Disclaimer & A/N: I own my fuzzy pencil and little beyond that. I'll assume that you know that I do not own Lord of the Rings. Thank you to The Legolas Assassinator for the corrections! I corrected the kings name but I'm too lazy to correct Legolas's age. Thank you to everyone else for reviewing!

"Haldir?" Legolas asked disbelievingly.

"I need to work on my landing a bit don't I?" Haldir asked, pausing for laughter which he did not receive. "I just flew in from Lothlorien," He continued unfazed. "Literally. They've made a super powered catapult. I was, heh heh, the guinea pig.

"You're father sent for me," he added to the stunned elf prince. "Said you were having some 'troubles'. Identity crisis or something. Oh to be 6,000 again! I remember it well! Kind of... Anyhow when I was 6,000..."

"Dude! Like get off my back, man! No one understands me!" Legolas shouted passionately before he stalked off into the woods.

"You have one new email!" Exclaimed the computer. Haldir opened it without any second thoughts.

"Dude! Ever heard of tact?" It read.

Hmmmm...thought Haldir taking out a to-do list. 1) Buy a dictionary 2) Find tact 3) Use tact. He put it in his back pocket and skipped off in the direction that Legolas had been stalking.

* * *

Legolas wandered back toward the castle. He couldn't blame his father for wanting to help; he was acting rather strange...but Haldir? Why not Glorfindel, or...or Celeborn, ...even Elrond! But Haldir? Legolas sighed. He figured Haldir would be following him by now. Legolas doubled back toward his computer. If he could stay in the shadows, with his baseball cap on, everything would be fine.

Legolas had always assumed that Haldir had spent a little bit too much time with hobbits and men and had learned about pints.

It turns out, though, that Haldir had fallen out of one too many trees when he was 5,000 and had never been quite the same since.

Legolas laughed to himself. Haldir never would been able to pull that stunt on Gimli had he not tipped him off. Haldir couldn't actually hear a dwarf until it was doing the chicken dance on his head.

Those were the days, Legolas sighed wistfully, Out with the rest of the guys to get rid of the ring..., Legolas hid in the shadow of a tree as Haldir ambled past. But those days are gone, He thought sharply. "I've turned a new page! I'm a new man...er, elf!" Legolas declared out loud. He walked with a little extra spring back to his computer.

"You've got mail!" It prattled happily.

"Do you say anything else?" Legolas complained.

"You've - got - mail?" It asked tentatively.

Legolas rolled his eyes. Computers...he always got the ones who's circuits were a bit messed up.

He opened his newest email.

"Good enough so far," It read, "but you're still a pansy! I bet you won't even go on a date! Hey! That's not a bad idea! You have to go out on a date to prove you're manly!"

Legolas groaned. A date? Great. None of the elven girls liked the elven boys. Weddings had to be arranged at least 5,000 years in advance. The elven girls were gorgeous though... heck, the guys were, too. Sometimes it was hard to tell who was what.

Hobbits...too short...and hungry.

Dwarves...all the girls looked like the guys...the image of Gimli in a dress came into Legolas's head. He shuddered and began to feel violently ill.

Humans...Legolas thought for a moment. The only one who he knew well was Aragorn. Hygiene, or lack there of, popped into Legolas's mind. Ewww. But they couldn't be all bad he assumed. He hoped. He looked at the computer screen blankly. Two words popped out of him. Cindy Ellenshare. Legolas felt hopeless. Well, if she likes me that much, she'll do, Legolas sighed with resignation. He typed an email and quickly sent it.