Wow! Over a hundred reviews already! Thank you all! Well here it is, the writer everyone loves to hate! Let the bashing commence! If you really want fun you should try watching the Reduced Shakespeare Company (I have it on tape). They bash and explain Shakespeare a lot better than I can!

Say It Ain't Shakespeare!

"I can't wait to see what we do in class today," Bobby said as they entered English class. "For once English class is fun."

"We haven't done any work and caused a ton of destruction," Kurt said. "Of course it's fun."

"Kurt you're starting to turn into a Summers clone," Ray told him. "And that's not a good thing."

"Well excuse me for loving literature," Kurt grumbled.

"All right settle down!" John Proudstar told everyone. "We have a lot of work today and we need to get right down to it. Now yesterday Multiple here had a great tip on what horse was running in the fifth. As a result I won over two hundred bucks. Here's your cut kid." John handed him some money. "Now if you all want a piece of the action let's start figuring out these forms." He opened up a newspaper.

"GAMBLING?" Kurt groaned. "What happened to English class? What happened to learning about great literature?"

"Hey if you want literature the comics are right here," John showed him. "Man they got some really good ones today."

"No! I mean we should be discussing great writers like William Shakespeare," Kurt said.

"Don't get me started on him!" John snapped.

"Too late," Tabitha quipped.

"What do you have against Shakespeare?" Kurt asked him.

"Well for starters his plays are too long to read and he don't write in regular English," John told him.

"Actually that was regular English at the time," Kurt explained.

"Yeah well the least they could do is translate this stuff so that the rest of us can understand it," John said.

"Shakespeare is the most famous author on the planet," Kurt said.

"Well yeah it's kind of hard to forget somebody they shove down your throat for a couple of years in class," John told him.

"Shakespeare also added more phrases to the English language than anyone else," Kurt said.

"I'm not surprised," John remarked. "He wrote so many freaking lines no one else got a chance to add anything!"

"He wrote tons of wonderful plays!" Kurt defended.

"Name one," Ray challenged. "They're all boring!"

"Just ask me about a play and I'll tell you what I think," John told them.

"Okay how about Romeo and Juliet?" Tabitha asked.

"The most overused Shakespeare play in the world," John grumbled. "Two dumb kids who can't keep their hands off each other end up dead because they can't control their hormones and let other people run their lives. If Juliet just said, 'Daddy, I'm shacking up with Romeo. Tell Paris to take a hike' and moved out of town things would have been a lot better for everyone!"

"Hamlet?" Kurt asked.

"The second most overused Shakespeare play in the world," John told him. "Only play I know where there are ghosts, sex scandals not to mention everybody dies and it's still boring! Four hours wasted that could have been cut down by two! And what's with all this 'To be or not to be' crap? Either kill yourself or get on with it! Geeze! And it's not like there are plenty of other people who want to off you to begin with! Next!"

"King Lear?" Ray asked.

"It's about how ungrateful brats drive you insane and take all your stuff," John told him. "Sounds a lot like my life lately!"

"Othello?" Amara asked.

"An interracial romance torn apart by a bigoted jerk," John said.

"Julius Caesar?" Bobby asked.

"Killing off the main character in the middle of the play is fun but should have stopped right after that," John told him. "Didn't even get to the good stuff like his affair with Cleopatra!"

"What about Anthony and Cleopatra?" Thornn asked.

"An indecisive idiot who makes the mistake of falling in love with a whiny bossy girlfriend who's a real pain in the asp."

"Macbeth?" Jubilee asked.

"There's a reason this play is considered unlucky," John said. "Half the audience dies of boredom while watching it. Although I did like the part where they whacked off the loudmouth kid."

"A Midsummer's Night's Dream?" Jamie asked.

"You're gonna be disappointed," John told him. "The fairies in it have nothing to do with characters from Will and Grace. Would have been better off if it did. Although one guy in it literally makes a jackass of himself so it's not a total loss."

"The Tempest?" Kurt asked.

"A whole lot of wind over nothing," John remarked.

"Taming of the Shrew?" Tabitha raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not gonna touch that one with a ten foot pole," John said. "At least not in a class full of girls who could kick my butt."

"Trolius and Cresseda?" Jubilee asked.

"A stupid play about an unfaithful woman stuck in a war waged over another unfaithful woman," John remarked.

"Titus Andronicus?" Sam asked.

"Worst play ever. That's all you need to know."

"What about all the other comedies and other stuff?" Bobby asked.

"The less said about 'em the better," John told them. "None of them are like the others. They're even crappier. And that's saying something."

"How about the History plays?" Amara asked.

"Imagine a play form of Ken Burn's Civil War Epic on PBS only a lot more boring and you've got it," John told them.

"What about the sonnets?" Kurt asked.

"Here's a poem," John remarked. "Violets are blue, roses are red. I am so glad this Shakespeare guy is dead, dead, dead!"

"Speaking of dead my grades just died," Kurt sighed. "Well there go my last fading hopes of becoming a scholar."

"Good now can we discuss some writers that are important for a change?" John picked up the newspaper. "Okay everybody turn to the article Jimmy the Greek wrote on how to make the most of your bets."

"Cool! Hey if we bet on stuff and win can we say it was a school project?" Ray asked.

"Oh lord what fools these mortals be," Kurt moaned.

Next: Another book bites the dust. But which one? Well you're just gonna have to wait and see aren't you?