Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh or House on Haunted Hill. *nervous grin* Eheh, I also don't own the Spice Girls, and I'm probably going to be in deep shit for not putting that in the last chapter.
Fiona: Tsk, tsk, you should have listened to my warnings... *turns the corner, holding huge mallet, stops and stares at me*
Me: *encased in concrete up to her chin* You're not going to stare at me for a straight hour again, are you?
Fiona: You did it. You really did it. You killed the small child.
Me: I didn't! I was framed! I, uh, I plead insanity!
Fiona: DAMN RIGHT! *smashing at the concrete with huge mallet* WHEN I GET THROUGH THIS CONCRETE YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN A WORLD OF PAIN, ELF-GIRL!!!
Me: Uh, fic! Now!

House on Haunted Hill
By FekketC

Chapter 4
What The Hell Is Up With Seto

~suddenly the lights begin to flicker and buzz. The three look up, then rush out of the room. They meet Yugi, Tea and Joey in the corridor, and they all look at each other~

Tea: Maybe it's a power surge-

Fiona: HOLY *bleep*!!! The electroshock room!

~everyone looks at each other, then runs down the hall and into the room. Sure enough the equipment is buzzing and crackling, and strapped to the tray is Mokuba~

Mokuba: *screaming through the gag, writhing and looking around desperately*

Seto: TURN THOSE MACHINES OFF!!! *starts to reach for the straps binding the frightened Mokuba to the table*

Yugi: Don't touch him! You'll become a part of the current and get electrocuted, too! *starts pulling random levers* Someone find the main power source!!!

Fiona: It's over here- Or is it over here? No, maybe it's there-

Tea: HOLD ON, MOKUBA!!! *also pulling random levers*

Joey: *rips panel from the wall, spots huge lever and pulls it*

~the machines power down into silence. Mokuba twitches a final time, then lies still on the tray~

Seto: Mokuba, say something! *undoing the straps and gag* Mokuba!

Tea: *gets a little closer, puts her hand over Mokuba's heart and feels for a heartbeat* Seto, I think... Oh no...

Yugi: Oh, man, it can't be...

Joey: *grabs Mokuba's limp arm* I ain't feeling a pulse...

Bakura: He can't be dead! Why would the ghosts kill a child?!

Seto: *quietly* Just what I was thinking. *suddenly whirls around, pointing his gun at the others*

Fiona: *bleep*!!!

Yugi: Seto! Put the gun away!

Seto: Shut up, Yugi. I'll only shoot the one that did this.

Tea: We didn't do it, Seto!

Seto: Oh really? Three things. One, he certainly couldn't have killed himself this way. How would he have strapped himself to the table? Two, I certainly wouldn't have done it. So that only leaves number three: one of you did it. Confess and I'll only shoot you and not the others.

Fiona: *slowly steps forward* Seto, you know I couldn't have done it, I'm not smart enough-

Seto: MAYBE YOU'VE BEEN FAKING YOUR IDIOCY!!!

Fiona: Seto, you know I'm too dumb to fake anything-

Yugi: *leaps in front of her, his hands in the air* Seto, put the gun down right now before someone gets hurt!

Seto: HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN IT, YUGI?! YOU THINK GHOSTS DID THIS?! AND SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THE CREEPY GUY IS!!! THE ONE WITH THE MUSTACHE!!!

Fiona: Oh, *bleep*, it's Old Man Kaiba.

Seto: WHY WOULD HE KILL HIS OWN GREAT-GRANDSON?!

Fiona: SEARCH ME!!! YOU KNOW HE GETS HIS KICKS OUT OF KILLING PEOPLE, MAYBE HE'S JUST DOING IT RANDOMLY OR SOMETHING!!!

Seto: I know one of you hired that guy. I want to know who he is, and I want to know how you dropped the Willy Wonka device.

Yugi: None of us did! Put the gun down!

Seto: I'LL SHOOT EVERY ONE OF YOU IF WHOEVER DID IT DOESN'T ADMIT IT!

Bakura: Yugi, be careful-

Yugi: PUT THE GUN DOWN NOW!!!

Seto: *aims at Yugi and fires*

Yugi: *leaps to the side, then tackles Seto and starts wrestling him for the gun*

Bakura, Fiona, Joey and Tea: *hide as shots are fired randomly, until finally the gun is empty and Seto is lying on the floor, unconscious with his head bleeding*

Tea: *slowly steps out* Y-Yugi?

Yami: *slowly stands up* I had to hit him pretty hard, but I think he'll be fine. We can't really blame him; he's just lost his only family.

Joey: Oh, man, this is messed up. What are we gonna do, guys? *suddenly looks around* I mean, no one did it, right?

Fiona: DON'T LOOK AT ME!!! I still plead stupidity.

Bakura: Do you think Seto will still be angry when he wakes up?

Yami: We'll shut him in one of the saturation chambers, just in case. Joey and I will take him there and shut him in. Bakura, do you think you could do something about Mokuba?

Bakura: *puts Mokuba's hands in an X over his chest like in The Mummy* Will that do?

Yami: That's fine. *he and Joey drag Seto's unconscious body out of the room*

Tea: I just can't beleive this. This is horrible...

Bakura: If it's any consolation, all Egyptians go to a heaven with flowers and bloodless candy and prancing happy mummies.

Tea: *sniff* Really?

Yami Bakura: *takes of Bakura* No, actually it's a place called Duat with flaming lakes and snakes and eternal damnation.

Tea: *looks at him blankly, turns and follows Yami and Joey*

Yami Bakura: *looks back at Mokuba, thinks for a moment* Eh, he'll be fine.

Fiona: *blink* So you're the evil Bakura. I don't think I like you. Go back to the other one.

Yami Bakura: *bleep* you. *walks out of the room*

Fiona: *blank look, sighs, follows him out*

~scene switch to the saturation room~

Seto: *comes to just as Yami closes and seals the door of the saturation chamber* *pounds on the door* YUGI, LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

Yami: Maybe I should stay and keep an eye on everyone-

Fiona: *clinging to Yami, points at Yami Bakura* He's being mean to me, and you're a pharoah guy, so tell him to stop!

Yami: *turns back into Yugi* Bakura, could you please stop picking on Fiona?

Yami Bakura: No.

Fiona: *sigh* I could've gotten Tea to do that!

Joey: I'll stay here and keep an eye on Seto until he calms down.

Yugi: Alright. We'll go upstairs and find some blueprints of the house, to see if we can find the third way to deactivate the Willy Wonka device.

Fiona: *as she, Yugi, Yami Bakura and Tea head up the stairs* You realize it's not a house...

Joey: *turns, peers inside the tiny window in the door of the saturation chamber* How you doin' in there, rich boy?

Seto: *pounding on the door, yelling muffled *bleep*s*

Joey: *points to his ear* Sorry, what was that? Can't hear ya! *looks down at control panel* What, is it cold in there? I'll turn on the heat! *turns knob to the first out of ten settings* That better?

Seto: *still yelling and cursing*

Joey: *turns the knob to the fifth setting* How's that?

Seto: *pounding on the door*

Joey: *turns the knob all the way up* Well, I hope that's good enough. I'm gonna split. You chill for a while and then I'll come back and let you out! *walks away*

~scene switch to inside the chamber, where Seto is standing at the center of a tiny, round, brightly lit room as the walls begin to shift. He quits pounding on the door and stands in the center of the room~

Seto: It's alright, Seto, just stay calm. There's nothing in here that can hurt you. It's just an insane torture device turned to full power by a stupid blond twit. *bows his head* Mokuba... I never should have brought you here, and now you're-

Voice That Sounds Suspicously Like Mokuba's: Seto...

Seto: *whirls around* Who are you, and why do you sound suspiciously like Mokuba?

~the shifting walls begin to flash a rainbow of colors as Seto feels an oncoming wave of nausea~

Seto: Getting dizzy- *blacks out*

Seto: *wakes slowly, looking up into the faces of a crew of doctors wearing surgical masks and caps*

The shortest one (the one that sounds like Mokuba): Seto, it's time for your operation...

Seto: No, stop, you can't-

Tallest (with a British accent and shock of white hair sticking out from under her surgical cap): But we've already taken some. *points to row of stone canopic urns* All that's left is the lungs.

Seto: No, wait, you can't embalm me, I'm still alive!

Shortest: No you're not, Seto, you're dreaming. Now go back to sleep...

Seto: Let me go! Let me go! *rips the mask off the nearest doctor*

Creepy mustache guy: What's wrong, boy? Can't take a little social studies lesson? We're learning about ancient Egypt! Now lie back down! *pushes Seto back onto the table, raises a scalpel above his head*

Seto: NOOOOOOOOOOOO- *everything goes black*

Seto: *wakes up, gets up and looks around the small, plain white room* Why am I wearing a straight jacket? *knocked out cold as a cartoon boxing glove shoots out of the wall and connects with his head*

Seto: *wakes up, looks around* Okay, straight jacket's gone, walls gone, room filled with water. What's wrong with this pic- blub! Blub blub blub!!! Blub *bleep* blub blub!!! *swims for the surface, but his path is blocked by a boy in a ballroom gown and a walrus with tiny wings* Blub?!

Boy: *grins, points candy-striped bazooka at Seto and pulls the trigger*

~scene switch to the operating room, where's Mokuba's body has been laid across one of the operating tables. Joey steps out of the stone corridor and walks up to the body~

Joey: Hey, Mokuba, it's okay, you can get up now.

Mokuba: *still dead* X____X

Joey: *smacks forehead* D'oh! *pulls mallet from thin air, knocks Mokuba over the head with it*

Mokuba: *sits up* *bleep*!!! Did you have to hit me so hard?!

Joey: It was the only way to counteract the effects of that stuff I gave you.

Mokuba: So did it work?! Was he scared?

Joey: Kid, it was priceless. He was ready to start bawling, but instead he started shooting at everybody! Yami had to beat him up, and then he was doing the whole "he lost his only family so we should feel sorry for him" thing. You'd think he would have recognized a dead guy.

Mokuba: *bleep*ing cool! Wish I could've seen it. *pumps fists in the air* This is the best prank ever! All we needed was a little miracle potion to make me look dead, and Seto and Yugi and everyone else fell for it! Even the pharaoh! What a bunch of dweebs!

Joey: We've got your bro locked in one of the saturation chambers. Wanna go let him out?

Mokuba: Sure!

~suddenly, from out of nowhere a boy and a winged walrus appear!~

Joey: What the hell?! Who are you?

Boy: Walter P. Walrus, at your service! Gimme a geranium! *tosses seed at Mokuba's head*

Mokuba: *screeches as the seed starts to grow into a plant in his hair*

Walter: And now we're going to play an even bigger prank on the others!

Joey: No way, you serious? What's the plan?

Mokuba: *plucks flower out of his hair and tosses it aside* Yeah, tell us!

Walter: Well, this may sound a little crazy, but SO AM I!!!! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Joey and Mokuba: *blank looks*

Walter: Ahem. *holds up cartoon boxing glove*

Glove: *exteeeeeeeends, knocks Joey's head off*

Mokuba and Joey: *one long bleep*

~scene switch to Seto's office upstairs, where Yugi, Tea, Bakura and Fiona are sorting through the drawers~

Bakura: Fiona, you knew that Seto had a secret room here and was watching us?

Fiona: Yeah; I just didn't think it was that important.

Tea: If I find out he had one in the bathroom...

Fiona: *blink* You mean you used the bathroom here? WHAT ARE YOU, A FREAKING IDIOT?!

Yugi: Here are some old plans for the conveyor belt room, but I haven't found plans for any other parts of the house.

Tea: You realize it's not a house...

Fiona: HEY, THAT'S MY LINE!!! I don't remember ever seeing blueprints for the top part of the... factory. They've got to be around here somewhere; I mean, they couldn't have just made it up as they built it.

Yugi: *pulls wad of spiderwebs out of drawer* So many spiders in here, jeesh, didn't you or Seto ever clean this place?!

Fiona: *blink* Spiders? WHERE?!

Bakura: *looking around at surveillance camera screens* I can't beleive Seto was watching us all that time. He must have been planning all kinds of pranks.

Tea: Hey, look what I found! *holds up framed photo collage* It's all the people who worked in the factory the year before it burnt down!

Fiona: Yeah, I saw that a while back. I even put crosses under the people who survived the fire.

Yugi: You mean someone survived?

Fiona: Just five of Kaiba's best workers. *points* See? There's Old Man Kaiba. He found a way out, but then a month later he was walking by the burnt down factory when witnesses say some ghostly children ran out, dragged him in, and hung him from one of the rafters.

Bakura: I'd say the old man got what he deserved.

Fiona: And here's Madam Jen, his secretary. See, the one with white hair? Hey, she looks like you, Bakura.

Bakura: *scared look* You mean great-grandma Jenevieve?! She worked here?!

Fiona: Yep. See, another thing we have in common: Our grandparents worked here.

Yugi: Hey, that guy looks sort of like my grandpa! Maybe he's his father.

Fiona: *squints at the collage* That's Old Man Moto. He was in charge of the chocolate slicing machines. And here's Tristan's ancestor, I guess; he was warden in the cells down there. And Old Man Kaiba's younger brother... Freaky, he was also named Mokuba. He was in charge of the electroshock machines. Is anyone seeing a pattern?

Tea: *jumping up and down* Ooh, ooh, who was my ancestor?!

Fiona: *checks the collage* Evil Worm Lady. See? She's the one that looks like a witch. She was the cleaning lady and cook. She used radioactive water to wash the dishes, then made the prisoners drink the water.

Tea: *eyes go wide and stay there*

Yugi: She could stay like that a while. What I don't get is, why'd we all get invited here?

Fiona: Because this house hates us and wants revenge!

Yugi: I thought it was because Seto invited us.

Fiona: *_* Er, that too. But mostly the house. Hey, wait, no one on the collage could be Joey's ancestor-

Yugi: You realize that it's not a house-

Bakura: *still watching the surveillance monitors* AHHHH!!!!

Everyone else: *rushes to his side* What?! What is it?!

Fiona: Did you see the creepy mustache guy?

Tea: Did you see a way out?

Yugi: Did you see- Um... Never mind, they took all the good ones.

Bakura: *shakes his head* I saw Seto.

Yugi: But he's still in the saturation chamber!

Bakura: Not anymore, he's not...

Tea: You're just seeing things. It's been a while, we'd better go let him out, anyway. Come on, guys, I'm not going down there alone!

Fiona: *smiles* There, you're learning.

~scene switch to the basement, just as Fiona, Yugi, Bakura and Tea reach the bottom of the stone steps and head for the saturation room~

Fiona: *as they enter the saturation room* Oh, *bleep*!!! It's Joey!

Yugi: *as everyone runs up to the saturation chamber that previously held Seto* *peers in the tiny window and sees Joey's face pressed against the glass* Joey? Are you alright?

Joey: *muffled cursing*

Tea: *unlocks the door and lets it swing open* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Joey: *body falls out, and then his head rolls out after it*

-----------

O___O Okay, this has gotten strange even for my taste... Um, read and review! Next chapter everyone's mad at Seto, Mokuba gets his ass fried (literally), and we have another music montage! (Yes, I know I promised it in this chapter, but give me a break, this chapter was already way too long!!!) Anyway... *lays the rescue of Mokuba Kaiba on a stone altar* Great and Powerful One who weilds the Holy Mallet of Pain, I have allowed Mokuba Kaiba to live another chapter!
Fiona: *appears on top of the altar with a mean look in her eye* AND IN THE PROCESS YOU BEHEADED JOEY AND DRAGGED YOUR INSANE LITTLE BROTHER INTO THIS!
Me: Eheh, please don't chew my ass out on that one, I'll live to regret it soon enough...
Fiona: Keh, true enough. *turns to readers* Review! Only if some freak is enjoying this shall I spare the life of the elf-girl!
Me: *waving from behind her* HELP ME!!! *helicopter comes, drops bag of sandwiches, leaves* YAY, THEY HEARD THE S.O.S. I SENT!!! *starts devouring sandwiches*
Fiona: *sigh*