*A/N* Once again, all the dialogue is Tolkien's, from "The Return of the King", the chapter "The Steward and the King". I think I forgot to put this disclaimer on a couple of chapters, but all the dialogue in just about all the chapters is Tolkien's…except the chapter with Hengest…that dialogue was mine! All mine, precious, yes…all mine! Mwahahaha!!!!
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May 1, 3019
So much has happened since last I wrote. The war is over. We have been victorious, and evil has fallen. I am in Gondor now, earlier today the Lord Aragorn was crowned King Elessar. I do not wish to be his queen anymore. I still love him, but he will never be more than a dear friend to me. He is to wed his love, an elf-maiden by the name of Arwen, on Mid-year's Day. She is to arrive July 1, and I look forward to meeting her.
Instead, I realize that the one I truly love is Faramir, Steward and Captain of Gondor. He loves me in return, loved me first, and we plan to marry later in the summer. We were both wounded in the war and met in the Houses of Healing. When we were both well enough we would often walk together through the gardens and along the walls of the Houses. After a couple of weeks, though we went quite some time without seeing each other, for he had many matters to attend to. During this time I received word from Eomer, asking me to join them at Cormallen. I did not go. Every day I would walk alone through the gardens, pondering the events of the past few months, remembering how I felt then, and realizing how much I have changed. Faramir came to me one day and we went to stand on the walls, I had not been up there for a time. Once there, he said, "Eowyn, why do you tarry here, and do not go to the rejoicing in Cormallen beyond Cair Andros, where your brother awaits you?"
"Do you not know?" I replied.
He answered, "Two reasons there may be, but which is true, I do not know."
"I do not wish to play at riddles. Speak plainer!"
"Then if you will have it so, lady, you do not go, because only your brother called for you, and to look on the Lord Aragorn, Elendil's heir, in his triumph would now bring you no joy. Or because I do not go, and you desire still to be near me. And maybe for both these reasons, and you yourself cannot choose between them. Eowyn, do you not love me, or will you not?"
I was taken aback by his words. Had he really unearthed that much about me during our talks? "I wished to be loved by another," I answered, "But I desire no man's pity."
"That I know," he replied, "You desired to have the love of the love of the Lord Aragorn. Because he was high and puissant, and you wished to have renown and glory and to be lifted up far above the mean things that crawl on the earth. And as a great captain may to a younger soldier he seemed to you admirable. For so he is, a lord among men, the greatest that now is. But when he gave you only understanding and pity, then you desired to have nothing, unless a brave death in battle. Look at me, Eowyn!"
I lifted my eyes to meet his, and we looked at each other long and steadily. Then he said, "Do not scorn pity that is the gift of a gentle heart, Eowyn! But I do not offer you my pity. For you are a lady high and valiant and have yourself won renown that shall not be forgotten; and you are a lady beautiful, I deem beyond even the words of the Elven-tongue to tell. And I love you. Once I pitied your sorrow. But now, were you sorrowless, with out fear or any lack, were you the blissful Queen of Gondor, still I would love you. Eowyn, do you not love me?"
And I stood there, hearing these words, and I realized I did love him. A change came over me and I was no longer sorrowful or afraid. A joy entered me and I felt more alive than I ever had before. And I said, "I stand in Minas Anor, the Tower of the Sun, and behold! the Shadow has departed! I will be a shieldmaiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, not take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren." I looked into his eyes again and smiled. "No longer do I desire to be a queen."
He smiled at me and laughed with such genuine bliss, as I had not heard for a long time. "That is well," he said, "For I am not a king. Yet I will wed the White Lady of Rohan, if it be her will. And if she will, then let us cross the River and in happier days let us dwell in fair Ithilien and where make a garden. All things will grow with joy there, if the White Lady comes."
I was then reminded of the dream I had in February. Looking back through this diary I know his words were the exact words spoken to me in the dream. I know this was no coincidence. But I wasn't sure what I thought of it. "Then must I leave my own people, man of Gondor?" I asked, "And would you have your proud folk say of you: 'There goes a lord who tamed a wild shieldmaiden of the North! Was there no woman of the race of Númenor to choose?'"
"I would," he replied. Then he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. Such delight I have never felt before! I knew then that yes, I truly loved him.
And now, I am to wed him.
Other events have taken place that I am not yet ready to write about. The memories are too horrible and sorrowful to recall at the moment. I will write of them later.
Eowyn
