Part Two
As they walked back to the Aoiya he felt something tickle at the back of his mind. Something was supposed to happen today, he was sure of it. But what?
Aoshi slapped his forehead in a very un-Aoshi-like gesture, which wasn't the point since he was Ai now. What did matter was that Sagara, draped across the yard like a monstrous cowhide come to live, had just wolf whistled at him.
Aoshi paused and walked over. He towered over the sprawled ex-gangster and remarked in a frosty tone, "Is that how you treat women. No wonder you have to pay."
Sagara hissed in surprise and recoiled with a hurt blink.
"Cold broad."
"Thank you. Perhaps you should treat women with a bit more respect."
"That wasn't a compliment!" Sagara protested.
"However, I accepted it as such therefore it is." Aoshi explained slowly trying to use little words.
"Eck, is that some Zen crap? Hey, you look a lot of Aoshi. Are you Aoshi in drag?"
How very astute. Or Aoshi might have thought if he hadn't already met the man. The spiky hair youth was probably drunk out of his mind.
"This is Ai. She's Aoshi-sama's cousin!"
This particular announcement was made to not only Sagara, but also Kamiya and that kid. Aoshi forgot his name.
"Wow, you do look like Aoshi in drag." Aoshi glared and Yahiko paused in his blabbering before continuing, "And you glare just like him too."
"Where is Aoshi?" Kamiya asked peering around as if he was going to jump out of some bushes and slaughter them. Did he really give that impression?
"Aoshi had to take care of some business. He wishes you to know that his return is complicated and may take some time." There, all perfectly true and well phrased. If you considered this curse like a pleasure filled journey of enlightenment that was. Which he didn't.
He wasn't sure exactly what he expected but shrugging it off completely wasn't it. Had he really been such a jerk? Rhetorical question, no need to answer that one.
Himura came around the corner and automatically greeted, without looking up, "Hello Aoshi."
"Kenshin you dolt. Look at people before you speak to them!" Kamiya chided making the petite man look up with startled violet eyes.
Aoshi shot him a very potent look that promised great pain, er embarrassment if the dip opened his mouth. And he would make good on it too. He supposed his ki wouldn't have changed overly much and while the man was purposely dense somehow Aoshi knew he wouldn't overlook this.
This could be summed up in one word: Mortifying.
"I believe you have mistaken me for my," And he put special emphasis on this next word, "Cousin. My name is Ai."
"May I speak to you in private?" Himura asked in bemusement. Oh how Aoshi wanted to strangle his skinny pencil neck. Instead he manfully- er, bravely nodded and joined his ex-enemy around the corner.
"Aoshi?" He asked tentatively.
"What is it Himura?" Aoshi said raising an eyebrow.
"This unworthy one was wondering..." Kenshin trailed off delicately.
"Kami."
"Ah. You were rude then?"
Little snot. Of course he wasn't rude. He hardly said a word. He had been minding his own dang business! If the pig expected him to drop down and kiss its hooves forget it.
"It could have been worse, that it could have. You could be a pig."
"If only I were so lucky." Aoshi muttered rebelliously. He gestured to his chest then yanked lightly at the high ponytail topping his head. Then he flashed an impressive set of claws and rolled his eyes, "Does this look enjoyable?"
"Perhaps not, but you look very attractive, that you do."
"Keep your eyes on that Kamiya girl." Aoshi grumbled hoping that the ex- assassin wasn't serious. If he was attractive then he was going to have a problem. More idiots like Sagara were sure to notice.
"I think Sano finds you so, that I do."
Aoshi wanted to retort that whatever gave him that notion. Instead he leaned back against the wall, "Tell me about inner demons and how to vanquish them."
"Oro?"
Aoshi focused his gaze on the smaller man and informed him, "That is hardly the correct answer. I require the answer to that question to return to myself."
"I think that each man..." To his credit Himura only stumbled for a moment with his wording, "Person has their own personal obligations and demons. I can not tell you, that I can not."
"Helpful." Aoshi said in understanding. So this was a solo mission. He could do that, and he had had the feeling that that's how it was going to be. Still, being an inherent pessimist did occasionally have this scary burst of optimism that someone might actually be of use.
"Have you ever considered helping others?" Himura asked brightly and Aoshi's now heavily lashed eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"No." Aoshi said shortly, "Most people consider me insane."
"This unworthy one does not..."
"That is because you are insane; therefore you are in the same category as I am." Aoshi replied, unruffled, "Ask anyone with the exception of the people who know you well."
"If life were truly fair you would be female and I would be peacefully meditating. You are half way there anyway." Aoshi said in annoyance. He was still empty handed and having a conversation with Himura to boot. A good way to become very cranky.
"This unworthy one does not look like a girl!" Himura protested and unconsciously flipped his long hair in a decidedly female manner. His pink clothing would hardly be worn by any self-respecting male and his petite build was almost considered stick-like.
"How many wolf whistles have you received since your arrival in Kyoto?" Aoshi questioned with no little inner satisfaction. If the man was going to psycho-babble him then this was only justice.
"This unworthy one does not have to answer that." Himura mumbled defiantly and Aoshi was willing to bet the man liked him better when he was silent.
Aoshi had to stifle a heart felt groan when he heard the old man coming. Honestly, skirt chasing at that age? And it sounded like he had royally displeased Okon. She tended to throw things more than Omasu did.
"When I catch you... Hiko!"
Okina skittered around the corner wild eyed and panting with his hair in frizzled disarray. His eyes took on a gleeful glint as he spotted Aoshi. The man-turned-woman reacted to the threat just a moment too late.
"You, my dear, are gorgeous. Such a lust- I mean lovely young woman." Aoshi tried desperately to remove his hand from the vice grip and make an undignified retreat. Better to retreat now than have his butt groped by the man who was once under his command.
"Let go old man." Aoshi warned and Himura stood frozen. Aoshi glanced over with his side vision. If that man was even looking the slightest bit amused... but no, he was looking properly horrified.
A wicked glint lurked in those old eyes and the lecher grinned, "Such calluses for a demure lass."
"Such curiosity for an old man who is supposedly retired." Aoshi retorted.
Okina wrinkled his nose and stroked his beard, "It is good to see you so comfortable and adjusted young Miss Shinomori. I did not realize Aoshi had any relatives left."
"He's not going to have any adopted ones either if you continue this course of folly." Aoshi said, lightly veiling his threat with a coat of shimmering ice.
Okina nervously licked his lips and muttered something that sounded like point taken.
Now in all honesty, Aoshi shouldn't have done that. Not after almost butchering the old man just a short while before. It was just... this growing urgency to kill the nearest living being.
He didn't understand it. One moment he was perfectly fine and the next he was ready to rip someone's head off. Preferably a man's. And his lower abdomen kept rippling with a strangle pain.
Pushing the strange sensations out of his mind he concentrated on his escape. He wasn't the most sociable of people in the first place. The unsettling rage that seemed to come and go without any warning was hardly encouraging. Plus, he had heard Okon shout the H word with such fever and glee.
"Master!"
"Stupid student." Such a cordial greeting. "Shinomori, you look nice." The big man walked up talking a fist full of ponytail lightly and gave a not so gentle yank, "It suits you."
"Asininities suit you as well." Aoshi snarled under his breath and readjusted his obnoxiously long hair. Now he remembered why he always kept it short. Ponytails, and scarves for that matter, were far too easy to get a hold of and yank.
"Here. You can borrow mine."
Aoshi looked to see a rather worn ribbon practically up his nose. He looked past the dirty, ragged nails and the conditioned palm towards Kamiya's face.
"Misao didn't do a very good job of introducing us earlier, but you and Kenshin seemed to have hit it off."
There was going to be some hitting alright.
Instead of going after the great man himself, a sure suicide move woman or not, he accepted the ribbon with what he hoped resembled a smile. His mouth wasn't cooperating very well. It didn't like being stretched so much.
"Anyway, my name is Kaoru Kamiya and the kid is Yahiko and that lazy bum who was whistling at you was Sanosuke Sagara."
Aoshi wanted to ask if Takani had also attended, but it would hardly be wise to reveal his knowledge.
"Oh, and Megumi is around here somewhere. One of the neighbors had a slight emergency and she's a doctor so she went to see about it."
"I see." He didn't offer his "name" since he was sure Misao had already informed them- several time most likely- what it was.
"Ai, Kaoru! Dinner time!"
Just as the two of them made it to the back door Misao asked cheerily, "Ai, would you like to go shopping with Kaoru and I?"
No, no not really. Not at all. He had been dragged on a shopping trip only once before and somehow he ended up carrying baggage and standing for hours listening to magpie chatter.
"Ai would love to, that she would!" Himura put in brightly coming up to them with a wide smile. To Aoshi he mouthed, "Do unto others..."
And Aoshi knew then that killing inner demons was not longer his top priority. Escaping femininity took precedent.
Feeling decidedly fat and ungainly, he ignored another ripple of pain and followed the traitorous Battousai and the two girls inside. This was going to end one way or another. In his present mood it was going to be bloody.
A/N: Well, I roped my mother into helping me and we were in the middle of reworking the first chapter when my aunt called in pieces. Her dog Silver's tumor had ruptured in her liver and needed to be put down. Needless to say, that killed any humor. This week has just been awful for me to be in SC instead of KS. *Sigh * But you guys get this so its still good. Your replies have been very boosting and this is already almost 30 pages.
ice queen: This is pretty much just humor. Besides, I'm terrible at romance, just awful. Ask MissBehavin', Tru, or eriesalia ^__^ You wouldn't want me to scar you against that pairing on accident now would you? If you really do, I wrote a one-shot titled "Addiction". Its not humor, but it's an A/M.
Pu: It's coming ^^ I post every Sunday and Thursday. The next part is done and the forth part is coming. If I can make it behave it will be 5 parts.
Lady Midori (Shimizu Hitomi): Aoshi is a wonderfully cooperative victim most of the time. But Kenshin was fun too.
Trupana: I think that covers it. Well, there wasn't much he could do about it and Misao was coming. O__O Uh-oh, I'm inspiring you? I think Aoshi wants to strangle me now. Hmm, so that means you'll finish the next chapter soon and post it? *innocent smile * Sometimes she reminds me of a yappy little dog (not that I advocate debarking, its horrible, but sometimes you just want to SHUT THEM UP). I have plans for all the Kenshin-gumi (lucky them).
Indigochipmunk: The idea actually came when I wondered what he would be like on PMS -__- I know I'm weird.
Fyyrrose: I was thinking more P-chan from Ranma 1/2, but maybe that's because of the gender thing. Besides, I told you what I'd do to Bacon if Okita weren't protecting the little sausage. Is killing Aoshi bad? He got to skip out on the rest of the fic! Anyway, I killed/will kill half the cast, he just went first. What an honor. I think being a "psuedo- pri- priest" was far more torture. He had to put up with Hiko, Tokio, Katsu, and Kaoru all in his office at one time (not to mention Saitoh and Kenshin as well). Who next? Depends on the inspiration. *starts laughing * It was uncanny how fast I came up with situations for each of the guys. And that bit with Yahiko was more than I needed to consider thank you very much! I wonder why I couldn't think of anything for Soujirou. ;__; I'm losing my knack! Well sorry! Sano has a mind of his own and I have to keep reminding him that its PG, and TTUH can be R. Wait, it WILL be after the snake bite.
Eriesalia: Oh yes, "Ai" will have some problems with that ^__^ Part Four. As for Aoshi I've decided it must be some form of self-mutilation that draws me to him (we are very similar in nature). Either that or he's just plain fun! And he's dead in one of them. Is that torture?
As they walked back to the Aoiya he felt something tickle at the back of his mind. Something was supposed to happen today, he was sure of it. But what?
Aoshi slapped his forehead in a very un-Aoshi-like gesture, which wasn't the point since he was Ai now. What did matter was that Sagara, draped across the yard like a monstrous cowhide come to live, had just wolf whistled at him.
Aoshi paused and walked over. He towered over the sprawled ex-gangster and remarked in a frosty tone, "Is that how you treat women. No wonder you have to pay."
Sagara hissed in surprise and recoiled with a hurt blink.
"Cold broad."
"Thank you. Perhaps you should treat women with a bit more respect."
"That wasn't a compliment!" Sagara protested.
"However, I accepted it as such therefore it is." Aoshi explained slowly trying to use little words.
"Eck, is that some Zen crap? Hey, you look a lot of Aoshi. Are you Aoshi in drag?"
How very astute. Or Aoshi might have thought if he hadn't already met the man. The spiky hair youth was probably drunk out of his mind.
"This is Ai. She's Aoshi-sama's cousin!"
This particular announcement was made to not only Sagara, but also Kamiya and that kid. Aoshi forgot his name.
"Wow, you do look like Aoshi in drag." Aoshi glared and Yahiko paused in his blabbering before continuing, "And you glare just like him too."
"Where is Aoshi?" Kamiya asked peering around as if he was going to jump out of some bushes and slaughter them. Did he really give that impression?
"Aoshi had to take care of some business. He wishes you to know that his return is complicated and may take some time." There, all perfectly true and well phrased. If you considered this curse like a pleasure filled journey of enlightenment that was. Which he didn't.
He wasn't sure exactly what he expected but shrugging it off completely wasn't it. Had he really been such a jerk? Rhetorical question, no need to answer that one.
Himura came around the corner and automatically greeted, without looking up, "Hello Aoshi."
"Kenshin you dolt. Look at people before you speak to them!" Kamiya chided making the petite man look up with startled violet eyes.
Aoshi shot him a very potent look that promised great pain, er embarrassment if the dip opened his mouth. And he would make good on it too. He supposed his ki wouldn't have changed overly much and while the man was purposely dense somehow Aoshi knew he wouldn't overlook this.
This could be summed up in one word: Mortifying.
"I believe you have mistaken me for my," And he put special emphasis on this next word, "Cousin. My name is Ai."
"May I speak to you in private?" Himura asked in bemusement. Oh how Aoshi wanted to strangle his skinny pencil neck. Instead he manfully- er, bravely nodded and joined his ex-enemy around the corner.
"Aoshi?" He asked tentatively.
"What is it Himura?" Aoshi said raising an eyebrow.
"This unworthy one was wondering..." Kenshin trailed off delicately.
"Kami."
"Ah. You were rude then?"
Little snot. Of course he wasn't rude. He hardly said a word. He had been minding his own dang business! If the pig expected him to drop down and kiss its hooves forget it.
"It could have been worse, that it could have. You could be a pig."
"If only I were so lucky." Aoshi muttered rebelliously. He gestured to his chest then yanked lightly at the high ponytail topping his head. Then he flashed an impressive set of claws and rolled his eyes, "Does this look enjoyable?"
"Perhaps not, but you look very attractive, that you do."
"Keep your eyes on that Kamiya girl." Aoshi grumbled hoping that the ex- assassin wasn't serious. If he was attractive then he was going to have a problem. More idiots like Sagara were sure to notice.
"I think Sano finds you so, that I do."
Aoshi wanted to retort that whatever gave him that notion. Instead he leaned back against the wall, "Tell me about inner demons and how to vanquish them."
"Oro?"
Aoshi focused his gaze on the smaller man and informed him, "That is hardly the correct answer. I require the answer to that question to return to myself."
"I think that each man..." To his credit Himura only stumbled for a moment with his wording, "Person has their own personal obligations and demons. I can not tell you, that I can not."
"Helpful." Aoshi said in understanding. So this was a solo mission. He could do that, and he had had the feeling that that's how it was going to be. Still, being an inherent pessimist did occasionally have this scary burst of optimism that someone might actually be of use.
"Have you ever considered helping others?" Himura asked brightly and Aoshi's now heavily lashed eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"No." Aoshi said shortly, "Most people consider me insane."
"This unworthy one does not..."
"That is because you are insane; therefore you are in the same category as I am." Aoshi replied, unruffled, "Ask anyone with the exception of the people who know you well."
"If life were truly fair you would be female and I would be peacefully meditating. You are half way there anyway." Aoshi said in annoyance. He was still empty handed and having a conversation with Himura to boot. A good way to become very cranky.
"This unworthy one does not look like a girl!" Himura protested and unconsciously flipped his long hair in a decidedly female manner. His pink clothing would hardly be worn by any self-respecting male and his petite build was almost considered stick-like.
"How many wolf whistles have you received since your arrival in Kyoto?" Aoshi questioned with no little inner satisfaction. If the man was going to psycho-babble him then this was only justice.
"This unworthy one does not have to answer that." Himura mumbled defiantly and Aoshi was willing to bet the man liked him better when he was silent.
Aoshi had to stifle a heart felt groan when he heard the old man coming. Honestly, skirt chasing at that age? And it sounded like he had royally displeased Okon. She tended to throw things more than Omasu did.
"When I catch you... Hiko!"
Okina skittered around the corner wild eyed and panting with his hair in frizzled disarray. His eyes took on a gleeful glint as he spotted Aoshi. The man-turned-woman reacted to the threat just a moment too late.
"You, my dear, are gorgeous. Such a lust- I mean lovely young woman." Aoshi tried desperately to remove his hand from the vice grip and make an undignified retreat. Better to retreat now than have his butt groped by the man who was once under his command.
"Let go old man." Aoshi warned and Himura stood frozen. Aoshi glanced over with his side vision. If that man was even looking the slightest bit amused... but no, he was looking properly horrified.
A wicked glint lurked in those old eyes and the lecher grinned, "Such calluses for a demure lass."
"Such curiosity for an old man who is supposedly retired." Aoshi retorted.
Okina wrinkled his nose and stroked his beard, "It is good to see you so comfortable and adjusted young Miss Shinomori. I did not realize Aoshi had any relatives left."
"He's not going to have any adopted ones either if you continue this course of folly." Aoshi said, lightly veiling his threat with a coat of shimmering ice.
Okina nervously licked his lips and muttered something that sounded like point taken.
Now in all honesty, Aoshi shouldn't have done that. Not after almost butchering the old man just a short while before. It was just... this growing urgency to kill the nearest living being.
He didn't understand it. One moment he was perfectly fine and the next he was ready to rip someone's head off. Preferably a man's. And his lower abdomen kept rippling with a strangle pain.
Pushing the strange sensations out of his mind he concentrated on his escape. He wasn't the most sociable of people in the first place. The unsettling rage that seemed to come and go without any warning was hardly encouraging. Plus, he had heard Okon shout the H word with such fever and glee.
"Master!"
"Stupid student." Such a cordial greeting. "Shinomori, you look nice." The big man walked up talking a fist full of ponytail lightly and gave a not so gentle yank, "It suits you."
"Asininities suit you as well." Aoshi snarled under his breath and readjusted his obnoxiously long hair. Now he remembered why he always kept it short. Ponytails, and scarves for that matter, were far too easy to get a hold of and yank.
"Here. You can borrow mine."
Aoshi looked to see a rather worn ribbon practically up his nose. He looked past the dirty, ragged nails and the conditioned palm towards Kamiya's face.
"Misao didn't do a very good job of introducing us earlier, but you and Kenshin seemed to have hit it off."
There was going to be some hitting alright.
Instead of going after the great man himself, a sure suicide move woman or not, he accepted the ribbon with what he hoped resembled a smile. His mouth wasn't cooperating very well. It didn't like being stretched so much.
"Anyway, my name is Kaoru Kamiya and the kid is Yahiko and that lazy bum who was whistling at you was Sanosuke Sagara."
Aoshi wanted to ask if Takani had also attended, but it would hardly be wise to reveal his knowledge.
"Oh, and Megumi is around here somewhere. One of the neighbors had a slight emergency and she's a doctor so she went to see about it."
"I see." He didn't offer his "name" since he was sure Misao had already informed them- several time most likely- what it was.
"Ai, Kaoru! Dinner time!"
Just as the two of them made it to the back door Misao asked cheerily, "Ai, would you like to go shopping with Kaoru and I?"
No, no not really. Not at all. He had been dragged on a shopping trip only once before and somehow he ended up carrying baggage and standing for hours listening to magpie chatter.
"Ai would love to, that she would!" Himura put in brightly coming up to them with a wide smile. To Aoshi he mouthed, "Do unto others..."
And Aoshi knew then that killing inner demons was not longer his top priority. Escaping femininity took precedent.
Feeling decidedly fat and ungainly, he ignored another ripple of pain and followed the traitorous Battousai and the two girls inside. This was going to end one way or another. In his present mood it was going to be bloody.
A/N: Well, I roped my mother into helping me and we were in the middle of reworking the first chapter when my aunt called in pieces. Her dog Silver's tumor had ruptured in her liver and needed to be put down. Needless to say, that killed any humor. This week has just been awful for me to be in SC instead of KS. *Sigh * But you guys get this so its still good. Your replies have been very boosting and this is already almost 30 pages.
ice queen: This is pretty much just humor. Besides, I'm terrible at romance, just awful. Ask MissBehavin', Tru, or eriesalia ^__^ You wouldn't want me to scar you against that pairing on accident now would you? If you really do, I wrote a one-shot titled "Addiction". Its not humor, but it's an A/M.
Pu: It's coming ^^ I post every Sunday and Thursday. The next part is done and the forth part is coming. If I can make it behave it will be 5 parts.
Lady Midori (Shimizu Hitomi): Aoshi is a wonderfully cooperative victim most of the time. But Kenshin was fun too.
Trupana: I think that covers it. Well, there wasn't much he could do about it and Misao was coming. O__O Uh-oh, I'm inspiring you? I think Aoshi wants to strangle me now. Hmm, so that means you'll finish the next chapter soon and post it? *innocent smile * Sometimes she reminds me of a yappy little dog (not that I advocate debarking, its horrible, but sometimes you just want to SHUT THEM UP). I have plans for all the Kenshin-gumi (lucky them).
Indigochipmunk: The idea actually came when I wondered what he would be like on PMS -__- I know I'm weird.
Fyyrrose: I was thinking more P-chan from Ranma 1/2, but maybe that's because of the gender thing. Besides, I told you what I'd do to Bacon if Okita weren't protecting the little sausage. Is killing Aoshi bad? He got to skip out on the rest of the fic! Anyway, I killed/will kill half the cast, he just went first. What an honor. I think being a "psuedo- pri- priest" was far more torture. He had to put up with Hiko, Tokio, Katsu, and Kaoru all in his office at one time (not to mention Saitoh and Kenshin as well). Who next? Depends on the inspiration. *starts laughing * It was uncanny how fast I came up with situations for each of the guys. And that bit with Yahiko was more than I needed to consider thank you very much! I wonder why I couldn't think of anything for Soujirou. ;__; I'm losing my knack! Well sorry! Sano has a mind of his own and I have to keep reminding him that its PG, and TTUH can be R. Wait, it WILL be after the snake bite.
Eriesalia: Oh yes, "Ai" will have some problems with that ^__^ Part Four. As for Aoshi I've decided it must be some form of self-mutilation that draws me to him (we are very similar in nature). Either that or he's just plain fun! And he's dead in one of them. Is that torture?
