Disclaimer: Don't own them. Never will. Mores the pity.
Rosemarie was dreading that her first day of classes would be the absolute worst in Hogwarts' history-she was certain that everything that could go wrong in her first lessons would. She had visions of the students from hell- all clothed in Slytherin robes for some reason-taking over her class and hanging students-mostly in Hufflepuff robes-from the ceilings. Rosemarie barely got through breakfast; she ate hardly anything, and the little that she did eat tasted like straw. Her first class of the morning was with the Gryffindor sixth years, and for a moment Rosemarie considered handing in her resignation to Dumbledore, and going home. "Don't be ridiculous, Rosemarie." She berated herself. "Honestly, you're being a child over this. Severus was right when he commented on your infantile defense tactics last night." It wasn't until Rosemarie remembered exactly what he said to her the night before, that she realized she hadn't thought about Severus at all that morning. Come to think of it, he hadn't been at breakfast that morning. "If I can just avoid him for the rest of the year, everything will be fine. I can do this." She told herself over and over again. She walked into the classroom, confident in her ability to avoid Severus Snape, and teach a classroom full of Gryffindor sixth years.
Rosemarie walked to the front of the classroom, and faced her students with a smile on her face. Each of the students regarded her warily, and judging from their past history of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professors, she didn't blame them. "Good Morning! I know you've studied Boggarts, Grindylows, and" here Rosemarie allowed her smile to get bigger "Cornish Pixies." She was gratified to hear some snickers come from the class. "Also, in spite of the...unusual circumstances surrounding Professor Moody, I know that you've covered some of the curses as well." Rosemarie paused, and grinned at her class. "I thought that this year, we would perhaps work a little with both creatures and curses, and I can teach you the defenses that will come in handy in all your experiences with them. Rosemarie paused uncomfortably for a moment; the students were all staring at her and waiting for her to say something. "To be perfectly honest, while I have worked a lot with the Dark Arts, I'm unsure of the best way to teach the defenses to you." She smiled sheepishly. "Really, I'm about as talented at teaching as Peeves is at keeping quiet." The students all laughed at this, and Rosemarie began to relax. "If you have any questions, or suggestions about the class I'd be more than happy to hear them."
Seamus Finnigan got a mischievous glint in his eye. "We can ask you anything about Defense Against the Dark Arts?"
"Anything, Mr. Finnigan." Rosemarie smiled at him.
"Well, in that case, can you tell us how to get through a potions lecture without making Professor Snape go ape shi..."
"Seamus!" Hermione interrupted him quickly, amidst the class' laughter. "Watch your mouth in class!"
"Sorry, Professor." Seamus grinned at her.
"I'm sorry, Seamus, I missed that last bit of your question." She grinned back at him. "But I believe you were asking me how to get through a potions class without making Professor Snape blinking mad?"
"Yes, ma'am I was."
"I was unaware that the art of Potions was a dark art-particularly, the area involving dealing with one's professor."
"Well it isn't unless Snape is teaching the class. The miserable git makes our lives unbearable." Ron muttered under his breath, just loud enough for Rosemarie to hear.
"Ronald Weasley." Rosemarie put a stern look on her face. "Regardless of the fact that I too have many complaints with Professor Snape, I cannot allow that remark to pass without a reprimand." The whole class looked at her with expressions of horror on their faces. "So consider yourself reprimanded."
"Professor?" Harry looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean by many complaints? Do you have rows with him as much as we do?"
"Who doesn't?" Rosemarie thought to herself while taking a minute to think of a suitably democratic response. "Professor Snape is a talented potions professor, and in terms of his teaching, I have a great deal of respect for him. However," the faces of her students suddenly perked up "even people who respect each other disagree on certain subjects." Concealing a grin at the looks of disappointment her students were exchanging, Rosemarie returned to the task of teaching the class. "Does anyone else have any questions for me?"
Seamus raised his hand again. "Was Professor Snape always such a miserable git, or did he get that way as he got older?"
As the weeks passed by, Rosemarie settled comfortably into a routine. For the most part, her students liked her, especially after hearing whispers from the Gryffindor sixth years that she hated Professor Snape as much as they did. The Slytherins, even, paid attention in class, and Rosemarie had been informed by "a reliable source" (who also went by the name Seamus Finnigan) that Draco Malfoy had said she was "mad sexy, and wouldn't mind giving her a good snog." Rosemarie had also managed to avoid Snape as much as possible; she ate her meals at the
opposite end of the table from him, and never went anywhere near the Potions Dungeon or Staff Room when she knew he was there.
Wednesday was the day that Rosemarie had all her first year classes. The Slytherins were at 8:30, and then Rosemarie had a half-hour before a class of seventh year Ravenclaws came in at 10:00. She had the Gryffindors at 11:00 then lunch. Rosemarie had half an hour after lunch before the Hufflepuff first years came in at 1:00, and they were followed directly by the Ravenclaws at 2:00. The Gryffindors had Potions right before her class, and without fail, everyday Simon would come into class scowling. His best friend, Roger Harvey informed her it was because Professor Snape seemed to have some personal vendetta against Simon. Rosemarie suspected it was because Snape knew Simon was her "nephew", and his malice towards Simon was really directed at Rosemarie. She had no proof, and if she ever tried to say anything about it, Snape would just laugh in her face. Rosemarie had just dismissed the Hufflepuffs, and was preparing for her next class, when a sobbing Emma, flanked by her two best friends, Kate McCray and Julia Parfitt, burst into the room. She threw herself at Rosemarie, and buried her face in her mother's robes. "What happened? Emma, what's wrong? I need you to tell me what's wrong." Rosemarie asked anxiously.
"It's Professor Snape, Professor." Kate piped up. "Emma answered a question wrong, and he just started yelling at her."
"He said she was a poor excuse for a Hogwarts student, and that if he had ever given his Potions Professor such an idiotic response when he was a student, he would have been whipped like a filthy muggle, and given detention." Julia said over Emma's sobs. "He told her she was quite
possibly the stupidest student in Hogwarts history, and he took away twenty points from Ravenclaw...Professor? Are you alright?"
Rosemarie's face had gone dead white, and her eyes were flashing with anger. Emma looked up at her mother, and thought to herself that she had never seen her mother this mad. "Are you sure this is what he said?" Rosemarie asked in a low, barely controlled voice.
"Yes, Professor." Kate and Julia whispered.
Ginny Weasley just happened to be passing in the halls, and Rosemarie called out to her. "Miss. Weasley! Would you do me a favor? I just remembered some...pressing matters I have to discuss with Professor Snape, and I was hoping you would watch my class for me for just a few minutes."
"Certainly, Professor." Ginny answered quickly. She later told the rest of the Gryffindors that she had never thought Professor Bacall could ever look that angry, and Ron, Harry and Hermione, recounting what they had seen when Professor Bacall came into their potions class, said they could believe it.
Rosemarie knelt down, and gave Emma a hug, before standing back up and addressing her class. "Everyone! I have to leave the class for a few minutes, and while I'm gone Miss Weasley will be in charge. I want you to listen to her, and treat her with the same respect you would me." She looked around at the class once, before striding angrily from the classroom towards the Potions Dungeons. She had never been so furious in her entire life-how dare he say those things to an eleven year old! Emma may have answered a question wrong, but that was no reason for him to go out of his way to be so cruel. How could she have ever been in love with a man who would treat a child with such malice? These thoughts revolved around in her head, and kept Rosemarie's anger level at boiling. She burst into the Potions classroom, letting the doors slam against the wall. Snape had his class of Slytherin and Gryffindor sixth years, and each one of them turned to see who had entered the room. "Professor Snape, may I speak to you in the hall for a moment?" Rosemarie asked, her voice saccharine-sweet.
"Professor Bacall, in case you are suffering from a sudden attack of blindness, I might remind you that I have a class at this moment." His voice dripped with acrimony.
"I have no qualms about speaking to you in front of your class, Professor." Rosemarie was quickly losing her patience. "I'm going to say what I have to say right now."
Snape just rolled his eyes at the Slytherins, and was slightly put out when he noticed that none of them would look at him. Even Draco Malfoy, who could be counted on for insults on any occasion, refused to look back at him. His attention was captured by the very angry, and quite frankly, stunning Professor who was currently glaring at Snape. "Very well, Professor, you have five minutes." He followed Rosemarie out of the classroom, and closed the door behind him. As soon as the door was closed, all of the sixth years were up out of their seats, and crowding around the door. Draco opened the door a crack, in order to see and hear what was going on in the hall. The entire class was completely silent, straining to hear the professors' angry whispers. They didn't have long to wait until the voices of Professors Snape and Bacall were raised to shouting level.
"I knew you were cruel and heartless, Severus, I just didn't know you were cruel and heartless towards children." Rosemarie struggled to keep her voice even.
"My dear Rosemarie, I am fast losing what little patience I had with you, so I suggest you come to the point quickly before I get seriously angry with you." Snape's voice had taken on that soft, dangerous quality which still made Neville Longbottom wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.
"You vile bastard." Rosemarie lost her calm, even, control. "I don't care how you conduct your classes, but when I hear from more than one of my students how you went out of your way to be cruel to them?"
"You know, I never would have pegged Emma Bacall as a tattletale, but then I should have remembered who her aunt is." A slow, evil grin spread across Snape's face.
Rosemarie's eyes "Severus, please tell me, how have you managed to get this far in life by being a complete wanker?" Snape's eyes widened in surprise at her comment, and faint snickers could be heard from the potions classroom. "If you have a problem with me, you talk to me, you don't take it out on my niece like a cowardly prat."
Snape's eyes narrowed. "I should have known she would go running to you. You may find this difficult to believe, but not all the students at this school have an Auntie Rosemarie to run to every time Big Bad Professor Snape is mean to them."
"The fact that Emma is related to me has nothing to do with this. Had any student come to me, I would have willingly taken their part in an argument with you. Especially if it meant proving you wrong." Rosemarie glared at his mocking face.
"Well then. The student body is certainly lucky that they have Saint Rosemarie to come running to their defense every time someone reprimands them. With all this rescuing you have to do Rosemarie, it's a wonder that you have any time left in the day to teach." His tone was becoming angrier, and Rosemarie could have sworn there was a vein pulsing in his forehead.
"Unlike you, my students happen to like me." There was another snicker from the classroom. "I can name you at least a hundred students who would gladly polish the school trophies with Flich than sit through one of your excruciating Potions lectures." Snape's normally pale face was flushed, and his black eyes were glittering angrily. Rosemarie could tell he was fast losing his own control.
"Perhaps you would be kind enough to give me their names and put an end to this argument, instead of standing here and yelling at me like a Muggle Fishwife." He spat at her.
"Now, now, Severus." She mimicked his condescending tone. "There's no need to go below the belt." As though she hadn't been doing the very same thing to him.
The expression in Snape's eyes changed, and he moved perceptibly closer. Rosemarie felt her breath catching in her chest, as he moved his face so close to hers that their noses were nearly touching. "There was a time not too long ago, Rosie, that you didn't mind my getting beneath your belt." He growled the words so softly, that Rosemarie was certain the students standing behind the door couldn't have heard him. She had almost forgotten that when the two of them used to fight all those years ago, they would almost always end up in bed together.
And Rosemarie could tell from the expression on his face, that he hadn't forgotten that either. "You're disgusting." Her whisper carried little conviction, and his eyes lit up. "Oh, Sweet Merlin." She thought to herself. "He's turned on." And Rosemarie was more than a little disconcerted at the fact that she was as well.
"Maybe," He was continuing in that same grating tone "if you weren't such a miserable harridan, you wouldn't repel every man you meet."
Rosemarie's eyes widened, then narrowed suddenly. She shoved him away from her, determined to mortify him. "No Severus, I do not want to sleep with you." Rosemarie said loud enough for the students to hear. "You're vile, disgusting and sorry to say, hygiene deficient. I'm sorry, but I'm not quite that desperate. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a class to teach." She let her eyes sparkle at him for a moment, before departing gloriously out of the dungeons with the sixth year's laughter and applause echoing around her. "And one more thing." She turned back to him. "If I ever hear that you were tormenting any of your students the way you did today, I promise that you will be sorry." Rosemarie gave him a meaningful look before continuing back down the hall.
Rosemarie was dreading that her first day of classes would be the absolute worst in Hogwarts' history-she was certain that everything that could go wrong in her first lessons would. She had visions of the students from hell- all clothed in Slytherin robes for some reason-taking over her class and hanging students-mostly in Hufflepuff robes-from the ceilings. Rosemarie barely got through breakfast; she ate hardly anything, and the little that she did eat tasted like straw. Her first class of the morning was with the Gryffindor sixth years, and for a moment Rosemarie considered handing in her resignation to Dumbledore, and going home. "Don't be ridiculous, Rosemarie." She berated herself. "Honestly, you're being a child over this. Severus was right when he commented on your infantile defense tactics last night." It wasn't until Rosemarie remembered exactly what he said to her the night before, that she realized she hadn't thought about Severus at all that morning. Come to think of it, he hadn't been at breakfast that morning. "If I can just avoid him for the rest of the year, everything will be fine. I can do this." She told herself over and over again. She walked into the classroom, confident in her ability to avoid Severus Snape, and teach a classroom full of Gryffindor sixth years.
Rosemarie walked to the front of the classroom, and faced her students with a smile on her face. Each of the students regarded her warily, and judging from their past history of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professors, she didn't blame them. "Good Morning! I know you've studied Boggarts, Grindylows, and" here Rosemarie allowed her smile to get bigger "Cornish Pixies." She was gratified to hear some snickers come from the class. "Also, in spite of the...unusual circumstances surrounding Professor Moody, I know that you've covered some of the curses as well." Rosemarie paused, and grinned at her class. "I thought that this year, we would perhaps work a little with both creatures and curses, and I can teach you the defenses that will come in handy in all your experiences with them. Rosemarie paused uncomfortably for a moment; the students were all staring at her and waiting for her to say something. "To be perfectly honest, while I have worked a lot with the Dark Arts, I'm unsure of the best way to teach the defenses to you." She smiled sheepishly. "Really, I'm about as talented at teaching as Peeves is at keeping quiet." The students all laughed at this, and Rosemarie began to relax. "If you have any questions, or suggestions about the class I'd be more than happy to hear them."
Seamus Finnigan got a mischievous glint in his eye. "We can ask you anything about Defense Against the Dark Arts?"
"Anything, Mr. Finnigan." Rosemarie smiled at him.
"Well, in that case, can you tell us how to get through a potions lecture without making Professor Snape go ape shi..."
"Seamus!" Hermione interrupted him quickly, amidst the class' laughter. "Watch your mouth in class!"
"Sorry, Professor." Seamus grinned at her.
"I'm sorry, Seamus, I missed that last bit of your question." She grinned back at him. "But I believe you were asking me how to get through a potions class without making Professor Snape blinking mad?"
"Yes, ma'am I was."
"I was unaware that the art of Potions was a dark art-particularly, the area involving dealing with one's professor."
"Well it isn't unless Snape is teaching the class. The miserable git makes our lives unbearable." Ron muttered under his breath, just loud enough for Rosemarie to hear.
"Ronald Weasley." Rosemarie put a stern look on her face. "Regardless of the fact that I too have many complaints with Professor Snape, I cannot allow that remark to pass without a reprimand." The whole class looked at her with expressions of horror on their faces. "So consider yourself reprimanded."
"Professor?" Harry looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean by many complaints? Do you have rows with him as much as we do?"
"Who doesn't?" Rosemarie thought to herself while taking a minute to think of a suitably democratic response. "Professor Snape is a talented potions professor, and in terms of his teaching, I have a great deal of respect for him. However," the faces of her students suddenly perked up "even people who respect each other disagree on certain subjects." Concealing a grin at the looks of disappointment her students were exchanging, Rosemarie returned to the task of teaching the class. "Does anyone else have any questions for me?"
Seamus raised his hand again. "Was Professor Snape always such a miserable git, or did he get that way as he got older?"
As the weeks passed by, Rosemarie settled comfortably into a routine. For the most part, her students liked her, especially after hearing whispers from the Gryffindor sixth years that she hated Professor Snape as much as they did. The Slytherins, even, paid attention in class, and Rosemarie had been informed by "a reliable source" (who also went by the name Seamus Finnigan) that Draco Malfoy had said she was "mad sexy, and wouldn't mind giving her a good snog." Rosemarie had also managed to avoid Snape as much as possible; she ate her meals at the
opposite end of the table from him, and never went anywhere near the Potions Dungeon or Staff Room when she knew he was there.
Wednesday was the day that Rosemarie had all her first year classes. The Slytherins were at 8:30, and then Rosemarie had a half-hour before a class of seventh year Ravenclaws came in at 10:00. She had the Gryffindors at 11:00 then lunch. Rosemarie had half an hour after lunch before the Hufflepuff first years came in at 1:00, and they were followed directly by the Ravenclaws at 2:00. The Gryffindors had Potions right before her class, and without fail, everyday Simon would come into class scowling. His best friend, Roger Harvey informed her it was because Professor Snape seemed to have some personal vendetta against Simon. Rosemarie suspected it was because Snape knew Simon was her "nephew", and his malice towards Simon was really directed at Rosemarie. She had no proof, and if she ever tried to say anything about it, Snape would just laugh in her face. Rosemarie had just dismissed the Hufflepuffs, and was preparing for her next class, when a sobbing Emma, flanked by her two best friends, Kate McCray and Julia Parfitt, burst into the room. She threw herself at Rosemarie, and buried her face in her mother's robes. "What happened? Emma, what's wrong? I need you to tell me what's wrong." Rosemarie asked anxiously.
"It's Professor Snape, Professor." Kate piped up. "Emma answered a question wrong, and he just started yelling at her."
"He said she was a poor excuse for a Hogwarts student, and that if he had ever given his Potions Professor such an idiotic response when he was a student, he would have been whipped like a filthy muggle, and given detention." Julia said over Emma's sobs. "He told her she was quite
possibly the stupidest student in Hogwarts history, and he took away twenty points from Ravenclaw...Professor? Are you alright?"
Rosemarie's face had gone dead white, and her eyes were flashing with anger. Emma looked up at her mother, and thought to herself that she had never seen her mother this mad. "Are you sure this is what he said?" Rosemarie asked in a low, barely controlled voice.
"Yes, Professor." Kate and Julia whispered.
Ginny Weasley just happened to be passing in the halls, and Rosemarie called out to her. "Miss. Weasley! Would you do me a favor? I just remembered some...pressing matters I have to discuss with Professor Snape, and I was hoping you would watch my class for me for just a few minutes."
"Certainly, Professor." Ginny answered quickly. She later told the rest of the Gryffindors that she had never thought Professor Bacall could ever look that angry, and Ron, Harry and Hermione, recounting what they had seen when Professor Bacall came into their potions class, said they could believe it.
Rosemarie knelt down, and gave Emma a hug, before standing back up and addressing her class. "Everyone! I have to leave the class for a few minutes, and while I'm gone Miss Weasley will be in charge. I want you to listen to her, and treat her with the same respect you would me." She looked around at the class once, before striding angrily from the classroom towards the Potions Dungeons. She had never been so furious in her entire life-how dare he say those things to an eleven year old! Emma may have answered a question wrong, but that was no reason for him to go out of his way to be so cruel. How could she have ever been in love with a man who would treat a child with such malice? These thoughts revolved around in her head, and kept Rosemarie's anger level at boiling. She burst into the Potions classroom, letting the doors slam against the wall. Snape had his class of Slytherin and Gryffindor sixth years, and each one of them turned to see who had entered the room. "Professor Snape, may I speak to you in the hall for a moment?" Rosemarie asked, her voice saccharine-sweet.
"Professor Bacall, in case you are suffering from a sudden attack of blindness, I might remind you that I have a class at this moment." His voice dripped with acrimony.
"I have no qualms about speaking to you in front of your class, Professor." Rosemarie was quickly losing her patience. "I'm going to say what I have to say right now."
Snape just rolled his eyes at the Slytherins, and was slightly put out when he noticed that none of them would look at him. Even Draco Malfoy, who could be counted on for insults on any occasion, refused to look back at him. His attention was captured by the very angry, and quite frankly, stunning Professor who was currently glaring at Snape. "Very well, Professor, you have five minutes." He followed Rosemarie out of the classroom, and closed the door behind him. As soon as the door was closed, all of the sixth years were up out of their seats, and crowding around the door. Draco opened the door a crack, in order to see and hear what was going on in the hall. The entire class was completely silent, straining to hear the professors' angry whispers. They didn't have long to wait until the voices of Professors Snape and Bacall were raised to shouting level.
"I knew you were cruel and heartless, Severus, I just didn't know you were cruel and heartless towards children." Rosemarie struggled to keep her voice even.
"My dear Rosemarie, I am fast losing what little patience I had with you, so I suggest you come to the point quickly before I get seriously angry with you." Snape's voice had taken on that soft, dangerous quality which still made Neville Longbottom wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.
"You vile bastard." Rosemarie lost her calm, even, control. "I don't care how you conduct your classes, but when I hear from more than one of my students how you went out of your way to be cruel to them?"
"You know, I never would have pegged Emma Bacall as a tattletale, but then I should have remembered who her aunt is." A slow, evil grin spread across Snape's face.
Rosemarie's eyes "Severus, please tell me, how have you managed to get this far in life by being a complete wanker?" Snape's eyes widened in surprise at her comment, and faint snickers could be heard from the potions classroom. "If you have a problem with me, you talk to me, you don't take it out on my niece like a cowardly prat."
Snape's eyes narrowed. "I should have known she would go running to you. You may find this difficult to believe, but not all the students at this school have an Auntie Rosemarie to run to every time Big Bad Professor Snape is mean to them."
"The fact that Emma is related to me has nothing to do with this. Had any student come to me, I would have willingly taken their part in an argument with you. Especially if it meant proving you wrong." Rosemarie glared at his mocking face.
"Well then. The student body is certainly lucky that they have Saint Rosemarie to come running to their defense every time someone reprimands them. With all this rescuing you have to do Rosemarie, it's a wonder that you have any time left in the day to teach." His tone was becoming angrier, and Rosemarie could have sworn there was a vein pulsing in his forehead.
"Unlike you, my students happen to like me." There was another snicker from the classroom. "I can name you at least a hundred students who would gladly polish the school trophies with Flich than sit through one of your excruciating Potions lectures." Snape's normally pale face was flushed, and his black eyes were glittering angrily. Rosemarie could tell he was fast losing his own control.
"Perhaps you would be kind enough to give me their names and put an end to this argument, instead of standing here and yelling at me like a Muggle Fishwife." He spat at her.
"Now, now, Severus." She mimicked his condescending tone. "There's no need to go below the belt." As though she hadn't been doing the very same thing to him.
The expression in Snape's eyes changed, and he moved perceptibly closer. Rosemarie felt her breath catching in her chest, as he moved his face so close to hers that their noses were nearly touching. "There was a time not too long ago, Rosie, that you didn't mind my getting beneath your belt." He growled the words so softly, that Rosemarie was certain the students standing behind the door couldn't have heard him. She had almost forgotten that when the two of them used to fight all those years ago, they would almost always end up in bed together.
And Rosemarie could tell from the expression on his face, that he hadn't forgotten that either. "You're disgusting." Her whisper carried little conviction, and his eyes lit up. "Oh, Sweet Merlin." She thought to herself. "He's turned on." And Rosemarie was more than a little disconcerted at the fact that she was as well.
"Maybe," He was continuing in that same grating tone "if you weren't such a miserable harridan, you wouldn't repel every man you meet."
Rosemarie's eyes widened, then narrowed suddenly. She shoved him away from her, determined to mortify him. "No Severus, I do not want to sleep with you." Rosemarie said loud enough for the students to hear. "You're vile, disgusting and sorry to say, hygiene deficient. I'm sorry, but I'm not quite that desperate. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a class to teach." She let her eyes sparkle at him for a moment, before departing gloriously out of the dungeons with the sixth year's laughter and applause echoing around her. "And one more thing." She turned back to him. "If I ever hear that you were tormenting any of your students the way you did today, I promise that you will be sorry." Rosemarie gave him a meaningful look before continuing back down the hall.
