I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters or any great American Novels. There was this point in my fic, "No Mutant is an Island" where John Proudstar has a unique interpretation of the novel The Great Gatsby. Well then Raventwelve gave me an idea and I decided to run with it. Thanks Raventwelve! See I do take requests every now and then.
Xavier: Of course we try to discourage her for obvious reasons. We'd better get the lawyers…
Any opinions about Literature are not mine. Blame my deranged imagination colliding with my degree in English. You have been warned.
Great Literature According To Thunderbird
Chapter One: Catcher in the Riot:
"Well here we are in class again," John sighed as he slumped down behind his desk. "Anybody wanna discuss any stupid book or should we all go to sleep and pretend we actually did something?"
"Sleep is good," Tabitha said.
"But this is English class," Kurt said. "We should be discussing literature."
"Fine have a discussion with yourself," Ray said putting his head on the desk. "Let the rest of us sleep."
"But Mr. Proudstar…" Kurt pleaded.
"All right, all right already," John groaned. "We'll talk about any book you want. Geeze what's the matter with kids today? So what book has got you all fired up enough to disrupt our naps here kid?"
"Well I was reading the Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger…" Kurt began.
"Oh that book!" John groaned. "A book not to lose sleep over!"
"But it's a really good book!" Kurt said as he held the book up.
"If your definition of good is wasting a few hours of your day while reading it then yes it is," John grumbled.
"I would have thought you'd like this book," Amara asked. "I mean it does have a lot of swears in it."
"I admit that's a good start but this thing just goes on and on and on," John groaned.
"But it's an all about existentialism," Kurt said.
"What does that mean?" Bobby asked.
"It means the writer just wrote down a lot of stuff that popped into his head to fill up chapters," John told him. "Which is a good way to fill up pages."
"No," Kurt shook his head. "It deals with a person against himself, others and the world."
"Geeze this guy sounds like he'll fight with just about anyone," Ray remarked.
"He and Magneto would get along like a house on fire," Rogue said.
"Okay I remember this book now," John said. "And I gotta admit when I first started it I thought it had a lot of promise. It's about this snotty little prep school reject named Holden Caulfield who gets kicked out of school in the first chapter. He doesn't even care because he can't stand dealing with a bunch of hypocritical phonies who look down on him all the time."
"I know exactly how he feels," Jesse groaned.
"But then he goes on and on babbling about anything and everything that goes on into his head," John groaned. "I mean the kid over analyzes everything. For example, he's got a choice when he's first kicked out: Either stay in school an extra three days or get the hell out of there. He actually debates this! Like it's a tough decision? Okay pop quiz, how many of you would get out of a dump like that the second you get expelled?"
All the students held up their hands. "I rest my case," John nodded and folded his arms. "But this nitwit goes on and on. Make up your freaking mind already! It's a no brainer! Why does he keep going on and on and babble…?"
"Well that's the style," Kurt said. "It's called stream of consciousness."
"More like stream of unconsciousness," John snorted. "Which is what you end up after reading this book."
"But it deals with a boy's emotional and mental state as he grows up," Kurt said.
"More like the mental state of an emotional brat who needs to grow up," John said. "Listen, in this book the kid constantly whines and complains about how everybody's a phony. Nobody really means what they say and everything. And what does he do? He goes around New York for three days lying his head off to everybody! He's a hypocrite who complains about hypocrites which is the worst kind of hypocrite!"
"Tell it like it is!" Ray cheered.
"Exactly," John nodded. "Take the scene where he's in the museum and he sees those figures of Native Americans. Then he complains how they never really change. Hello! It's a friggin' exhibit! It's not supposed to change! Duh!"
"Well maybe it was written to show how people were trapped in the old ways?" Kurt thought aloud.
"Well maybe some people like to hold on to some of the old ways," John continued. "Did you ever think of that? Change is not always good!"
"That's true in our case," Rogue groaned.
"Yeah the more things change the worse they get!" Bobby said.
"Exactly!" John snapped. "I don't know why people wanna ban this book because of its dialogue! It's as boring as hell! In fact there's only one way I know to liven up this book!" He tossed it out the window.
"Well he sure makes literature come alive, I'll give him that," Tabitha remarked.
"TAKE THAT YOU STUPID NOVEL!" John shouted. He tossed another book out the window. "Okay who can hit the books?" Jubilee shot out her fireworks at it out the window. "Good shot! Who's up next for some target practice?"
"And another great moment in literature is witnessed in class," Kurt sighed.
All right so do I have any requests? What novels did you really hate studying in school or still study? I mean really hate? This is your chance to exorcise some of those literature demons you may have. Just push that little review button and I'll see what I can do.
