A/N: Thank you my babushkas (Wow. Apparently that's a real word). I feel better now. Your highness, I also have a soft spot for Bobby. He's like Jesus—only messed up, crazy, insane. Yeah, that's it. And to my lizard overlord, that's an interesting idea for a story. What are you smoking? 'Cause I would need some to write that one. J But thanks for the email.

Chapter 6: On the Dangers of Drinking and Jai-alai

"And that was when I realized that the stars were not forged by Varda, as the supposed wise would have us believe, but that they are really big balls of gas, burning millions of miles away."

"Amazing, Bobby. Truly amazing," marveled the dwarves who were listening intently to the tales of this learned hobbit. "You truly are a master of lore. How is it that you have come to know so much?"

"Well that little tidbit came from a wild boar I met while journeying in Africa."

"Uh, did you say a wild boar?" asked a dwarf with a purple cap.

"Africa?" said another with a golden cap.

These dwarves would benefit much from his wisdom. Smiling, Bobby paused to take another draught of the strong ale they offered him. It was the perfect beverage to finish off the gargantuan feast they had set before him. He then explained to them, as though they were children. "I have been gifted from an early age with special knowledge." Bobby seemed to hesitate, unsure if he should tell them all he knew.

"Go on, Bobby," encouraged the flower. "Your exquisiteness is appreciated here." And so Bobby continued. "I have been the receiver of visions for many years and I share a divine friendship with the noble creatures that use me as their messenger." The dwarves were enthralled. Mind you, they were also somewhat drunk.

"I see things for what they really are. At times it is a great burden—being so wise. Many mistake my good intentions for wrong and this causes me to suffer greatly."

"It makes me cry to think of all the wrongs that have been done against you," said the flower wiping tears from his watering eyes.

"Do not be sad for me, Flower," Bobby comforted. "For I am stronger than the hurts they have bestowed upon me."

"Oh, so brave! So brave!" chorused the pink bunny and the purple squirrel.

"Did he just call me a flower?" asked one of the dwarves, who incidentally was wearing a pink cap, to a companion. The other just shrugged.

"He sees things as they really are. Ha, ha, ha!" slurred the dwarf, giving the offended one a slap on the back.

"But enough of this sad talk," spoke Bobby, cheerfully. "I have not come all this way to bemoan my past sorrows. I am now in the presence of truly noble, truly enlightened beings! For, like me, you have seen through all the pomp and décor of the elves and have seen them as they truly are: deceptive creatures who are full of unmeasured, unwholesome pride!"

"Hear, hear!" joined the dwarves who were being worked into a sort of frenzy.
            "They are treacherous and greedy. And they look down on you, but soon they will look up to you and they will be blinded when your inner light is revealed brighter than the sun. Let us drink to our fortunes now! To the humbling of the elven overlords and to the rise of the dwarves!"

At his passionate words the dwarves leapt from their seats, dancing and cheering and calling Bobby's name in praise. Long into the night their celebration wore on, and the mountain sang with a fierceness it had not known since the elder days. Bobby's words had inspired them. They were held as if in a spell by his hypnotic words. They perceived that within his small and fragile frame there was an energy; a power of great magnitude waiting to be released. They would be proud to stand with him when it was. And then again, they were very drunk.

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"I just don't understand this hobbit's thinking," complained Legolas, as he and the rest of the fellowship trekked through the misty mountains. "Why would Bobby pass through Mirkwood, apparently without the least bit of interest in seeing my home and instead go straight on to the Lonely Mountain to drink disgusting malt beer with a bunch of dwarves? It doesn't make any sense. Although he is crazy, so I suppose—It's not what any sane person would do." The elf paused, frowning. "Still, I can't help but feel hurt."

"Why you pointy-eared little, leaf wearing, berries for brains--!" Gimli had to be forcibly restrained from cleaving the unaware elf in two.

"Believe me, my friend," Aragorn assured the elf. "It is by gift of the Valar that he did so—for your people's sake."

"And what about the dwarves?" asked Frodo. Legolas turned to him and replied, "Apparently the Valar doesn't care about them." And he proceeded to smile at the dwarf only to aggravate him.

"Please," Gimli whispered to Gandalf. "Let me kill him—or at least just maim him in some gruesome fashion."

"Now Gimli, let's not speak of such things. He can't help it—he's an elf," replied Gandalf stroking his beard as though deep in thought.

"My, in all the time I have been over these mountains, I have never seen the weather so favorable," commented Gandalf, admiring the rainbow that was above them and delighting in the sunshine that kissed their cheeks and warmed their hearts.

"Look, a deer!" exclaimed Pippin pointing to the majestic creature prancing upon one of the nearby precipices. They all watched it with smiles, even Gimli felt his spirits uplifted.

"I never knew mountains could be so green," said Merry in astonishment.

"Yes, not an Orc or foul creature anywhere. I think this would make a fine place to have a little rest," spoke Gandalf taking a seat among a patch of daisies.

The hobbits began to play a game they had actually learned from Bobby. It was called Jai-alai. Bobby had told them he learned it in something called Spanish Class, whatever that was. Soon enough Boromir, Legolas, and yes, Gimli, were joining in the game too.

Aragorn was now standing off to the side, gazing down the mountain with Gandalf. "Circumstances have proved better than we could have hoped for," said Aragorn.

"Yes, I suppose they have," answered the wizard.

"Then perhaps you will be able to put all those recurring visions of your impending death out of your mind and start to relax?"

"Go long, Pippin! Go long!" shouted Merry from afar.

The wizard smiled at the ranger warmly. "You're right. I think finally I will be able to---"

 He was cut short as Pippin came crashing into him. The last words spoken by Gandalf the Grey were "AAHHHH!!!" and "FOOL OF A TOOK!!!" as he unceremoniously fell from the cliff, plummeting into the dark abyss below.

No one said anything. For a long while they just stared in disbelieve. Legolas and Aragorn, who were the first ones on the scene, peered over the mountain side. Slowly and without words they exchanged sidelong glances. This was not good.

"Well, that was unexpected," offered Boromir with a nervous laugh when no one else dared to break the mood.

"You're not going to blame me for this, are you?" asked Pippin timidly.

"You are the one that pushed him over, Pip," remarked Merry.

"Oh! And what was all that shouting about going long?!"

"What are we going to tell everyone? They'll blame us! They'll boil us alive!" cried the elf in a sudden burst of emotion.

Soon everyone was arguing the events and it seemed that peace would never be restored. However, Aragorn rightfully stepped into the role of leadership that was destined for him.

"Alright! Enough! We just need to calm down and get our stories straight. No one needs to know what really happened."

"Aragorn's right," agreed Boromir. "I say we make a pact here and now. We each take this to our graves."

"We'll just say we were overcome by an enemy of great power," interjected Gimli, becoming hopeful. Perhaps this situation wouldn't be so bad. They would see to it that Gandalf was remembered for a splendid death, worthy of all his achievements (and at the same time save all their asses). Thus it was decided.

"So I guess we move on now," Sam said, breaking them out of their reveries. The others nodded in agreement and began to grab their things. Before leaving the spot, Pippin took one last look over the cliff and said softly to no one in particular, "At least I caught the pelota. Gandalf would have wanted it that way." He nodded with satisfaction, turned and quickly caught up with the already departing Fellowship.

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A/N: Tear, tear. I hope this chapter will serve as a valuable lesson about two of the most dangerous inventions known to man. Remember it the next time someone offers you a drink, or asks you to join them in a game of Jai-alai. May this knowledge serve you well. Peace.