You'll Think of Me
Category: Abby
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season 10
Distribution: Sure, ask me first though please
Disclaimer: I own nothing, sucks
Summary: Abby's POV
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Abby Lockhart leaned over the toilet as the contents of her night spilled into the water. Heaving, she cursed herself for slipping, and mostly for letting him be the one to make her slip. As she washed her face and flushed, she remembered her best friend. The one she thought would always be there for her, but just like everyone else in her life, where was he now? With his new best friend...and their new memories. That's okay, Abby thought, desperate for changing, as she grabbed the bottle of wine and curled up under her sheets, I can get a new best friend. Yeah. I'll be okay. She was mentally and physically exhausted. Exhausted from hiding her feelings, exhausted from work, exhausted from the every day life that went on around her, when hers felt like she was on a tilt-o-whirl. Abby closed her eyes, trying hard to block out the images of the day that would forever be burnt in her mind. She drifted off to sleep, tears still cascading down her red face.
Sirens blared down the street, stirring Abby from her sleep. She glanced sleepily at the clock, 4 am, she groaned, I'll never sleep at this rate. The moon shone brightly on her comforter, causing the room to be visible in the darkness of the night. Glancing around the room, she spooted pants hanging out of the hamper. His pants. Emotions stirred in Abby. Anger won, it usually did with her, especially lately. She picked up the wine bottle that lay next to her, looking at it, she got angrier. With him, with herself, with everything. Before she knew what she was doing, the bottle was flying out of her tight grasp. Abby winced when the it hit the wall and shattered, red wine dripped down the wall, dying everything it touched. Tears forced their way out of Abbys eyes, and she lay there for a moment before crawling out of her safe haven. Paddling out into the kitchen, she grabbed a paper and pen and sat down, thinking.
I woke up early this morning, around 4 am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate.
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep,
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake.
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms,
I've been trying my best to get along, but that's okay,
There's nothing left to say, but...
Abby looked around her apartment. It was dark and cold, and suddenly she felt alone. More alone then she'd ever felt before. She looked down at her paper, the moon was the only thing that enabled her to see the words she had written to him. She read them over, a few times, for good measure.
Take your records, take your freedom,
Take your memories, I don't need them.
Take your space, and take your reasons,
But you'll think of me.
Take your cat, and leave my sweater,
Cause we have nothing left to weather.
In fact, I feel a whole lot better,
But you'll think of me. You'll think of me.
Memories filled her mind, memories of them, memories she wished would go away. Memories of work, memories of them together, memories of things that broke her heart to think about. Abby shook her head. She couldn't stop thinking about their time together, or him. It's over now Abby, she tried to convince herself, all those years, didn't really mean anything. The front door cracked as it opened, Abby jumped. What the..? "Hello?" Then she saw him, her eyes widdened. He looked sad. "Is it really you?"
"Abby. I need you." She hesitantly walked towards him. He grabbed her, holding her close to him, looking into her eyes. Her voice caught in her throat, holding her breath, starving for truth, she wondered if he would say anything. He leaned his head down, capturing her lips with his own. She sunk into him, waiting for this moment ever since he left. The kiss ended, she reached out to touch his chest. When she felt nothing, she opened her eyes. Gone. Abby stood there, looking at the closed door. It had been so real, so right, so tender, so everything she wanted, needed. So...not real. She looked back at the note she had been writing, and then slipped her shoes on. Her hand trembled and tears fell down her face as she grabbed her coat and opened the door. Abby gasped as the cold wind hit her face when she reached the outside. She was running, not knowing where to go, but the most familiar route to her seemed to be the answer as she stepped onto the El train.
I went out driving trying to clear my head,
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left.
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this...
And all the baggage that seems to still exist.
It seems that the only blessing I have left to my name,
Is not knowing what we could have been,
What we should have been.
Abby stepped off the train and walked a few feet. County. She wasn't scheduled today, and didn't know if he was either. But she didn't want to find out, she didn't want to see him, or talk to him. Not yet anyway. Looking through the glass she saw the commotion, the fast-paced ER, triage, patients, doctors, nurses. She saw Luka. He was standing there, talking to the new nurse, Sam. She could tell that he loved her. Not like he had loved her or all the others. Real love. And he loved her son too. They seemed happy together. When he laughed, his head turned, looking directly at Abby. Abby looked down, and when she looked back up, he gave her a small smile. She felt the tears come, and she turned, she didn't want him to see her cry, or anyone else, she left, completely incomplete.
Someday I'm gunna run across your mind,
But don't worry I'll be fine.
I'm gunna be alright.
While you're sleeping with your pride,
Wishing I could hold you tight,
I'll be over you, and on with my life.
Abby closed the door, the song playing on the radio reminded her of him, she slid down the length of the door, where she cried. There is nothing else to lose, she thought as she sat huddled by the door. There is nothing else to find, there is nothing in this world that could change my mind. There is nothing else. She wipped her tears away as she stood, walking over to the letter she had left on the table. Abby read it over again.
"And take your cat and leave my sweater,
Cause we got nothing left to weather.
In fact, I feel a whole lot better, but you'll think of me.
You'll think of me.
And your gunna think of me, someday, baby, someday."
"Someday" She said quietly as she read the last word over again. Wipping a lone tear off her cheek, Abby put the letter into an envelope, addressing it. Then she waited, waited for the mailman, waited for the tears to stop, waited to let go of all she'd held on to, waited for a absolution that would never come. The mailman came though, and she handed him the letter. "Could you get this to County General please?". Abby knew he had noticed her red puffy eyes by the way he was looking at her. He took the letter, looking down at the address, Dr Carter.
"Sure Miss" He gave her a small smile, filled with as much sympathy as he could offer. And then he walked away. Abby stood there, hanging by a moment.
