Paradoxically (Chapter 18)
The sky was dark and cloudy and the only light came from the moon, it's reflection over the tarmac
roads made it look sliver, I was going at 80mph and feeling the wind blow through my hair, it was the
only sense of freedom I could have, freedom from my thoughts and feelings. However it did not last
very long 'How could he?. How could both of them do something like this to me?. I thought I was their friend but instead they started a relationship and made me feel like a fool, the sick part is that
they hid it so well, until tonight where they just flaunted it right infront of me and expected me to be
naïve in enough not to notice. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How the hell did I get my self into this? Why am I so
upset?, shouldn't I be happy for them that they are together? After all she is my sister and he is my
friend, right? But there is this feeling inside of me that just makes me feel sick when I picture them
together, him holding her and kissing her, while she runs her hands through his hair and across his
stubble. God I wished I could do that. Oh my God what is wrong with me?. I do not have feeling for
Logan our friendship is strictly platonic. Platonic. Oh God!. What am I supposed to do?.
These past few weeks have being a blur to me, everything has happened so fast first Logan tells me
about the truth of my birth and the way I was created then I meet Zach for the first time, and then I
learn that I got to go through these bitchy cycles and now Eva comes into my life and as soon as I
begin to accept it all and start to feel sure about my self and start to know that I have Eva if I ever
needed her, I find out that she and Logan have something going on. And now I feel completely alone
again. I need time, time to think things through. Time alone. But instead now I have to go and spend
time with Eva, how am I going to react? Now that I know, I can't just ignore her, can I? And Logan,
he has been there for me and I felt I like I have known him my whole life, I thought we were close but
apparently, we weren't close enough for him to tell me the truth about him and Eva.'
I drove, as fast as I could around the turns and bends feeling the fresh air on my face, and the raw
power between my legs, I was alright. I just need to think thinks through, I was sure that by tomorrow
I would be riding with Eva, and having a good time, all I needed was to sort what feeling I had for
Logan so that I could accept the two to them together. It couldn't be that hard, could it?
