Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It all belongs to J. K. Rowling. Well,
except the part that me and Stacy thought up. She's an amazing beta reader,
and her e-mail's silenceofthemind@hotmail.com if anyone needs one.
************************************************************************
Chapter 14: My Second Blind Date with a Sexual Offender
I sat in my sad excuse for a cubical, trying desperately to look busy. It was pointless for me to be at work everyday. I usually finished my work by lunch, and then just stuck around for a bit, trying to act like I was a strong part of the newspaper. But, in all truth, I was just something that the Daily Prophet threw in because it was tradition. I mean, seriously, who reads the obituary? People die, big deal! It's not like I knew any of them. Honestly, I came into work everyday and read the list of people who'd snuffed the big one just waiting for the name Albus Dumbledore to appear.
As I was stacking the obscene amount of pencils I had on my desk like Lincoln logs, the phone suddenly rang. I jumped a little, bumping my desk and causing all of the pencils to fall and roll loudly off of my desk. I blushed as all of the eyes in the office were on me and muttered a hello into the receiver.
"Ginny, I've found him." Came Hermione's excited voice from the other end.
"Who, Waldo?" I asked stupidly as everyone in my office went back to their daily routine.
"No, I'm still searching for him." Hermione said. I could hear her face flush.
"Ask Chrissy. She's already found him five times." I said, muttering a simple charm to clean up the pencils.
"I'll remember that." Hermione said.
"Did you call me to talk about children's books, or is there something else you wish to discuss?" I asked, sitting back down in my chair and preparing for the worst.
"I found the guy for you." Hermione said, not knowing that I was rolling my eyes. There was a small silence, which was finally broken when she asked hopefully, "So, what d'you think?"
"No." I said, hanging up the phone coolly and turning back to my nonexistent work. I got up from my chair and made my way to the coffee pot, contemplating whether or not I should go eat lunch or not. Just then there was a loud crack and Hermione appeared right in front of me.
I screamed like a banshee and yelled, "I keep forgetting you can *do* that!"
"His name's Nathan and he works in my office." Hermione said calmly, seeming unaffected by my outburst.
"I'm not going out with anymore of your sex-hungry coworkers." I said firmly, trying to gather myself back together.
"But he's not sex-hungry. He's properly nourished and an artist." Hermione said. I looked up at her curiously.
"A *tortured* artist?" I asked hopefully.
"Very much so." Hermione smiled.
I'd always had this thing for tortured artists. They were so interesting and, even though they normally committed suicide early into their life, I was drawn to them.
"He has a goatee," Hermione continued, her words of facial hair making me cringe. "but I'm pretty sure he'd be willing to shave it off."
My eyes lit up. A tortured artist who would soon be without facial hair. That's like heaven to me. The words "sounds perfect" were on the tip of my tongue when a memory popped into my head. That bastard Jonathan trying to have sex with me in the girls restroom.
I shivered involuntarily and said firmly, "No."
"Why not?" Hermione asked, her face falling.
"Because," I said, reluctantly shaking the thought of this tortured artist out of my head. "I'm not letting you set me up with anymore of your freaky coworkers. They're all crazy."
"But-"
"I have to go meet Harry for lunch." I said, walking past her and toward my desk.
"He's not crazy, just tortured!" Hermione pleaded as I grabbed my purse and pulled out my wand, getting ready to Disapparate. I waved goodbye to a very distressed Hermione and Apparated to the Three Broomsticks. But not before I heard her yell, "But he's a poet!"
~*~*~*~
I was ten minutes early to lunch, so I just sat at a table and looked around at all of the available men. I wondered if any could be Nathan. I scanned the tables, searching for a man drinking deeply into his glass; maybe bend over a half finished poem; or holding a razor blade to his wrist.
But the only men in this pub were boring business men with open collars and crooked ties. They were the kind of men you'd find at a strip club making catcalls and waving galleons in the air.
I glanced at the door, and was delighted to see a business man who I knew for a fact had never stepped foot in a strip club... Okay, so maybe he had, but it was settling to think that he hadn't sat and watched girls prettier then me bend in ways I never could.
"Sorry I'm late," Harry said breathlessly with a smile on his face. "I was talking to Kate and lost track of the time."
"Oh." I said in a small voice, trying to keep a smile on my face.
"You should really meet her sometime." Harry continued happily, sitting down across from me. "Anyways, how was your date with that Jonathan guy?"
Horrible, revolting, traumatizing, and nauseating wouldn't even begin to describe it. But I couldn't tell Harry that. He was all happy and gay (in a very heterosexual way) about Kate, and I needed someone like that too. Even if they were fictitious.
"It was wonderful." I said, trying desperately not to cringe. "He was such a sweet guy."
"Great," Harry said with a small smile. "maybe we could all double date."
"But he's not really my type." I finished quickly. There was no way in hell I was going to go on another date with that bloody rapist again.
"Oh, that's too bad." Harry said sympathetically. I wanted to kill him. "I'm sorry."
"No need to be, because I've found someone else." I said. My mouth was working faster then my brain, and I had no idea why I'd said what I did.
"Already?" Harry asked.
"Yep," I said coolly. "his name's Nathan."
~*~*~*~
"You will not regret this, Ginny." Hermione said happily, clasping a silver necklace around my neck.
"Too late." I said miserably.
"Just keep telling yourself; tortured artist. Tortured artist." Hermione said soothingly as I put my earrings in and smoothed out my dress.
"D'you think there's any chance he'll commit suicide before I get to the restaurant?" I muttered hopefully. Hermione chose to ignore me. She handed me my purse and smiled happily.
"Thanks for watching Christina on such short notice." I told her, grabbing my wand. "Oh, and remember, if Ron asks; I'm visiting a convent."
With one last smile to Hermione, I Apparated to the restaurant.
~*~*~*~
When I got to The Crescent Moon, a fancy-smancy restaurant just outside Diagon Alley, Nathan was already there. He was descent looking, with shaggy blonde hair and brown eyes. He was a bit pale, but I suppose that was all part of the whole 'tortured' image.
"Hello, you must be Nathan." I said in what I considered a kind voice. Nathan just nodded nervously and sat down across from me. "I'm Ginny."
Nathan still said nothing. A million thoughts raced through my head. Was he a mute? Did he not speak English? Was this normal tortured-artist behavior?
I was panicking from loss of conversation, so I just began to talk, hoping he would join in sooner or later.
"So, Hermione says that you're an artist." I began nervously. He just stared at me. "She also says that you're a poet. I think that's absolutely fascinating. I mean, I'd never have the patience to-"
I stopped abruptly, swearing that I'd heard him bark... *Bark*? His hand was covering his mouth nonchalantly, so I couldn't be sure. But I had definitely heard a barking noise coming from his directing.
Concluding that I had probably just gone temporarily insane, and that my date wasn't making dog noises, I continued talking.
"I've never really known an artist before. Do you paint or-"
There it was again. He barked, I *knew* it.
"I'm sorry, did you just-er-bark?" I asked nervously.
"Indeed I did." He said happily, bouncing in his chair a little. "I could make another animal noise if you want. Cat, horse, parrot-"
"But-um-why?" I asked, completely confused.
"Why, because the pink elephants told me to, of course!" He declared with a smile. "They threatened me, they did. Saying they'd tweak my nipples if I didn't do as they said."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or scream. So I just stared at him, hoping this was some kind of joke.
"So," he continued. "obviously I had to do as they said. Getting your nipples tweaked is painful business. Have you ever had it done to you? Here, let me show you." Nathan said, reaching across the table with one hand and heading straight for my breast.
"No, I'm good." I said, leaning as far back in my chair as possible and pushing his hand away.
"Suit yourself." Nathan said, shrugging his shoulders. "But I'm telling you, it kills. Especially when Rupert does it."
"Who's Rupert?" I asked, fearing what the answer would be.
"He's the elephant with the fireman's hat on." Nathan said.
"Right, of course." I laughed, wishing I were anywhere but there.
"So," he continued enthusiastically, holding up his fork. "What's this thing called again?"
"...Sorry?" I asked, confused out of my mind.
"No, no I don't think that's it..." he said, his face screwed up in deep thought as he held the utensil inches from his face.
"Are you ready to order?" The waiter asked.
"God, yes." I sighed. I glanced at Nathan who was nearly going cross- eyed as he continued to examine his fork. "Something-anything-with alcohol in it."
"And for you, sir?" The waiter asked, turning to Nathan and trying very hard not to laugh.
"Is it a spoon? No, no that's not it." Nathan said to himself, seeming oblivious to the world outside of his weird little bubble. I flushed, resting my head in my hands as he yelled, "Does anyone know what this contraption is?!"
My face shot out of my hands and I roughly grabbed Nathan's hand, which was holding the fork, and slammed it down on the table.
"It's a fucking, God damn fork, okay?" I hissed at him.
"That's the ticket!" Nathan exclaimed happily. "It's just been so long since I've seen one of these, I forgot."
"What are you, a cave person?" I asked, not being the least bit surprised if he'd answered 'yes.'
"No, I'm just not normally allowed to handle sharp objects." He replied.
Thankfully, it was then that the waiter came with my alcohol. He handed me an empty glass and a bottle of vodka, saying it was on the house and glancing quickly at Nathan before looking back at me with sympathy.
"I have a dog, you know." Nathan went on happily. "His name's Scruffy and he's a marvelous lover."
I took a swig straight from the vodka bottle and welcomed the burning it left in my throat. If I was going to suffer through this date, it was going to be with a very high blood/alcohol level.
"You know, I just read this wonderful book," Nathan continued as I became increasingly drunk. "It's called The Bible. I loved it so much, I burn any other book that doesn't agree with it. I just had a bonfire the other night. It was wonderful!"
"Ah huh." I said conversationally, empting the bottle of vodka into my glass and only managing to get half of it in. I downed that quickly and decided that I was still thirsty. Waving the empty bottle in the air, I got our waiters attention and ordered more.
"My, you can consume a lot of alcohol." Nathan said, stating it as a compliment. "Are you an alcoholic? I do hope you are. It'd make it so much easier to get you in the sack."
"Sure, I'm an alcoholic." I said, making myself dizzy as I rolled my eyes. "I'm also a hooker and president of the United States."
"Are you *really*?" Nathan asked, very intrigued.
"Yep. So getting me in the sake will be a no-brainer." I muttered.
"Well that's marvelous news!" He exclaimed, taking everything I said seriously. "I was beginning to get worried. Seeing as I took steroids as a child and my willy is the size of a crayon, I figured I didn't have a chance with someone like you. But since you're a hooker *and* an alcoholic, this'll be a piece of cake!"
I simply nodded, wishing that I would just pass out already.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." he said absentmindedly.
"Ginny." I said simply.
"Nice to meet you Ginny." He said, extending his hand and shaking my... breast.
I stood up quickly, fairly drunk but not drunk enough to tolerate a man feeling me up in the middle of a restaurant and putting it off as a normal greeting.
"Listen, I better go, it's past my bedtime." I said, bending over to get my purse and nearly falling.
"How old are you?" Nathan laughed.
"Fifteen." I answered with a serious face, pulling out my wand and getting ready to Disapparate.
"Well then, why don't you let me tuck you in." He said, wagging his eyebrows.
Great, I was dating a pedophile.
I Apparted to my flat and promptly passed out on the floor.
~*~*~*~
The next day I woke up to the unbearably bright sun that was flooding through my window. I groaned and instinctively brought my hands up to my head, trying to keep it from exploding. I rolled over, feeling what I knew was my bed underneath me, and buried my face into the pillow.
"Take this," I heard Harry's voice say, gently grabbing my hand and forcing a cold glass into it.
"Sleep." I muttered, pushing the glass into what I thought was his chest and rolling over, never opening my eyes.
"Don't make me do this the hard way." Harry said, amusement playing on his voice. I didn't budge, so he slid his arm underneath my back and forced me to sit up. Even with my head pulsing, I still couldn't help but feel giddy with Harry's arm around me.
I opened my eyes a little, still trying to adjust to the brightness of the room. Harry put his finger under my chin and raised it up a little, putting a glass to my lips and pouring the liquid down my throat.
I swallowed accordingly, not breaking eye contact with him. The liquid was very sweet, almost like honey, but thinner. Immediately, I felt my headache subside.
"What is that stuff?" I asked, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice as Harry released me and moved to sit on a chair across from the bed.
"Hangover relief potion." He said with a smile.
"I never thought you were one for making potions." I teased.
"Hermione made it," he said quickly. "right after she put you in your bed."
I tried hard not to show my disappointment. I was hoping that he'd done those thing. Like he'd gone out of his way to make me comfortable because he cared about me or something. But I was just kidding myself with those thoughts. His love for me had faded over our years apart, and now he had Kate.
"How much did you drink last night?" Harry asked with a smile.
Memories of the previous evening came flooding back, and I shuttered inwardly.
Plastering a smile back on my face, I answered breezily, "Oh, you know, the normal amount." He raised one, sexy eyebrow. "Okay, maybe a little bit more the usual. Just, you know, tequila body shots and such."
How desperate was I? But, still, it seemed to have it's effect on Harry. His sly smile faltered and he managed to say, "Had fun, did you?"
"Loads." I gushed, figuring if I was going to lie, I might as well exaggerate. "Nathan's amazing. He took me to dinner, and then we went to a party. It was great."
After a bit more lying on my part, as I watched Harry's smile become more and more forced, he left for work. I got dressed, checked on Chirssy to find her still sleeping.
Now, I decided, was the perfect time to pay Hermione a little visit.
"Hermione!" I screamed once inside of her flat. "Come here right now so I can kill you properly!"
"What'd I do this time?" Hermione asked sleepily, walking into the living room where I stood and stifling a yawn.
"It seems you have a bit of a problem picking out men." I said thoughtfully. "I mean, I've known that your tastes were a tad off ever since I caught you snogging Ron-twice." I added icily. "But, just for future reference, I prefer my men to be mentally sane, if that's not too much trouble."
Hermione's sleepy eyes widened with fear.
"You set me up with a fucking psycho!" I screamed.
"Oh my God." Hermione muttered to herself. "He must've not taken his medication."
"Ya think?!" I yelled.
"Did he say that green sheep were talking to him?" Hermione asked, wringing her hands nervously.
"No, they were pink elephants." I said.
"Oh my God!" Hermione exclaimed, flinging her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. "I'm so sorry! That means he must have barked like a dog."
"But that's not the worst part." I said, managing to peel Hermione off of me. "He shook" dramatic pause "my breast."
"I'm so sorry!" She cried, flinging her arms around me once again.
"I don't know why he felt the need to introduce himself to my boobs," I continued. "He'd already gotten acquainted to them when he tried to tweak my nipples!"
Hermione hugged me tighter, saying over and over how he normally wasn't like that, and she never would have set me up with him if she'd known that he was off his meds.
"It's fine." I said half-heartedly, trying to calm her down. "I had access to alcohol, so that helped." I suddenly remembered something, and added, "By the way, thanks for the hangover relief potion, I really needed it."
Hermione released me and looked up at me curiously.
"That wasn't me." She said.
"What?" I asked, completely confused.
"I fell asleep on the couch and, when I woke up, I saw Harry carrying you to your bed. Then he went to your cauldron and made something. It must've been the hangover relief." Hermione finished.
I pondered all of this with a very distant look in my eyes. Why was Harry in my flat in the first place? Did he still care about me? What about Kate?
Even though I knew it was probably stupid, I couldn't help but smile at the little bit of hope I had for Harry and me in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Lame ass ending, I know. But what can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic/sappy twit. Anyways, before I thank *everyone*, I just wanna say, OMG! I've never had this many reviews before in my LIFE. So THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE REVIEWERS!!!!!!
David: I promise Ginny will get a chance to meet Kate. That'll be fun, right? You'll get to see if little miss perfect is living up to her name.
D.Torres: Don't bother sticking around for 'maybe 1 or 2 more chapters' if you're going to be like that. What the hell is up with your attitude? Stop taking everything so literally, this is a humor story, so lighten up.
mintytoothpick: lol, don't worry, you're allowed to laugh at Ginny's bad fortune. Just be happy it isn't yours!... yea, I know Hermione's kinda stupid, but just when it comes to match making. And, since you cant learn that out of a book, I suppose we should give her a break.
OfTheWest: Heehee, so many questions! But, you know, I can't answer them! You'll just have to stick around and wait. *insert evil cackle here*
Foags: Such a short review! But, no matter, I loved it anyways. No Friends references in ch. 13? What about this one? It's as if the entire Friend dialogue has become a part of me and I can't separate their words from my own. It's..... weird.
Dude: Aw, thank you. I love having my writing complimented as 'beautiful.' It's so much better then 'complete and utter shit.'
BuckNC: lol, I love Ron too. He so much fun to write. Especially when he's being an ass to his poor little sister.
Herbie: haha, yea, it's always best when cute kids have big mouths. That is, unless you're the person who's information their leaking. BTW: I love the whole Jonathan idea. I've had my eye on a certain purse for some time, and I finally know where to get the money...
Strayc@t: I give you full permission to kill him. But you don't want to kill Nathan, do you? I mean, he is kind pervie, but he's so funny, and so much fun to write!
Pheonixgurl: Thanks!
g-@-b-S-t-E-r*07: lol, Harry's girlfriend has to be so perfect because then the story is interesting! Would you think Ginny would be intimidated by a girl who had more facial hair then Harry?
St. Brittania: Thanks so much! I'll update every Friday.
Faer: Glad you liked the part with the stories. I just added that as a last minute thing, to add somewhat of a twist. And also to have Christina in there *somewhere*.
Shadowy Tenshi-chan: heehee, I love writing Hermione/Ron bickering. And, since it's what makes the story fun, I promise there is definitely more to come.
Purfectchild: Yea, I figured it'd be really old to have Harry and Cho together. Plus, I hate that stupid bitch. I promise that we (well, Ginny, rather) will meet Kate soon.
Merit Somnia: haha, yea, that date was definitely the definition of pervert. This one was pretty bad too, but you gotta love him cause he's completely off his rocker.
kneh13: Yea, he was a creep. I'm glad I've never gone on a blind date. If I had a date like Jonathan, I think I might just run screaming out of the restaurant.
Kelei: Hermione's bugging you? A lot of people seem to be having the same feelings. I didn't mean to write her like that, I just needed someone to mess up all the blind dates, and she was the only one I could think of. What is it that bugs you about her? Maybe I can help change it.
MoonGoddess25: Yea, clueless Hermione. Which is actually a strange sentence.... all well. Thanks all the same.
Draco-FutureBF: heehee, before I get Harry/Ginny closeness, I think I'll have to eliminate the middle man *cough*Kate*cough*. How I'm going to do that, I have no freakin' idea.
HPFCarly: Is it really the first you've liked? Well, it's the first Harry/Ginny I've written. How strange! Anyways, glad I made you a fan.
hpfan73: lol, not a fan of Jonathan, huh? You and the rest of the world. What about Nathan?
Unperfection: Creep-cooties. There the worst kind! I mean, pervert-cooties and weirdo-cooties are pretty bad, but creep-cooties could probably be consider a type of nuclear waste..... *sighs dreamily* isn't it fun just to ramble for a bit?
Parvai Elana Nakeiisha Name: yea, there are haters. Not many (thank God), but some. But it's all good. Not everyone likes the same things (is my mature-act working?). Anyways, onto more important business. Eddie Izzard. I went to a site on him, but got confused and scared and started hypervenelating and closed the window so my head would stop hurting. Care to explain him to me?
Eric2: I think that blind dates are the most dangerous thing in the world. Ya know, next to jumping off of buildings and eating cheese.
Lightprincess: Thanks so much!
dolphingirl79: ¡Muchas gracias señorita! [my horrible and probably completely incorrect translation: thank you so much!]
glitter8262: It's always nice to hear that people like what I'm writing! It really makes my day (which consisted of getting my report card *cringe* and being constantly made fun of by my best friend's ass of a boyfriend) so much better!
Casi: Getting people hooked on the first chapter is actually what I was aiming for, so it's so great to hear that my devious planning worked!
Tyster: You have a Jonathan too?!?! That's so cool!!!! Especially cause their absolute opposites. It's like they're twins!!!... except the have the same name... and one's evil... and Ginny is going out with one and married to another... okay, that's twisted. I'm just gonna stop now.
Chelles: I'm not really sure what to do with Christina's magic. I mean, do I give it to her or not? It's so hard! Grrrr, my head hurts.
Faith456: Is Nathan now in your bad books? I wish I had a bad book. I think I'd need one the size of a phone book.
LittleGreenPerson: You like Ron? Good! I love him too, and writing him is so amazingly fun.
Fancyeyes: I'm so glad you like it! I hope I'm not going in circles with my story, and that it's original.
KeeperOfTheMoon: Glad you liked the stories. I just added them in the last second cause I felt bad for not really having Chris in the chapter.
Courtney: Aw, don't be depressed! I mean, I'm glad I got a reaction out of you with my writing, but don't be sad!!! Be happy, just think of how lucky you are that it's not you having to go on those blind dates.
feels_sorry_for_harry: *sighs* I don't have the energy to explain, but Ginny wasn't this horrible person for leaving Harry. It was the wrong decision, but everyone makes those, and it was all because she was being manipulated by Devon. And the thing about the fifth book; Harry is eight years older and a hell more mature. Besides, his rage was about something completely different and not even relevant to this story.
...: You'll get a description sooner or later of Kate. Patience...
lovey360: I know! I can't believe all the reviews either. I remember when it was one chapter too, and only, like seven reviews. I'm so happy so many people like it, and so many people like you took the time to review!
Sara: I'm glad you like it! I hope that I keep going in the right direction with this story, but I tend to get sidestepped, so tell me if it begins to get off topic.
Luna Lovegood2: So glad you liked it!
zeldagrl436: yea, Hermione does suck at matchmaking. But, hey, there's no book on it, so I doubt she'll ever be very good.
SaTiNk06: I'm so glad I got you laughing again, especially after your review for ch. 11. I hate making people cry, but it's just so much fun to write stuff like that!
harry's4me+notu: I suppose it's good that Harry's moved on, but doesn't the Harry/Ginny lover inside of you want them together? I mean, that doesn't mean that Harry has to come crawling back or something like that, but don't you miss the fluff?
Chelsea of the Moor: Glad you like it!
Fentoozler612: lol, yea, the first blind date didn't go too well, but you have to admit, this one was interesting. I mean, how many times do you come across someone as... colorful as Nathan?
Sarahamanda: You'll have to keep reading to find out the answers to your questions. Muhahaha!
Lil-frankie14: Thanks so much! I promise to update every Friday, even if it mean I have to stay up till 11:30 to write. But, hey, that's just how us procrastinators work!
Swishy Willow Wand: Thank!
Sarah: Why is Ginny a BEEP? I mean, I know she ran off and everything, but it was all because that is what she believed was right for her child's future. Being in a manipulative relationship can screw with what you really want. Wouldn't you rather see Ginny with Harry?
Voldie on Varsity Track: hahahahaha! Falcons! Your mind works in strange ways.
Chocoliciouz: Thanks!
emerald-hopes: I'm really happy you like this story. I've been saving up tons of story ideas and holding off on writing millions of little stories to put all of the ideas into this story. I hope it continues to interest you!
silent H: heehee, your pen name reminds me of my dreaded Spanish class. My teacher always yells at us for pronouncing the H's. Anyways, you're right! Kate *is* a marysue! Noooooooo! All well, maybe she'll have some faults when Ginny meets her.
Okay, my eyes hurt and I can't see anymore cause it's late and I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed with four more minutes left until Saturday begins.
~bunches of love~
A Very Tired And Slightly Delirious Nicole
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A/N: Yes, I did get the name Rupert (for the elephant) from Rupert Grint, who plays Ron in the HP movies. It was the first name to come to my head, and ya can't help but love the guy, so I decided to name Nathan's hallucination after him :)
If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just give me you e-mail address in the review and I'd be happy to do it :)
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Chapter 14: My Second Blind Date with a Sexual Offender
I sat in my sad excuse for a cubical, trying desperately to look busy. It was pointless for me to be at work everyday. I usually finished my work by lunch, and then just stuck around for a bit, trying to act like I was a strong part of the newspaper. But, in all truth, I was just something that the Daily Prophet threw in because it was tradition. I mean, seriously, who reads the obituary? People die, big deal! It's not like I knew any of them. Honestly, I came into work everyday and read the list of people who'd snuffed the big one just waiting for the name Albus Dumbledore to appear.
As I was stacking the obscene amount of pencils I had on my desk like Lincoln logs, the phone suddenly rang. I jumped a little, bumping my desk and causing all of the pencils to fall and roll loudly off of my desk. I blushed as all of the eyes in the office were on me and muttered a hello into the receiver.
"Ginny, I've found him." Came Hermione's excited voice from the other end.
"Who, Waldo?" I asked stupidly as everyone in my office went back to their daily routine.
"No, I'm still searching for him." Hermione said. I could hear her face flush.
"Ask Chrissy. She's already found him five times." I said, muttering a simple charm to clean up the pencils.
"I'll remember that." Hermione said.
"Did you call me to talk about children's books, or is there something else you wish to discuss?" I asked, sitting back down in my chair and preparing for the worst.
"I found the guy for you." Hermione said, not knowing that I was rolling my eyes. There was a small silence, which was finally broken when she asked hopefully, "So, what d'you think?"
"No." I said, hanging up the phone coolly and turning back to my nonexistent work. I got up from my chair and made my way to the coffee pot, contemplating whether or not I should go eat lunch or not. Just then there was a loud crack and Hermione appeared right in front of me.
I screamed like a banshee and yelled, "I keep forgetting you can *do* that!"
"His name's Nathan and he works in my office." Hermione said calmly, seeming unaffected by my outburst.
"I'm not going out with anymore of your sex-hungry coworkers." I said firmly, trying to gather myself back together.
"But he's not sex-hungry. He's properly nourished and an artist." Hermione said. I looked up at her curiously.
"A *tortured* artist?" I asked hopefully.
"Very much so." Hermione smiled.
I'd always had this thing for tortured artists. They were so interesting and, even though they normally committed suicide early into their life, I was drawn to them.
"He has a goatee," Hermione continued, her words of facial hair making me cringe. "but I'm pretty sure he'd be willing to shave it off."
My eyes lit up. A tortured artist who would soon be without facial hair. That's like heaven to me. The words "sounds perfect" were on the tip of my tongue when a memory popped into my head. That bastard Jonathan trying to have sex with me in the girls restroom.
I shivered involuntarily and said firmly, "No."
"Why not?" Hermione asked, her face falling.
"Because," I said, reluctantly shaking the thought of this tortured artist out of my head. "I'm not letting you set me up with anymore of your freaky coworkers. They're all crazy."
"But-"
"I have to go meet Harry for lunch." I said, walking past her and toward my desk.
"He's not crazy, just tortured!" Hermione pleaded as I grabbed my purse and pulled out my wand, getting ready to Disapparate. I waved goodbye to a very distressed Hermione and Apparated to the Three Broomsticks. But not before I heard her yell, "But he's a poet!"
~*~*~*~
I was ten minutes early to lunch, so I just sat at a table and looked around at all of the available men. I wondered if any could be Nathan. I scanned the tables, searching for a man drinking deeply into his glass; maybe bend over a half finished poem; or holding a razor blade to his wrist.
But the only men in this pub were boring business men with open collars and crooked ties. They were the kind of men you'd find at a strip club making catcalls and waving galleons in the air.
I glanced at the door, and was delighted to see a business man who I knew for a fact had never stepped foot in a strip club... Okay, so maybe he had, but it was settling to think that he hadn't sat and watched girls prettier then me bend in ways I never could.
"Sorry I'm late," Harry said breathlessly with a smile on his face. "I was talking to Kate and lost track of the time."
"Oh." I said in a small voice, trying to keep a smile on my face.
"You should really meet her sometime." Harry continued happily, sitting down across from me. "Anyways, how was your date with that Jonathan guy?"
Horrible, revolting, traumatizing, and nauseating wouldn't even begin to describe it. But I couldn't tell Harry that. He was all happy and gay (in a very heterosexual way) about Kate, and I needed someone like that too. Even if they were fictitious.
"It was wonderful." I said, trying desperately not to cringe. "He was such a sweet guy."
"Great," Harry said with a small smile. "maybe we could all double date."
"But he's not really my type." I finished quickly. There was no way in hell I was going to go on another date with that bloody rapist again.
"Oh, that's too bad." Harry said sympathetically. I wanted to kill him. "I'm sorry."
"No need to be, because I've found someone else." I said. My mouth was working faster then my brain, and I had no idea why I'd said what I did.
"Already?" Harry asked.
"Yep," I said coolly. "his name's Nathan."
~*~*~*~
"You will not regret this, Ginny." Hermione said happily, clasping a silver necklace around my neck.
"Too late." I said miserably.
"Just keep telling yourself; tortured artist. Tortured artist." Hermione said soothingly as I put my earrings in and smoothed out my dress.
"D'you think there's any chance he'll commit suicide before I get to the restaurant?" I muttered hopefully. Hermione chose to ignore me. She handed me my purse and smiled happily.
"Thanks for watching Christina on such short notice." I told her, grabbing my wand. "Oh, and remember, if Ron asks; I'm visiting a convent."
With one last smile to Hermione, I Apparated to the restaurant.
~*~*~*~
When I got to The Crescent Moon, a fancy-smancy restaurant just outside Diagon Alley, Nathan was already there. He was descent looking, with shaggy blonde hair and brown eyes. He was a bit pale, but I suppose that was all part of the whole 'tortured' image.
"Hello, you must be Nathan." I said in what I considered a kind voice. Nathan just nodded nervously and sat down across from me. "I'm Ginny."
Nathan still said nothing. A million thoughts raced through my head. Was he a mute? Did he not speak English? Was this normal tortured-artist behavior?
I was panicking from loss of conversation, so I just began to talk, hoping he would join in sooner or later.
"So, Hermione says that you're an artist." I began nervously. He just stared at me. "She also says that you're a poet. I think that's absolutely fascinating. I mean, I'd never have the patience to-"
I stopped abruptly, swearing that I'd heard him bark... *Bark*? His hand was covering his mouth nonchalantly, so I couldn't be sure. But I had definitely heard a barking noise coming from his directing.
Concluding that I had probably just gone temporarily insane, and that my date wasn't making dog noises, I continued talking.
"I've never really known an artist before. Do you paint or-"
There it was again. He barked, I *knew* it.
"I'm sorry, did you just-er-bark?" I asked nervously.
"Indeed I did." He said happily, bouncing in his chair a little. "I could make another animal noise if you want. Cat, horse, parrot-"
"But-um-why?" I asked, completely confused.
"Why, because the pink elephants told me to, of course!" He declared with a smile. "They threatened me, they did. Saying they'd tweak my nipples if I didn't do as they said."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or scream. So I just stared at him, hoping this was some kind of joke.
"So," he continued. "obviously I had to do as they said. Getting your nipples tweaked is painful business. Have you ever had it done to you? Here, let me show you." Nathan said, reaching across the table with one hand and heading straight for my breast.
"No, I'm good." I said, leaning as far back in my chair as possible and pushing his hand away.
"Suit yourself." Nathan said, shrugging his shoulders. "But I'm telling you, it kills. Especially when Rupert does it."
"Who's Rupert?" I asked, fearing what the answer would be.
"He's the elephant with the fireman's hat on." Nathan said.
"Right, of course." I laughed, wishing I were anywhere but there.
"So," he continued enthusiastically, holding up his fork. "What's this thing called again?"
"...Sorry?" I asked, confused out of my mind.
"No, no I don't think that's it..." he said, his face screwed up in deep thought as he held the utensil inches from his face.
"Are you ready to order?" The waiter asked.
"God, yes." I sighed. I glanced at Nathan who was nearly going cross- eyed as he continued to examine his fork. "Something-anything-with alcohol in it."
"And for you, sir?" The waiter asked, turning to Nathan and trying very hard not to laugh.
"Is it a spoon? No, no that's not it." Nathan said to himself, seeming oblivious to the world outside of his weird little bubble. I flushed, resting my head in my hands as he yelled, "Does anyone know what this contraption is?!"
My face shot out of my hands and I roughly grabbed Nathan's hand, which was holding the fork, and slammed it down on the table.
"It's a fucking, God damn fork, okay?" I hissed at him.
"That's the ticket!" Nathan exclaimed happily. "It's just been so long since I've seen one of these, I forgot."
"What are you, a cave person?" I asked, not being the least bit surprised if he'd answered 'yes.'
"No, I'm just not normally allowed to handle sharp objects." He replied.
Thankfully, it was then that the waiter came with my alcohol. He handed me an empty glass and a bottle of vodka, saying it was on the house and glancing quickly at Nathan before looking back at me with sympathy.
"I have a dog, you know." Nathan went on happily. "His name's Scruffy and he's a marvelous lover."
I took a swig straight from the vodka bottle and welcomed the burning it left in my throat. If I was going to suffer through this date, it was going to be with a very high blood/alcohol level.
"You know, I just read this wonderful book," Nathan continued as I became increasingly drunk. "It's called The Bible. I loved it so much, I burn any other book that doesn't agree with it. I just had a bonfire the other night. It was wonderful!"
"Ah huh." I said conversationally, empting the bottle of vodka into my glass and only managing to get half of it in. I downed that quickly and decided that I was still thirsty. Waving the empty bottle in the air, I got our waiters attention and ordered more.
"My, you can consume a lot of alcohol." Nathan said, stating it as a compliment. "Are you an alcoholic? I do hope you are. It'd make it so much easier to get you in the sack."
"Sure, I'm an alcoholic." I said, making myself dizzy as I rolled my eyes. "I'm also a hooker and president of the United States."
"Are you *really*?" Nathan asked, very intrigued.
"Yep. So getting me in the sake will be a no-brainer." I muttered.
"Well that's marvelous news!" He exclaimed, taking everything I said seriously. "I was beginning to get worried. Seeing as I took steroids as a child and my willy is the size of a crayon, I figured I didn't have a chance with someone like you. But since you're a hooker *and* an alcoholic, this'll be a piece of cake!"
I simply nodded, wishing that I would just pass out already.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." he said absentmindedly.
"Ginny." I said simply.
"Nice to meet you Ginny." He said, extending his hand and shaking my... breast.
I stood up quickly, fairly drunk but not drunk enough to tolerate a man feeling me up in the middle of a restaurant and putting it off as a normal greeting.
"Listen, I better go, it's past my bedtime." I said, bending over to get my purse and nearly falling.
"How old are you?" Nathan laughed.
"Fifteen." I answered with a serious face, pulling out my wand and getting ready to Disapparate.
"Well then, why don't you let me tuck you in." He said, wagging his eyebrows.
Great, I was dating a pedophile.
I Apparted to my flat and promptly passed out on the floor.
~*~*~*~
The next day I woke up to the unbearably bright sun that was flooding through my window. I groaned and instinctively brought my hands up to my head, trying to keep it from exploding. I rolled over, feeling what I knew was my bed underneath me, and buried my face into the pillow.
"Take this," I heard Harry's voice say, gently grabbing my hand and forcing a cold glass into it.
"Sleep." I muttered, pushing the glass into what I thought was his chest and rolling over, never opening my eyes.
"Don't make me do this the hard way." Harry said, amusement playing on his voice. I didn't budge, so he slid his arm underneath my back and forced me to sit up. Even with my head pulsing, I still couldn't help but feel giddy with Harry's arm around me.
I opened my eyes a little, still trying to adjust to the brightness of the room. Harry put his finger under my chin and raised it up a little, putting a glass to my lips and pouring the liquid down my throat.
I swallowed accordingly, not breaking eye contact with him. The liquid was very sweet, almost like honey, but thinner. Immediately, I felt my headache subside.
"What is that stuff?" I asked, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice as Harry released me and moved to sit on a chair across from the bed.
"Hangover relief potion." He said with a smile.
"I never thought you were one for making potions." I teased.
"Hermione made it," he said quickly. "right after she put you in your bed."
I tried hard not to show my disappointment. I was hoping that he'd done those thing. Like he'd gone out of his way to make me comfortable because he cared about me or something. But I was just kidding myself with those thoughts. His love for me had faded over our years apart, and now he had Kate.
"How much did you drink last night?" Harry asked with a smile.
Memories of the previous evening came flooding back, and I shuttered inwardly.
Plastering a smile back on my face, I answered breezily, "Oh, you know, the normal amount." He raised one, sexy eyebrow. "Okay, maybe a little bit more the usual. Just, you know, tequila body shots and such."
How desperate was I? But, still, it seemed to have it's effect on Harry. His sly smile faltered and he managed to say, "Had fun, did you?"
"Loads." I gushed, figuring if I was going to lie, I might as well exaggerate. "Nathan's amazing. He took me to dinner, and then we went to a party. It was great."
After a bit more lying on my part, as I watched Harry's smile become more and more forced, he left for work. I got dressed, checked on Chirssy to find her still sleeping.
Now, I decided, was the perfect time to pay Hermione a little visit.
"Hermione!" I screamed once inside of her flat. "Come here right now so I can kill you properly!"
"What'd I do this time?" Hermione asked sleepily, walking into the living room where I stood and stifling a yawn.
"It seems you have a bit of a problem picking out men." I said thoughtfully. "I mean, I've known that your tastes were a tad off ever since I caught you snogging Ron-twice." I added icily. "But, just for future reference, I prefer my men to be mentally sane, if that's not too much trouble."
Hermione's sleepy eyes widened with fear.
"You set me up with a fucking psycho!" I screamed.
"Oh my God." Hermione muttered to herself. "He must've not taken his medication."
"Ya think?!" I yelled.
"Did he say that green sheep were talking to him?" Hermione asked, wringing her hands nervously.
"No, they were pink elephants." I said.
"Oh my God!" Hermione exclaimed, flinging her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. "I'm so sorry! That means he must have barked like a dog."
"But that's not the worst part." I said, managing to peel Hermione off of me. "He shook" dramatic pause "my breast."
"I'm so sorry!" She cried, flinging her arms around me once again.
"I don't know why he felt the need to introduce himself to my boobs," I continued. "He'd already gotten acquainted to them when he tried to tweak my nipples!"
Hermione hugged me tighter, saying over and over how he normally wasn't like that, and she never would have set me up with him if she'd known that he was off his meds.
"It's fine." I said half-heartedly, trying to calm her down. "I had access to alcohol, so that helped." I suddenly remembered something, and added, "By the way, thanks for the hangover relief potion, I really needed it."
Hermione released me and looked up at me curiously.
"That wasn't me." She said.
"What?" I asked, completely confused.
"I fell asleep on the couch and, when I woke up, I saw Harry carrying you to your bed. Then he went to your cauldron and made something. It must've been the hangover relief." Hermione finished.
I pondered all of this with a very distant look in my eyes. Why was Harry in my flat in the first place? Did he still care about me? What about Kate?
Even though I knew it was probably stupid, I couldn't help but smile at the little bit of hope I had for Harry and me in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Lame ass ending, I know. But what can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic/sappy twit. Anyways, before I thank *everyone*, I just wanna say, OMG! I've never had this many reviews before in my LIFE. So THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE REVIEWERS!!!!!!
David: I promise Ginny will get a chance to meet Kate. That'll be fun, right? You'll get to see if little miss perfect is living up to her name.
D.Torres: Don't bother sticking around for 'maybe 1 or 2 more chapters' if you're going to be like that. What the hell is up with your attitude? Stop taking everything so literally, this is a humor story, so lighten up.
mintytoothpick: lol, don't worry, you're allowed to laugh at Ginny's bad fortune. Just be happy it isn't yours!... yea, I know Hermione's kinda stupid, but just when it comes to match making. And, since you cant learn that out of a book, I suppose we should give her a break.
OfTheWest: Heehee, so many questions! But, you know, I can't answer them! You'll just have to stick around and wait. *insert evil cackle here*
Foags: Such a short review! But, no matter, I loved it anyways. No Friends references in ch. 13? What about this one? It's as if the entire Friend dialogue has become a part of me and I can't separate their words from my own. It's..... weird.
Dude: Aw, thank you. I love having my writing complimented as 'beautiful.' It's so much better then 'complete and utter shit.'
BuckNC: lol, I love Ron too. He so much fun to write. Especially when he's being an ass to his poor little sister.
Herbie: haha, yea, it's always best when cute kids have big mouths. That is, unless you're the person who's information their leaking. BTW: I love the whole Jonathan idea. I've had my eye on a certain purse for some time, and I finally know where to get the money...
Strayc@t: I give you full permission to kill him. But you don't want to kill Nathan, do you? I mean, he is kind pervie, but he's so funny, and so much fun to write!
Pheonixgurl: Thanks!
g-@-b-S-t-E-r*07: lol, Harry's girlfriend has to be so perfect because then the story is interesting! Would you think Ginny would be intimidated by a girl who had more facial hair then Harry?
St. Brittania: Thanks so much! I'll update every Friday.
Faer: Glad you liked the part with the stories. I just added that as a last minute thing, to add somewhat of a twist. And also to have Christina in there *somewhere*.
Shadowy Tenshi-chan: heehee, I love writing Hermione/Ron bickering. And, since it's what makes the story fun, I promise there is definitely more to come.
Purfectchild: Yea, I figured it'd be really old to have Harry and Cho together. Plus, I hate that stupid bitch. I promise that we (well, Ginny, rather) will meet Kate soon.
Merit Somnia: haha, yea, that date was definitely the definition of pervert. This one was pretty bad too, but you gotta love him cause he's completely off his rocker.
kneh13: Yea, he was a creep. I'm glad I've never gone on a blind date. If I had a date like Jonathan, I think I might just run screaming out of the restaurant.
Kelei: Hermione's bugging you? A lot of people seem to be having the same feelings. I didn't mean to write her like that, I just needed someone to mess up all the blind dates, and she was the only one I could think of. What is it that bugs you about her? Maybe I can help change it.
MoonGoddess25: Yea, clueless Hermione. Which is actually a strange sentence.... all well. Thanks all the same.
Draco-FutureBF: heehee, before I get Harry/Ginny closeness, I think I'll have to eliminate the middle man *cough*Kate*cough*. How I'm going to do that, I have no freakin' idea.
HPFCarly: Is it really the first you've liked? Well, it's the first Harry/Ginny I've written. How strange! Anyways, glad I made you a fan.
hpfan73: lol, not a fan of Jonathan, huh? You and the rest of the world. What about Nathan?
Unperfection: Creep-cooties. There the worst kind! I mean, pervert-cooties and weirdo-cooties are pretty bad, but creep-cooties could probably be consider a type of nuclear waste..... *sighs dreamily* isn't it fun just to ramble for a bit?
Parvai Elana Nakeiisha Name: yea, there are haters. Not many (thank God), but some. But it's all good. Not everyone likes the same things (is my mature-act working?). Anyways, onto more important business. Eddie Izzard. I went to a site on him, but got confused and scared and started hypervenelating and closed the window so my head would stop hurting. Care to explain him to me?
Eric2: I think that blind dates are the most dangerous thing in the world. Ya know, next to jumping off of buildings and eating cheese.
Lightprincess: Thanks so much!
dolphingirl79: ¡Muchas gracias señorita! [my horrible and probably completely incorrect translation: thank you so much!]
glitter8262: It's always nice to hear that people like what I'm writing! It really makes my day (which consisted of getting my report card *cringe* and being constantly made fun of by my best friend's ass of a boyfriend) so much better!
Casi: Getting people hooked on the first chapter is actually what I was aiming for, so it's so great to hear that my devious planning worked!
Tyster: You have a Jonathan too?!?! That's so cool!!!! Especially cause their absolute opposites. It's like they're twins!!!... except the have the same name... and one's evil... and Ginny is going out with one and married to another... okay, that's twisted. I'm just gonna stop now.
Chelles: I'm not really sure what to do with Christina's magic. I mean, do I give it to her or not? It's so hard! Grrrr, my head hurts.
Faith456: Is Nathan now in your bad books? I wish I had a bad book. I think I'd need one the size of a phone book.
LittleGreenPerson: You like Ron? Good! I love him too, and writing him is so amazingly fun.
Fancyeyes: I'm so glad you like it! I hope I'm not going in circles with my story, and that it's original.
KeeperOfTheMoon: Glad you liked the stories. I just added them in the last second cause I felt bad for not really having Chris in the chapter.
Courtney: Aw, don't be depressed! I mean, I'm glad I got a reaction out of you with my writing, but don't be sad!!! Be happy, just think of how lucky you are that it's not you having to go on those blind dates.
feels_sorry_for_harry: *sighs* I don't have the energy to explain, but Ginny wasn't this horrible person for leaving Harry. It was the wrong decision, but everyone makes those, and it was all because she was being manipulated by Devon. And the thing about the fifth book; Harry is eight years older and a hell more mature. Besides, his rage was about something completely different and not even relevant to this story.
...: You'll get a description sooner or later of Kate. Patience...
lovey360: I know! I can't believe all the reviews either. I remember when it was one chapter too, and only, like seven reviews. I'm so happy so many people like it, and so many people like you took the time to review!
Sara: I'm glad you like it! I hope that I keep going in the right direction with this story, but I tend to get sidestepped, so tell me if it begins to get off topic.
Luna Lovegood2: So glad you liked it!
zeldagrl436: yea, Hermione does suck at matchmaking. But, hey, there's no book on it, so I doubt she'll ever be very good.
SaTiNk06: I'm so glad I got you laughing again, especially after your review for ch. 11. I hate making people cry, but it's just so much fun to write stuff like that!
harry's4me+notu: I suppose it's good that Harry's moved on, but doesn't the Harry/Ginny lover inside of you want them together? I mean, that doesn't mean that Harry has to come crawling back or something like that, but don't you miss the fluff?
Chelsea of the Moor: Glad you like it!
Fentoozler612: lol, yea, the first blind date didn't go too well, but you have to admit, this one was interesting. I mean, how many times do you come across someone as... colorful as Nathan?
Sarahamanda: You'll have to keep reading to find out the answers to your questions. Muhahaha!
Lil-frankie14: Thanks so much! I promise to update every Friday, even if it mean I have to stay up till 11:30 to write. But, hey, that's just how us procrastinators work!
Swishy Willow Wand: Thank!
Sarah: Why is Ginny a BEEP? I mean, I know she ran off and everything, but it was all because that is what she believed was right for her child's future. Being in a manipulative relationship can screw with what you really want. Wouldn't you rather see Ginny with Harry?
Voldie on Varsity Track: hahahahaha! Falcons! Your mind works in strange ways.
Chocoliciouz: Thanks!
emerald-hopes: I'm really happy you like this story. I've been saving up tons of story ideas and holding off on writing millions of little stories to put all of the ideas into this story. I hope it continues to interest you!
silent H: heehee, your pen name reminds me of my dreaded Spanish class. My teacher always yells at us for pronouncing the H's. Anyways, you're right! Kate *is* a marysue! Noooooooo! All well, maybe she'll have some faults when Ginny meets her.
Okay, my eyes hurt and I can't see anymore cause it's late and I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed with four more minutes left until Saturday begins.
~bunches of love~
A Very Tired And Slightly Delirious Nicole
************************************************************************
A/N: Yes, I did get the name Rupert (for the elephant) from Rupert Grint, who plays Ron in the HP movies. It was the first name to come to my head, and ya can't help but love the guy, so I decided to name Nathan's hallucination after him :)
If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just give me you e-mail address in the review and I'd be happy to do it :)
