Chapter Three
My mind seethed with half formed thoughts like an apple swollen with maggots, heaving. I paced the room, like a caged animal. I was almost sick with exhaustion and yet to try to sleep was unthinkable. This was to be my last night on earth.
I felt blank. I told myself –I'm going to die, tomorrow at dawn I am going to die. I couldn't realise it. It was as if I had been here, in this dark cell all the time, all that other life had been a fantasy, a dream I had imagined to fill the darkness. My short life flashed before my eyes in lurid detail. I felt no sense of loss, no regrets, nothing. Surely I ought to feel something? I could bear anything but this terrible emptiness. It was as if I was already dead.
I'm going mad. I pressed my face into my hands, trying to drag my numbed mind back to reality. What was on the other side of this wall? Rooms, empty shells, long echoing corridors………
I tried frantically to picture it, as if the memory of that sane ordinary world might rouse me from this ghastly torpor.
People sleeping, dreaming. Knowing nothing of my fate, caring less. I thought of Lady Eowyn, in alone her bedchamber. Is she, too sleeping, heedless of my plight? Or is she awake, alone in the darkness as I am? Is she thinking of me, the helpless boy facing death in the dark, the boy she tried to save? I pictured her standing by an open window her long hair stirring gently in the soft breeze, gazing at the stars, the moon above….
And then the sudden breath-taking realisation- I will never see the moon again.
It was as if the sky overhead had ripped open and the full weight of the universe had tumbled down onto my head. I staggered and fell to my knees. I found to me surprise that I was sobbing, great gasping sobs. I don't want to die
Daddy, where are you?
My father's face loomed up at me, with all the sharpness of a memory that has been deliberately buried. What would my father say if he could see me now? His only son will die dishonoured, a thief, and a coward.
I screwed my eyes tight shut trying to block out the thought.
"Laefan"
A whisper in the dark
Someone was standing in the doorway, holding up a lantern. The light dazzled me.
"Who's there?"
The figure stepped forwards and the light from the lantern struck it's face. It was the Lady Eowyn, a cloak hiding her bright hair. I felt a warm wave of gratitude to her- she had not forgotten me, she had come to ease my last hours.
Eowyn stepped towards me her eyes fixed on my face. Something in her grave, quiet face made me feel ashamed.
"I'm- I'm sorry, my Lady" I cannot explain exactly what I meant by that nor why it seemed so important to say it. I do not understand, even now, why it was that I felt I needed her forgiveness. I have lost count of the number of people I robbed and cheated in that dark time. It had long since ceased to seem a sin. Yet when I met Eowyn's eyes I longed, without fully knowing why, to be something better.
Her eyes searched my face, as if looking for some hint of mockery.
"You should not have done what you did." She said finally.
"I know," I said in a small voice
"But you do not deserve death. Were my uncle fully possessed of his wits he would not have sentenced you thus."
I stared at her in astonishment. What she had just said was very close to treason.
"B-but…"
"You think I should not talk so? I speak only of what you yourself have seen, what the whole palace knows. My uncle obeys Wormtongue as if he were a child in need of a nursemaid, not the Lord of the Mark. "
I gaped at her.
"And that is why I must help you escape"
Escape?
"For your sake, for sake of the King and for the honour of Rohan." A fierce, almost terrible pride shone in her eyes. For a moment, I was almost afraid of her.
"That is a terrible risk to take, my lady. If they find out-"
"I do not fear death." She said, meeting my eyes levelly. I looked away. I did.
"Besides Wormtongue-" She did not finish, but I knew what she was thinking. Wormtongue would not want to see her dead or dishonoured.
"I heard what he said to you, in the Hall."
She blushed angrily.
"He professes to love me. For myself, I cannot believe that he is capable of it."
I thought of the expression I had caught on his face at the Trial, and wondered. She carried on talking, more to herself now than to me, her voice taut with hidden emotion
"I feel sometimes that he is playing with me, with us all. I am almost utterly in his power. My brother and I lie helpless at the feet of the traitor. The way my uncle acted at the trial- by whatever foul craft it is clear Theoden will heed no other; even I-Theoden has forgotten even the claims of his own kin. And Grima hates Eomer. It is only a matter of time.."
Her voice trailed away. Our eyes met for a brief instant. Perhaps she thought she had said too much for she turned away sharply.
"Guard!" She called.
A man stepped into the room. It was the guard who had warned me about Wormtongue. Eowyn pulled him to one side, whispering. He bent his head close to hers muttering an answer. As they talked the guard glanced over Eowyn's shoulderhis eyes met mine. He hesitated a moment, then nodded slowly. He spoke again more loudly, so that I could hear him.
"Very well, my lady."
He stepped towards me his eyes fixed on my face, his voice low and urgent.
"I can give you six hours before I will have to raise the alarm. My advice is: get as far away from Edoras as you can. Run away and do not look back."
I nodded, trying to be brave. Where will I go?
He laid a hand on my shoulder.
"I have a daughter your age at home. It is a sad day for Rohan when children are tried and condemned like grown men."
To my shame I found I had tears in my eyes.
"Thank you" I whispered, my throat burning with gratitude.
Eowyn beckoned.
"We don't have much time"
"I'm ready," I said. She gripped my shoulder and steered me down the dark passageway. I turned back to see the guard standing still in the doorway looking after us. He had saved my life…and I didn't even know his name.
At last we reached the main doors. Eowyn pushed them open and we stepped out into the clean night air. Eowyn picked up a bundle lying beside the door and gave it to me.
"To help you on your journey."
I opened it. Inside was a loaf of bread, some cheese, dried fruit and- I gasped as I drew it out- a sword. She smiled wryly.
"I thought you might need it."
I pulled it out of it's sheath. It felt light and smooth in my hands. The silver blade gleamed cold in the moonlight. Even I knew a good sword when I saw one. She shrugged away my thanks.
"You know how to handle a sword?"
"Yes. My father taught me."
"Good. You would travel faster on horseback, but if you took a horse they would pursue you to the ends of the earth." She tried to smile at me.
Her small oval face looked pale and vulnerable in the moonlight it was with a sudden jolt I realized that, for all her brave words, she was as scared as I was.
I felt myself gripped by a sudden desire to help her, to somehow protect her. I didn't want to leave her in this gilded tomb of a Hall with Wormtongue and the half dead king. The words were on my lips- come with me
Madness.
"You'd best be going" She smiled at me, as if she had read my thoughts.
"Yes. Thank you. "
"It's no matter. Goodbye, Laefan. And good luck."
"Goodbye, then."
I turned reluctant. Shouldering my bag I walked away into the darkened streets of Edoras. I turned once to see her standing, still, on the raised platform in front of the door, her dark blue hood blown back and her hair shining silver in the moonlight.
