DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Buffy or LOTR characters, their respectable authors do!

RATING: R- rape, sexual situations, language, violence

SUMMARY: Set after series 7 Buffy, during Fellowship- Buffy and Giles are sent to Middle Earth when the vampires and demons find a portal from Sunnydale. Buffy offers her services to Lady Galadriel, and soon starts to feel something for Haldir, but when the Fellowship arrive in Lothlórien, Boromir finds something he wants as much as the Ring.

NOTE: Thankyou for the reviews- you're all too kind! I know the Faramir and Eomer thing sucked, but I guess I'd be kinda creeped out and insulted by a female warrior if I were them- but I'm not, so let's go kick their asses! I'm sorry things are fast moving and paced or whatever, but I think I'll try and blame that on my school as well- I don't like my school! Hahahah!

This is a long chapter! NOOOO! It's a little angsty... but don't worry, the good stuff is coming! You know, the Haldir stuff *swoons*!

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: BRING ME BACK TO LIFE

Spend all your time waiting

for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always one reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

oh beautiful release

memory seeps from my veins

let me be empty

and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line

and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lie

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference

escaping one last time

it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort there

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

~Angel- Sarah McLachlan~

Buffy felt lighter, and the light was burning her eyes. She took a deep breath; was she in heaven? Had she died? What happened to Boromir? Angelus? The Master? And why had Anya been so quiet? What was with that?

She carefully cracked open an eye to see grey stone, and then she fully opened her eyes, the light stinging them. She blinked until she was comfortable with the surrounding light.

She carefully sat up and leaned back on her elbows. She surveyed the room until she saw Haldir, facing the window, sitting in a chair. She got out of bed, the blood rushing to her head and she held onto the bed as she nearly toppled over, only to be caught by him.

"Haldir? How did you do that?" she asked as he sat her back on the bed.

"It's how you say, an elf thing," he said kneeling before her. "I didn't think you'd come back."

"I always come back," she said weakly trying not to look him in the eye. It was over; she was over.

"You nearly died."

"I always die."

"Buffy, look at me..."

She felt the tears starting to form as she glanced into his eyes.

"You're back, with me, with your friends," he said stroking her tears away and she shied away. "What's the matter?"

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"It's over, I killed the master and my ex-lover."

"Yes, and you have saved..."

"After I killed the master the first time, I'd always dream he'd come back and when I killed him, and Angel I'd be free."

"Surely this can't come true."

"What if it does?"

"You were born a slayer and you will die a slayer."

"Already happened a few times."

"Please, you must move..."

"Can I be on my own for a while?"

"As you wish," he said standing up and left the room.

Buffy lost control and fell onto the bed in a fit of hysterical tears. She'd lost everything- Galadriel said it would be hard, but she said it would get harder. Buffy couldn't even handle the fact she was still alive, never mind the fact she must move onto a new life with Haldir. How could she? Angel... Riley... Spike... they were her true loves, and they were gone. Who was to say that Haldir wouldn't leave?

It was dark by the time a fair, tall young woman and a dark female elf came into the room with water for a bath.

"Lady Buffy?"

Buffy looked up at her.

"Good evening, Lady Buffy," the fair hair lady said. "My name is Eowyn and this is Arwen, Queen of Gondor."

"Hi," she said standing in front of the two. "Where am I?"

"Gondor, you are a special guest of King Aragorn," Arwen said.

"I have missed out on a lot. What happened?"

"The King has asked to be the one to tell you, as will your watcher."

"Okay."

The two ladies made her a bath and left her to bath. She felt her muscles lose tension as she soaked in the warm water. It was good! She couldn't find any wounds, only old scars. She found her bag of clothes on the bed and picked out a long pair of jeans, a halter top and sweater, with her boots.

She left her room after doing her hair and followed a crowd of interested young men. They would occasionally turn around and give her the once-over, five times in a row.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer," she called out to them just as they entered a large throne room, drawing attention from a people standing nearby. She spotted Giles standing in the corner with a worried look on his face alone. She strolled over to him. "Don't get upset over the fact that you didn't get an invite to the battle. No biggie."

Giles looked up, his face beaming, and hugged her tightly.

"Giles, I can't breath," she said pulling away.

"Buffy... it's SO good to see you."

"Yeah," she said weakly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, how long was I out for?"

"A month."

"A month? Why did you bother keeping me here? I would put me on a boat and I could sailed to Gilligan's Island."

"Buffy..."

"It's okay, Giles. I'm just trying to get over the fact that Aragorn is now King Aragorn, and not my old little strider," she lied.

"He's waiting for you by the throne."

"Can't we do this whole tell Buffy thing in private?"

"No, it must be done in public."

"Why?"

"Just go and speak to him."

Buffy strolled over to the throne where Aragorn and Arwen sat. Faramir, Eowyn, Eomer, the hobbits, Gandalf and Gimli stood side by side next to the throne beside Aragorn. Haldir stood on opposite side next to Arwen beside Legolas. They were all clean and dressed in their finest clothing.

"Buffy," Aragorn said standing up and walked over to her, pulling her into a strong hug. "It is so good to see you are awake."

"Good to see you with a woman," she replied cheekily.

He smiled and pulled her to face the congregation.

"My friends, welcome to our special festivities for our special guest and finest warrior, Buffy Summers of Sunnydale, now of Lothlorien."

The crowd cheered and clapped.

"This fine young woman saved your lives, by defeating the one they called the Master, he of the undead, who would have ruled Middle Earth if it had not been for Buffy."

Buffy blushed scarlet and looked at the floor after being handed a goblet of wine.

"A toast, to Lady Buffy of Lothlorien, who we are eternally debted to."

"BUFFY!"

Buffy smiled shyly as the crowd went back to the festivities, with Buffy's CD player in tow.

"Thanks Aragorn, I'm going to kick your ass later for making a big deal out of nothing," she said playfully.

"Enjoy your party," he said and left her.

Before anyone else could see her, she grabbed the nearest bottle of wine and ran outside and sat by the big white tree.

She downed her goblet and threw it aside.

No one knows what it's like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes

Buffy tore the cork from the bottle and skulled a large amount of the sweet wine.

No one knows what it's like

To be hated

To be fated

To telling only lies

She felt angry; it was over, she could feel it. Her battle was over, and there was nothing left, only to destroy the life of another man.

But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my conscience seems to be

"Are you happy?" she screamed into the night. "Are you happy now, Powers? Have you taken enough or do you want more? Why not just take it all?"

I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance

That's never free

She threw the empty bottle away and felt angry tears emerge.

No one knows what it's like

To feel these feelings

Like I do

And I blame you

"Why can't you bastards just be happy for once, and let me be? I've done your fucking dirty work, just piss off!"

No one bites back as hard

On their anger

None of my pain and woe

Can show through

She punched the tree once... again.... Again... again and again until her hand bled.

But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my conscience seems to be

She stood up and angrily kicked the stone benches until they were cracking.

I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance

That's never free

Her anger was boiling. Once a slayer, always a slayer. She was never going to die, Giles had said so. So why live a life with once man who you were going to destroy?

Discover... L-I-M-P

I....

She collapsed onto the ground, weeping.

No one knows what it's like

To be mistreated

To be defeated

behind blue eyes

She thought of what had happened in Mordor; killing Angel, the Master, the way Boromir had watched her like a piece of cooking meat.

and no one knows how to say that theyre sorry

and dont worry

i'm not telling lies

She lay on her back, no longer able to cry, and stared up at the shining stars.

but my dreams

they arent as empty

as my conscience seems to be

Her life was over, she was going to be a new person... Galadriel meant that didn't she?

I have hours, only lonely

my love is vengence

that's never free

She thought of a heart-broken Haldir. Didn't elves die of broken hearts?

No one knows what it's like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes

She was going to kill Haldir, just because she couldn't love. She was destined to be alone.

"What are the dark thoughts that brood your heart, soul and mind?"

She turned to see Gandalf.

"Galadriel said I was destined to be with Haldir, but if I'm destined to be with him, why am I going to kill him?"

"Who said you were going to kill him?"

"I..." she said sitting up and looking into his eyes.

"You are destined, as you were with Angel and Riley. But Haldir is different, he is your equal match, just are Arwen and Aragorn." He sat on the grass beside her. "We must all admit defeat," he said, "we must all ask for help. You once told Frodo that, and he did, but surely you won't go back on your word."

"Well no, I...."

"You must allow Haldir to take your broken heart and love you until your heart is healed. Everyone deserves to love. Today you are not with Angel or Riley, because you are meant to be with Haldir."

She smiled and hugged him. She wiped away her tears and followed Gandalf back into the hall.

Concerned eyes followed her as the two made their way up to the large group by the throne.

"Are you alright?" Aragorn asked.

"Yeah, the wine tasted a little too good," she said looking at Gandalf who knew better.

"I feel we owe you an apology," Faramir said approaching her. "We doubted your skills as a warrior."

"No biggie, really," she smiled. "You get used to it, though you're not as sexist a bastard as your brother was."

"Aragorn has informed me on what..."

Buffy placed her fingers over his mouth. "It's fine, really. I'm okay with it. You brother was weakend by greed, but he was an honourable man."

Faramir bowed and allowed Eowyn to lead him onto the dance floor.

Eomer approached her.

"You did well slayer; and it was an honour to have met you."

"You're not too bad for a smelly man," she said and he laughed.

"Go back to the kitchens little wench."

"After you, little wench."

He laughed and playfully punched her shoulder.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Haldir and Legolas talking with Gimli and the hobbits.

She walked over shyly.

The hobbits pulled her into tight hugs, Pippin bursting into tears and Buffy following. Gimli burst into tears and hugged the big group.

She stood up to see Legolas staring.

"Shutup," she snapped. "I'm getting emotional," she laughed wiping her tears, Legolas pulling her into a tight hug.

"Lle ume quell You did well," he said looking into her eyes.

"Didn't do too bad yourself."

"Open your heart."

"Thanks."

She smiled at Haldir who bowed his head. He was pissed, she could see it in his eyes.

"I think we need to talk," he said and she followed him out of the throne room and to the big white tree.