Disclaimer: Don't own Legolas, Frodo, Haldir, Thranduil, Mirkwood, other obvious references from LotR, other obvious references from other assorted places, subtle references from other assorted places, subtle references from LotR, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I do own Ankara, Spy Magazine: Bigfoot edition, and the stalker letters. (They will soon be sold on ebay starting at $100,000,000) I can also now say with confidence that I own my fuzzy pencil. The lost has been found! *Anyhow...that whole thing was to refresh your memory....if it wasn't blatantly obvious.*
Two hours later Legolas emerged. He had read the magazine cover to cover three times, and Ankara was on her was over.
He sat down in the closest chair, smiling and imagining what hie would do if an alien attacked. As he sat, many elves walked by him, paused, stared at him, and then left thinking wither that he must be meditating to obtain a higher spiritual connection, or that he had always be rather strange since he came back from the quest.
Legolas was oblivious to all of this, though. 15 minutes later, about the time that three young elves, a mere 2,000 years of age, had begun to creep up to him to see if he was asleep, Legolas jumped up and shouted. The three you elves scattered and were found in a closet 3 days later.
"I know! My bow! Must fix! Alien attack inevitable!" Legolas shouted in a broken speech usually acquired by someone whose IQ suddenly dropped by several points. "Need tying! Need sharpening!"
"Need speech lessons," Thranduil added turning the corner.
"Alien attack! Must prepare! Need-"
"I know! I heard you the first few times!" Thranduil interrupted. Then noting the obvious IQ drop added, "What have you been reading?"
"Spy Magazine!" Legolas held out Ankara's magazine.
The king groaned. "Save us, someone, from the terror some call entertainment!" With that the king left.
As he left Legolas thought he saw a faint flashing. "New security system," he muttered in his Spymag dialect.
Suddenly Ankara came down the hall where Legolas was.
"Read?" She asked.
"Yeah!"
"Microchips?"
"Uh huh!"
"Bigfoot bathroom?"
"Scary!"
"Frodo?"
At the sound of the name, Legolas was able to gain back all the IQ points previously donated to Spy Magazine.
Legolas sat down and buried his head in his hands. "What am I going to do, Ankara?"
Ankara, who was able to switch in and out of Spymag mode easily due to years of rigorous reading, sat down next to him. "Don't worry. He's a mortal. He'll be gone in a couple of years."
"But, he's been to the Grey Havens! What if he's immortal now? I'll have to listen to the random insults for the rest of eternity!"
Ankara sighed. "Just calm down. Focus on the present. If worse comes to worse, you can move."
"What?!"
"Er...you can move...him. You can move him."
"Oh."
"I'm hungry."
"Me too."
"It's a long way back to my house."
"That's nice."
"I'm hungry!"
Legolas sighted. "Fine. You can stay for dinner."
"Yay! What are we having?"
"I don't know."
Legolas and Ankara walked in the direction of the kitchen. As they were walking, a servant hurried by saying, "Assorted berries!" almost as if it were a greeting.
Ankara looked at him strangely, but assumed that it was some sort of a greeting among the royal elves. She barely had time to think this though before another elf ran by saying, "Lembas wafers!"
"Assorted berries!" Ankara called as the servant hurried in the other direction.
Legolas looked at her, but said nothing. A third elf hurried past with a fourth right behind. They shouted, "Fried furry woodland creature," and "Wine!" respectively before hurrying off.
"Sounds like a good dinner tonight!" Legolas said after all of the servants had disappeared.
"Wait...you said you didn't know what was for dinner!" Ankara paused. "And what sort of a greeting is 'assorted berries', anyway?"
Legolas stifled a laugh. "That was the menu...not a greeting...," he replied trying to keep a straight face.
"How did they know you wanted to know what was for dinner?"
"Security cameras and really good hearing."
"Oh."
They continued walking. Right outside of what Ankara assumed to be the dining room, Legolas stopped her.
"Alright," he began, "as soon as we sit down to eat, my dad will show up. Since he's king show him lost of respect. Don't talk too much if he doesn't ask questions. Don't correct him too much if he's wrong. He likes to think that because he's king he's omniscient. I'll do most of the talking if the questions aren't all directed at you."
"Okay! I get the point! Shut up and be polite!" Ankara winked.
"Basically. I just want to make sure his first impression is good."
"Don't worry. Everyone loves me!" And with a flip of her hair Ankara entered the dining room.
