from flushing. "do you really think I should go to Ireland?"
"Of course." Mum said simply. I looked at her hesitantly. "I know that you think you and Harry might have something, but you and Devon literally *do* have something." She said, staring pointedly at Christina. "And if things don't work out, at least you'll know and not have to live with that question lingering over you forever. Everything will be the same if you decide to come back home."
But I knew she was wrong. Harry and I would never be the same.
~*~*~*~
Hermione came over the next day and was a big help in helping me pack.
"You don't need that." She said, pulling the hairdryer out of my hand.
Yep, a big, bitchy help.
"Yes I do." I argued, grabbing it back and shoving it in my bag.
"Devon'll have one at his place." Hermione re-assured me, taking the hairdryer back and holding onto it.
"Okay, then what should I pack?" I asked, getting a little frustrated. She'd been doing the whole 'you don't need that' thing for about half an hour.
"Mostly things for Christina." Hermione said.
"Right. I'll go get her toys." I said, leaving the room and starting to walk downstairs. I had somehow found the energy the other day to take Christina outside and, being the organized person that I am, I left everything out there. Her toys, her diaper bag, her blanket. I don't know why people trust me with a baby. I could just leave her on a train without knowing it, and wouldn't realize she was gone until I woke up the next day from a night of uninterrupted sleep.
I dashed down the stairs, threw the front door open, and nearly ran into the person standing behind it.
He had his hand extended, probably getting ready to knock, but ended up having to steady me with it.
"I just came here to get my stuff." Harry muttered.
I wanted to hug him, I was so happy. But I knew that our relationship wasn't like that anymore. So I just smiled at him, receiving nothing in return.
After a small, very uncomfortable silence, Harry spoke.
"I can just come back later." He muttered, his words barely audible. I grabbed his arm just as he turned to leave.
"No, don't." I said. "Harry, don't run away just because of me."
"What did you expect Ginny?" He said, his face angry, but I could see the sadness in his eyes. "I can't be in the same room with you without..."
He didn't have to finish what he was saying. I knew exactly what Harry was talking about. As desperately as I wanted to be his friend, I knew that I wanted more. It was so hard for me to have to stand there and not be comfortable with him. I just wanted to kiss him and hug him... but I needed to stop being selfish.
"I'm gonna go." Harry said. He still seemed so angry with me, and I hated it.
"Are you going to King's Crossing to see me off tomorrow?" I asked hopefully to his retreating back. The sun was almost completely hidden behind the horizon, and I could barely make out Harry's figure as he neared our front yard fence.
"No." Harry called over his shoulder. I didn't want to believe him. I knew that it was hell not being able to be together, but I still couldn't picture him not being there.
"Good night, Harry." I called, trying to keep my voice from shaking. The thought of never seeing him again terrified me.
"Good*bye* Ginny." He called back. Everything outside was black, and I could no longer see him. I slowly closed the front door and made sure it was locked before I leaned my back against it and cried.
~*~*~*~
The next day came far too quickly. I dreaded having to go to Ireland, and just wanted to stay in the Burrow forever. I wanted to track Harry down and tell him just how much it killed me to leave him like this. That he had every right to be mad at me, because I was too. I wanted everything to end on a good note, but that was impossible.
"Ginny, the train leaves at three!" Mum called from downstairs. "We'll be late if you don't hurry up!"
"I'm coming." I called back half-heartedly. I was sitting in my room, staring into the mirror on my vanity. I was suppose to be bringing my trunk downstairs, but something stopped me. I was searching through my drawers, looking to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. It was then that I stumbled upon a picture I hadn't seen in years.
It had been taken my sixth year, out on the grounds of Hogwarts. Harry and I were sitting underneath the huge willow tree by the lake, while Ron and Hermione were bickering in the background. Harry and I were just laughing to each other as we watched the two of them. And, even though my eyes were on Ron and Hermione, Harry was looking at my face, smiling to himself.
I had never noticed that before, and it just made my heart ache worse.
"Ginny!" mum screamed impatiently. I nearly jumped out of my skin.
I shoved the picture in my pocket and hurried downstairs.
When we arrived at the train station, it all happened so fast. People were walking in every direction, whistles were blowing, and train conductors were making the final calls. I just tried to look over the chaos, searching for Harry. I knew that he told me he wouldn't be there, but I didn't want to believe it.
I hugged everyone goodbye as my mum shed a few tears. As I pulled Hermione into a close embrace, I whispered in her ear, "Tell Harry goodbye for me."
She pulled back and looked at me pitifully.
"Oh, Ginny-"
"Just do it. Please." I said quietly. I hesitated before saying, "And... tell him that... I love him."
Hermione nodded, a sympathetic frown on her face.
The last call for my train echoed throughout King's Crossing. I looked around the station once more, hoping against hope that my life would suddenly turn into a romantic movie, and Harry would come running through the crowd, begging for me to stay.
But Harry was nowhere in sight. He'd kept his word, and didn't come to say goodbye to me. I suppose that he thought that if we didn't have to say our final goodbyes, then it would be less painful. But I couldn't imagine anything more painful then the sight of me leaving without him waving me off.
After I kissed everyone goodbye, I boarded the train with Christina in my arms. I quickly found a seat all to myself, and just stared out the window at my family. They were all waving like mad, and mum kept wiping her eyes with dad's handkerchief. I waved back half-heartedly.
Just as the train began to depart from the station, I saw it. A tall man with jet black hair running through the entrance and jumping over carts to get to my platform. My heart jumped up into my throat at the sight of Harry. He was midway between the front doors, and where my family was, when he looked up and saw my train slowly gaining speed and leaving the station with me in it. His face, which had been set, fell and he stopped dead. Harry just stood there, completely still, as he watched my train get further and further away.
I wanted to scream for them to stop the train. I wanted to get off and run to Harry and tell him how stupid I was being. That I couldn't live without him, and I didn't want to be with Devon.
I watched Harry until he was too small to see. I stared out the window until he was swallowed by the trees and mountains that rushed past me.
It wasn't until five minutes later that I realized that Christina was crying. I finally tore my eyes away from the scene which once held the person who'd haunted my dreams since I was ten.
"Do you miss him too?" I whispered to Christina. She cried louder, and I took that as a yes. "Shhh, Chrissy. Stop crying, you're going to make me start."
But still she wailed. I shushed her and gently bounced up and down. As I glanced down at the ruby ring on my right hand that I always wore, I thought of something that would quiet her.
"It's not the pale moon that excites me. That thrills and delights me." I sang quietly, rocking Christina slightly. "Oh no, it's just the nearness of you. It isn't your sweet conversation that brings this sensation. Oh no, it's just the nearness of you."
That song brought back so many bitter-sweet memories of Harry. I wanted to cry from the loneliness I felt, but managed to stay strong.
Christina's tears slowed, and she quickly fell asleep as I continued to hum the melody.
Long after Christina had fallen into a deep slumber, I quietly sang the lyrics, still not allowing myself to cry. I didn't want the song to end, because the memory that came with it was something I never wanted to forget.
I closed my eyes as I sang, chiseling the memory into my mind.
~"When you're in my arms, and I feel you so close to me." I sang, entwining my fingers of one hand with his. "All my wildest dreams come true. I need no soft lights to enchant me," I giggled quietly in between lines as Harry's arm slithered just under my breasts and he pulled me closer. "if you only grant me the right to hold you ever so tight, and to feel in the night the nearness of you..."~
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, first off THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF MY REVIEWERS! I've never had so many reviews for one chapter! This just makes me so happy, especially when I'm being weighed down by finals. Anyways, I'm going to be gone this entire weekend, so I decided to post a day early. Also, I was really busy studying for finals, so I couldn't reply to the reviews, sorry!
Anways, I promise that this isn't the end!!! I'll post the next chapter on Monday, since this one is do damn short!
Much love,
Nicole
************************************************************************
If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just give me you e-mail address in the review and I'd be happy to do it :)
