Heheheh yea you know I am going to have oh so much fun with this one.
~~~
You never really know your friends unless you have witnessed them get into at least three catfights0. This was only Cherice and Melissa's second. The first one was pretty frightening, and Cherice wasn't even close to being as mad as she was right then. Basically, I was scared out of my mind.
"How DARE YOU INSULT MY LEGOLAS!" Cherice screamed. Her voice became like that of the devil's, low and really scary.
Melissa, in retaliation, grew about five times her normal size. "BACK OFF BOWL OF RICE!"
Both Jack and Legolas hunched up and cowered behind me.
"DON'T!!!CALL!!!ME!!!RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!" Cherice screamed raising her hands to the heavens. Almost immediately the sky darkened and lightning flashed.
It was my turn to cower. I quickly turned around and hid behind Jack. Latching on to his coat I peeked my head over his shoulder to get a good look at what they were doing. Ever so slowly they were circling each other.
"This is not normal behavior." Legolas said backing up.
"Mate, you got that right." Jack replied following suit.
"You guys just better be quiet before they involve you in this." I said in Jack's ear.
He jumped and turned his head. "Good lord Pet, I forgot you were there!"
"SHHHHH!"
Cherice wiggled her fingers and yelled "SPIRIT FINGERS!" Lightning erupted from her fingers frying the sails above her.
"Good lord." Jack mumbled.
"AWAAAAAAAAY!" she pointed her fingers again this time at Melissa, and well for lack of a better word, fired lightning from her fingers at her.
"YOU CAN'T GET ME!" Melissa laughed jumping up and dodging the lightning. Now when I say jumping up I don't mean jumping three inches into the air like normal people. No, I mean jumping UP like say three STORIES in to the air. "GASEOUS WINDS OF FURY!" Melissa screamed as a powerful wind started blowing the remainder of the sails around.
Fortunately I recognized this attack. "Plug your noses!" I yelled pinching my nose to my face.
"WHAT?!?" Legolas yelled, trying to be heard above the roar of the wind, that I knew soon would smell so bad, it could kill.
"PLUG NOSE NOW!" I yelled back, pinching his nose.
Jack threw his hands up to his face and covered his nose. "NO!" I yelled. "YOU AB TO PIINT IT!!!!" Jack immediately used one hand and pinched it. With one pinky in the air which, now that I think of it, was actually kinda funny considering you know….how he is. Aww come on man, he looked feminine! And Jack is anything but.
Anyway, back to the fight.
I knew by the fact that since this had happened before and Melissa had previously used this attack, that if you didn't plug your nose, either you would be in a lot of pain. Or to put it simply, you would die.
Yes my friends DIE. They don't call it Gaseous Winds of Fury for nothing folks.
Jack, Legolas and I all flew onto our backs as a great gust of wind spurted out of nowhere. We were a mess of arms and legs, trying desperately to keep our noses pinched. We all sat up just in time to see Cherice get knocked over flat on her back.
She appeared to be knocked out, and I feared the worst for her.
But alas seconds later she sprung back up, madder if possible than before. She threw aside the swimmers nose plug that had magically appeared on her nose, and yelled, "TIME TO KICK ASS!!!"
Now this was a new attack to me, so when boots and shoes of all kinds started raining down from the sky, I was a bit surprised. I latched myself on to Jack, and Legolas did the same to me.
We all sat there holding on to each other for dear life, fearing that one of the shoes might come in contact with our heads.
I looked up at Melissa who appeared to be having problems of her own. Every shoe or boot that had rained down was coming in contact with her ass.
She was literally getting booted in the ass.
Melissa gained her composure long enough to scream, "RECEDING HAIRLINE MAAAAAAN!"
The boots ceased to fall, in fact they all fell to the ground. They stopped kicking her ass too.
I cringed. I had heard of this attack only in stories, and usually they didn't end with "And they all lived happily ever after."
"What is happening now?" Legolas asked me, not loosening his grip around my shoulders.
"Just duck down, and pray to every god you know of that this will be over soon." I replied.
"Are we gonna die?" Jack said sounding worried. His grip around my waist tightened ever so slightly.
"We might." I replied in a hushed whisper.
We all lowered our heads and hugged each other as the strangest sound I had ever heard erupted all around us.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!"
I dared a glance up as the sky turned purple and the sun went blue, gray, and black ty dy.
Cherice grimaced a little, but held her ground. All of a sudden though, she looked to be picked up by the hair and dragged around the deck.
Jack looked up as Cherice started screaming.
"NO YOU FOOL!" I cried pushing his head back down. "Keep down!!!" Jack quickly ducked his head back into the crook of my arm.
With a thud, Cherice was thrown to the deck. She didn't move for a moment. From where I was, nothing appeared to be wrong.
But then….
She sat up…
AND SHE WAS COMPLETELY BALD!
I KID you not!!!
Melissa smirked as she shrunk back down to her normal size. Slowly Cherice brought her hand up to her head and screamed.
"UNCLE!" she cried finally.
"fwoooooooooo," I breathed as a sigh of relief.
"Love! Is it over?!" Jack asked from his hiding place in my arm.
"Yes I believe it is." I replied looking up as Melissa advanced towards Cherice.
"Did you say 'Uncle'?" She asked looking down at her.
Cherice slowly nodded her head. "OK!" Melissa said brightly. Everything, including Cherice's hair immediately went back to normal.
Melissa stuck out her hand and helped Cherice get up. "Well," she said, "That was a pretty good one. Now, what are the terms?"
For all of you who aren't familiar with our version of catfights, generally when one yells Uncle that means they are ready to agree to terms. And terms is something that each person has to do, for instance once Melissa had to wash Cherice's sheets for three weeks, while Cherice had to agree to never making Melissa eat street salt again. Just something to say "I am sorry for trying to kill you just a second ago" with.
"Never make fun of Legolas again." Cherice said as they started walking towards us arm in arm.
"Alright, then you have to buy me a new CD player." Melissa replied.
"Agreed." Cherice said sticking out her hand for a handshake.
Well, by this time they had gotten about three feet away from us, and Jack, Legolas and myself all jumped up to meet them.
"Ok Legolassy, I am done." Cherice cooed unlatching herself from Melissa and reattaching herself to Legolas.
Legolas cringed a little, then relaxed when Cherice whispered something into his ear.
"Alright now everyone!" Jack yelled still holding on to my waist. "Let's just all thank god that is over! CELEBRATION TIME!" he screamed as he leaned down and kissed me.
Yea
Kissed me. Right there! [points to mouth] I thought I was going to puke.
"AHHHH!" I screamed pushing my self out of his arms. "BAD MONKEY! BAD! BAD!"
"What?" he replied looking all innocent, like he didn't do anything wrong.
I swear if things kept going like that, I was going to kill him.
~~~
alright well hope that was fantastically entertaining for you all! By the way, if Jack just happened to kiss ME right there [points to mouth] I would not think I was going to puke. This is being said just so I don't start getting flaming reviews like "O MY GOD! HOW CULD U NOT LEIK JACK! U R SUCHA BICH AND UR STORIE SUX!" I think some of you know what I am talking about. Heheh, god life is weird….
