Disclaimer: The usual – look at previous chapters to see attempts vaguely amusing comments.

A/N: One word people - SPUFFY!!!!!!!!

Chapter 18: A secret revealed

Spike sat at a makeshift desk in the lower level of his crypt, scribbling in a notebook he had stolen from the magic box. It wasn't great, but it would do. It's not like anyone else was going to read the lines he wrote here. He wouldn't have bothered to write them down at all but sometimes it felt as if his brain was so full there wouldn't be room for anything else, so he wrote things down to get them out of the way. Buffy had left with Dawn an hour before and Spike couldn't help but be worried about her. She seemed so run down, so stressed. He wished there was more he could do for her. So intent was he on his thoughts and his writing that he was surprised by the bang of the Crypt door being thrown open and the angry footsteps heading across the floor. Before Spike could reach the ladder however, a furious looking Buffy had jumped down.

"Buffy luv?" He asked cautiously as she stalked towards him. "What's wrong? Did the nibblet forget something?"

All he received in answer however was a sharp slap in the face. It wasn't a particularly hard blow, but it had been unexpected enough to snap his head around. When he recovered his senses hurt and confused stormy blue eyes turned to meet fiery hazel ones.

"What was that for slayer?" Spike asked, his tone much calmer than he felt.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She demanded.

"Tell you what?" He asked, confused. "What am I supposed to have done?"

Buffy wasn't listening however. "I spend months with that looser Riley to try and get over it, I spend nights crying myself to sleep thinking about what I can't have! And then I find out that you could have stopped it anytime you felt like it!"

Spike watched her pace, getting more puzzled with each passing second. "Buffy..." he tried to break in, but she was having none of it.

"I felt worse than I did when Angel left after that spell! I was sooo angry at Willow when I should have been thanking her! AND I had to find out from Dawn of all people!" She cried "Do you know how badly she is teasing me for not noticing?"

It was of course a rhetorical question but Spike felt the need to try and get a word in anyway. "What...Dawn..." But the Slayer continued on her tirade, not hearing him.

"And do you know that the worst part was?" She asked, continuing before he could answer. "I had to settle for sex with Riley! And I gotta tell you, he's nothing in comparison!"

"BUFFY!" Spike yelled, finally shutting her up as she stopped pacing and turned to look at him in surprise. "Right. Now what the hell are you talking about?"

Buffy tilted her head to the side, observing him as if for the first time. He really didn't know what she was talking about! She shook he head, copying his trademark smirk. "Dawn's right." She told him at length. "You are clueless!"

"What..." He began, but was instantly cut off when Buffy suddenly flung herself across the room, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. For a few seconds Spike simple stood there, too stunned to move. But as the shock wore off he found himself relaxing into the kiss, his eyes closing, his arms coming to wrap gently around her waist. Buffy took the opportunity to pull herself closer to him. She nibbled on his full lower lip; Spike growled in response and she smiled against his mouth. Spike flicked his tongue out, gently pushing past her parting lips, pulling her tongue into play. The battle that followed was full of passion and strength, each of them pouring out months of suppressed feeling and desire into that one kiss.

When they finally broke apart due to Buffy's pesky need for air, both were panting, resting their foreheads together. It was Spike who broke the comfortable silence between them. "So I guess Dawn told you." He said.

"Yeah." Buffy replied, still not moving from his tender embrace "But why didn't you tell me yourself?"

Spike sighed, contemplating just how much he should tell her. In the end he settled for the truth, he figured she deserved nothing less. "I was afraid." He told her simply.

"Afraid? Why?" She asked, surprised evident in her tone.

Spike took a deep unneeded breath before continuing, pulling her with him to sit on the edge of his bed and settling her in his lap. "I've been around a long time Buffy, I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of and even more things I'd do again in a second. But in all the time I've been on this earth I've only ever loved four people, or at least I believed it was love at the time, and I loved them all differently. The first was my mum..." he paused, swallowing the nausea that always arose whenever he thought about her. "I was her whole life and I did everything I could to look after her – I was a right mommy's boy." He chuckled but there was no humour in it. "Let's just say the situation ended badly."

"What happened?" Buffy asked softly.

Spike winced. "Lets save that conversation for another day ok pet?" Buffy nodded, letting it drop and urged him to continue.

"The next was Cecily. This high society bird I had a fancy for. It wasn't real I don't think, just an infatuation. Anyway she found out, got utterly disgusted and told me I was beneath her."

"What a bitch!" Buffy declared

"That she was pet. Then there was Dru – you know what happened there." Buffy nodded. "And then there's you." He unconsciously held her tighter. "So you can see pet my history with women isn't exactly one to inspire confidence. I figured no good could come from your knowing how I felt."

Buffy smiled turning so she was facing him, kissing him once more. Just a soft brush of her lips against his. It was a kiss for reassurance more than anything. Just the merest touch to let him know that she was here and that some good had definitely come out of her knowing. When they broke apart Spike was smiling, his sombre mood broken. "So why didn't you tell me?" He teased "Why go off with captain cardboard?"

"Same reasons as you." She replied, "Fear, not so stellar history, didn't think you felt the same."

Spike grinned. "We are both idiots aren't we?"

"Yep!" she giggled "But I intend to make up for lost time!"

Several hours and many kisses later found Spike with his back against the headboard, Buffy tucked in his arms, her head leaning against his shoulder.

"So what are we gonna tell people pet?" he asked cautiously, unsure how she would react to the idea of telling her friends.

"Well..." Buffy paused as she thought, absently drawing patterns on his T- shirt clad chest with her finger. "I think dawn will have figured it out by now, she's cool with it. I'll tell my mom when I get home. I don't think she'll mind either – for some strange reason she likes you!"

"Hey!" Spike felt the need to offer a token protest. "I'll have you know I'm very likeable!"

"Yeah baby," she giggled, "You are." She leaned up, intending to give him a simple peck, but as inevitably pulled into a passionate battle of tongues once more. Breaking away after a minute she continued. "As for the others I'm not sure. I know for a fact Xander will completely freak! He still hasn't forgiven me for Riley leaving!"

Spike growled. "Can't I just kill the whelp?" Buffy's glare was his answer.

"There's so much going on right now what with mom just getting out of hospital and this Glory chick. I don't think it's a good idea to start this with the scoobies just yet."

"I guess your right." Spike agreed, still a little put out at the idea of having to love Buffy in secret.

"Don't worry though." She reassured him "As soon as she's out of the way we'll tell everyone! Until then..." She grinned at him devilishly. "I get to be your dirty little secret!"

Spike returned her grin. "How dirty exactly?"

Buffy's joyful laugh could be heard through out the cemetery...

A/N: Just to let you know – no your not missing them having sex! Don't worry though it will happen...assuming you R & R wink wink (evil laugh)