Chapter Three

Aoshi bolted awake one hand going towards the hilt of his absent kodachi and the other flying to his chest. Which led him to the second early morning heart attack.

Sunshine poured down proclaiming to the world that it was a lovely, bright morning with all the potential in the world. But all Aoshi saw was the horrible memories and even more horrid details of what this waking nightmare had in store.

If he was any good at flinging projectiles those happy birds wouldn't be so dang happy anymore!

"Ai, are you decent?" Kamiya called out and he glanced at his half revealed state. Well, he was a woman now so what did he care?

"Yes."

He was rearranging his sleeping robes wondering what in the world he was going to wear because his godly kimono had disappeared from where it had been laid out the night before.

"Sorry! This unworthy one thought that you were dressed!" Himura all but screamed in a panic and tried to back out and slide the door shut again.

Aoshi raised an eyebrow in silent amusement. The man acted like he'd never seen a half nude woman before.

"Kenshin you dolt!" Kamiya did scream Aoshi wasn't sure whether it was outrage or mortification.

This day had suddenly gotten so much better within a span of five minutes.

"I apologize." Aoshi said taking sudden pity on the poor man before him. It was a fleeting feeling because the next moment had him wanted to rip Sagara's head off.

"Wow," The youth's speech slurred with sleep was almost unintelligible, and his hair was even messier than usual without the familiar red bandana to tame it. "I must be dreaming if I just heard a woman apologize without any fancy code crap."

Okina wandered by, "Ai is a special sort of woman."

What was this? Yokohama Harbor? The Aoiya was a large place, yet here was half the current populace gaping at him.

"I seem to have misplaced my clothing." He informed the group earning strange looks.

"I think you look better without it." Sagara grinned cheekily and Aoshi fought back the murderous flash that hit him like a flaming torch of passionate hatred.

A resounding hollow smack resounded down the polished hall and everyone but Aoshi and Sagara jumped. In fact, the latter fell forward, and the brain dead youth had probably lost his last few brain cells to head trauma.

"Roosterhead, you sound more intelligent when you are asleep." The lady doctor admonished tucking her medicine bag innocently out of view. "Ohohoho, who's this?"

Suddenly Aoshi found himself on the receiving end of those devious dark eyes, and he resisted the urge to slam his door and lock it tight so he could sleep the rest of his life away.

"Ai." He remarked with his trademark deadpan expression. The only thing running through his mind was how to escape without being mercilessly teased. He could deal with Sagara. He was far more aware of the dynamics of that nature than most gave him credit. Yet he had no clue how to deflecting friendly taunts. Mostly because in his male form no one ever dared to try. "May I borrow your clothing?"

Maybe it was his distinct lack of good grace or his nonexistent sense of humor that warned that her tricks would be wasted because five minutes later he was staring at a particularly long obi.

Staring at the rest of the rather nice, tasteful kimono he realized something about the woman he had guarded under Kanyruu's employment. She really seemed to like the color purple.

He stared hostilely at the length of cloth that twined like python. He was certain it would squeeze the life out of him if he gave it a chance. Already he could feel the kimono's fabric trap and ensnare him. It hugged his hips and made it all but impossible to walk freely. His hair was up in a strict high ponytail and secured with a strip of leather. He wasn't going to wear a ribbon if he didn't have to.

He had fought in many different outfits. That reminder was rather wishy- washy as he struggled to tie the obi in what he hoped was a correct knot.

He must have been making quite a bit of noise – not that he was cursing or smashing things exactly- because Kamiya's syrupy voice filled with concern oozed in.

"Do you need some help Ai?"

"No"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay, we'll be downstairs eating breakfast. Join us when you're ready."

It took an eternity to wrestle the fabric snake into obedience and even longer to figure out how to walk properly. Twice he fell on his face. Thankfully there were no witness. Not that there would have been if someone had seen him. He would have made sure of that.

Separating from the shallow shadows he killed the urge to brush his kimono nervously. He was Aoshi Shinomori, woman or no, and he didn't get nervous. Especially not over something so silly and pointless as a dress.

Total silence met his arrive. Even Misao, who was in the middle of a particularly loud proclamation, cut her sentence off so abruptly it hung in the air.

Suddenly, Kamiya and Misao's faces were the color of tomatoes and Sagara had such a wide grin that Aoshi was sure his face would split in two. Kenshin blinked and choked on his bite of breakfast while Nameless Kid looked on in confusion.

Takani rolled her eyes and shook her head in annoyance. At first he thought it was directed at him, but she whirled on the spectators.

"Honestly girls, you should be less bashful and more helpful! While amnesia rarely interferences with everyday functions it has been documented before. And I told you that. Rooster, if you don't wipe that lecherous grin off your face this instant you'll regret it." She snapped forcefully.

Then she turned on him and hustled him back into his temporary room.

"May I inquire into my error?"

"Your obi is tied in the front. Now let me undo it and tie it properly. At least then you will be able to go in public." She said all of this while professionally stripping and redressing him. In a fifth of the time it had taken him to beat the clothing into submission. She eyed him critically and nodded, "You're presentable. Now don't let those girls push you around."

He nodded dumbly. Yes, dumbly. Something so inconceivable he couldn't credit it at first.

After a mild breakfast (with only a few cracks at his mistake) they were ready to face the day. Or rather, Aoshi was ready to go back to bed. Something which Sagara also considered because he wandered off in the direction of his room. Aoshi very much doubted he did so to write haikus.

It started out pleasant enough and for two foolish minutes a rare burst of optimism hit him.

By the first shop he was ready to go. By the fifth his mouth was dry and his throat itchy from breathing in fabric bits. By the tenth he was ready to tear the stupid things off the wall, pour kerosene over them, and watch them blaze beautifully.

After that he refused to count. They all looked the same to him anyway. Who kept track of what was one tiny shade lighter than the other, or how this neckline didn't stoop quite so low as the other?

Never a man- er person for boredom he entertained the notion of food because he was also hungry, imagine that! Each course featured one main ingredient: PIG.

He was in the middle of mentally flavoring some savory sausages when Misao squealed. For an instant he was looking for that evil Kami. Misao didn't usually sound like a piglet, or not too much so. Whatever she had found must have excited her more than usual.

"Ai you have to see this!" She said dancing with flamboyant glee and pride. She was pointing at something Aoshi couldn't quite see. He almost considered looking until his common sense slaughtered his curiosity. Instead he tried to back up only to run into Kamiya. She pushed him forward.

How fast did suffocation occur if you purposefully swallowed your tongue?

He stared as if blinking would sear the inside of his eyelids. That was quite possibly the ugliest thing he had ever seen in his life. Uglier than Saitoh deprived of nicotine; Uglier than Hiko's ego; Uglier than Kaoru's cooking. In short it was absolutely revolting.

Misao was about to lay claim to the thing, calling it divine and perfect for him. He wondered if she had lost her mind. How could something the color of Himura's repulsive shirt speckled with yellow butterflies that not only looked deformed and twisted, but also were the color of mustard be perfect for anything other than rags? He wouldn't wish that on his worse enemy. Not even Kamatari could make that thing look good.

"Excuse me young lady, but I had hold of this kimono first. If you would kindly remove your grubby hands from it I wish to purchase it." An older woman remarked bluntly to Misao. The young ninja wasn't detoured by the stiff tone.

"Hey, my hands aren't dirty and I had it first!" Yank.

"You are simply a spoiled brat who refuses to acknowledge the fact that your elder and better has the authority and right to first choice. Let go or I will remove your hands myself!" The lady snapped and Aoshi noticed the boy for the first time. He was stealthily sneaking behind Misao readying for what could have been a painful kick.

If Aoshi hadn't slipped behind him and casually hit the back of the kid's knees. The child crumpled in a spitting and cursing heap.

By then words had been tossed aside in the true way of woman who wanted what they wanted and weren't going to back down. Aoshi imagined that he could almost see a snarl and compared them to two strays fighting over a rotten bite of food.

"Give it up lady, I had it first!" Misao howled giving a particularly vicious yank. There was a distinct ripping sound and the other woman immediately dropped it.

She serenely moved to the exit without a glance back leaving a dumbfounded Misao.

"Hey! You broke it too. You should at least pay half you old witch!" Misao screamed after her, waving the kimono like a banner of defeat.

Aoshi was too busy sighing in relief to notice his pint-sized attack.

There was a sharp pain in his shin and he twitched slightly. Even as a woman it would take more than a kick to make him react. He stared down icily. He hadn't considered children before, but he was beginning to dislike them.

"My father could kill you for that, you dog!" The boy shouted aiming another kick, "Your mother must have been a pig to raise such a disgraceful woman!"

Aoshi lost patience and let the blind rage come. After all, it wasn't like anyone would actually miss the brat.

"Leave before I decide human flesh is a delicacy." Aoshi snapped and bared his teeth.

The kid's eyes grew wide before he fled.

Misao walked up grumbling about rude ladies and ripped kimonos. She looked up just in time to see the kid bolt.

"What did you say to him Ai? That you were going to cook him for supper and use his eyes as dessert?"

"Similar."

"Well, the damage isn't too bad. The shopkeeper's wife is a seamstress and she volunteered to fix it for free.

Kamiya came up and looked between them. Instead of asking the stupid question of what she missed, Aoshi assumed she would ask Misao later where the tale could be embellished, she held up an ugly ribbon. It was similar in color to the yellow on the kimono, just a touch darker, and had contorted magenta butterflies dying across it.

"I saw this and knew it was perfect for Ai!" Kamiya gushed and Aoshi felt like running. This was surreal. She was supposed to be a tomboy, they both were. Then again, it explained the total lack of taste and why Megumi refused to accompany them. "And you guys even found a kimono to match! Oh, you just have to wear it now!"

Not on Okina's life.

Ten minutes later he was decked out in his finest. At least he got the obi right this time. He thought anyway. Too bad it was the same vomit inducing yellow.

"You're gorgeous!"

He bowed his head in what they assumed, naively, was embarrassment. He was actually considering how best to escape in the shadows and kill a Kami. Ham sounded nice.

Which probably was what prompted him to order it. They choose a semi- crowded area to sit down and eat. Aoshi gave only one or two longing looks towards the privacy of the roofs. He was Ai now and had to play the part of a female. And they seemed to be incredibly social creatures. It was beginning to wear on him.

"Don't do that Misao!" Kamiya chided the braided girl and tried to pin her arm. Misao shrugged her off and continued to toss scraps towards a trio of stray dogs, "Why not? They're hungry."

"They will follow us! You really want some mean dogs following you?" Kamiya insisted practically and Aoshi approved. It was something he would have said.

Before Misao could answer a dogfight broke out. With a surprised noise and an involuntary jerk Misao sent the rest of her lunch into the air. And Lady Luck must have been in a particularly sadistic mood that day.

The lady from the store and Misao shouted at the same time with accusatory fingers raised and ready, "You!"

The flying food found a safe haven on the woman's boy. He wiped off the liquid soup in disgust and casually plucked up a gob of sticky rice. With a clean throw he nailed Misao.

She reacted in kind, however, her aim was not so clean. She accidentally smacked a poor innocent. Or at least the man was a poor innocent. It turned out his aim was quite admirable. Especially when he hit Kamiya with a messy pastry.

"Jerk!" She screamed red in the face.

"Retaliation is not advisable."

"Please be quiet Ai. This was my favorite kimono." She remarked calmly before whipping something or other from behind her back and lobbed it in the general direction of the man.

The return fire was heavily spiced and it stung when it smashed into Aoshi's unprotected, unsuspecting face. He calmly wiped it off.

Kamiya laughed in enjoyment and teased, "You were saying? Besides, I think you've made a friend." She pointed to the little fiend who tried to stab Misao in the back earlier.

The beast child was stalking much like a wolf intent on prey. His light brown eyes glittered maliciously and a smirk graced his lips. In each hand were the siblings to the food gob that had hit Aoshi in the face. Suddenly his hand seemed to be moving of its own accord to pick up some ham. Taking careful, yet unwilling aim, he let fly.

Bullseye!

Eat rice and die kid.

What he wasn't expecting was the general public's opinion on attacking a child. Suddenly he was on the other end of a grossly unfair battle and being ever rational realized he would be lucky if they let him retreat.

Which they didn't.

Suddenly he was running for his clothes and hair wishing he had pretended to be sick. Something Aoshi Shinomori have never considered even as a child. He was a hard working man who never shrank back. Except now he was going to be riced to death.

Never again would he mock the sandals. In order not to think about the mob he had lost by tripping and tumbling down a blind alley he started counting stubbed toes. Then how many times he could possibly trip over his own feet. Then the rocks. Then the sandals themselves. Who ever thought up these stupid things?

Panting, not because he was out of breath, but because he couldn't breath with the kimono constricting his sides he glanced around warily. Hearing footsteps echo down the narrow alley he reached for the tanto he had liberated from Okon's chest in her room he readied himself.

Recognizing the figure he didn't relax nor attack.

"Just the thing I wanted to see."

A/N: Sorry it's a bit early, but I'm leaving for home this evening and I wanted to have this up.

Forgive me if I have this wrong, but prostitutes tied their obis in the front, correct? I think I have to boot this up to pg-13 even with simple insinuations ^__^

MissBehavin: Aoshi's social skills are comparable to a virus -__- In size and behavior. Sano is coming up in a big way in chapter four : ) I mean, how can I leave my fav. Boy out? It is a good thing that Saizou can't talk The except and accept wasn't a big thing, really! I pointed it out because I knew you wouldn't do what most people do (call me a flamer, chew me out, and generally be obnixous). I'm aware that my stuff has typos too -__- especially this story since I haven't a) read over it or b) let fyyrrose look over it. *Snickers * Very embarrassing, even for Mr. Cool and Collected. The "little" pains lead up to Saitoh and Megumi's chapter *laughing evilly *

Oro-chan no Tenshi: She wasn't mine exactly, but the loss is felt. If it were my dog I probably wouldn't update at all. And thank you! Here's the next chapter.