Email: arithkenshin@yahoo.co.uk
Title: Delusions of Normalcy
Rating: R
Warnings: Continuation, language, introspective mild Angst,
Disclaimer: I don't own them; I don't get any money from this… just a time-sink
Set: End of GW
Summary: "If you use a tool in the wrong way, you can end up breaking more than you fix."
Notes: If you wish to Archive, please ask. Thanks to Sol for betaing /salute War Room
I'd really like to thank all the people who read this. It makes it a hell of a lot easier to write and post, knowing that its being well received.
Also, please note that my maths skills aren't brilliant. I thought they'd be 16 at this stage, but they're apparently 17 …oops. I'll be changing the previous instalments, but I', pretty sure this one is 17 friendly ;)
Delusions of Normalcy
Dissonance
"Anyone want to come and check out that games room with me downstairs?" Duo almost cringed, waiting for the answer.
Quatre's face brightened a little and he put down his book. "You know Duo, that sounds like an excellent idea. Though...what sort of games do they have?" The blond was frowning.
Duo shrugged. "I don't really know. That was sort of the whole point. I want to find out. I'm bored, and restless. You all know that's never a good combination. So I'm going to go and take a shower, and then I'm heading downstairs. Company would be welcomed, but I'm sure I could also manage on my own. So if you're going to come with me, be ready by the time I am." Gathering a change of clothes from his bedroom, Duo made his way to the bathroom and locked himself in. Making sure to tie his hair out of the way, Duo got under the spray of water, idly wondering if Howard would be able to procure him some more outfits. Duo just didn't feel comfortable in anything else.
Heero watched the bathroom door close. "We have between thirteen and eighteen minutes to decide whether we are going with him. He will be out by that time, because I doubt he will be washing his hair."
Trowa raised an eyebrow. "You know how long he showers?" The tone was mildly incredulous.
The look that Heero returned scoffed the other teen slightly. "I know how long all of you shower, as a general rule. Knowing your habits allowed, and still does allow, me to plan around you. Simple survival tactics." Turning on his heal, Heero walked into the bedroom he was using, next to Duo's, and pulled out his jacket. "I for one, do not think it wise that we let him go down to a recreation room, that could be full of this mornings arrivals, on his own. It is…" He stopped, trying to grasp what it was he was trying to say.
"Maxwell does not need a babysitter, Yuy." Wufei was sipping tea near the window, a thoughtful expression on his face.
"And you are willing to chance that the other occupants of the room might?"
Wufei clicked his tongue in exasperation. "Point. Valid Point. I, too, will come then."
Quatre stood up and put on his shoes. "Coming, Trowa?"
"Well, since I don't relish staying here alone right now, I suppose I will, for a little while." Trowa fetched his jacket from his own room and rejoined the rest just in time.
The bathroom door opened to reveal a flush faced Duo, steam billowing out of the bathroom behind him. Heero grunted, looking at his watch. "Fourteen minutes, thirty-eight seconds." He glanced at Wufei, and made his way to the door, motioning Duo in front of him. "Told you so." All Duo could do was look on in confusion as Heero walked out of the door with a smirk on his face.
Standing in the lift on the way down, Duo began to fidget. He had an overriding curiosity to see what the other arrivals were like. He wanted to know where they came from, what their backgrounds were, and what their reasons were for wanting to join the Preventers. Along with those thoughts came the realization that he was analyzing his fellow students.
The doors bleeped open, interrupting Duo's thoughts. The five young men stepped out of the elevator, their eyes sweeping the corridor automatically, assessing, calculating and categorizing. The previously empty rec room was now occupied. A wave of tension crashed over the five of them, as they studied their surroundings. Exits were noted, and each detail of the room that could be seen through the glass walls was taken in and filed for quick access.
Duo suppressed a sigh at the edginess he could feel in himself and the others. Crowds were never comfortable, and Duo hadn't realized that all of the day's arrivals would be gathered in the one building. Although, once he thought about it, it made sense. He grinned predatorily and led the way inside, he always loved a good challenge.
Eyes looked up as they entered the room and Duo slipped back into his easy, lazy grin. His eyes latched on to a couple of men that he recognized. One of them, Davies - if Duo had heard the name correctly - raised a hand in greeting. Duo simply grinned back and ushered the others to one of the pool tables in the back corner. It was relatively private when compared with the rest of the room. He knew that if the proximity and the unknown circumstances were grating on him, it would be ten times worse for Heero at the very least.
"How about we play some pool?" His voice was the cocky, confident voice he used a lot of the time. The one he used when his mind was working overtime, making sure that all the possible escape routes were open to him. Idly, Duo wondered if he would ever be able to stop those thought processes that had become a part of him. He seriously doubted it.
Quatre smiled. "Pool? There are five of us. Uneven teams are no fun."
Trowa shook his head. "One of us can take a break and…watch…while the others two teams of two, play." Another collective lowering of tension ran through them. It was a good suggestion. One of them watching should take away any unnecessary need for precautions.
"So, pool it is?" Duo smirked and grabbed the cues from the wall, tossing one to each comrade in turn. "Team up, toss to break. You sink it, you stick with it. Eight ball last. Two shot, white sink. Two shots if you sink the opponent's ball. Two shot, no clip, and two shots if you hit the black first! I think that about covers it. I'll stand first watch." He cringed as the last words left his mouth, but he didn't think anyone else was close enough to hear him. And he knew that it didn't bother his comrades in the least, in fact, it made them more comfortable.
He watched Quatre break. The blond was actually quite good. Duo's concentration intensified. Although he watched the game, he also paid attention to every little movement around him. Noting just how far away from the other students they were, just what those other students were doing. He watched the game with detached interest. Saw Trowa line up and take a couple of shots, before Wufei did the same for his team. Then Heero took his place at the table.
With amazing speed and deadly accuracy, Heero proceeded to sink the remaining four smalls, followed by the black. He straightened and twisted to crack his back once. Trowa raised an eyebrow, following Heero's movements, and looked over the Japanese youth's head to direct the look at Duo. Duo just shrugged.
They played for a while, and Duo lost track of time. It was getting boring, and that was largely due to Heero's tendency to sink every single ball once he stepped up to the table to take a shot. Duo was on Heero's team once again, when he started the same routine over. Exasperation made Duo a little less wary than usual, and he clucked his tongue with exasperation.
"Heero Yuy!" That got Duo some blue-eyed attention, tempered by a glare from the Japanese youth. "You're taking all the fun out of this."
Heero looked a little baffled. "Fun?"
"Yes, fun. This is a game. It's not a hard game, but it's supposed to take longer than five minutes to play a round." Duo held his cue loosely in his hand, idly swinging it back and forth.
"It's not much of a game then. The solutions are relatively simple in their…"
Duo didn't let him get any further. "I don't give a flying fuck if the solutions are relatively simple, Yuy. It. Is. A. Game. You're not supposed to calculate the precise impact point to achieve the sink. Not every god damned time. You're not supposed to ricochet them off each other with the perfect symmetry required to get them to sink with one shot. It's doable, and hell yes, you could probably go pro with tricks like that. But loosen up, man!" Duo's glare didn't lessen, once he'd finished. It darkened, as if trying to prove a point.
Heero was visibly trying to relax, but his entire body was so taut that it would've been obvious to anyone.
Everything might have gone smoothly had Quatre not been too focused on the fluctuating emotions of his comrades. As it was, however, their pool playing had attracted a small crowd, and the argument had attracted a larger one. Although the bodies weren't quite invading their space, the voice that spoke, breaking the silence, was far too close for comfort.
"Are you guys looking for more competition?" The voice was friendly enough and probably not expecting the reaction it got.
Trowa braced himself, cue swung up under on arm, ready to use. Wufei sank down to the floor, cue ready to sweep out any legs that might come too near him. Quatre crouched, one hand on his upright cue to steady himself, while the other reached for the knife in his chest sheath. Duo's arm swung the cue in a mockery of the way Deathscythe had swung his scythe. That didn't make it look any less lethal. Heero spun in the direction of the voice, snapping the cue in his hand in two, he took one piece in each hand, hefting them to get a better grip.
It was reflex, analytical and predatory; it was a type of deadly dance. Music beat softly through the room, easily heard now that no one spoke a word. Seconds ticked as Duo reevaluated their situation.
He slid out of his stance smoothly and laughed a little sheepishly. "Sorry about that. We're a little on edge. Trust me, time spent with Une can do that to you." He winked at the other students, and a murmur of nervous laughter ran through the bunch. Seeing the others relax marginally from their positions, Duo turned laughed again. "Yeah, got us a little nervous right now. Didn't hear you come up. Reflexes will be reflexes, don't you know?"
There was a brief silence, before one of the other students broke it. Hazel eyes focused on Duo, and the voice was thoughtful. "Yes, reflexes will do that to you." The man's expression was contemplative. "We didn't mean to startle you."
Quatre stepped up to his comrade's side, lending support through his presence; a sense of familiarity. He modulated his voice as he chuckled deeply, its timbre reaching everyone in the room. "You didn't really startle us. We were just a little too preoccupied arguing with…"
Another voice piped up, cutting Quatre off. "Aren't you a little young to be a student here?"
Tension ran through the group of five once more and Duo could feel Heero's body still, ready for anything. Duo opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by Trowa.
"We're a lot older than we appear. There is more than one way to age." Green eyes surveyed the room, the silent challenge issued.
The first man smiled tightly. "Yes, there are. Excuse our curiosity. We know each other, we were all on the same flight down here." His eyes scanned their faces, memorizing them. It made Duo nervous, made his fingers itch to shut the man up when he spoke. But he knew he couldn't do that, so he fought the urge… barely.
Quatre smiled and a little of the anxiety level dropped. "I can imagine." He glanced at his watch, as if only just realizing that it might be late. The blond let out a very real looking yawn, before putting a hand in front of his mouth and grinning with embarrassment. "We've not stopped ourselves, since we got here yesterday."
Duo watched the reactions of the other students. He could see the cogs of their brains whirring. Some of them were putting two and two together, some were already bored with the conversation and had wandered away, and others were glancing at them as if waiting for a fight. He grinned and pushed down the sudden desire to start that fight. Instead he interjected, his words flowing smoothly on the end of Quatre's. "We didn't mean to be here so long! But you know how it is, time flies when you're having fun and all that." He could feel Heero's eyes boring into his back, but it only edged him on.
"Gotta run," he began to make his way to the door, relying on the others to follow him and Quatre to bring up the rear. They neared an exit, and the relief in their little group was almost palpable. On impulse, Duo turned and grinned back at the handful of students who were still watching them. The others filtered out the door before he opened his mouth again. "See you at the shooting range." He called to the room, winked and was gone.
Duo's grin was feral as he joined the others in the lift. Heero's scowl only served to fuel the fire. The American was bored, restless, and in need for a good sparring match. Since a physical one was out of the question, he'd settle for a verbal spat.
It started as soon as the apartment door closed behind them.
"That was unnecessary, Duo." Heero's voice was cold, reproving.
Duo quirked an eyebrow. "Unnecessary? What? Trying to get you guys to loosen up for once in your fucking lives?" The steely undertone to his words belied the mirth he coated them in.
Wufei snorted. "Loosen up? You were just as tense as we were."
"Only because someone had to turn our pool game into Trajectory Theories 101!" His glare landed on Heero, daring the former Wing pilot to say something.
"You said yourself, Duo. It is a game." Heero's voice hadn't lost the cold edge. His eyes were expressionless, but his fists clenched at his sides as if controlling his temper. "I play to win. It's the way I am. If you don't know that by now, you haven't been paying attention."
Duo took a step closer to Heero, purposefully invading the other pilot's personal space. His blood was beating wildly, adrenaline pumping through his veins, just itching for release. The words that fell from his lips, were barely audible "I've paid more attention than you give me credit for." Timing it perfectly, Duo pulled back before Heero's reflexes took over. He grinned once more. "See?"
"Provocation won't get you what you want, Duo. Not with us. Stop it." Trowa's voice was laced with just enough subtle disdain that Duo was momentarily taken aback.
Violet eyes flashed. "How would you know what I want? You don't know me."
"And if you carry on like this, we're all going to stop even remotely wanting to. Think about it." Trowa's door shut softly behind him, leaving Duo to scowl briefly at his retreat.
"He didn't mean that, Duo." Quatre attempted to difuse the situation, but sighed when Duo directed fiery eyes at him. "Okay, maybe he did."
"Thanks a bunch. No. Sure, just kick me while I'm down."
"Oh, get off the melodramatic high horse, Duo!" Quatre sighed. "You're tired, you're restless and you're feeling insecure. Just like the rest of us. Stop trying to hide the fact."
Duo gaped briefly, before closing his astonishment off with another grin. "Aww, shucks, Quatre. You found me out." He winked. "Whatever will I do now?"
"Be serious for once in your life."
Heero's retort didn't phase Duo one bit. He opened his mouth to prove just that when Wufei entered his personal space. Duo's body tensed involuntarily, and his smile became just that little bit more forced than before.
"You have something to say, Chang?"
The Chinese pilot managed to look down his nose, although Duo was of similar height. "You disappoint me. Quatre is right. We need to stick together in this, to know each other, trust each other, honour each other. Just as we did during the war. But this," He gestured vaguely around Duo's person, "is not the person I developed respect and trust for during the war. You are hiding him; you are withdrawing. If that is the way you choose to be, then so be it, but do not expect me to care. There is no honour in such behaviour." Wufei offered one more scathing look, and turned on his heel, closing his bedroom door behind him.
Duo covered his shock the only way he knew how. "Great end to a fucking perfect day guys. Thanks. No, really. You honour me." He made his way to the front door. "I'm going for a walk." It was directed to no one in particular, and at that point in time he didn't care. He slammed the door behind him and headed up to the roof, disregarding the two figures he'd left standing in the living room.
It was colder than he'd anticipated it would be. The crisp cool winter air made him shiver, but Duo refused to go back downstairs. He needed to figure out just why he was reacting the way he was. If he wasn't careful, he would alienate the only other people who could really understand him. It was a daunting thought.
With a sigh, he climbed onto the edge of the building and dangled his feet over the edge. The ten-story drop didn't bother him at all, in fact, it helped him run his thoughts through his head. If he stripped everything else away, he knew what was wrong. He wasn't just annoyed that they had had their lives commandeered, or that they were herded like sheep and expected to obey. No, when it got right down to it, Duo had to admit to being a little apprehensive. Not scared! Never scared! Just…apprehensive.
"Who are you kidding?" He breathed, watching the mist of the words dance on the cool night air. And that was just it. He wasn't trying to disrespect the others, he was trying to convince himself that he didn't need to run, that there was no use to hide. It was time for him to face up to becoming the adult in actuality that he had been in spirit for a good many years. The only thing was: he didn't want to grow up. His mind rebelled against the fact, shouting that he was seventeen years old and he deserved to have a chance at being normal.
"Don't we all." He somehow felt better, occasionally voicing his thoughts. Another sigh, another swing of his legs, and another brief analysis of the building's construction. They all deserved a childhood, but it was one thing he knew they'd never have.
Duo stood up, leaning precariously over the edge for just a second, remembering the rush of being in his Gundam, of being in control. He stepped down from the ledge. Control was always just an illusion, a manipulation. Duo scowled and scuffed the toe of his right boot as he walked. He didn't like being controlled, and he grinned at the thought of giving someone else the illusion of it. But the thought fled as soon as it had come.
By the time he stood outside the apartment door he'd come to a rather rueful conclusion. The others didn't deserve to have him take his frustrations out on them. No…he smiled at the thought… he'd reserve that privilege for the staff. Control was one thing, making it easy was another.
Resolve firmly in place, he was in a good mood as he unlocked the door and walked in. The mood vanished when he saw who was waiting for him. He really didn't feel like one of Heero's lectures right then. But when his… friend looked up, Duo was taken aback.
Those blue eyes contained emotion, and it stopped Duo in his tracks when Heero spoke. "Duo… I…" Heero looked to be floundering, and all of a sudden Duo felt weary. He couldn't deal with it right then.
"Don't." Duo's voice came out sharper than intended, but he didn't regret them, not even at the slightly confused look in Heero's eyes.
"I…just…" Heero was struggling for words. "I'm… didn't."
Duo took pity on him. "No, Heero. I know what you want to say, and you don't need to. Believe me…for once… I actually don't want to talk… about anything." He flashed the Japanese youth a sad smile before walking into his bedroom and shutting the door, leaving the other a little perplexed and alone in the living room. As Duo threw himself on his bed, he couldn't help but think that Heero wasn't the only one feeling that way.
Duo couldn't sleep, or at least not sleep well. As the first waves of light began to crest the horizon, he decided that it was time to venture out. He felt the need to be more aware than usual of his surroundings. There was something about the whole set of circumstances that was bothering him, and it was annoying him.
It was that luminescent dark outside when he reached the roof again, cup of tea in hand. He took a moment to appreciate the view. The campus was actually quite attractive. It encompassed an entire block, and while buildings ringed the perimeter, the inside contained gardens. The early morning rays hit the greenery, glinting off it with deceptive tranquility.
Duo's eyes narrowed. His instincts screamed at him, to get out, to run, to hide. Just like he'd always done, just like he'd thought he would always do. He ran a hand through his bangs before letting it drop to his side in frustration. The thing was, he didn't want to run or hide. Not anymore. He'd done it for so many of his seventeen years that he'd had enough. All of a sudden, Duo felt old, a lot older than his physical age. He hugged his arms to his chest, mug precariously balanced.
Reds were tingeing the horizon, announcing the sun's imminent arrival. Duo sighed, his morning ritual held little appeal. He felt like doing something different. His mind made up, he grinned before heading down to the apartment to dispose of his mug. Once there, he grabbed a jacket from his bedroom and headed silently down to the street below.
#*#
Heero watched the rise outside his window. He hadn't slept well, no matter what he'd tried. This new set of circumstances made him restless. He half expected his laptop to spring back into action and send him on missions, but he knew it was an impossibility. The only thing was, he wasn't sure whether or not that thought frightened him or made him feel safe.
He'd been given orders for most of his life, and at every show of rebellion his training had been reinforced. At least until he had been sent out in Wing. Interaction with other operatives, even being his own age, had enabled him to think for himself. Extended periods of time where he could do nothing but think for himself, due to the unavailability of the doctors, had allowed his ability to deal with things on his own to develop.
The current set of circumstances riled him. Although it allowed him to fall back into the familiar territory of having someone decide what he was to do, it infringed upon his newly won independence. That was something that Heero had come to prize in the short time that he'd had it.
Heero scowled at the golden waves of light dancing through the window. He didn't like being told what to do anymore; he liked to be able to think for himself. And while he knew how easy it would be to fall back into the pattern of obeying, it was a part of himself that he refused to reinstate. That was a part he wanted to leave behind.
They'd fought for peace for everyone else, and at the same time Heero had managed to win himself a little peace inside as well. He'd be damned if he let them take away the person he was becoming. They were going to find things a lot more difficult than they anticipated, because Heero refused to give up his hard won humanity… not for anything ever again.
Satisfied with his decision, Heero decided to go and take a shower. He smiled as the water began to rain down.
#*#
Wufei scowled at the small size of his sleeping quarters. There was barely enough room in there for him to stretch properly, let alone perform some of his more advanced maneuvers. Maybe that was a little harsh, but he would have preferred more space. The fact that there was more space if he went out into the living room did not sway his decision. Although he had meant every word he said the previous night, he did admit to have being been a little blunt.
Not that he was ever not blunt. Wufei knew his people skills weren't the best. They had never been required to be the best, or good or even marginally okay. It wasn't a part of his upbringing, not a part of his training and if he was honest with himself, it wasn't even a part of his personality.
It had never hindered him before, but he had also never had comrades as… close as this before. As much as he didn't say it often, Wufei respected his four fellow Gundam pilots. They'd all been through an amazing amount of crap together. Well, not always together. He didn't really like to think about his misjudgment concerning the Mariemaia incident. In the end, when it came down to it, he'd seen his mistake and rectified what he could.
And he knew he had Heero to thank for that, and the rest of them. Without the blink of an eye they'd accepted his reasoning, his confusion and his decisions, and not said a word when they took him back into their fold. Not said a word about him being weak. It made him almost believe that he wasn't.
He'd already thought of the Preventers as a probable escape, but he hadn't expected it to be like this. Escape? He let the word roll around on his tongue. Escape implied he was running away, but he never ran. It wasn't his style. Wufei preferred to face his opponents and defeat them on mutual turf. He wasn't weak, he didn't need to be told what to do, and he could think for himself.
That was why the whole situation grated on him. There was no way he would let a group of other people decide what was best for him and how he should grow up. He'd been making those decisions for himself for longer than he cared to remember. Mind set firmly in place, he decided it was time for a shower.
Wufei refused to be weak, and he'd be damned if he'd let anyone else put him in that position.
#*#
Quatre rubbed his eyes as the sun rudely woke him up. He knew he'd forgotten something the previous day: darker curtains. His head felt a little dull, but considering the thoughts running through it from the previous evening, he wasn't really surprised.
Wandering over to the window, he looked out at the earthen sunrise. The colonies would never be able to recreate that same glow. An artificial sun would never replace the real thing. He heard the shower start up and smiled. Awake and alert, that's what they all were.
Quatre sighed, and wondered if he would ever be able to sleep in, if he'd ever be more than a light sleeper. He wondered if he'd ever be able to just ignore people and the things that affected them. Try as he might, he'd never been able to manage it yet. Every time he decided to keep himself distant from other people and what they were feeling, his resolve lasted only as long as he didn't have any contact with people.
He cared too much and he knew it. Not just about the people he knew, but also about the people he'd never known or only just met. It was a part of him, something he was slowly coming to accept. And it was part of him that he felt was about to be exploited. As much as he twisted it, he could only see outcomes that eventually hurt other people, including himself.
Was it right to use him like that? To use any of them like that? It was those sorts of questions that made the blond frown. He refused to be used; refused to be cast aside the way they had been in the wars when it became too politically dangerous to be seen to support them. They had fought so hard, lost so much, and sacrificed their childhoods.
Quatre steeled himself, determination etched itself into his soul. The five of them had been as much victims of the war and circumstances as anyone else. In some cases perhaps more. He refused to allow them to be punished for that, and he vowed to somehow make sure they weren't.
#*#
Trowa stared at the ceiling. It was an interesting ceiling, if you liked to count the tiny bumps in it. The finish of it was that rough-looking paint job that he was sure had a name, but which he couldn't recall right then. He sighed and swung himself into a sitting position.
Usually he prided himself on possessing amazing amounts of patience, but the previous night had seen him lose that handle. The events of the evening had strained his nerves, and while he knew that it wasn't immediately obvious; it had unsettled him. He hadn't realized how difficult it was to turn off years of ingrained reactions, or how difficult it would continue to be.
He frowned. It didn't wash well with him that this government had deemed it necessary to control them. That's what it felt like to him, anyway. They could disguise it in as many well-meaning little phrases as they liked. It didn't change the heart of the matter. The five ex-Gundam pilots were going to be… controlled.
Trowa liked people to underestimate him. They often did. Although he didn't think that Une would be one to do so, he also knew that she would have her own agenda for being … dragged into the position she was in. Make no mistake, Trowa knew that any of the former major players in the wars… had been given a similar deal. Call it a hunch, but he was certain of it.
He wondered idly if they realized what they were doing. All five of them didn't take too kindly to having their lives commandeered. Each of them had their own perceptions of how they wanted their life to continue. Something nagged at the back of Trowa's mind, telling him to watch out for himself and for the others. It was a voice he had no intention of ignoring, considering how much his perceptions had helped him in the past.
Trowa stood, a little stiffly and stretched. The showers were both running, the sun had cleared the horizon. He was curious about the day. A day without war was still a novelty for him. Trowa smiled and wondered if those people knew just how much all five of them detested being controlled. He couldn't wait to find out.
#*#
"Morning, Quatre." Trowa greeted the blond before sinking down onto the couch with a book. Silence was all that answered the green-eyed youth, and it was only moments before he put down his book and walked into the kitchen area to see what Quatre was doing. His curiosity was piqued. "What are you doing?"
"Hmmm?" Quatre stood staring at the stove, hands on his hips.
Trowa moved closer, until he felt Quatre tense with the involuntary acknowledgment of his presence. "It doesn't bite."
"I know that." There was a smile in Quatre's voice that had a slight apprehensive edge. Trowa took a step back, and watched the blond visibly relax, before continuing to speak. "I'm just… thinking."
Trowa relaxed his stance and waited, knowing that he didn't need to ask what Quatre was thinking about, since the other would tell him when he was ready. Meanwhile he surveyed the kitchen and had the sudden urge to add something personal to it, things that would make it theirs.
Quatre's voice broke the reverie. "It can't be all that hard. Can it, Trowa?" he spoke softly, wistfully, yet with a determination that might just be able to make his words come true.
"What can't be?"
The blond turned around to face the other pilot, stretching his arms to either side to vaguely indicate the rest of the room. "This. Being normal, learning to be the people we're supposed to grow up to be. Oh, growing up, damn this. We deserve more than this. Damn them. I won't let them do this. I won't let them replace one form of control with another." His voice had risen somewhat, and his fists came to rest, clenched, at his sides.
"None of us will let that happen, Quatre." Trowa uncrossed his arms and moved over to the fridge.
"Letting it happen isn't even an option." Heero stood just outside the kitchen area, wet hair falling in its usual disarray. "We need our bearings first though."
Trowa picked up the stream of thought. "We need to stick together. We've done it before. We can do it again."
Quatre smiled with something akin to relief. "I know. I just…I'm used to being in control of planning things out. I don't like someone trying to plan my life for me."
Wufei walked in catching the tail end of the conversation, and headed to the fridge for something to drink. "I don't think one of us even remotely likes that idea Quatre."
Trowa sighed, moving away to let Wufei rummage through the contents of the ice-box. He spoke softly, tone almost introspective. "And I bet Duo likes it the least."
Heero turned sharply to face the green-eyed youth. "What did you say?"
"I said: Duo probably likes it the least."
"What would bring you to that conclusion?" Heero's eyes bored into his comrade, not relenting in the slightest. Every piece of information was stored and referenced. Old habits die hard.
Trowa shrugged. "A lot of things really. We all had some direction in our training, in our lives as we became what we are. Even I did, in the mercenary camps." His tone was distanced, separating himself from the memories of his experiences. "Duo, from what I know, or have been able to gather, had very little of any of that. He's survived on his own, learnt what he has through sheer will power, and always come out on top despite the odds against him. I can understand that this could perhaps be a little more confining for him. He was always free, able to do what he wanted, even with his Gundam to a certain extent. This must be tearing him up."
The expression on Heero's face barely changed, but it definitely became thoughtful. "That…possibility has merit."
Quatre looked a little pale. "I didn't even think…"
"None of us did, Quatre." Trowa interjected softly.
Wufei straightened from his inspection of the fridge, and spoke with a tinge of regret in his voice. "I don't think many of us have been able to think very clearly over the past few weeks. At least, not well anyway."
Heero opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the opening of the apartment door, a rustling of what sounded like paper bags, followed by that same door being slammed shut. The whirlwind that was Duo Maxwell blew into the room, arms full of paper bakery bags, face flushed red from the chill outside, violet eyes flashing with his grin.
He stopped short at the sight of the four others in the kitchen. "Oh. I wasn't sure if you'd be awake yet, you know? I wanted to surprise you, so I hope you haven't eaten yet or anything because that'd be a real shame and well." He grinned as he spoke, and held out his arms. "See. I bought us breakfast!"
#*#
Chapter Six
