Disclaimer: Not mine blah blah blah
A/N: Nice to know the Spuffyness went down well! Loved the reviews, and as lilmamaday pointed out – yes I am a review whore!
Chapter 19: The meaning of mortality
When you're a vampire time moves differently than it does for humans, and you don't usually give death much thought. At least not your own, and since most of the death you encounter was caused by your own hand you don't think too much about that either. It's so rare that someone you knew well enough to mourn dies, let alone someone you actually liked or cared about. Spike had only been in this position once before, and even then it had been a demon that died, the person she had once been was already gone before he even noticed. Now it was happening again he didn't know what he should feel, whether he should feel anything. He knew he felt something. He just didn't know what it was.
He'd been shocked when Buffy and Dawn had come to his crypt a little under a week ago and told him through their tears and confusion that Joyce had died. He'd thought she was getting better, the hospital had said they'd gotten rid of the tumour. Wasn't the danger supposed to have passed? He thought in this great technological and medical age that people didn't just die any more. He wasn't an idiot, he knew there were sometimes when no matter what was down a person couldn't be saved...but he'd celebrated right along with Buffy when they'd been told Joyce was out of the woods, he'd joined in with Buffy and Dawn's teasing when she'd had her first date in much too long.
He really wanted someone to tell him what this strange sensation was in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't the kind of gut wrenching grief he'd felt just after he'd lost Drusilla, and it wasn't the kind of life ending pain he anticipated if anything happened to the tiny blonde who was now huddled in his arms after she had come to him, just to be held and cried herself to sleep. He was sure that he wasn't feeling the same thing that she was; he didn't feel the need to break down and cry, but he didn't feel like jumping around and bouncing off the walls either. No, lying here quietly with his girl in his arms seemed like a safe plan. He'd idly wondered if she would explain what he was feeling but guessed that she was in enough pain of her own without trying to analyse his.
He would have to wake her soon. It was the funeral today and she needed to be there. He wished he could be there with her, but nobody had had vampires in mind when they'd invented funerals. Buffy had told him that Giles had made most of the arrangements and since he didn't yet know about their new relationship he hadn't made accommodations for Spike to be included. With all the confusion around her, and all the other things she'd had to think about she hadn't thought to mention that he might want to be there as well. And now, with everyone suspended in this bubble of grief, announcing that she and Spike were together hadn't seemed like the most considerate course of action. Spike had shushed her, told her he understood, told her he only wished he could be there for her when it counted. She'd responded by telling him that whenever he was there it counted, and had asked him to hold her and never let her go.
And so that's what had led them here. Dawn had appeared earlier to make sure that Buffy was with him and hadn't tried to patrol in some kind of grief fuelled frenzy. At first he'd been worried that she had come out here alone, but she'd reassured him that she'd asked Tara and Willow to bring her on the pretence of letting him know about the funeral – they were waiting outside, giving her time alone with her friend. He'd relaxed a little then, knowing that the witched were quite capable with their magics. He'd told Dawn that Buffy was fine, just worn out and that he'd take care of her. Dawn had given him a small smile and pointed out that that's what he was best at – taking care of Buffy. He'd beckoned her over to the bed when she'd begun to cry and had hugged her as best he could without letting Buffy go. Just letting her vent her pain as he had allowed Buffy to do. After half an hour she'd given him a small grateful smile, all she could manage right then, and had left with Tara and Willow.
When the sun was just starting to rise he'd shaken her gently to wake her. She'd looked up at him with such a look in her eyes it had made his heart break. They held such hope that this had all been one horrible nightmare and she had simply spent the night in her lover's arms and the world was her friend once more. He hadn't had to say a word, reality had grabbed her in a few seconds and she had that lost look she'd had for the last week firmly back in place. At that moment he'd wanted nothing more than to fight whatever higher power had decreed that this angel needed more pain in her life...
Buffy wasn't sure how long she'd been stating at the grave that held what used to be her mother. Not her mother, her mother was gone, all that was left was the body...she knew that, yet she couldn't will herself to move. She knew a lot of time must have passed; there was no one else left in the cemetery, just her...
After what felt like an eternity had passed she became vaguely aware that something was coming nearer, she wasn't going to be alone much longer. She never took her eyes off the grave however, not even when she saw two black clad feet step into her line of sight, nor when she felt cool fingers wrap around hers. All she did was hold onto them tightly.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner."
...
Spike didn't look up from the television as his crypt door was thrown open, He didn't even offer a greeting; he knew they'd speak when they were ready.
"What are you playing at Spike?" He ground out. If looks were stakes, Spike would have been dust already.
"It's called watching the telly peaches, people do it every now and again. I figured even you'd know that!" Spike responded, boredom evident in his voice.
Angel growled and dragged Spike out of his chair and pushed him against the central pillar. Spike wondered idly why Buffy's ex's loved doing this to him. "I meant what are you playing with Buffy, William." Angel spat the word, as if trying to goad the younger vampire into a reaction. Spike was happy to disappoint.
"I'm not playing at anything peaches. If you'd been around recently you'd know that." He replied coolly.
"I saw you with her by the grave! Pretending to comfort her, holding her! Admit it, its all some elaborate plan to get her to trust you so you can snap her neck when she least expects it!" Angel accused.
Spike rolled his eyes and pushed his grandsire away from him. "One, I know you saw us – I heard you coming form a mile away, you've really lost your stealthy touch. Two, I'm not pretending anything, I love her!"
Angel sneered. "Whatever Spike! Try that line on someone who doesn't know you're lying. Vampires remember? You can't love without your soul!"
"No peaches." Spike countered angrily. "YOU couldn't love without your soul! I'm perfectly capable of it. I always have been. I've been there for her! I've been the one to help her when there's been a hell bitch beating down her door! Where were you? Letting Darla snack on a bunch of Lawyers! Very soulful of you!"
If it was possible, Angel paled. "Have you told Buffy?" he demanded.
"No." Spike replied honestly. "I might hate your guts but she still cares about you for some insane reason, I didn't want to hurt her by telling her. Besides Peaches, believe it or not, when I'm with Buffy you're not exactly on either of out minds!"
"I'll kill you for touching her!" Angel growled, obviously having had enough with this argument. Before he could move to make good on his declaration however, he was stopped by an angry voice at the door.
"You won't touch him at all!" Buffy told him, her voice cold, calculated.
"Buffy?" Angel asked gently, turning to face her, his stance softened immediately. Spike shook his head – as if she was going to fall for that!
"What are you doing here Angel?" She asked
"I heard about Joyce." He told her in his most soothing tone of voice. "I came here to tell you how sorry I was."
"And what?" She asked in disbelief. "You took a detour on your way to see me to come beat on my boyfriend? That's so going to make me feel better!"
Now it was Angel's turn to be stunned. "Boyfriend...Spike?"
Buffy shook her head. She really didn't have the energy for this. "You've said sorry Angel. Now leave."
"But Buffy..." he tried to protest.
"LEAVE!" She yelled. Angel spared one last glare at Spike and a mournful look at Buffy then did as he was told. Once the door was closed behind him, Buffy felt the last of her energy leave her. Before she could fall to the floor however, Spike was at her side, sweeping her into his arms.
"Buffy?" He asked quietly.
She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes once more. "Hold me?" She asked, and Spike did just that.
A/N: I know I could have finished this chapter sooner but I wanted Angel to get yelled at – is that so very bad?
A/N: Nice to know the Spuffyness went down well! Loved the reviews, and as lilmamaday pointed out – yes I am a review whore!
Chapter 19: The meaning of mortality
When you're a vampire time moves differently than it does for humans, and you don't usually give death much thought. At least not your own, and since most of the death you encounter was caused by your own hand you don't think too much about that either. It's so rare that someone you knew well enough to mourn dies, let alone someone you actually liked or cared about. Spike had only been in this position once before, and even then it had been a demon that died, the person she had once been was already gone before he even noticed. Now it was happening again he didn't know what he should feel, whether he should feel anything. He knew he felt something. He just didn't know what it was.
He'd been shocked when Buffy and Dawn had come to his crypt a little under a week ago and told him through their tears and confusion that Joyce had died. He'd thought she was getting better, the hospital had said they'd gotten rid of the tumour. Wasn't the danger supposed to have passed? He thought in this great technological and medical age that people didn't just die any more. He wasn't an idiot, he knew there were sometimes when no matter what was down a person couldn't be saved...but he'd celebrated right along with Buffy when they'd been told Joyce was out of the woods, he'd joined in with Buffy and Dawn's teasing when she'd had her first date in much too long.
He really wanted someone to tell him what this strange sensation was in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't the kind of gut wrenching grief he'd felt just after he'd lost Drusilla, and it wasn't the kind of life ending pain he anticipated if anything happened to the tiny blonde who was now huddled in his arms after she had come to him, just to be held and cried herself to sleep. He was sure that he wasn't feeling the same thing that she was; he didn't feel the need to break down and cry, but he didn't feel like jumping around and bouncing off the walls either. No, lying here quietly with his girl in his arms seemed like a safe plan. He'd idly wondered if she would explain what he was feeling but guessed that she was in enough pain of her own without trying to analyse his.
He would have to wake her soon. It was the funeral today and she needed to be there. He wished he could be there with her, but nobody had had vampires in mind when they'd invented funerals. Buffy had told him that Giles had made most of the arrangements and since he didn't yet know about their new relationship he hadn't made accommodations for Spike to be included. With all the confusion around her, and all the other things she'd had to think about she hadn't thought to mention that he might want to be there as well. And now, with everyone suspended in this bubble of grief, announcing that she and Spike were together hadn't seemed like the most considerate course of action. Spike had shushed her, told her he understood, told her he only wished he could be there for her when it counted. She'd responded by telling him that whenever he was there it counted, and had asked him to hold her and never let her go.
And so that's what had led them here. Dawn had appeared earlier to make sure that Buffy was with him and hadn't tried to patrol in some kind of grief fuelled frenzy. At first he'd been worried that she had come out here alone, but she'd reassured him that she'd asked Tara and Willow to bring her on the pretence of letting him know about the funeral – they were waiting outside, giving her time alone with her friend. He'd relaxed a little then, knowing that the witched were quite capable with their magics. He'd told Dawn that Buffy was fine, just worn out and that he'd take care of her. Dawn had given him a small smile and pointed out that that's what he was best at – taking care of Buffy. He'd beckoned her over to the bed when she'd begun to cry and had hugged her as best he could without letting Buffy go. Just letting her vent her pain as he had allowed Buffy to do. After half an hour she'd given him a small grateful smile, all she could manage right then, and had left with Tara and Willow.
When the sun was just starting to rise he'd shaken her gently to wake her. She'd looked up at him with such a look in her eyes it had made his heart break. They held such hope that this had all been one horrible nightmare and she had simply spent the night in her lover's arms and the world was her friend once more. He hadn't had to say a word, reality had grabbed her in a few seconds and she had that lost look she'd had for the last week firmly back in place. At that moment he'd wanted nothing more than to fight whatever higher power had decreed that this angel needed more pain in her life...
Buffy wasn't sure how long she'd been stating at the grave that held what used to be her mother. Not her mother, her mother was gone, all that was left was the body...she knew that, yet she couldn't will herself to move. She knew a lot of time must have passed; there was no one else left in the cemetery, just her...
After what felt like an eternity had passed she became vaguely aware that something was coming nearer, she wasn't going to be alone much longer. She never took her eyes off the grave however, not even when she saw two black clad feet step into her line of sight, nor when she felt cool fingers wrap around hers. All she did was hold onto them tightly.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner."
...
Spike didn't look up from the television as his crypt door was thrown open, He didn't even offer a greeting; he knew they'd speak when they were ready.
"What are you playing at Spike?" He ground out. If looks were stakes, Spike would have been dust already.
"It's called watching the telly peaches, people do it every now and again. I figured even you'd know that!" Spike responded, boredom evident in his voice.
Angel growled and dragged Spike out of his chair and pushed him against the central pillar. Spike wondered idly why Buffy's ex's loved doing this to him. "I meant what are you playing with Buffy, William." Angel spat the word, as if trying to goad the younger vampire into a reaction. Spike was happy to disappoint.
"I'm not playing at anything peaches. If you'd been around recently you'd know that." He replied coolly.
"I saw you with her by the grave! Pretending to comfort her, holding her! Admit it, its all some elaborate plan to get her to trust you so you can snap her neck when she least expects it!" Angel accused.
Spike rolled his eyes and pushed his grandsire away from him. "One, I know you saw us – I heard you coming form a mile away, you've really lost your stealthy touch. Two, I'm not pretending anything, I love her!"
Angel sneered. "Whatever Spike! Try that line on someone who doesn't know you're lying. Vampires remember? You can't love without your soul!"
"No peaches." Spike countered angrily. "YOU couldn't love without your soul! I'm perfectly capable of it. I always have been. I've been there for her! I've been the one to help her when there's been a hell bitch beating down her door! Where were you? Letting Darla snack on a bunch of Lawyers! Very soulful of you!"
If it was possible, Angel paled. "Have you told Buffy?" he demanded.
"No." Spike replied honestly. "I might hate your guts but she still cares about you for some insane reason, I didn't want to hurt her by telling her. Besides Peaches, believe it or not, when I'm with Buffy you're not exactly on either of out minds!"
"I'll kill you for touching her!" Angel growled, obviously having had enough with this argument. Before he could move to make good on his declaration however, he was stopped by an angry voice at the door.
"You won't touch him at all!" Buffy told him, her voice cold, calculated.
"Buffy?" Angel asked gently, turning to face her, his stance softened immediately. Spike shook his head – as if she was going to fall for that!
"What are you doing here Angel?" She asked
"I heard about Joyce." He told her in his most soothing tone of voice. "I came here to tell you how sorry I was."
"And what?" She asked in disbelief. "You took a detour on your way to see me to come beat on my boyfriend? That's so going to make me feel better!"
Now it was Angel's turn to be stunned. "Boyfriend...Spike?"
Buffy shook her head. She really didn't have the energy for this. "You've said sorry Angel. Now leave."
"But Buffy..." he tried to protest.
"LEAVE!" She yelled. Angel spared one last glare at Spike and a mournful look at Buffy then did as he was told. Once the door was closed behind him, Buffy felt the last of her energy leave her. Before she could fall to the floor however, Spike was at her side, sweeping her into his arms.
"Buffy?" He asked quietly.
She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes once more. "Hold me?" She asked, and Spike did just that.
A/N: I know I could have finished this chapter sooner but I wanted Angel to get yelled at – is that so very bad?
