Chapter 3: "The Fungi Kingdom"
"Forest trees. I like trees. I like trees and they likes mees.
Why don't we, go climb a tree. Go climb a tree and eat some—what rhymes with 'mees,' Flower?"
"Uhh…bees?"
"That's great, Flower. Go climb a tree, and eat some bees. All this singing is making me hungry. What are we gonna do for dinner tonight?"
"I want to eat those mushrooms over there," said the flower.
"I don't know. They're probably crawling with funguses."
"That's ridiculous, Bobby," said the pink bunny. "Everyone knows that mushrooms are free of fungus."
"I thought they were fungus?" argued the purple squirrel.
"What do you know? You're just a stupid purple squirrel!"
"Better than a stupid pink bunny!"
"Now, now, people. Let's all just calm down," said Bobby trying to bring his fuzzy troupe under control. "I think we can all agree that funguses are bad."
"It's fungi, Bobby, not funguses!" yelled the purple squirrel.
"Don't you yell at him, you nasty little rodent!" roared the wee little flower.
"There's no need for all this fuss, my friends," pleaded Bobby. It was disturbing to watch his friends fighting. Why'd they always have to be so eclectic?
He wasn't the only one disturbed. Hiding beyond the brush were two very bewildered elves.
"What is he doing?" asked Ellrohir of his brother.
"I think he's talking to himself," replied Elladan.
"Talking to himself? That's crazy!"
"Judging by the way he's flapping around, I'd say you're not too far off." The two amused elves watched in silence as Bobby continued what seemed a very lively debate with his imaginary woodland friends.
"I'm telling you, they're part of the Fungi Kingdom!"
"Do you think we should interrupt?" asked Ellrohir.
"Yes, I suppose. The amusement is beginning to wane."
"It would appear we have a very disturbed hobbit on our hands."
The twins purposefully made there way toward the hobbit.
"Then it's agreed. We'll just have spaghetti," finished Bobby. He did not hear the elves' approaching him from behind. Elladan spoke first. "I say there, little hobbit, do you need any help?"
"AHH!!" Bobby cried as he nearly jumped out of his skin. "How dare you sneak up on us like that."
"Us?" questioned Ellrohir skeptically.
"Yes," Bobby said, annoyed at their stupidity. "Me and my friends here. I thought elves were supposed to have excellent eye sight."
Elladan and Ellrohir merely exchanged a look—one that Bobby recognized immediately, as he had seen it many times. Bobby was instantly on alert.
"Right…" continued Ellrohir. "As you have surely noticed you have reached our home, Imladris."
"Imladris?" questioned Bobby. "But I was heading for Rivendell!" The twins laughed good naturedly among themselves.
"You have reached Rivendell," stated Elladan.
"Rivendell?! That's impossible! You just said that this was Imladris!"
"It is both," stated Ellrohir.
"Both? What? How could this be? How can one place have two names? It's insane!"
"You see," explained Elladan with a smile, "In the common tongue--,"
"Deceptions! LIES!" Bobby screamed, covering his ears.
"Quickly, Bobby, was must be away from these demons!" cried the flower. "Flee, Bobby, FLEE!!" Bobby took off running from the demon twins as fast as he could.
The two elves were shocked. This one was more volatile than they had originally thought. "We cannot allow him to wander our lands unattended. He may be dangerous." Ellrohir agreed with his brother.
Through use of Rivendell's skilled patrol, Bobby was soon apprehended and found himself standing before the Lord of Imladris himself.
"What is your name, young hobbit?" questioned Elrond. Bobby, noticing his distinguished eyebrows and recognizing them as a mark of enlightenment, a fact known only to him and three other hobbits at the Hillside Hobbit House, decided to give the Lord a chance.
"Bobby is my name. And these here are my friends. This is little flower, pink bunny and purple squirrel. Tap dancing elephant was sorry he couldn't be here, but he's running a bit late—a dentist appointment I think he said."
Elrond glanced back to look at his two sons who were standing by the doors trying not to laugh. Why have you brought me this, his magnificent eyebrows, seemed to ask the question. Elrond sighed and turned back to Bobby.
"I see," he said. "And what is the purpose of your coming to Imla—I mean—Rivendell?"
"I have come to dwell in the presence of great and noble minds such as my own. Perilously have a made my way out of the dark and poisonous lands of the Shire. For years I have fought to protect it from the encroaching evil, but the forces of darkness have become too strong and too evasive, even for me."
"Is there, perchance, another Shire that I am not aware of? My knowledge of the little folk is that they are peaceful; ignorant of any darkness in the world and innocent of any wrath on their part."
Bobby seemed sad. "I see," he said slowly, as if resigned. "I see that my coming here has been in vain. Farther still must my journey be. I have not here found the kindred spirits which I seek." With his head lowered and his steps heavy, Bobby made for his exit. The twins still blocked the door, but Elrond motioned for them to step aside. "He is harmless," Elrond said.
Bobby left the great hall and for a moment and wondered the paths in Rivendell, watching the elves go by on their day to day business. At the moment his heart was very heavy. "Bobby…Bobby…why does he cry, Bobby?" crooned the flower.
"I am sad because with all this beauty, the elves of this place are still in the dark."
"Perhaps the beauty itself is the real deception?" guided the flower. Bobby's eyes lit up as the thought came to him.
"You have that look in your eyes again, Bobby. You know how I love that look…Burn it. BURN IT ALL!!"
"Quiet, Flower! You draw too much attention to us. Look how already their eyes follow us." Indeed they were drawing many strange looks from the elves. "We must be crafty here."
"Bobby?" asked a tall, good looking elf—another deception to be sure.
"Yes?"
"My name is Glorfindel and I have been ordered to uh…escort you…while you dwell in our fair city."
"Hah! Fair city indeed!" Bobby scoffed at his words. "I know the truth of this place."
"The truth of this place?" Glorfindel seemed somewhat amused.
"I know all about Elrond and his plot to take over the world. He hasn't fooled me. It's a clever cover, but--,"
"Bobby, you mustn't give away all your knowledge," cautioned the flower.
"Oh of course, flower, you're right. Thank you." Glorfindel looked around confused. "Is there some third party I'm not aware of?"
Bobby just rolled his eyes. These elves were getting even stupider. But perhaps this one could be of some use.
"Tell me, Glorfindel, how is this place lit at night?"
"Torches and lanterns of sort. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason."
And as they walked on, a slow, sinister smile formed on the lips of that creepy little flower.
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A/N: WHHAHAAhahahaha…you really got feel it back in the throat. How about sending a review? It's a crazy idea, I know. Speaking of which, don't forget to check out my other baby: The Fab Five Do Middle Earth. It's my precioussss.
