Disclaimer: The usual – don't own anything blah blah blah

A/N: Thanks for the reviews – I feel special! This part of the story takes sometime during the events of faith, hope and trick – Faith has arrived but angel hasn't returned yet. Buffy is back in Sunnydale and Spike is still in LA.

Chapter 4: Letters and dreams

//Hey Spike!

I know it's been a while but you would not believe how hectic it has been around here! I mean seriously insane! Just last week I had to fight off a horde of zombies who were raised by this mask thing my mom had at her gallery. It was so gross! I had to shove a shovel through this zombie Gods eyes to kill it...come to think of it you'd probably have enjoyed yourself!

My mom's doing okay now. I think she's slowly coming to terms with the whole slayer gig. I mean she doesn't like it but at least she's accepted that it's who I am, not something I have a choice in. I'll do my best to get that cocoa recipe I was telling you about, but if I start asking cooking questions she's going to get majorly suspicious. I suppose I could always tell her it's for a friend, but then she'd ask loads of questions about said friend and if I told her said friend was actually a vampire she'd hit over the head with an axe, I think 'freaking out' would be a mild estimation of her reaction.

On the subject of friends things are getting back to normal with the gang! I can't believe Xander and Cordy are still going strong. They fight and bicker a lot but that's just them you know? It's kind of like us really, fighting but in a good way! Now I know you are rolling your eyes at being compared to Xander, but it's a compliment – honest! Then there's Willow and Oz. To think that this time last year Will was mooning over Xander...I don't think I've ever seen a cuter couple than those two...

I know this makes me sound like a total bitch but sometimes I just get so jealous of them all. They're my friends and I love them, but they all have each other, they're all in happy relationships and then there's just me. Alone. I know, I know! I'm just a teenager and I needn't worry about settling down just yet – I've heard the line a thousand times from my mom! But I'm the slayer Spike – I don't have as long as everyone else does...

Ok I'll stop with the moping! It's just not as easy without my live in chocolate provider – here I have to buy my own, and I can't afford the expensive stuff like you!

I've started training with Giles again. Apparently my skills didn't slip too much over the summer – I suppose I have your pain in the ass self to thank for that. If you hadn't provoked me as often as you did I don't think I'd have had half as many fights! I think I miss it. Giles is a great watcher...but he's not exactly up to your standards in a fight, it's not much of a challenge to beat on him! That sounds so mean - sulking because my watcher doesn't put up much of a fight! But you know what I mean don't you? What good's a fight unless you have to try your best?

They've been asking me a lot of questions about...what happened. I haven't told them everything. They don't now about the soul, they don't know that you helped me. I would have expected Xander to figure it out since he was there at the time but he didn't have a clue – I don't think they'd believe me even if I did tell them now anyway. They were all like 'Did Spike get away? Do you think he'll come back?' Besides, I know you well enough to be pretty sure that you don't want you Big Bad reputation to be sullied!

Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you! There's a new slayer in town – Faith! She's.... well I don't really know what to say about her. Everyone seems to like her, mom, the scoobies...She's into the whole violence and sex thing...she's kind'a like the female version of you really!

A guy asked me out at school today – I got back in by the way (I think Ripper made an appearance with Snyder). Well he's asked me out a couple of times but I only just said yes. I got freaked out when he gave me a ring like...like the one I got for my birthday, but he was so sweet about it. We're going out at the weekend. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I wish you were here to tell me I looked pretty in whatever outfit I chose. I know you only said that stuff to get me to shut up so you could follow Passions properly, but it helps a girls self esteem to hear that from a guy! Xander wouldn't be happy unless I was wearing overalls and had greasy hair – He wants me to be the man repeler!

I guess I better get going if I want to post this on the way to school. I hope you're doing ok out there on your own. You really should get a phone so I could call you or something! Well you know my number if you want to call me!

Don't be a stranger

Buffy xx//

Buffy finished the letter, signing off with a smiley face as always and carefully sealed it in the envelope. She looked at the name and address she had written on it earlier and smiled - William Summers. She laughed every time she saw that name. When Spike had gone to sign the lease for their apartment he hadn't been able to remember his own last name and had signed hers instead! She'd teased him mercilessly of course – she was forever calling him Mr Summers!

With a wistful sigh she put the letter in her backpack and headed off for school, hoping to hear a response from her secret friend soon...

Spike tossed and turned in his sleep. This was normal for him in the weeks since Buffy had left. It had been like this for the first month or so after Sunnydale, but eventually the dreams had begun to calm down. Now however, they were back with a vengeance. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a decent days sleep. Granted his hyperactive nature had always stopped him from sleeping for more than a few hours at a time, but now when he tried to sleep he would be woken by nightmares after no more than half an hour.

It was always the same few dreams. They seemed to have gotten together and formed a schedule to try and drive him out of his mind.

The first dream would always start at the mansion. He would be fighting with Dru. But instead of her jumping into hell, he would be the one who pushed her. He would be able to see her wailing on the other side of the portal, reaching out to him. Asking why he refused to help her, why he had condemned her so.

In the next dream he would find himself alone in a pitch-black room. So dark that even his keen vampiric eyes wouldn't be able to pick anything out of the gloom. All he would be able to hear were the accusing screams of his lost love, tearing into him for failing her.

His third dream would be similar to the second. But instead of Dru's accusations, all he would hear would be the heat-wrenching sobs of the slayer.

His final, and perhaps most disturbing dream, would see him on a beach, watching Dru and Angelus walking off into the moonlight, leaving him behind, despite his cries to get their attention. He would always turn around to find himself on the same beach, but during the day. He would watch as Buffy walked away from him, wrapped in the arms of a man whose face he could not see. No one would answer his screams, his pleas not to be left alone again.

Whenever he awoke from one of these dreams, usually screaming, his first instinct would be to run to Buffy and have her tell him that it was only a dream, that it was over now...like she had done so many times in the past. Like he had done for her so many times in return. But slowly reality would draw closer, and he would remember that the slayer wasn't there anymore, that he had been asleep in the room that barely hung to the remnants of her comforting scent...because she was gone...and he was alone.

Lying back on the pillows, trying to still the unnecessary breaths he was taking, he wondered, now that he had no one to chase away his nightmares anymore, who did Buffy run to when she was alone in the dark?

A/N: Just a little interlude to see how the friends are coping without each other. What do you think? AS always I love you all for reading and reviews make me happy! More ASAP!