Roses
~*~
White roses.
~Ryou's favorite.~
He loved those.
A slight breeze swept my face.
Tears drip down from my eyes as I twirl the stem of the immaculate flower
in my hands.
Sadness.
Intense sadness wells up inside me.
I try to shake myself out of it.
~::Laughter:: You cannot run from yourself. . .~
I gently toss the flower into the air.
It rises for a short while, and I watch it fall, landing on a stone tablet.
'Bakura Ryou'
'1984-2000'
'R.I.P'
More tears.
I tell myself it's all right.
~You know it's not.~
Everything's fine.
~Why lie to yourself. . .?~
It's all just a bad dream.
~You know it's not.~
Soon I'll wake up, and my hikari will be there.
~::More laughter:: Fool. . .~
He will stand over me, asking me why I had been crying in my sleep again.
~And you will of course answer as usual.~
I'll slap him across the face.
~You deserve this. . .~
I choked out a cry.
What have I done. . .?
~You get what you give. . .~
That voice again.
A cold wind blew in the branches of the sakura tree.
Pale pink petals danced around the grave of my hikari.
I sigh, and look down at the alabaster tombstone at my feet.
White roses grow all around it.
With a gentle wind, I heard, deep in the chambers of my mind, my hikari's
soft voice, and saw his kind, sad smile.
~Ironic, isn't it. . .?~
Stop it.
Go away.
~::Laughter::~
I ignore it, and turn back to the roses.
Yes, my hikari would have wanted white roses to one day cover his grave.
~Perhaps, but not this soon. . .~
I get up.
Hikari.
~He's gone.~
He's not.
~He's dead.~
No. . .
~He won't come back.~
You lie. . .
~::Laughter:: And it's your fault.~
I can't deny it.
I am to blame.
~You murdered him.~
I did.
I drove him into killing himself.
Fury.
What has hedone to deserve this. . .?
Why my hikari. . .?
What has he ever done. . .?
I suppose it is my fault.
~It all is.~
But I refuse to accept it.
I won't.
Never.
~You will pay. . .~
It's so unfair.
Tears.
I shut my eyes tight.
No. . .
~You cannot hide from yourself. . .~
Leave me alone. . .
~::Laughter:: You are alone. . .~
that haunting voice won't leave. . .
I fall to my knees.
Get lost. . .
Please. . .
Just go away. . .
~I won't.~
Sobs.
I clench my teeth.
I'm so sorry Ryou. . .
~Now you know what it feels like. . .~
. . .What do you want?
~Revenge.~
Cold.
I recoil.
~::Laughter:: You will soon find out what it is like to live with a demon.
. .~
Impossible. . .
You're not real.
I cry harder.
It's all because of hikari.
It's all because I feel guilty. . .
I'm sorry Ryou!
Forgive me.
~Silence! If you are not truly sorry, do not apologize.~
I am!
I'm sorry!
Ryou!
I know you can hear me!
~I said silence!~
Pain.
I scream.
Pain worse than I have ever felt before.
I saw darkness.
The Shadow Realm. . .?
No. . .
This was far worse. . .
It was guilt. . .
And it was crushing me.
~::Laughter::~
How could anyone be so cruel. . .?
~. . .You are surprised aren't you. . .? Do you not recognize me. . .?~
No. . .
Please leave. . .
~::Laughter:: I am you!~
No!
More tears.
No. . .
Please go away.
~Weakling! You cry like little Ryou! Get up. Now.~
No.
I can't.
I'm so sorry hikari.
I'll do anything.
Anything, hikari.
Forgive me. . .
~Do you truly mean it?~
. . .Yes. . .
~Good. Now show it.~
I wiped the tears from my eyes.
I'm sorry hikari. . .
I knelt in front of the tombstone, and, imitating the pose Ryou took every
night before going to bed, I prayed.
~You will beg. . .~
I joined my hands in prayer and asked the Lord for forgiveness.
I asked him to forgive me.
I asked the Lord to let give Ryou a better life, up there. . .
I asked him to punish me, if needs be.
And I spoke to my hikari. . .
". . .I
. . .I'm sorry Ryou.
I'm so sorry. . .
I hope you are in heaven. . ."
I cry a little more and close my eyes.
"I know you are. . .
I hope you're not sad anymore.
I hope you will forgive me.
I'm sorry.
May I burn in hell.
May I pay for what I have done to you.
May you always be happy now, Ryou.
Let me live only to repay you.
Let me show I mean my apologies.
And let the white roses grow as tall as your grave lies deep. . ."
~*~
Ok. . . now I confused even myself, so don't be surprised if you're lost. .
. the sentences like ~this~ are the ones Zoku-ou Bakura says to Bakura and
the rest is just Bakura thinking. This is inspired by the poem "Lilies" by
my fave polish author, Adam Mickiewicz. Thank you and please review.