Bright: This is a little longer than some of the other bits. Have fun. Review ruthlessly.
I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon. This is not for profit.
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"You wanted something?" Dorothy asked Relena dubiously lowering her fencing foil and looking at the short-skirted sailor girls with an eyebrow raised. Dorothy was staring at Saturn's mighty glaive.
Hotaru or rather Sailor Saturn was staring intently at Dorothy's eyebrow with wide curious eyes. Is she secretly an alien half-cockroach woman from another solar system? Who knows? This is another dimension. Oh look, she's lowering her eyebrow.
Sailor Mars who had been leading the way proudly announced them and explained. "We are the Pretty Sailor Soldiers. I am Sailor Mars. We are looking for the princess."
In the back Venus grinned and elbowed Saturn in the ribs whispering to her excitedly. "Ever read Gundam Wing Manga? Look who was fencing! "… giggle, grin…
"I've never read Manga," Saturn admitted in a whisper back.
Mars glanced back and muttered under her breath, " ... and so it begins…" Mars rubbed her temples against an oncoming headache. Behind her Venus and Saturn had taken up plastic floor hockey sticks and were in the midst of a mock fencing battle. Mercury was watching them with a shy smile as if perhaps she might not mind goofing off too if only someone were to encourage her.
Mars tapped her foot.
She cleared her throat.
Venus and Saturn paused and looked to see what she wanted.
"SENSHI BUSINESS HERE?!" Mars reminded them loudly and angrily.
"Don't blow a basket Mars," instructed Venus waving her off.
Mars turned back to Dorothy no sooner had she looked away then she hear whispering
"A tiskit, a tasket I think you mean a gasket," Saturn whispered to Venus in shushed singsong. It was always fun to guess exactly what famous saying Venus had murdered this time. Venus grinned back. Mars whipped around and glared. Mercury muffled a giggle in her hands.
"Unless we're in open battle no one can stay serious for more than five minutes. This is all that odango atama's fault," muttered Mars. "We are looking for the princess," repeated Sailor Mars.
Dorothy was open mouthed. Huge glaive here, huge glaive gone, huge glaive here again... Whoa… Dorothy looked at Relena. Relena didn't seem to have noticed. Maybe I imagined it thought Dorothy.
"I'm the princess you're looking for," declared Dorothy slowly and nobly hoping they would fall for the deception. The only princess Dorothy suspected they might be looking for was Relena. With that huge glaive these weirdo's probably didn't mean well. Dorothy's posture was stiff and wary.
"This is…" Relena began to introduce.
"Relena. My name is Relena," interrupted Dorothy stepping in front of Relena. It was a long shot. Maybe they'd buy it.
Mars knowing very little about Gundam Wing except that apparently there were five cute guys that flew around in giant robots looked confused. Hadn't Venus said the other girl was Relena? Oh yeah there was a Relena Peacecraft and a Relena Dorlian or something. Okay whatever... "So have you seen the princess?"
"I am Relena Peacecraft," Dorothy repeated.
"Yes, Yes. It's very nice to meet you but have you seen the princess?" insisted Sailor Mars.
"I…. Am…. Relena…. Peacecraft." Dorothy repeated very slowly.
Venus was trying not to laugh. Venus was trying very hard to keep her mouth shut because it looked like Mars had very little temper left. "Mars,.. I think I should explain something."
"What?!"
"Relena is a princess. If you explain that we are looking for a different princess. Uhh…" Venus stammered trying to think of how to explain who they were looking for when Usagi had two identities.
"The White Moon Princess," Saturn helpfully offered.
"THEN WHY ARE WE BOTHERING WITH THE RELENAS?" Mars exploded.
"There's only one." Venus helpfully explained.
"You said she was Relena. I can only assume you meant Relena Dorlian as it's the only other Relena I remember you mentioning. She's Relena Peacecraft. She keeps saying it. I'm Relena Peacecraft. I'm Relena Peacecraft."
Venus tired of being spoken to in raised tones rolled her eyes and rather sarcastically snipped back. "No, no You're Sailor Mars. This is Dorothy Catalonia. This is Relena Peacecraft or Relena Dorlian."
"I think you're confused because this lady clearly keeps telling me she's Relena Peacecraft!"
"Maybe it's like invasion of the body snatchers," offered Saturn staring at Dorothy's forked eyebrows again and trying to calm Mars and Venus down. "Maybe she's from outer space."
"You said you were looking for a girl with long blond hair and blue eyes," protested Relena. "You didn't say anything about princesses until just now." She explained always wanting to play the peacemaker.
"Mars…" spoke Venus taking Mars off to the side a bit. The Sailor Scouts whispered together in one corner of the gym. Dorothy and Relena backed into the far corner of the gym. "Mars, I think maybe your looking at this the wrong way. This isn't exactly a rescue operation. Usagi-chan is fine. She just needs a way to get home. I think it would help if you started looking at this as a vacation adventure."
"She is lost. She could be hurt and we're playing hockey stick fencing and making silly jokes! She's probably terrified," protested Mars fuming.
"Nah," commented Saturn soothingly.
"I doubt it." Venus agreed with Saturn.
Mars looks to Mercury. Mercury didn't want it to seem like they were ganging up on Mars but she reluctantly shook her head. "If Sailor Moon was really and truly in trouble. Tuxedo Mask would have stopped at nothing to get to her. Sailor Saturn or you would certainly know. Neptune's Mirror would have seen something. The wind would have told Uranus. The whole reason we are having trouble finding her is she's fine."
"Don't sweat all over stuff. Stop and smell like roses," Venus cheerfully added.
"Don't sweat the small stuff! Stop and smell the roses!" Saturn called out happily.
Hotaru needs a new hobby thought Mars snappishly but she reluctantly conceded that everyone was probably right and turned around to face the Relenas in a better temper.
…Dorothy and Relena however, had snuck out the window.
"Why exactly did you think telling a bunch of girls in strange costumes, toting weapons how to find me was a good idea?" Dorothy asked Relena.
"Why did you keep telling them you were me?" retorted Relena straightening her clothes and pulling twigs out of her hair. They had lowered themselves out of the window and ended up falling in a bush.
"I was trying to protect you!" Dorothy pulled her fencing foil out of the bushes with a scowl.
Relena was for a moment a little embarrassed. "Venus hugged me!" She exclaimed having been flustered by the entire turn of events.
~* Back with the boys*~
Duo frowned a little. "I wonder where my Tenshi's gone off too? It's getting rather late."
The boys were sitting on the floor of the safe house going through photographs and files. Duo was paying a distinct lack of attention.
"The pressurized containers here and here are a problem. If we use explosives there is the potential for a loss of containment," Heero pointed out.
"I've thought of that. We'll lay a ring of fire fed with a slow burn accelerant to incinerate debris. We need a minimum firestorm temperature of… just a moment… Trowa do you have the stats on the pressurized containers?" Trowa ruffled through his papers silently while Quatre continued. "Wufei did the calculations but Duo can you double check them? He's concerned there won't be enough oxygen to maintain the fire long enough." Wufei nodded sternly and passed his calculations over to Duo. "Also I think we should leave the alarms here and here enabled, but disable these others. The emergency procedures for the facility actually minimize the risk of hazardous material releases so we want people reacting…"
"Quatre lay off for a minute will you," huffed Duo. "I think it's dinner time. I don't think well on an empty stomach and I want to know where the Tenshi is."
Quatre blinked a few times then pulled out his cell phone and put in a call to Winner Banking. "Hello, can you put me through to Miss Williamson in credit transactions. This is Quatre Reberba Winner."
Wufei smirked. He could just picture people scrambling on the other end. Quatre went into a bank with him once. Wufei had been having trouble with an instant teller. Winner had been ignored for exactly 28 seconds before the bank manager pale and wide eyed was at his side. All Quatre had done was quietly enter the bank and stand out of the way looking like maybe he might be considering needing help. Wufei suspected the prominently displayed promotional picture of Quatre and the late Master Winner in the midst of a ribbon cutting ceremony for a new hospital may have had something to do with the prompt and grovelling service. The caption had read, "WINNER INCORPORATED EVERYONE'S A WINNER WHEN COMMUNITIES CARE."
"Can I please have the address of the last transaction on my personal credit card."
"Well?" asked Duo eagerly.
"South Sakura Mall, Shoe Shoe 4 U, ten minutes ago," answered Quatre with a grin.
Duo and Heero went to retrieve the angel. Heero went quite simply because he didn't want Duo or the angel driving his car. I wonder if there's a hell for people who won't let angels drive their cars, wondered Heero feeling oddly surreal about the entire situation. At the lights on 32nd Street he paused in his focused driving to glare at Duo who had been flipping from radio station to radio station from the moment he got in the car. "Play with the cup holders. It's less annoying," Heero announced conversationally.
Duo was confused. He couldn't figure out whether Heero was in a good mood or very angry. "Heero? Are you okay?" asked Duo.
"Hn," Heero replied noncommittally while glaring at traffic.
"Uh … Good," replied Duo cautiously.
They pulled into the mall moments later. It wasn't hard to find the angel. She was laden down with packages to the point where she could no longer see. The result was something of a spectacle. Heero spotted her half the mall away and stopped in his tracks to watch, curious. She would go five steps, collide with someone, the packages would go flying, the tenshi would bow and apologize, the individual she had collided with would apologize and there would be much scrambling to pick up packages invariably one or two of the packages would get mixed up between the two people and Usagi would end up dropping everything again trying to sort out whose packages belonged to whom, she would finally get herself sorted out and the cycle would start again five to ten steps later. What Heero noticed in particular was that rather than walking off in an angry huff invariably the people the tenshi had collided with would walk off looking amused, smiling and generally more cheerful then before the collision.
"Heero, why are you just standing there? Come on! She's right over there and it looks like she could use a hand," urged Duo looking at Heero oddly.
"I want to time how long it takes her to get here," commented Heero starring at her with open curiosity.
Though Heero's comment had been delivered in his usual monotone the open curiosity an almost recklessly liberated emotion showed on Heero's face. Duo took a step or two back.
"Heero? Wouldn't it be kind of mean to just stand here and watch her struggle?" Duo asked.
"I'm not mean." Heero analytically replied. He went forward then to help the Tenshi with her packages.
Duo was worried. After Heero had apparently decided that he wasn't mean he had… he had started to smile, … almost playfully.
They got all the packages to the car. The bizarre thing was, when the packages wouldn't all fit, as long as the angel was packing the extras seemed to keep disappearing into the car. Heero was taking it all in stride. He seemed to be thoroughly …entertained. He grinned as he kept handing Usagi extra packages, and watching them disappear into the car. It was creeping Duo out.
"All packed?" Asked Heero cheerfully when it was obvious that they were. Heero held the door open for Usagi then went around to the other side of the car and got behind the wheel. Duo was silent and wary.
Heero pulled out of the parking lot like a formula one racer. Duo and the Tenshi held on for dear life. With the pedal to the floor, weaving in and out of traffic Heero racing along smiling openly. He didn't bother returning to the safe house but headed down towards the seashore. Eventually pulling to a squealing stop at a cliff with a beautiful sunset view. Duo and Usagi scrambled out of the car as fast as they could.
Usagi grabbed a tree. Duo on his hands and knees grabbed the grass. Being stopped was good. "Hee, hee, heh… uh Heero?" whimpered Duo. "Are you trying to kill us?" The angel looked like she might be crying with relief.
"Oh this is a dream," announced Heero matter-o-factly. "That was fun. Now I'm going to fly off into the sunset."
Duo and Usagi tackled Heero just as he spread his arms at the cliffs edge.
"Urphm."
"Heero?" spoke Usagi. "Speaking as someone who occasionally has wings, may I offer a piece of advice taken directly from personal experience?"
"Okay," answered Heero looking a little disappointed.
"It's always best to practice flight from jumping up rather than from jumping down. If you jump up and everything doesn't go quite the way you were expecting it hurts rather less than, well… than a fall like that." Usagi flicked a pebble and they all watched it tumble down and down and down.
"That's good advice," Duo agreed solemnly unwilling to unpin Heero from where they had tackled him until they'd sorted this out a little better.
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References:
Don't blow a gasket – colloquialism meaning, "don't loose your temper"
A Tisket, A Tasket - children's rhyming song about a love letter in a green and yellow basket.
