A Whale of a Tale

"Hey Kurt," John waved the next day. "You feeling any better?"

"Ya," Kurt sighed. "I mean once I stopped fighting the notion that we're supposed to be actually learning things in class, I feel much better now."

"That's the spirit," John said. "Although you did have a point kid. Maybe we should just discuss a book or two to be safe."

"You mean Storm actually believed that line about you teaching the class about Frankenstein?" Tabitha asked. "Man you are lucky."

"Yeah so why don't we just get the slamfest out of the way first, then we'll watch some TV," John told them. "Not like we don't have enough material to use."

"You know the worst book I ever read was?" Tabitha said. "Moby Dick. Emphasis on the Dick. No I mean the teacher that was a…"

"Yes Tabitha we get the picture," John interrupted. "Moby Dick is a lousy book. Why it's taught in schools I will never understand."

"Well it is a realistic depiction of life on a whaling ship in the 1800's," Kurt said.

"It's a depressing depiction of life period," Tabitha groaned. "Who in their right mind wants to learn about how they killed whales?"

"Yeah there's some useful information we need in real life," Paige said sarcastically.

"Well maybe if a killer radioactive whale goes on the rampage downtown," Jamie scratched his head.

"That is so stupid," Ray groaned.

"Considering our lives it's actually a valid possibility," Sam corrected.

"Oh come on," John told them. "No mutant is that weird."

"Famous last words," Rogue rolled her eyes. "But actually it's more than about killing whales."

"It is?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah it's about how not to be obsessive about something in life like Ahab was," Rogue told him. "Or it will destroy you."

"Too bad Melville didn't listen to his own advice," John groaned. "Talk about obsessive writing! It destroyed any chance it had about being an enjoyable book! He goes on and on about every little thing! I mean a hundred and thirty five chapters? And at least fifty of them on different types of whales? Can you say 'bad editing'?"

"Yeah every other chapter it was they stab the whale, then the whale gets away," Rogue groaned. "Stab the whale, whale gets away…Stab the whale…Whale gets away…Get on with the plot already! By the end of the book I was rooting for the whale to kill them all!"

"Which it does," John said. "You must have been happy."

"No it didn't kill Ishmael the stupid narrator," Rogue said. "If it had there wouldn't have been this book now would there?"

"She has a point," Kurt said. "Anybody notice that the only civilized character was Queequeg the cannibal?"

"Well duh," John said. "That's called irony."

"I have a question," Jamie said. "Who wants to kill a whale anyway these days?"

"Yeah with all the scientific chemicals we can create nowadays who needs to kill whales?" Ray asked. "Well besides the Inuit because it's a part of their traditions and culture."

"Nice save," John remarked. "But even we Native Americans never did as much overkill as Whitey! I mean what is it with the Man and blowing away every species on the planet? And how much you wanna bet we mutants are next?"

"Well there's a cheery thought," Rogue muttered.

"Well that's it!" John slammed his fist on the desk. "The buck stops here! We're gonna stop the Man! Everybody! Down with the Man! Come on say it!"

"Down with the man?" The students responded in a confused tone.

"No, no, no…" John shook his head. "Like this! DOWN WITH THE MAN! EVERYBODY!"

"Down with the Man!" The kids said.

"Louder!"

"DOWN WITH THE MAN!"

"AGAIN! STAND UP AND SAY IT WITH FEELING!"

"DOWN WITH THE MAN!" The students jumped up and yelled. "DOWN WITH THE MAN!"

"YEAH DOWN WITH THE MAN!" John jumped on his desk. "DOWN WITH WHITEY! BURN HIM! BURN HIM! KICK HIM WHERE IT HURTS! REVOLUTION! YEAH!!!!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Scott walked into the classroom. "What's all the noise about?"

"Uh…" John was trying to come up with an excuse. "Would you believe the kids are really passionate about saving the whales?"