Me: *looks around* Okay, I've covered the walls in Tristan's blood, made fun of Tea, killed Mokuba and brought him back to life, beheaded Joey, and eaten all the emergency sandwiches. So where's Fiona? I keep getting this feeling like she's sneaking up on me, weilding a sharp object-
Fiona: *dressed in black robes* PREPARE TO MEET THY DOOM!!!
Me: *blink* 'Thy'?
Fiona: *annoyed sigh, lowers scythe and takes off hood of robe* It means 'your'.
Me: Oh. Prepare to meet your doom. *gasp, hugs Fiona* Are you sick, Fiona? Oh, no, I won't let you meet thy doom alone!
Fiona: *sigh*
House on Haunted Hill
By FekketC
Chapter 5
It's Good To Be Decapitated Again
Tea: *unlocks the door and lets it swing open* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Joey: *body falls out, and then his head rolls out after it* *bleep*!!! That stupid *bleep*ing *bleep* knocked my *bleep*ing head off!!
Yugi: *looks like he's going to faint and throw up at the same time* J-Joey?!
Joey: *long bleep*
Bakura: We have to find Seto! He must have done this, there's no one else in the house!
Joey: It was that *bleep*ing *bleep* *bleep*ing kid!
Tea: I'll search by the body tanks, Yugi'll search the dungeon, and Bakura and Fiona will search the electroshock and surgical rooms.
Fiona: *smile, inches closer to Bakura who blushes*
~everyone splits up~
Joey: Hey, isn't any-*bleep*ing-one going to *bleep* listen to me?!
~silence~
Joey: Aw *bleep*.
~scene switch to Tea running down the corridor leading to the body tanks~
Tea: Seto?! Where are you?! Come out and we won't hurt you! We just want to talk!
~just as she reaches the body tanks she stops~
Tea: Is that a voice?
Faint voice: Tea... Tea, help, I'm stuck...
Tea: *starts to walk forward* Tristan? Is that you?
Voice: Help, Tea... I'm scared, and I can't move...
Tea: It's alright, Tristan, just keep talking and I'll find you!
Voice: Tea, I... I can't even breathe...
Tea: Tristan!
~suddenly she jumps and screams as Seto steps out from behind one of the tanks, gasping and clutching his chest with both arms~
Seto: Tea, I... That saturation chamber did something, I can't think straight...
Tea: *steps back, pulls out her gun and points it at him* D-Don't come any closer! I thought you were Tristan!
Seto: Please, you have to help... It's Mokuba!
Tea: He's dead. And... And you killed him! And Tristan, too!
Seto: I didn't! You have to... have to help me! Trust me!
Tea: No. I'm sorry, Seto. I can't. *shoots Seto over and over until her gun is empty and Seto's body is lying against the wall covered in blood*
Yugi, Bakura and Fiona: *run up* Tea!
Yugi: Hey, Tea, it's alright. *takes the empty gun from her, sets it aside* It's alright, Tea, it's alright.
Fiona: Oh, man, I guess she found Seto.
Tea: *bursts into tears*
Yugi: It's alright, it's fine, we're here.
Bakura: What do we do, know? We're down to four people out of eight.
Fiona: *happy sigh* At least there aren't three. When there are three, the real bad stuff happens.
Bakura: How do you mean?
Fiona: Phht, don't you ever watch thriller movies? In the last scene there's only three people left; the guy, his girlfreind and his best friend. Then, his best freind dies heroically, and the other two get out safely, only to die in the very last scene. *looks around, face turns slightly blue* That means, if anyone dies next, it's me!
Bakura: *blink* What?
Fiona: Yugi is the main character, Tea is his girlfriend, and you're his... Well, hold on, Joey was his best freind, but he's dead. *blink* Okay, wait a sec, the cliche is screwed up. Mokuba was supposed to live because he's the child of the main character, while Tristan was supposed to turn out to be the murderer because he has the weirdest hair, and Seto was supposed to be the old guy babbling about a government comspiracy!
Everyone: *stares at Fiona*
Fiona: *sweatdrop* Can we leave now?
Everyone: *nods, heads up the stone steps, leaving Seto's body lying against the wall*
~as they disappear from the room, footsteps approach. From the vantage point of the floor we can see a pair of sneakers walk across the room to the body of Seto, where the person kneels and we can see that it's Mokuba~
Mokuba: *crying* Bro, I didn't want him to do it, I... I didn't want him to hurt Joey and the others, it was all just a prank! I'm sorry, Seto! I'm so... I'm so sorry... *buries his face in Seto's bloody chest*
Seto: *reaches up a hand and strokes Mokuba's hair* You tied yourself to the electric tray?
Mokuba: No, Joey did. *blink, gasps* Set-
Seto: *stands up, holding Mokuba by the collar* You thought you could play a prank on me?! You thought you could almost get all of us killed?!
Mokuba: But, how did you- You're dead!
Seto: *rips open shirt to reveal bullet-proof jacket* I'm Seto-freaking-Kaiba! I only get tricked once, and then I never almost get killed again! People say I became paranoid after that whole Pegasus thing but I knew there was someone out to get me! You thought you could fool me? Every time you've phoned Joey Wheeler over the past month in preparation for this little game, I've known about it! *slams Mokuba against the wall* What did you have to gain from this?
Mokuba: I just wanted to scare you, that's all! I- Ow, Seto, you're hurting me!
Seto: *dragging Mokuba across the room by his hair* You're going to tell me what you did to Joey, and who that guy with the mustache and the creepy little kid with the walrus are!
Mokuba: I don't know anything about them! Seto, let me go- *wrenches himself away from Seto, slams into the brick wall which collapses behind him*
Seto: Get out of there now! *peers into the walled-off room full of dust and black ivy* Come on, there's probably rats in there!
Mokuba: *crawling backwards away from his brother* Not until you promise you're not mad anymore!
Seto: Mokuba, get out of there now!
Mokuba: Promise you'll stop yelling-
Seto: MOKUBA, BEHIND YOU!!!
Mokuba: *screams as an ethereal darkness reaches out of the wall and wraps around him*
Seto: MOKUBA!!!
Ethereal Darkness: Trapped for so loooooooong... *wraps Mokuba completely in darkness and retreats for a moment*
Seto: LET HIM GO!!!
Ethereal Darkness: Here you go. *suddenly the darkness recoils, tossing something at Seto. It lands on the stone floor at his feet: a boy-size skeleton* He tasted good. I wonder what you taste like.
Seto: *backing away* You... You... *backs into metal cabinet, which swings open* *turns, gasps*
Tristan: *his head is hanging from one peg inside the cabinet, while various other body parts are hung on random other pegs* Aw, man, Seto, they scrapped me!
Joey: *head rolls up, bonks into the cabinet, dislodging Tristan's head* Hey, bud, you got your head lopped off by the creepy kid with the glove, too?
Tristan: Yeah. Man, this sucks, I can barely see from down here. *looks at ethereal darkness* Uh, oh. That isn't a good thing, is it?
Seto: RUN!!! *runs towards the stone steps leading up*
Joey: Um, HELLO! No legs!
Tristan: How could he be so insensitive?!
Seto: ROLL!!!
Joey and Tristan: Well why didn't you say so? *the two heads roll up the steps after Seto*
~scene switch to Fiona, Bakura, Yugi and Tea dressed in ork armor, using the battering ram on one of the lower windows in the main hall~
Fiona: Ready, CHARGE!!!
Yugi: * as they all start running for the door* Um, why are we wearing Lord of the Rings costumes?
Fiona: *blinks, stops, everyone else and the battering ram go sailing past her* Because I just saw the Two Towers and it was SUPER MONDO COOL!!! I mean, if all elves were as cool as Legolas I don't really think I'd beat up on Fekket that much.
Everyone else: *slams face-first into the door and fall everywhere*
Bakura: I think I landed on my keys...
Yugi: You don't even have keys.
Yami Bakura: *takes over, grins and holds up the keys* I swallowed the soul of the limosine driver and swiped the keys.
Fiona: Can't you even be driven to a party without causing some evil?
Yami Bakura: *thinks for a moment* No.
Fiona: DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE?!
Yami Bakura: I can learn.
Tea: *gets up, takes off ork helmet* And what does LOTR have to do with anything, Fiona?
Fiona: *suddenly draws sword* Uh oh, the character about to die always does something stupid/confusing.
Legolas: *runs around the corner and sees Fiona* Gah, an ork! *points bow and arrow at her*
Fiona: GAH, NO, I'M HUMAN!!! *rips off helmet and dangles it in front of Legolas' face*
Lagolas: Are you sure...
~suddenly there is a pounding and shouting on the closed and locked door that leads to the basement~
Tea: That sounds like Tristan! I'm hearing things again!
Yugi: I'm hearing Joey!
Bakura: Is that Seto's voice?!
Yami Bakura: Who cares?
Bakura: Shut up for a minute, okay?
Yami Bakura: I'm going back to Harvest Moon.
Legolas: *points arrow at the door* That might be the orks!
Tea: Jees, is he high strung...
Fiona: *turns, slowly walks towards the door* It can't be... *reaches out for the doorknob*
~scene switch to the other side of the door~
Seto: Just keep pounding and shouting and they'll hear us! HELP!!! IT'S AFTER US!!!
Joey: *rolling backwards then forwards and banging his forehead against the door* I'm getting dizzy...
Darkness: I'm coming for you... *floating up the stairs*
Tristan: IT'S COMING FOR US!!! YAAAAAAAA, I DON'T WANT TO BE MUTILATED!!!! AGAIN!!!
Fiona: *opens the door*
Seto: *blinks, ducks*
Darkness: *sails over Seto's head, wraps around Fiona and Legolas and pulls them down the stairs*
Fiona: I HATE HORROR MOVIES!!!!!!!
Legolas: YOU HATE WHAT?!?!? *they both disappear*
Seto: *rushes out, followed by Joey's and Tristan's heads, slams the door shut and bolts it*
Tea: YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?! AGAIN?!
Bakura: *freezes* It's coming.
Yugi: What?
Bakura: I don't know, I'm the evil one, I'm supposed to be able to sense evil!
Yugi: You're not evil, Yami Bakura is!
Yami Bakura: *takes over, looks down at Yugi* Are you happy now?
Yugi: *sweatdrop* Actually, we really didn't need you at the moment.
Yami Bakura: I could drive you to safety!
Yugi: THE CAR IS OUTSIDE AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!!!
Yami Bakura: Picky, picky. *turns to the door* Hmph, I'm not going to stand idly by while my vessel is destroyed and the Millenium Ring is lost in that basement. *takes out dueling deck* Are you with me, pharaoh?
Yami: *takes over* Well, losing my vessel does seem like a bad thing, and anyway I'm supposed to protect Tea and all... Hey, where'd she and Seto go?
Seto and Tea: RUN AWAAAAAAAY!!!! *running down the corridor away from the locked door that is being smashed from the other side*
Joey: Hey, man, don't worry, I've already been decapitated by that evil freakazoid, I have nothing to lose! I'm gonna stay behind and help you and Mr. Creepy!
Yami Bakura: *blinks, steps on Joey's head*
Tristan: Yeah, we may be physically handicapped, but we can still rock! *blinks* Oh, wait, I left my deck in my other leg. Damnit!
Joey: *shakes head, deck falls out of his hair* I knew that was a safe place to hide it! *grabs card with tongue, stops* Doh, bait, I ban't booze bards ba way Boogi ab Bakuga cag. Ab *bleep*. *spits out card* And how do I get the cards back in my hair?
Yami: *puts cards back in his hair for him*
Yami Bakura: Get ready, that door's about to collapse.
Yami: Joey, Tristan, you'd better get going after Tea and Seto- Guys?
Tristan and Joey: ROLL AWAAAAAAAAAY!!!! *rolling down the corridor away from the door that... whoops, it just collapsed!*
Darkness: Ah, two more for me to swallow!
Yami Bakura: Let's make this a battle to go down in fanfiction history!
Yami: DARK MAGICIAN, DARK MAGIC ATTACK!
--------------------------
^^ Okay, now OUT goes the strangeness and IN
comes the fan pleasing! ^^ And thanks to the nice Darkness... *pats darkness
on the head* I no longer have to worry about Fiona beating the snot out of me.
Darkness: *spits up Fiona's arm bones, which promptly floats through the air
to my head and starts beating the snot out of me*
Me: GACK!!! *running around trying to get away from it* Next chapter is the
dramatic finale, so review and prepare for the greatest (translation: dumbest
and shortest) battle in Yu Gi Oh! fanfiction history! Until then, I'll try and
stay alive!
