And now, by popular demand here's the next chapter! Because so many of you hated this book I had to do it!
Lord of the French Fries
"Well you can't say I never take you kids anywhere," John announced as he sat down at the table. "Who ordered the Supersize Gut Bomb Burgers?"
"I did," Kurt took them. "Might as well get them before the federal government bans 'em." The class was currently taking up the back two tables at the Gut Bomb. Kurt and Thornn were wearing their image inducers to disguise their true forms. However since most people in Bayville knew what the Xavier kids looked like they steered clear of them and gave them dirty looks.
"Friendly town isn't it?" John grumbled as he noticed several elderly ladies giving him the evil eye. "TAKE A PICTURE! IT LASTS LONGER!"
"If you haven't noticed already a lot of people in this town hate our guts," Bobby sighed as he ate.
"Yeah this is one of the few stores in town we haven't been banned from," Rogue sighed.
"Wonderful," John groaned. He noticed the ladies were still looking at them. "Keep staring! We might do a trick!" Then they hurriedly went to another table. "God I thought people were rude for just being a Native American… Still beats being stuck in class all day. So since this is supposed to be an English class I guess we should discuss a book or something."
"How about Lord of the Flies by William Gerald Goldberg?" Kurt suggested. "That's a good book." This suggestion was met by a chorus of groans. "What?"
"I hate that book!" Rogue groaned. "It's so dumb!"
"Yeah I read that book in fifth grade," Bobby grumbled. "And sixth grade and seventh grade…"
"Yeah way too gory for my tastes," Tabitha said. "And the plot…Pu-leeze!"
"Gee a whole bunch of kids left alone on an island go nuts and start killing each other," John guffawed. "There's a shocker! I can't leave the classroom two minutes and you guys do that!"
"It's more than that," Kurt told him. "It's a study of the depths of human nature, how evil and violence exist in the human race."
"I can find that out by turning on the evening news," Jesse quipped.
"Basically Goldberg wrote it in a response to the events of WWII," Kurt told them. "He believed that humans were basically evil and without harsh laws and civilization, we'd all revert to savages."
"Really? Well that's certainly the opposite of what Xavier's been trying to teach you guys!" John chuckled.
"Sounds like Goldberg and Magneto would get along like a house on fire," Sam mused.
"Actually Goldberg wrote it as a parody of another book. RM Ballanyne's Coral Island," Kurt explained.
"You mean this dumb book is actually a rip off of an even dumber book?" Ray asked incredulously.
"Well yes," Kurt told him. "It's about 3 boys named Ralph, Jack and Peterkin who are marooned on a tropical island and have a lot of adventures. You know with cannibals and wild animals and stuff. And they always triumph because they're British. Well, Peterkin's Australian but…"
"Hold on," Bobby held up his hand. "Ralph and Jack and Peterkin? I've heard those names before."
"Yeah they do sound familiar," Jesse remarked.
"They should," Tabitha folded her arms. "Those first two are the names of the main characters in Lord of the Flies."
"And Peterkin sounds a lot like Piggy…" Amara said.
"Hey! He stole them names!" Sam shouted.
"Man talk about ripping somebody off," Bobby said. "This Goldberg guy didn't even try to hide what he did! That's plagiarism!"
"This is a lawsuit waiting to happen!" Paige said. "Didn't he get sued?"
"Yeah Kurt you're the one with all the answers," John looked at him. "Did he?"
"I don't know," Kurt shrugged.
"Well if he didn't he was pretty damned lucky I'll tell you that," John remarked. "If I was that other guy I would have slapped him with a lawsuit in a second!"
"Hey have you noticed that there were only guys on that island?" Tabitha thought.
"Well that explains the ending," Paige said.
"What do you mean?" Bobby asked.
"Think about it," Tabitha told him. "If there were only girls on that island this novel never would have happened!"
"Oh that is just bull!" Ray snapped.
"No it isn't," Amara said. "More than half of our council of elders in Nova Roma is female. It has been for centuries. In fact usually a Queen rules our country. Which explains why we haven't been to war in so long!"
"That's so totally bogus," Ray snapped. "Girls are just as capable as guys of causing destruction and death!"
"Please!" Tabitha snapped. "If girls were on that island, not only would no one be killed, but they'd have built a huge tree house with a swimming pool and a sauna and trained all the little monkeys to be their butlers!"
"Oh man talk about your deranged fantasies!" Sam groaned.
"It's true!" Tabitha told him. "If there were any girls in this book this story would not have worked! Face it, girls are way more civilized than guys!"
"Look who's talking!" Ray shouted. "You're the biggest psycho here and you're a girl!"
"Okay you're dead!" Tabitha got up and started to chase Ray around.
"Civilized huh? Give me a break!" Kurt groaned.
"That can be arranged!" Rogue threw her French fries at him. Soon all the students were throwing food at each other. Then the food got mixed in with their powers and a full-blown melee had broken out.
"Oh goody," John grumbled as he took a sip from someone's milkshake. "I think I'm beginning to see why we're all banned from half the places in town." He was hit on the head with some fries. "Maybe that Goldberg guy wasn't so off his rocker after all."
