Chapter Four

"Lovely kimono Shinomori. Did your boyfriend pick it out for you?"

Aoshi arched a brow masterfully and kept silent. Maybe if he ignored it then it would go away and leave him alone.

No such luck.

"Playing with your food again. Well, I suppose you need to be cleaned up. Come on."

When Aoshi didn't budge a firm hand grabbed his gooey ponytail and dragged. At the risk of premature baldness he decided to go along. A wig was something he couldn't deal with.

They entered the shop and he tried to go right back out. Nope, the hand was still attached. Herbs and flowers assaulted his nose and made his eyes water. He'd never told anyone, but he was very allergic to pollen. It made his eyes swell shut and his nose turned into a waterfall.

"Darling! You gorgeous hunk of man you! When was the last time you visited me? A girl could get to feeling neglected! And you still won't give me a child!" A large, robust woman bellowed in greeting and threw herself at his capture in the most sickening fashion. Hiko took it in stride.

The woman stopped abruptly and narrowed her eyes, "Who is this- " There was a not so delicate pause, "Young lady?"

"She would like to leave actually." Aoshi said through gritted teeth. "It is a mistake."

Hiko ignored him completely and said with a smirk, "She needs to be cleaned up as you can see. You do wonders and I know there is a silk purse under all that tempura."

The woman was all smiles and she grabbed Aoshi's upper arm, hard. With a glint of jealously in her eyes she said, "Sweetie, you'll be beautiful in no time. Master Hiko has flawless taste for the elite. And we are the elite in this city!"

"Reassuring, however, my friends…"

"Will be busy for the time being." Hiko interjected and planted himself by the only exit. He poured some sake and sipped, "I will wait here."

Aoshi had no choice. It was follow or lose an arm.

She stopped him at he top of the stairs and pursed her lips. Her cruel eyes ran over him and she shook her head. Grabbing a hand she inspected it poking and prodding.

"Disgraceful. You practice fighting I can tell. I should have known. Someone as dirty and scruffy as you would have to do something like playing with swords. You need a strong husband to keep you in line. After a few babies you'd settle right down."

Before he could reply she set him down in front of another woman.

"Hiko's girl." Venom galore.

Perhaps Aoshi was predisposed to think they might be a bit jealous of the special favor shown by Hiko, but now he was sure of it.

"Sorry young lady, but you should not have jerked. It was the first thing I told you when I started on your cuticles." She soaked up the blood seeping from where the razor tip has slipped.

"I did not move." Aoshi corrected and glared when she ground the cloth a bit too hard into his injured finger.

"Young lady, I am a professional. I do not make such trivial mistakes. You simply moved when I specifically told you not to. It is nothing to hide or be ashamed of: Many of my clients jerk."

"How soon will you be done?"

"Soon enough. Such an impudent child."

Fifteen minutes and six cuts later he was on his way to get a facial. Whatever that meant.

"Such a pretty face. A wee bit too pointy for my tastes; it makes you look almost masculine. But you have such thick lashes and absolutely dazzling blue eyes!"

This woman had been carefully ripping his eyebrows out one hair at a time. She didn't seem to be out to get him, probably because she was so much younger than the others, but she never ceased her chatter. She even beat Misao out in idle mouth moving slash sound making.

"Hmm, okay. That looks nice. Not like you had a unibrow or anything, but shaping does wonders! You sit still while I put on this special mud.

He hoped that the mud had come from somewhere far away from farmland as it was pasted on his face.

Running fingertips across his face he tried to blink and failed. It felt like they had pulled all the wrinkles and loose skin in his face to the edge and tacked it down like one of Sagara's friend's canvas. Not only that, but he felt like one of the man's bombs as well.

So far he had endured admirably, but when they set him up to do his hair he paled. Several evil women had surrounded him, all armed with sharp or point objects. He wanted to hastily pin his ears to his skull so they wouldn't 'accidentally' be chopped off. Instead, he pulled at his inner calm and meditated.

An hour later he was delivered, almost comatose yet still breathing, to Hiko.

"Wear this Shinomori." Hiko said holding out a tasteful indigo kimono. It was subtly decorated with silver thread, yet it didn't come off as gaudy.

"Tasteful." Aoshi remarked trying to wipe off the make up and only managed to smear it. Hiko had mentioned that he could join the circus the way it was at the moment. Yet another parting gift from Madam Umeko and her gaggle of atrocious girls.

"Of course it is. I choose it. Now get dressed." Hiko smirked at Aoshi's questioning look, "Not everyone is as fashion deprived as those two girls."

"This is from the man who wears a cape."

"Mantle." Hiko corrected pompously through the screen.

Dressed and ready for the second time that day he was ready to slink off to the Aoiya. It couldn't get any worse.

"Hey!"

It just got worse.

"Hey Ai, the girls have been looking for you… oh, it's him." Hiko's chest puffed out a little more. Either he was deaf to the disgust or took pride in the reaction he invoked.

Sagara took a closer look and gasped, "You've been smooching Hiko!"

"Pardon?" Aoshi tried to blink, but the facial was still with him.

"Nasty!"

"You're just jealous." Hiko remarked caustically. Unfortunately it backfired.

"Of kissing you? No. Sorry, I like women." Sagara protested.

Aoshi felt the need to set him straight. For all the good it would actually do. "He meant that you are jealous that he got to kiss me and you didn't." That Kami was so dead. He just explained that he was kissing Hiko, which he hadn't, to a rather scattered individual he'd rather ignore. Just like the rest of humanity.

Was that a crime?

Did it deserve this cruel and unusual punishment?

Before he could delve too deeply into that Hiko just left saying something about a gift and how he turned out to be more than a sow's ear.

"You look like you had fun and stuff." Sagara commented with his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Could you do me a huge favor, since we're friends and all?"

"I have known you for less than twenty-four hours."

"So? I feel like I've known you for months So how about it? Will you go with me to some gambling halls and such?"

Aoshi considered refusing flat out. And then he did. It was always helpful to think things through fully.

"No."

"Please? We could have dinner or something and I'll get you something to drink."

"Non alcoholic I would hope."

"Er, not exactly. Besides, you don't want to be a stick in the mud do you? Some sake will do you good. It will loosen you up!" Sagara prattled on. He even got to the point where Aoshi was willing to go along just to shut him up.

"One hour. I will pay for nothing."

"Deal."

Fateful words. The same words those who dealt with the Devil heard. Why did Aoshi suddenly feel like he was condemning himself to something far worse than losing his immortal soul?

The place was crowded and it smelled of unwashed flesh, opium, and smoke. Aoshi was a clean person and the visible dirt was enough to make his nails draw blood from his palms.

Choosing an appropriate seat that wasn't too filthy he settled down to watch Sagara lose his life savings.

There was just one problem with his expected entertainment. Sagara was winning. The dope seemed just as surprised as everyone else. Which didn't stop him from whooping and laying on the drinks.

"Who's your good luck charm?" One man, not too sober Aoshi might have added, grinned. He smelled like fish. Aoshi hated fish. The cold, slimy things. The man was slimy enough to have swum through the local canals.

"Oh sorry guys, this is Ai. Don't mess with her though." Then Sagara mouthed the words "that time of the month"? Whatever that meant.

"You want a drink little lady?"

Twitch.

"Not particularly." Aoshi replied testily.

"She doesn't drink I guess. Give her some tea or water or something. At the rate I'm winning its no problem." Sagara ordered/boasted.

"How generous." Aoshi muttered trying to find some sort of peaceful calm. It might have worked better if it weren't so noisy. Really, did they have to scream so loud? He could practically tell when someone won something just by the volume of the grunts and cheers.

"Here you go doll." A smallish man said setting down a mug in front of Aoshi. Aoshi carefully leaned over and took a cautious sniff. Then blinked. How…? That was his favorite type of tea and expensive to boot. Suspiciously he tried to locate the man but kept getting distracted by the noise and the smells and straying body parts that seemed to be attracted to certain parts of his anatomy.

Oh shoot. If someone was trying to kill him all he had to say was more power to them!

He daintily sipped until he realized that he was going to get it all over the front of him with all the groping. Calmly he shoved a chopstick into the wood next to a man's finger. The offender wisely retreated.

"Do it again." Was it just Aoshi or was Sagara's voice getting a bit uneven. Time to go. He wasn't toting home a drunk idiot. No way, no how. If it came down to it he'd leave him in an alley for the pickpockets.

Enough was enough. It was time he made a stand.

What he didn't count one was the fact that men didn't take orders from women.

A fact that ticked him off.

He wanted to go home. NOW. If Sagara wouldn't cooperate he would find someone who would. One glance around the room changed his mind. Aoshi Shinomori was many things, but never stupid.

"Get up Sagara. Your hour is up." Aoshi insisted, folding his arms beneath his breasts in what he hoped was an intimidating manner.

The men looked at him, flabbergasted. Then they laughed! No one ever laughed at Shinomori it was a rule. It was forbidden to laugh at him! He'd killed men for less. Well, no, actually he hadn't but it sounded good.

"Aww, but I'm just getting warmed up!"

And drunk down too, Aoshi noted doing a quick count of the sake bottles littered around. The man was definitely going in some alley. Or maybe the canal. No, then he'd have to explain to Battousai and company where exactly the fool went and how his body was poisoning the water supply.

"Get up."

The youth tried. Or made a pitiful effort at pretending to try.

It would have been fine if one of his buddies hadn't thought to trip him. The young man lost this balance quite easily. Aoshi suspected it was planned, but he didn't have much time to think about that when Sagara's face landed in a most inappropriate area.

"Mmm, comfy. Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?" Sagara mumbled into Aoshi's chest. Whoever said the boy was dumb? Aoshi didn't appreciate finding out that lovely little trait of a selective, vindictive memory. So what if he said the boy had to pay?

"You could never have enough money." Aoshi growled so only Sagara could hear him. Then he continued coldly with a sharp pinch, "Charming pick up line. Let me know if it works on Takani."

If they were going to play dirty then bring it on.

"Ouch, that hurt!"

"It was meant to. Get up."

"No." Sagara pouted like a spoilt child.

If Aoshi's transformation had granted him a maternal instinct it must have died. Right along with his legendary patience.

Every instant he had to tolerate the unwashed, unfiltered general scum- er, public that frequented the place Sagara had dragged him was another notch in his rage meter. Yes, a rage meter. He'd never had any use for one before, but now he was really in business. He just couldn't understand why he was so uptight and irritable. Not that it would matter in about thirty seconds when he disconnect that man's wandering hand from his arm.

"Pardon me, is this seat taken?"

"Excuse me sir." Aoshi hissed darkly, "Remove your hand from my rear."

"And if I don't baby?"

Twitch.

Baby?

"Then I will be forced to dislocate your wrist and throw you bodily across the room."

The man leered. He actually had the audacity—or was it actually stupidity? -to leer! Something snapped. In fact, Aoshi could practically hear it. Or he would have if red didn't fill every single one of his senses and rage poured through his body.

And then the man had made a hole in the wall. How impolite. Aoshi hoped the drunk could pay for the damages his rock-hard head and shoulders had done.

Dead silence. Ah, total and complete bliss.

Until one more of the chauvinistic pigs arrived. A rather distinctive chauvinistic pig at that with blond hair that hit the ceiling and a smirk that proclaimed he thought he was a lady-killer.

Aoshi wished he would test that belief.

Lo and behold! Fate was on his side for once.

"Whew, what a hot chick." Chou remarked, nudging one of the other men. The man scooted away fearfully, not wanting to draw the ire of the woman standing by Sagara.

"The only chicken here is sulking on the floor." Aoshi remarked coldly. He nudged Sagara with his toe. The boy just glared at Chou and jutted his jaw.

Chou stared for a moment before breaking out in rough laughter, "Zanza's whipped!"

Despite being inebriated, the kid moved fast. He had the blond in a death grip before the dumbo could even blink. Of course, smashing someone's head into the bar was far from advisable. Then again, this was Chou. The two sides of Aoshi's conscience battled for an instant.

"Hit him harder." Aoshi encouraged in a deadpan tone.

"You…take…that…back!" There was a hearty smack in between each word as bone met wood.

"'Ey, let go of me ya crazed rooster!" The idiot yelped and flailed. It almost made Aoshi want to… to… help Sagara out a bit.

"Moron, drop him."

Well, that didn't take long.

Somehow Aoshi wasn't surprised when Saitoh showed up. After all, he had this bad habit of popping up at the most… Well, pretty much anytime you didn't want him to.

What Aoshi wasn't expected was the cold accusation:

"I do not appreciate you accosting my wife and son."

A/N: And I had to go to the beauty palor yesterday -__- Just a hair cut thank you! But I do need to get my eyebrows shape (can you say, oh joy to the world?) and my nails done. Oh lord the pick-up lines! They were so much fun. Then fyyrrose, my mother, and I were piling up terms like doll, honey, sugar, hot stuff, chick... I would love to see someone call me one of those -__-; Umm, and as you guys guessed, it's that time of the month! The time when there are mood swings (usually murderous or weepy ones), cramps, hightened sensativity (that one bites), increased irritablity. Shoot, I think Aoshi refraining from killing anyone is pretty good for "her" first time, right?

Shimizu Hitomi: Now wouldn't that be just peachy? Oh wait, it was. Saitoh would know, yes. And I think Megumi suspects something X_x but I haven't finished the next chapter yet. I just thought that it would be evil to have to wear one of those ^__^ Hmm, good to know that I was right. I vaguely remembered reading about it in a forum (they were fighting over something or other about Yumi) and I kind of looked it up (not really).

MissBehavin: Hmm, was your guess right? Hiko conquers again! I'm fairly "nice" to him. He gets the top position (with the exception of BSR where I nail him :) ) in most of my stories. If Aoshi were NORMAL, I wouldn't have a story. My mom's friend and I used to have a competition: who could find the ugliest article of clothing in the store. I won most of the time :D Or better yet, plant the cigs on Shishio so that Saitoh actually jumped him to get them! And Aoshi is not a stupid man- er woman. Mobs are dangerous things.

LadyWaterShaman: Thank you. Only one more chapter after this :(

Oro-chan no Tenshi: Glad you liked it.

Fyyrrose: No biggie. Okay, read it or not. You're only one chapter ahead of them anyway. I better get moving on the last two chapters huh? Your boy is safe Raven. I haven't killed him yet... oops, you didn't hear that last part *tries to whistle* O__O maybe I should run? Shadow says Kite popped in for a "bit". You know that she doesn't advocate killing right Raven? Not that it matters. They're in Africa. Tribal warfare galore. -__- Does the tweak involve Sano really being dead? Rob's a jerk, who cares what he thinks? Did I ever tell you how he wanted to kill Sano O__O The boy's a true teenager. Its all down there.

LMAO, you got offically told! SL got hung up on!!! The poor gal.