Purple Squirrel: Now, now reviewers. Let's not fight about grammar here.
Pink Bunny: Quiet, Purple Squirrel! They can fight all they want. I say, bring on the brutality!
Purple Squirrel: But, violence is never the answer.
Pink Bunny: Don't be such a pansy, Purple Squirrel.
Purple Squirrel: Quit putting me down, ya stupid bunny! I'm only trying to help. Anyways, it's not about us here. Constructive comments are the fruits of any good reviewer and we acknowledge and thank them all.
Pink Bunny: Well thank you Mr. I-stayed-in-school-purple-squirrel. You don't know anything.
Purple Squirrel: I know you're a @#!%!
Author: Hey, you two! What are you doing? Get back in the box, NOW! [grabs hose] Don't make me use this. [the insanities are contained] Sorry about that everyone. On with chapter four.
Chapter 4: The Council of Gandalf, er, Elrond
"Well, that was a close one, wasn't it?" breathed Frodo in relief. They had just left Weathertop and only narrowly did they escape with their lives. More so thanks to the quick thinking of Strider who used the Nasty Nine as kindle to his flame.
"Honestly, Gandalf," spoke Strider, "What made you think that water would stop them?" Being uncomfortable with the question, Gandalf replied in agitation, "What? Haven't you ever seen the Wizard of Oz?"
"The Wizard of Oz, Gandalf?"
"Yes, the Wizard of Oz! Do I have to explain everything to you people?"
"Hobbits," corrected Merry.
"Quiet! All of you!" Gandalf was becoming quite upset and the others decided, and wisely so, to say no more of the water incident. Frodo and the others had at least been spared any harm that the ringwraiths might have inflicted, so we may surmise that wizards do work in mysterious ways.
Leisurely they made their way toward Rivendell. Luckily, they lost their pursuers. Most likely the Nine realized that they were chasing the wrong Baggins, or perhaps they feared the wizard who threw ice cold water on them, or the ranger with 'big burning stick.' In reality, three of the Nine had developed nasty colds, five were laid up in intensive care being treated for third degree burns, and one was undergoing a deep psychoanalysis. No more will be said of them, for their plight is another story.
"Ah, there it is. Just over that hill," announced Strider joyfully.
"This is so exciting! We're finally gonna see elves!" murmured a very excited Sam. And as they passed the hill, it was elves they saw indeed; elves screaming and running for their lives.
"What is this?!" exclaimed Gandalf in disbelief. The entire city of Rivendell was set ablaze with fire; its beautiful pillars and ancient monuments crumbling to the ground.
"Bobby," whispered Frodo in a low tone. "Bobby has been here."
"Let's not jump to conclusions," said Merry sarcastically.
"Hurry! We must help. Gandalf they need water!" urged Strider. Gandalf looked at him smugly. "Oh, is that right? I thought you didn't like my little water trick. Now I see that the tables have turned and you come back to me…begging." Gandalf emphasized the last word.
Strider just stared back at him as if he had gone insane. After a moment, seeing their looks of anguish, Gandalf faltered. "Oh very well," he said, and at his command a torrent of rain poured down and quenched the flames. "Happy now?" he asked, looking even more smug.
With the fire out, the elves of Rivendell sadly accessed the damage and it was at this time that many made the decision to leave these shores and seek refuge in the blessed realm of Valinor. Many would carry the scars of this event for the rest of their lives.
The newcomers watched as a once splendid elf was carried past them on a stretcher, muttering as he went by, "No, Bobby. Put the flame down. No, Bobby! Noooo!"
Gandalf shook his head sadly. "How could I have let it come to this? If only I had known of this plot earlier," Gandalf mourned.
"It is not your fault, Gandalf," Strider comforted. "You could not have foreseen this." But Strider's attention was soon turned to the approach of Elrond and, much to his relief, an unharmed Arwen. Elrond did not look happy.
"Look what he has done!" he thundered. "Imladris is ruined. And those that survive make their way now to Valinor. Never before has an enemy wielded such power in my domain. And even as we speak he is wandering free somewhere in the wilderness, bringing who knows what chaos to the lands of Middle Earth." He paused in his anger. "Well just look what he did to Glorfindel!" he shouted, pointing to the still rambling elf.
"And eat some bees. And eat some bees," the poor elf chanted again and again.
Elrond shuddered. "Very disturbing."
"We must put a stop to this evil," stated Gandalf.
"We have tracked him here. We will track him still," vowed Strider.
"Well actually, it was more of a coincidence that he happened to have been here. We really had no idea where he had gone to," admitted Pippin. He comments were received with evil glares from Gandalf and Strider. But it was true. They really had no idea where Bobby was and the fire had been effective in destroying any trail.
"We may yet find him," said Elrond. "Many beings from far off lands have come to seek my counsel at this time. Their stories are entwined with the return of the one ring of power, which is now in the hands of a devilish hobbit. A council will be held to decide what our course of action must be. It will be known as the Council of--"
"Gandalf," finished the wizard.
"That wasn't what I was going to say."
"But it has a good ring to it, doesn't it?"
"We are in Rivendell and seeing as I am host, the council should bear my name," Elrond argued calmly.
"In case you haven't noticed, Rivendell is destroyed, leaving your naming privileges forfeit."
"What's wrong with you, Gandalf? Did you hit your head before coming here that you would have so little respect for my authority?"
"The Council of Gandalf could be held elsewhere if you prefer. I hear that King Thranduil has a pretty impressive cave. Not to mention a new barbecue pit."
"King Thranduil?!" sputtered Elrond, "Have you lost your mind? There is no time for this folly."
"Forgive him, my lord. Since Bobby has taken the ring, Gandalf has not been himself. It is undoubtedly having an affect on him," Strider whispered in his ear.
"Very well. I will excuse him for the moment. The council of Elrond shall be held as soon as all the emissaries have arrived. Until then I pray you will all keep your wits about you," he said with his sharp eyes falling on the smirking wizard. And with that Elrond left them to be attended by his servants to have rest as well as it could be offered under the circumstances.
"Twit," murmured Gandalf to Elrond's retreating form. Strider and the hobbits just looked at him in amazement. Bobby had to be stopped—and soon.
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"What I don't understand is that if we are supposed to hate elves so much, why are we going to Rivendell to seek their advice?" asked Gimli son of Gloin as he and his dwarven companions made their way to the fair city.
"You know, now that I think about it, it does seem rather absurd," replied the aged Gloin. "Yet I cannot find the will to turn back. It's as if some strange insanity captures my mind."
"Truly, these are perilous times. Disturbing are the propositions we have received of late. I hope in Rivendell we will find the true meaning of them, as well as a solution."
"They say the elf-lord knows much. I do not think our journey will be in vain," replied the older dwarf.
"Let's just hope they don't give us any of that elvish showiness." Before more could be said, the troupe was halted.
"What is it? Why are we stopping?" asked Gimli.
"Someone is approaching," replied a dwarf in a red cap.
Out from the thicket appeared a strange young hobbit dressed in tattered garments. The dwarves were not wholly familiar with the little people, except for Gloin, who had reason to be fond of their kind.
"A hobbit? All the way out here?" spoke Gloin. "Tell me, little master, what is your name and what business do you have so far from the Shire?"
"Bobby Baggins is my name and this is—"
"Baggins! My word, I would have hardly thought it possible," exclaimed Gloin. "A welcome sight you are!"
"Oh, please," Bobby blushed at the compliment, "You're embarrassing me."
"Yours is a noble name," the dwarf continued. "Long has it been since I last visited the Shire and longer still it may be, but I would bid you welcome in my halls any day. A most honored guest you would be."
"An, an honored guest?" Bobby fumbled in his speech, so surprised he was.
"Yes. I must journey away from it now on urgent business, but if you should wish to see our dwelling, make your way to the Lonely Mountain and upon my return I would know all there is to know of you."
Bobby smiled pleasantly. "I will do just that, my good dwarf, for I am eagerly seeking such noble minds as yours."
"Very good then, Master Baggins. I shall see you upon my return. Farewell for now."
"Farewell," replied Bobby as the dwarves continued on their journey. When they had gone Bobby turned to the flower and said, "It would seem we are going to see the dwarves."
"So it would see," replied the flower. "Surely they will make you a king."
"I believe you may be right. Noble beings, after all, seek noble leaders. I could not in good conscience withhold my presence from them."
"No, precious, you could not."
"Onward then. To the Dwarf Halls!"
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Pink Bunny and Purple Squirrel: Can we come out now?
Author: No.
