Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh or House on Haunted Hill.
Fiona: *bonking me over the head with Wiffle Bat for sticking her in the fic*
Me: STOP STOP OWIE!!!! You won't die, you're the virgin!
Fiona: YOU BETTER BELEIVE IT, ELF GIRL!!! *continues bonking me, then stops and thinks* Wait, I can't be the only one; all these characters are little kids! I mean, Seto's the oldest and he's like 19! And Mokuba can't be older than twelve!
Me: *slowly* You don't read the Yu Gi Oh manga, do you?
Fiona: *shrugs* Oh well. *continues bonking me*

House on Haunted Hill
By FekketC

Chapter 2
Don't Go In the Basement (Unless, You Know, You Want To...)

Kaiba: Well, that settles it. *turns to them* I have never heard of any of you.

Everyone: Uh, Seto...

Seto: What, I can't be dramatic for ONE second?! Fine, fine, okay, here's the rules. All five of you stay in this house all night. Each one who lives and stays in the house gets a million dollars. Except Mokuba, because he's already rich, and Fiona, because she's leaving. If one of you dies or leaves, your million is split among the survivors. So, it stands to reason, one person could walk away with five big ones...

Fiona: *tapping foot* AHEM!!!

Seto: *writes check, hands it to Fiona* Sure you won't stay? Even if I added an extra million to the pot for you?

Fiona: Not for all the grain in my brother's socks. *starts to walk out, but stops and turns to them* Three things you must remember if you want to survive the night: Stay together, avoid the dark, and if you see the creepy guy with a mustache, run. *turns, walks out of the room*

Seto: Her loss. Now, anyone want to go back down to the creepy conveyor belt room and see if we can chop Yugi up in the chocolate bar maker?

Joey: That's so gross, it's not even funny.

Seto: Depends on your point of view. Anyway, you knock off Yugi and you gain $250,000.

Joey: No chance, dumbass.

Seto: Look who's talking, pinhead-

~suddenly there is a creaking, shaking screech that fills the factory. Kaiba and the others press their hands to their ears, trying to shout over the noise.~

~scene switch to the conveyor belt room, where Fiona is holding her ears and running for the double doors. Metal slats are coming down over the windows and doors, and just as Fiona runs up to the huge double doors they swing shut and are blocked by metal~

Fiona: *bleep*ing *bleep*!!!

~scene switch back to Kaiba's office, as the noise dies down and everyone looks at each other~

Fiona: *bursts into the room* Some *bleep*ing *bleep* triggered the *bleep*ing Willy *bleep*ing Wonka device!!! *very long bleep*

Yugi and Mokuba: AH, MY YOUNG EARS!!!

Tea: *bonks Fekket over the head* Don't curse in front of the children!

Fiona: WE'RE ALL GONNA *bleep* DIE A *bleep*ING PAINFUL DEATH!!!

Seto: I thought I told you to disable the Willy Wonka device!

Fiona: Well, I was sorta gonna do it, but... Uh, well, I sort of... kind of... got distracted...

~flashback~

Fiona: Okay, now to go smash the Willy Wonka device with a cartoon mallet- *looks down* A cookie! *picks up cookie, eats it, spots another* Another cookie! *follows trail of cookies out of the house, walking right up to the parking lot where Yugi and the gang's cars have just parked* *spots cookie under the front car, and Yugi's about to step on it* Get back in your cars! *everyone gets back in their cars, Fiona grabs the last cookie and stuffs it in her mouth*

~end flashback~

Everyone: -____________- ~thinking: our lives for a cookie?~

Fiona: Actually, your lives for a whole lot of cookies.

Everyone: *___________* ~mental sweatdrop~

Fiona: Cut that out!

Seto: Well, just go turn off the *bleep*ing device!

Mokuba: Bro, don't you start!

Fiona: There are only three ways to turn it off. The first is the control panel on the front porch. We can't get to that since there's no way out of the house. The gardener will be here in the morning, and he knows the code so he'll just let us out. There's also the wiring panel in the basement which we could probably rewire, but I ain't goin' down there and neither will you unless you want to look like something on a McDonalds plate.

Tea: What's the third way?

Fiona: Search me. Grandpa's notes were *waving hands spookily* mysterically blank after that point, *stops* so he never mentioned where the third control is. Probably in an equally unreachable or unsavory place.

Seto: Well, we can either hang out and have a quiet party until dawn-

Fiona: Though the ghosts will tear us apart before then.

Seto: -or we can go down to the basement and turn off the Willy Wonka device.

Fiona: Though the ghosts will tear us apart before we reach the device.

Everyone: *sweatdrop*

Seto: *grabs Fiona by the arm* Take me to the damned device already.

Yugi: I'm coming, too.

Tea: Me, too.

Mokuba: I think I'll stay up here.

Bakura: I'll stay with him, since there's strength in numbers.

Joey: Eh, is it very dark down there?

Fiona: *whimpering, nods*

Joey and Tristan: *look at each other* We'll stay here.

Seto: You'd better stay in the conveyor belt room, since there's snacks laid out and it's better lit. And I have to show you the... party favors.

~the eight head back down the stairs and arrive in the huge room full of machinery. Seto leads the way across the room to a huge coffin-shaped box, and opening it starts doling out small boxes~

Mokuba: Bro, it's too early to open presents, we haven't had cake yet! *opens the box* Holy *bleep*!!!

Seto: *glares at Fiona, who shrugs apologetically* Inside each of these boxes is a .22 Magnum loaded with six shots. The barrels are welded shut, so they can't be reloaded. Each person gets one gun, unless they kill somebody and take their gun.

Yugi: *Seto shoves a gun into his hands* Uh, Seto, we don't even know how to fire a gun!

Joey: Hey, speak for yourself! I personally am an expert marksman. I hope some ghost comes looking for a peice of me; I'll shoot his brains out!

Tea: *sarcastically* Mokuba, if you see a ghost, stand right in front of it and you'll be in the safest place.

Joey: Hey!

~Fiona, Tea and Yugi head down the stairs for the dark, icky basement, while Bakura, Mokuba, Joey and Tristan stay in the conveyor belt room and play Clue. Seto says he needs to check on something upstairs, and disappears up the metal staircase~

Mokuba: I get to be Colonel Mustard!

Bakura: I'll be Mr. Green.

Tristan: I'm Professor Plum!

Joey: Oh, that means I have to be one of the girls...

~scene switch to Fiona, Yugi, and Tea walking down the long stone staircase in almost complete darkness except for their flashlights~

Fiona: *huddling close to Yugi* I really don't want to come down here, guys! It's like a maze, full of dastardly machines and restless spirits and... and a bunch of gross stuff!!!

Yugi: It's alright, Fiona, if we stay in a group and keep our flashlights on, we won't be in any danger. *looks up suddenly* Da lights keep flickering all crazy-like, man! It's da voodoo!

Tea: *blink* What did he say?

Fiona: He's channeling the spirit of Big Ape, the Jamaican guy who ran the jellybean machine!

Yugi: *sweatdrop* Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, man?

Fiona: *sigh* I couldn't get all the wiring straight so of course the lights are going to flicker a little. *looks up* Ah, we've reached the bottom of the stairs*

Yugi: *looks up* Holy *bleep*, man! What the *bleep* is dis stuff?

Tea: Is that stuff real?! Ewwww, GROSS!!!

Fiona: *steps down after Yugi, looks around at the huge glass tanks* Yep, it's all real. *leads the way down the corridor lined with tanks, which each have a half-preserved, mangled body floating in it*

Tea: Whoever worked in this place, he was NUTS.

Yugi: You got dat right, man.

Fiona: In the 1920's Seto's great-grandfather Old Man Seto Kaiba ran this place. Kaiba Chocolates was one of the most respected factories in this city, until the place burnt down and everyone found out Old Man Kaiba had spent years kidnapping people and using their body parts in his recipes. Half the country vomited on hearing this revelation, since practically everyone ate the Old Man's candies.

Yugi: *looks up at the mutilated body of a young child* Dis is... sickening. Man.

Fiona: *stops when they reach a split in the corridor* Um, I think we go left-

~suddenly several stone slabs fall from the ceiling with a resounding CRACK! Yugi shouts and grabs Fiona around the waist, pulling her out of harm's way as a ton of stone, mortar and dust crashes down~

Tea: *coughing from the dust* That was close!

Fiona: *one long bleep*

Yugi: *lets go of Fiona and looks up at the passage; the left way is mostly cut off by the pile of rubble* I guess we go da right way, man.

Fiona: *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-* *stops to take a breath* *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...*

~scene switch to Seto, walking along the hall to his office. He goes in, then tips back the bust of his great-grandfather hanging on the wall. The wall slides back a few feet and he walks into the room filled with surveilance monitors and computer equipment. The huge computer screen at the center of the wall turns from black to blue on his arrival~

Seto's computer: Glad you're back, Seto; this place is starting to creep me out!

Seto: *looks up at screen that shows Yugi, Tea and Fiona picking through a pile of rubble. His gaze then turns to the screen showing Mokuba, Bakura, Joey and Tristan sitting on the floor of the conveyor belt room, playing Clue* How are the guests?

Computer: Pretty tense, actually. Fiona is ready to have a nervous breakdown if someone with a sheet over their head jumps out and shouts 'Boo!'

Seto: I expected as much. But tell me, how did you access the Willy Wonka controls from here? I didn't know there was a remote access set up to it.

Computer: Well, I... didn't.

Seto: *blinks* What?

Computer: I didn't set the thing off. The only way I can figure it, it finally just had to slip, it's so old.

Seto: You're lying, I'm sure you set it off somehow-

Computer: Computers can't lie, Seto!

Seto: *___* We're screwed. *shakes head* There's no such thing as a haunted house. Willy Wonka must have just crashed down on his own.

Computer: Or else someone's playing a joke on the jokester...

BUM BUM BUM!!!

~scene switch to the basement, with Yugi, Fiona, and Tea still walking through the stone corridors~

Yugi: Dis place ain't that bad, after you get past da bodies an' falling blocks.

Tea: Can we get him to stop talking like that?!

Fiona: I kind of like it, but then I either go for black guys or guys with weird colored hair. He's both right now.

Tea: Um, Bakura's psychotic.

Fiona: *drool* Never mind, I'll take him.

Yugi: Whatcha talkin' bout, girls, I always talk dis way!

Tea: You do not!

Yugi: *shrugs* Them's your bananas.

Tea and Fiona: *pulling their hair out*

Seto: *suddenly appears around the corner, covered in white powder* Boo.

Fiona: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH- *falls over, writhing and clawing at her heart* I THINK MY HEART EXPLODED!!!!! I'M GONNA SUE THE ASS OFF OF OLD MAN KAIBA!!!

Seto: *stares at her* It's me.

Fiona: *sits up, gasps* YOU'RE DEAD!!! THEY KILLED SETO!!! *long bleep*

Yugi: *sweatdrop* What's wrong wid her, man?

Tea: And why are you all white, Kaiba?

Seto: I walked under the *bleep*ing flour machine. There's bugs in this stuff, too, I swear I feel them crawling around.

Fiona: *screams turn to laughter*

Yugi: Ah, man, yo gots bugs in da underpants!

Seto: *blushes* Shut up!

Tea: *snorts, starts laughing*

Seto: Shut up! I thought we were supposed to be-

Fiona and Yugi: BUGS IN THE/DA UNDERWEAR!!! BUGS IN THE/DA UNDERWEAR!!! BUGS IN THE/DA-

Seto: *bonks them over the heads* Where's the damned control panel?

Fiona: *gets up* It's- *snorting with supressed laughter* -in here. I think. *leads the way into a darkened room*

Yugi: What is dis stuff, man?

Fiona: Electroshock equipment. Old Man Kaiba got it cheap off a burnt down psychiatric hospital. *points to a large wooden tray big enough for a person to lie down on* It was how they made Electric Zingers, a sort of extra-tangy gumball. They'd fill up the tray with gumballs and then zap the whole thing with thousands of watts of electricity.

Tea: Seems innocent enough-

Fiona: Oh, and Old Man Kaiba got most of his inspiration from tying people to the trays and zapping them, too.

Seto: That's just pointless. What fun could someone possibly get out of watching that?

Fiona: Search me, he was your ancestor. Maybe he liked watching them bounce around and make buzzing sounds.

Everyone else: *sweatdrop*

Fiona: *leads them from that room to another, full of large, upright metal things that look like mini-gas chambers* And this is the saturation room. It was how the Old Man did his recuitment. You see, in order to work at a chocolate factory you have to be able to withstand high levels of unicorns and flowers and crap. So if someone came looking for work, Old Man Kaiba would shove them in there and see if they survive. The walls in those things flash videos and weird sounds and freaky stuff. Would drive a strong man to tears. *looks at Yugi* Eh, you okay?

Yugi: *standing pressed against the wall, staring hard at the saturation chamber across from him* I'm gettin' dis overwhelming fear, man. *blinks* Ya think maybe Yami was in one ah dose things before and I'm feelin 'is fear?

Inside Yugi's head: *Yami and Big Ape playing Go Fish*

Fiona: I'm pretty sure it's Big Ape.

Seto: Just what I like to see at a party: my least favorite guests being freaked out.

Fiona: *grabs Seto by the arm* Come on, I just want to get out of this *bleep*ed up house!

Seto: *as she leads him out of the room* It's not a house, you know...

Tea: *touches Yugi on the shoulder* Are you sure you're alright?

Yugi: *shivers, pulls away from the wall* I'm fine, girl, quit pawin' me. *looks around* Where'd Fiona an' Seto go?

Tea: I, uh... Uh oh. Let's go this way. *leads the way down a random hall* So are you getting any more memories?

*silence*

Tea: *turns* Yugi? *goes back the way she came*

~after wandering the halls for a while Tea finds herself walking along a long, dank corridor lined with solid steel doors. As she walks she keeps hearing groans and cries for help from within the cells, but when she peeks in through the bars on the doors she sees no one. At last, as she nears the end of the corridor she spots Yugi standing at the far end, watching her quietly*

Tea: Thank God, Yugi! You scared me! We have to stay together- Hey, where are you going?!

Yugi: *turns away, walks down the hall and disappears into the room at the end*

Tea: Yugi, come back! *runs into the room and looks around*

~the room is lit only by the flickering lights, but Tea can see the operating tables that line the wall. The smell of blood, sweat, and chemicals turns her stomach, and she turns to look at the far wall. There is an area enclosed by chicken wire, and when she looks closer she notices two people in an Abbot and Costelo slap-fight. As she approaches she realizes that the two people are Yugi and Yami. Her stomach drops down to her toes and she rubs her eyes; what she's seeing can't be real. When she looks back up, the two are gone~

Tea: *approaches the chicken wire area, pushes open the door and walks inside* Yugi? Are you here?

~against the wall is a huge vat with a small stairway leading up to it. As Tea looks up she sees Yami standing at the top, looking down into whatever is in the tank~

Tea: Yami?! What are you doing?!

Yami: *looks up at Tea serenely, then back down at the tank. His face expressionless, he tips forward and plunges into the reddish-brown liquid that fills the tank*

---------------

Okay, this is more strange than freaky. Honestly, if you haven't seen the movie you are going to be so confused right now. Anyway, read and review. Next chapter Tristan dies (maybe really, maybe not really, but either way it'll be sticky...), Mokuba gets pissed at his brother and goes upstairs to sulk, and a bunch of OTHER freaky stuff happens. Stay tuned, 'cause it'll only get dumber!!!