Endless Roads

Chapter 6 - Coming Out

Never before had Kim ever felt so frightened in her life. She froze where she stood, wishing she could take back all that she had just said.

Tommy stared back at her, seeing the fear in her eyes. He could tell now that she was definitely hiding something, that her actions from before were more than her not feeling well. And the answers had to come out now. There was no way he was going to leave Jason's apartment without knowing what was going on.

Jason looked over at her, noticing her body trembling of nervousness, her face red from embarrassment, and her eyes widened like she had just seen a ghost. A feeling of disappointment hit him; Kim had just blurted out everything. Not even he could make up a lie to save Kim's ass now. At that moment the only thing that could be said was the truth.

Kim's POV

How could I tell him? How could I explain all that had happened in that single moment? I wasn't ready to bare the pain of my story, I wasn't ready to tell it, and I sure as hell wasn't ready to take on how he would react. I turned my head to Jason, who gave me shrug. With that I knew I was alone on this; there was no one to help me. What I had dreaded for years, was about to happen right now, and it was something that I couldn't even gather enough strength to do. I looked into Tommy's eyes once again; his stare was so deep, trying to dig into my thoughts to understand what was going on. The innocent look upon his face brought tears to my eyes. I imagined the pain he would feel once he heard what happened to me. The changes of who I was, and the decisions I had made would rip his heart into little pieces. I knew that after this, I would appear to be a whole new, different person to him, and that tore me apart. My knees were too weak to support me, so I sat myself on the couch. I covered my face with my hands to hide the more tears that came with every thought. I could feel Jason and Tommy's eyes on my, as I continued to sit there, collecting my thoughts. But soon those thoughts were interrupted by a voice.
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"Kim… it's time." Jason slowly muttered, as he made his way towards Kim, putting his hand against her shoulder. He gently stroked her back to calm her down. Kim looked up at him, to see his encouraging face. She could see that he was trying to tell her that it was going to be all right. What Kim was about to do would be for the best, and she knew that, but that didn't mean it would result in happiness. She looked over to Tommy, who still remained standing there, waiting for an answer.

"Where do I even begin?" Kim softly whispered, wiping the tears from underneath her eyes. Jason got up, handed her a tissue, and sat back down right beside her.

"Begin from the beginning." He softly replied. "Tell Tommy the real reason why you left gymnastics."

Those sudden words caught Tommy by surprise. The real reason? What did Jason mean by the real reason? Had Kim been lying about that too? He knew something mysterious was going on with her, but he never would think that Kim would be lying about her decision with gymnastics. So much confusion and so much suspicion kept Tommy's mind occupied, that he didn't even notice that Kim had gotten up right in front of him. He looked into her watery eyes, and could see the fear and the pain that she was feeling. But why was she feeling this? Why was she acting the way she was? There were so many questions to ask her, but Tommy knew that he had to start off light.

"Kim, what's going on?" Tommy asked.

Kim gave a sniff, and slowly nodded.

"Jason's right. It's time…" Kim paused. "That you knew."

Tommy noticed Jason getting up from his seat from behind Kimberly.

"Kim, do you want me to leave?" He asked.

"No." Kim shook her head. "You should be here for this too." She looked at Tommy, gathered all the strength and courage that she had and forced herself to talk.

"The truth is…" Kim began. "I've been lying to you… to everyone since I've came back."

"Yeah… I kind of figured that." Tommy retorted. Tommy's outburst towards Kim felt like a slap in the face. Kim could already hear the anger in his voice, which scared her.

"I never left because I thought it wasn't cut out for me." She replied. "In fact, leaving was not even my decision."

"So whose decision was it then?" Tommy asked, sternly.

"The coach… in fact the whole council to be exact."

"What?"

"Look, Tommy… what Kim's trying to say is that…"

"Jason… let me talk please." Kim replied, interrupting him.

"Go ahead."

"We had a competition in June of '99…" Kim continued on. "And… we had to take a drug test… and I tested positive."

"WHAT? That was an error right?" Tommy responded. Kim looked down at the floor, ashamed of herself. She looked back up at him and shook her head.

"No."

Tommy shook his in disbelief, stunned at what he just heard. He stayed silent, not sure of what to say.

"When the council found out, they made the decision to kick me off the team." Kim replied.

"Okay, let's rewind here." He replied. "What drug were you positive for?"

Kim stared back at him. She wanted to just say it, but she knew that with every word she said, would hurt him even more. Her fear of his reaction would increase, knowing that there was more bad news coming his way.

"Kim… are you going to say anything?" Tommy stammered. She continued to look at him, as she swallowed hard and turned her head towards Jason. He raised his eyebrows, insisting that she just go ahead and say it.

"Tommy… you remember the letter, right?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"The guy that I met… his name is Craig Andrews and…"

"Kim, what does this have to do with anything?" Tommy interrupted raising his voice, not wanting to know about the guy she left him for.

"Because he got me into the drugs!" Kim snapped, with more tears forming in her eyes. "I got involved with the wrong guy, and yet I couldn't leave him."

Tommy's eyes widened, shocked at the fact that the girl standing right in front of her, whom he used to know so well, was a completely different person. Never did he imagine that Kim would be doing drugs.

"All it was at first, was just going to clubs and having drinks." Kim explained. "But then worse became worst. He got me into crack… and then this one night…" Kim stopped.

"What?"

"This one night, we were up in his room." Kim replied. "I was high off the crack, and… he just started putting needles into me." She began to sob. "And weeks later, I had the test done. I was positive for heroine."

Tommy shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe this Kim."

"Me neither." She whispered. "I was so depressed when I was kicked off, that I thought that drugs were my way out, and so I continued on with it. And I couldn't leave Craig 'cause he was always there for me. He lured me towards him in a way where I couldn't escape."

"I-I don't know what to say, I'm speechless." Tommy replied. "You're telling me all these things that I could never imagine you would do."

"I know." Kim sniffed. Silence grew in the room, as Kim and Tommy remained standing. "I've become things no one could ever dream I'd be."

"Look, Kim… I've told you this before," Jason replied. "Just because you took drugs, doesn't make you a bad person. You were just going through a tough time in your life."

"I'm not talking about that Jason!" Kim yelled, as tears started pouring down her cheeks.

"What are you talking about Kim? What have you become?" Tommy asked.

Kim paused, as more flashbacks of the car accident entered her mind. The face that lay beside her was haunting. A sight she never would forget. Every time she saw it, it would remind of what she had done and what she had become… a murderer.

"Kim… what did you do?" Tommy asked again, with great curiosity. She quickly jerked her head up in Tommy's direction. The stunned look in her eyes started to freak Tommy out. All he could think was what was going on in that mind of hers.

Kim swallowed hard, trying to find the words to say.

"I killed him." Kim blurted out.

Tommy gave a frown, confused at what he just heard.

"What? What do you mean you killed him?"

"I'm a murderer…" Kim sobbed. "That's what I've become."

"Kim what did I say before?" Jason immediately got up from the couch. "It wasn't your fault."

"Jason, you weren't there!" Kim exclaimed. "You were in that car! I was driving!"

"Whoa! Slow down here." Tommy budged in. "What are you talking about?"

"Craig offered to drive that night, and I took the wheel."

"Kim that's because he was way more hammered than you were." Jason replied. Kim shook her head in denial. "Kim look at me. I've told you a million times, if Craig had taken the wheel that night, you might have not survived. You're lucky as hell that you didn't end up being paralyzed."

Tommy was stunned to hear more. Hearing about Kim almost at death panicked him. A part of him made him feel sorry for her, but a part of him made him feel angry. Why didn't anybody notify him or anyone in Angel grove about Kimberly.

"How long ago did this happen?" Tommy asked.

"Eighteen months ago." Jason muttered. "After the accident, Kim stayed in the hospital for two months. She broke her back, and she had to wear a brace for sixteen months."

"You broke your back?!" Tommy exclaimed in great shock. Kim looked up at him and slowly nodded.

"When she was released from the hospital, I made it my responsibility that she went to rehab and got herself better. Fortunately, Kim cooperated and stayed there after I left for Angel Grove."

"So you knew all about this the whole time… and you didn't even say a word!" Tommy yelled.

"I told him not to tell anyone." Kim muttered

"Bull shit! We're your goddamn friends Kimberly! We had the right to know what was going on with you in Florida."

"You didn't need to know anything." Kim replied.

"What?" Tommy replied, confused.

"Look I didn't want any of you guys involved in my complicated life, alright!" Kim snapped back. "I mean, look at how well you've guys come along. And that the way it should be. If I had gotten you guys involved, you would have just gone down with me, and I don't want that!"

"You didn't even write, call or email us…" Tommy replied. "I don't care if your life was fucked up, you never kept in touch."

"Tommy, ease up a little." Jason muttered.

"No! Fuck you, man! You've been here for a year, and you didn't say anything!" Tommy yelled.

"I told you, Kim didn't want me to tell."

"I don't give shit!" Tommy snapped. "I can't believe you two! You know what Kim, I feel sorry for you. What you've gone through must have been tough. But how you dumped me, and never kept in touch with anybody after that; acting as if we never existed to you… maybe you deserved it."

"Excuse me?" Kim sneered, hurt by those words. A burning pain flared in her heart. It was like a stabbing wound with salt poured on top of it. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore, she let them out.

"Tommy, what the hells wrong with you?" Jason stammered.

"Oh my god, I didn't mean that." Tommy replied, realizing how bitter he had just sounded. "Kim, I'm sorry. I…"

"GET THE HELL OUT!" Kim shouted.

"Kim, I…"

"JUST FUCKING LEAVE, TOMMY!!" Kim shouted again.

With those words, Tommy knew there was nothing he could say at that moment that could change anything. He grabbed his jacket and walked out the door, leaving Kim crying loudly in Jason's arms.