Summary: Kathryn and Sebastian meet up four months later and find that no one is quite ready to forgive and forget.
Chapter 14: Queen Of the Damned
Pretend you're me. One day you discover that the supposed love of your life has been keeping secrets from you for the past three years. When you confront her over this she admits that she never had any intentions of telling you the truth. So you leave her and break off the engagement even though it kills you to do so. Then after a night of meaningless sex with some meaningless girl she finds out about it and decides she's breaking up with you. Not only does she leave you feeling miserable for what you've done and what she's done, she also takes your balls away by making herself the injured party. After all this, the question is: now that your life is over how do you plan on spending the rest of your days?
Well if you're me you get the hell out of town. Seeing as it took all of about ten minutes for the whole of New York society to find out about the decline of my personal life, it was only a matter of minutes before my mother started calling. Then Tiffani Merteuil. They were both of course blaming me for the break up and I was in no mood to tell them other wise. Let them think what they wanted it didn't change anything.
After a week of dogging my mothers phone calls and hoping I didn't inadvertently run into Kathryn when I was out, I came to the conclusion that I needed to get out of the city and fast. So I left a quick, vague message for my mother and took off for Europe. I spent my days traveling, drinking, fucking, doing everything I could think of to forget the mess my life had become. Needless to say it didn't work and all I really managed to accomplish was a massive hangover.
Then three months later while I was visiting an old friend in Greece I happened to notice this girl on the beach one day. She was exquisite with perfect blond hair, a perfectly petite body and a beautiful face. To top it off she possessed a poise and elegance that went way beyond her young years. Now a few earlier this girl would have gone completely unnoticed by me but in that moment she was like a bright shinning beacon. She was in fact the perfect Kathryn clone.
Of course had my ex fiancee been present she most likely would not have agreed. True she was a blond but she still had that same air of sophistication and superiority that Kathryn had. That was what I wanted. I didn't give a shit about her hair color.
Her name was Megan Reynolds and as it so happened she too came from Manhattan. While I didn't recognize her she knew all about me and my former girlfriend. As luck would have it Kathryn dated her brother Court in high school while she attended boarding school in France. She was on holiday with her aunt when we met. I easily played the part of the broken hearted guy (all the while keeping my real pain and motivations hidden) and got her into bed. I also quickly discovered that while Megan might have many of the same qualities as Kathryn she was also lacking quite a few. She wasn't as quick witted, sexually aggressive or nearly as confident as my ex but she still managed to hold my interest.
This pathetic attempt to try and replace Kathryn didn't last. Megan began to seem more and more different as I began to fixate wholly on that girl I so wanted to forget. No one could take her place and I hated that. I hated her for making me so dependent on her. As I drifted farther away from Megan I started to analyze my broken relationship and everything that went wrong. Finally I awoke one morning with the blond beside me and I finally had to face the truth. All the analyzing, pondering and obsessing I had been doing over the past four months concerning Kathryn all truly boiled down to one inevitable conclusion: I still loved the bitch. And for that I hated her all the more.
It was with that sobering realization I knew what I had to do and so I went about coming up with a plan of action. No more hiding and wallowing in self pity. I was going to go back home and I would bring my blond clone along for the ride. No I hadn't really developed feelings for young Megan, I wasn't even sure I liked her much. She was essentially just a means to an end.
As it happened we arrived back in the city on the day of my Aunt Rosemonds annual spring auction. It was an all day event held out on her estate in the Hamptons. The afternoon was spent outside under white tents, followed by the lavish dinner inside and then the auction of various heirlooms at night. All the most moneyed families on the east coast attended including the Merteuil's. I was well aware that Kathryn would likely be there.
We arrived hand in hand. Megan was wearing a beautiful pale yellow dress and I was hiding behind my custom sunglasses. Almost immediately we were besieged by my parents. The questions started right away and I wasted no time introducing them to Megan. My mother acted just like I suspected she would. She was of course polite but I could tell by her tight smile and the scrutinizing looks she was giving my date that she no way considered her a fair substitute for Kathryn, wealthy or not. I could never tell if my father really cared about who I married or not. I think he just went along with what my mother wanted.
When Megan went to go say hello to her parents my mother smiled and said "she seems like a lovely girl, just like her mother." She paused a moment before adding "by the way do you know Kathryn is here?"
I glanced down at my watch. "Wow mother, congratulations. You went a whole two minutes before bringing her up." Frowning I told her "yes I'd figured she'd be here but it doesn't change anything. I'm with Megan."
"Well it wouldn't hurt to say hello, now would it son" my father prodded but I simply shot him a dirty look.
"You aunt has invited Kathryn to stay overnight. Perhaps you two could talk later when every one is gone." She sighed sadly "you two made such a lovely couple. If only you hadn't-"
"And with that I'm leaving." I bent forward and placed a kiss on her cheek. "I'll talk to you later mother. Enjoy yourself."
I stormed out of the white tent and into the sunshine that was basking over the party guests. The festivities were being held under three large white tents on the estate grounds near the lake. One featured food, another drinks and dancing and the third was set up for the children. A magic show was currently going on. However most of the guests chose to mingle out in the sun.
Megan was chatting with her parents and some of their friends. She noticed me and waved me over but I pretended not to notice. I was really in no mood to meet the parents. What I was really in the mood for however was a nice stiff drink. I was heading towards that tent when something across the lake caught my eye. It was Kathryn.
Slowly I moved towards the edge of the party and stood casually by one of the tent posts as I watched her. It was strange, I knew I would eventually run into her and I thought I was prepared for it but I wasn't. Not by a long shot. Watching her I felt like I had just been sucker punched.
Kathryn was sitting on one of the benches that over looked the lake and she wasn't alone. A swarm of well bread, preppie types were swarming around her, trying to grab her attention. They were all dying to get their hands on the most sought after piece of pussy our fine society had to offer. She was Scarlett fucking O'Hara. At the moment however she didn't seem like she could be bothered with any of them.
As usual she looked beautiful. That hadn't changed (even though I had wished for it many times over the past few months) but she was looking far from happy. Dressed in a white strapless dress, with her long hair down, Kathryn hid her eyes behind a pair of large black glasses but I could still tell by her face that she was miserable. Just for a moment I was tempted to go over to her but the feeling quickly passed when someone else joined them.
Jackson suddenly appeared and quickly shooed the other guys away. I then watched stunned as he took a seat beside Kathryn. She didn't get up and leave but then again she didn't look terribly happy to see him either. Jack whispered something in her ear and Kathryn responded. I wished I had been closer so I could hear what they were saying.
I started to walk away when suddenly Kathryn turned and noticed me. Ignoring Jackson she stared at me a moment before standing up. Slowly she drew the shades away from her eyes. Her face was unreadable as always, the perfect ice princess. However she didn't look cold as ice to me. She looked...vulnerable.
"There you are" I heard Megan purr in my ear.
"Hey" I greeted her not breaking my trance from Kathryn who's eyes were slowly narrowing at me.
"Something wrong?"
Finally I glanced over at my date. She had her hand resting on my neck and her fingers were playing with the ends of my hair. Megan was serene as always but I could tell she knew I had been staring at Kathryn. Inside she was likely furious but outside she would pretend not to notice. "Everything's fine." I made a point of kissing her hand, knowing we were being watched. "Let's go get a drink."
"Okay" Megan smiled and lead me back to the party. As I followed her I couldn't help but take one last glance back at Kathryn. She did not look pleased. Good.
* * * * * *
The rest of the afternoon's festivities seemed to drag on at a snail's pace. Megan insisted on introducing me to everyone she knew which as luck would have it was most of the party. It didn't take long for the gossip to start. Needless to say I was made to look like the villain yet again for hooking up with a girl so soon after my broken engagement. Most of the women didn't even bother to wait until my back was turned before whispering behind my back and Tiffani Merteuil spent most of the afternoon sending me murderous looks.
I had managed to not run into Kathryn at all. As the sun started to go down I suspected she might have ran off but then I noticed her shapely figure sneaking off into the house. Politely I excused myself from my date and followed after her. Honestly I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing. I was just...curious.
My mother had been right, Kathryn was staying over night. I followed her up quietly to one of the upstairs bedrooms. It was the same one we always stayed in together when we came up here during the summer. I felt a slight pang as I watched her slip inside and I wondered if she was sharing the room with someone else now. Possibly Jackson.
After a minute I was just going to turn around and leave but then I noticed that the door was slightly ajar. Shrugging my shoulders I walked over and gently pushed it open further. I stepped inside the bedroom to find it empty. Kathryn's suitcases were there but I didn't see her. The bathroom door however was shut. I was going to wait on the bed for her to come out when I heard a sharp, distinctive and very familiar sound.
Without bothering to knock I open the door and stormed inside. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
Kathryn looked up at me in surprise, her nostrils red and still caked with cocaine. Before she could answer my question I grabbed the small mirror with the tiny pile of coke and emptied it into the toilet. As I flushed it Kathryn shrieked "what the hell is wrong with you?"
"I thought you quit this shit" I sighed as I walked past her back into the bedroom.
"What I do or don't do is none of your concern anymore, got it?"
"Got it"
I turned around and headed for the door when she called out to me "why did you even bother to come back?"
That was the million dollar question. This morning I thought I knew but right now it seemed like the worse possible mistake I could have made. Looking back at her however I tried to appear confident. After all this was the girl who broke my heart and I had no intentions of falling apart in front of her. "This is my home Kathryn and I wasn't about to spend my last few years of college in Europe just to make things more comfortable for you. In case you missed it, it was you who fucked things up. Everyone else might think I'm the villain in this relationship but we both know it's you who destroyed everything."
I turned away from her then feeling almost choked up. I hadn't expected to feel so emotional upon seeing her again but here I was acting like a total pussy on the verge of tears. "You're not totally innocent" Kathryn reminded me as she stood beside me. "You got hurt and instead of staying and trying to fix things you ran off and fucked Haley, just to hurt me."
"You deserved it" I told her coldly.
"Maybe"
I was surprised by this but I didn't show it. Instead I asked the one question that had been plaguing me all afternoon. "So when did you start seeing Jackson again?"
"I haven't" Kathryn huffed.
I snickered "you expect me to believe that?"
"Do you really think I...okay fine, you're right I'm sleeping with him. Satisfied?" I couldn't be sure if she telling the truth or not. Before I could push it farther she asked "how long have you been screwing Court's little sister?"
I knew the conversation would come around to that sooner or later. I smirked confidently and revealed "a little over a month. Megan is great. She's smart, fun, sexy, beautiful. I bet you'd really like her." I added the last note with a slight trace of malevolence.
"Bullshit"
"What you don't believe me?"
"Valmont" she purred "if little Megan was as perfect as you make her out to be you'd be bored in minutes."
"Anything but" I told her.
Kathryn moved closer to me and I took a step back. She now had me corned against the wall. As she advanced on me she asked "why is it then you came looking for me?"
Fuck. "I was under the mistaken idea that I should keep you from meeting an early death. Obviously I was wrong. I should have stayed with Megan." I smirked smugly down at her. "She's much more pleasant."
"I'm sure she is." Kathryn stepped even closer until we were standing chest to chest. I had almost forgotten how it felt to be so near to her. To smell her and practically taste her. It was taking all my will power to keep my hands at my sides and not reach out and grab her.
Kathryn must have known this because she continued on with her little game. "Tell me does Princess Margaret out there know what you like? Does she lie idly underneath you in bed or does she ride you at a gallop until pop and scream out her name? At boring parties does she pull you into the hosts pantry and give you a blow job?" Kathryn leaned forward, her hands now pressing against my chest. "Can her mere touch get you hard?"
I was starting to get aroused just feeling her so close again. I tilted my head and my eyes began to flutter shut when I realized we were about to kiss. I was waiting for her lips to meet mine when she asked me "does she love you so much she doesn't know where you end and she begins?"
Suddenly my eyes opened and I found Kathryn looking back at me. Not tauntingly because she indeed got me worked up but rather somberly. Looking down into her eyes I realized then what I had meant to her. She might have lied about a lot of things but never about loving me. That had been true.
Without a word Kathryn turned away and walked out the door. This time however I didn't follow after her and demand more. I didn't know what to say.
* * * * * *
Dinner was a fucking disaster.
When dinner began the guests gathered inside at the main house. There were several tables set up in the ballroom. I ended up sitting with Megan and her family including Court. Our table also ended up across from Kathryn's. She was sitting with Jackson. I was not pleased.
She certainly seemed to be enjoying his company a lot more than she did out at the lake. I couldn't be sure if it was all for my benefit or if it was genuine. I disgusted myself by caring so much. To soothe my agitation I began to drink. It really didn't help.
After the second course I noticed both Kathryn and Jackson get up. They grabbed one of the wine bottle off the waiters cart and headed off into the nearby living room. Leaving all my pride behind I decided to follow after them. They may in fact be fucking each other but I was going to be damned if they did it right under my nose.
I wasn't entirely sober but I wasn't so drunk I didn't know what I was doing. After telling Megan a quick lie about having to leave to retrieve something for my aunt I snuck off into the other room. I was relieved when I found that Kathryn and Jackson were not in fact having sex but they did look close. They were sitting on the piano bench. Jackson was kissing her neck while Kathryn was disinterestedly strumming the keys.
Strutting up to them I called out "well if it isn't the queen of the damned and the C list actor. Together again, how cozy."
Jackson looked up at me angrily. "Fuck off Valmont."
I leaned over the piano and whispered "no."
Kathryn got up and walked over to me. "Are you drunk?"
"Not yet" I reached over and grabbed the wine bottle. I took a big sip then offered her some. "Share and share alike."
"God you're pathetic" Jackson laughed. "Can't you see she belongs with me now." As his arms circled her waist he gave me a gloating grin over her shoulder. "She always has."
"Knock it off" Kathryn hissed pushing him away. "Look Sebastian nothing is going on between us. That's the truth."
"The truth!" I called out as if just discovering the word. "Truth. Who's truth? Your truth Kathryn? You honestly expect me to believe a word that comes out of your mouth?"
She sighed and started to turn away. "I'm not doing this now."
"Oh yes you are!" It might have been the alcohol but I was suddenly filled with rage towards her for everything she had done. Gripping her tightly by the arms I screamed "do you have any idea what you've done? How much you hurt me? Jesus I can't even look at you sometimes without seeing him! I loved you so much, I would have done anything for you but you, you only cared about yourself. You might have loved me but in the end you loved yourself more."
"That's not true!" She yelled back trying to pull out of my grasp. "Sebastian let go, you're hurting me!"
"Well you hurt me! Fuck, I did everything I could to forget about you Kathryn. I left the fucking country! Then finally I thought I could move on but then I come back and find you here, with HIM. How could you, after what he did to us? HOW COULD YOU?!"
My screaming must have been loud enough for the next room to hear. A moment later the gruesome threesome, Tiffany and both my parents, came bursting into the room. "What is going on in here?" my father demanded.
"Your son was just assaulting Kathryn" Jackson explained.
"Get your hands off of her!" Tiffani demanded.
Looking down I noticed that I was still gripping Kathryn. I quickly let go and as I did I noticed red finger marks on her white arms. I felt too dazed and too out of it to apologize. Staggering back I collapsed on the piano bench. I looked up at Kathryn who was staring down at me with an uneasy expression. "Well aren't you going to apologize?" Tiffani demanded. "You break my daughters heart then physically assault her. I think it's the least you can do."
When I didn't offer one up right away my mother did it for me. "I'm sorry dear, I don't know what's gotten into him lately. I'm sure he didn't mean it."
"That's nice Lil" Tiffani huffed "but I think we should hear it from him."
"I was just trying to-"
"STOP IT" Kathryn suddenly screamed. Everyone including myself looked over at her startled. She appeared to be on the edge of breaking down but she didn't just yet. "This isn't his fault. You want someone to blame for this blame me. I'm the reason we broke up. I lied to Sebastian and kept things from him for years. I betrayed him. He never did anything but love and protect me, even when I didn't deserve it." Looking away from our parents and back to me she added "especially when I didn't deserve it. What I did can't be forgiven, no matter how much I apologize. I'm the one who fucked up, I'm the villain. Leave Sebastian alone, I'm to blame."
Needless to say everyone was shocked but no one more than me. I couldn't believe that not only was Kathryn jumping to my defense but she was taking total blame for the matter even though I was aware I wasn't completely blameless. Before anyone could say anything Kathryn said "I'm going up to my room. Can someone give Mrs. Rosemond my apologies for not staying for the auction? Goodnight."
Without waiting for an answer Kathryn turned and left the room. Tiffani looked back at me somewhat confused and then gave my parents a shrug. "I better go make sure she's okay."
After she was gone my parents turned their attention back on me. "Well son I think-"
"Not now" I sighed getting up. "I need some air."
I headed out onto the balcony and Jackson followed after me. "If you're getting any grand ideas to follow after her, don't."
Facing away from him I rolled my eyes. I was steadily starting to sober up and in no mood to deal with him. "Fuck off Jackson."
"She doesn't belong to you anymore"
"Well she sure as hell doesn't belong to you" I snarled whipping around to face him.
Jackson smirked "we'll see."
As he turned and walked back into the house I leaned back against the railing and began to think. "Over my dead body" I sighed.
* * * * * *
As it so happened I skipped the auction as well. Knowing my parents and Megan would be preoccupied I figured this was the perfect opportunity to have a talk with Kathryn. I headed up to her bedroom and knocked only to find she wasn't there. I had seen both Tiffani and Jackson sitting downstairs waiting for the auction to begin so I knew she wasn't with them. I wandered the mansion aimlessly trying to figure out where she could be until it hit me like a ton of bricks.
The indoor pool was located on the first floor of the house, opposite the ball room. I knew even before I opened the doors that she would be in there. Since her drug stash was likely gone I figured she was looking for a way to relieve her stress. Outside of chemical substances Kathryn usually exercised to rid her self of stress. She ran, she fucked, she swam. I took a chance she'd be doing the last one and I was right.
When I entered the pool I found the only lights on were the one's that illuminating the pool. Some classical music was playing in the back ground and Kathryn was doing laps across, no doubt working her body into exhaustion. I walked to the edge and waited for her to notice me. It didn't take long.
Popping her head out of the water, she tossed her long wet hair back and looked up at me in surprise. "What aren't you at the auction?"
"Why'd you do it?"
"Do what?" Kathryn sighed as she resumed swimming.
I walked the length of the pool following her. "You know what I'm talking about. Why did you take the blame for what happened?"
"Because I felt like it"
I chuckled "you expect me to believe that?"
"I don't expect anything from you." As she got to the end of the pool Kathryn swam over to the ladder and climbed out. When she did I couldn't help but notice just how well she looked in that black bikini. I let my gaze linger over her body as I walked over and grabbed a towel for her.
Kathryn went to take it from me but as she tried to pull it out of my hands I pulled it back to me. Right away I noticed the red marks that would soon become bruises on her upper arm. "Shit, did I do that?"
"No my other drunk ex did it" she snapped grabbing the towel out of my hands.
"I'm sorry"
She dried her hair and shrugged. "It's nothing, it's over with."
"Kathryn why did you do it?"
She said nothing at first. I watched as she dropped her towel to the ground and wrapped a terry cloth robe around herself. Finally Kathryn turned back to me and explained "I was sick of lying. Besides we both knew it would get out eventually. Especially with your habit of getting drunk and shooting your mouth off."
I smiled at her "is that the only reason?"
"What relieving my conscience isn't enough? Well that's all I'm offering up tonight."
As she turned to leave I reached out and grabbed her hand. "You weren't the only one to blame in all of this."
"Yes" she sighed "I suppose Jackson played a part."
"So did I"
Kathryn's eyes went wide in surprise then slowly relaxed. She shrugged "I drove you to Haley. If it was me you know I'd react the same way."
"Probably but it doesn't change things"
We stood in silence for a moment, with me still holding her hand. Kathryn took a tentative step closer to me and I reached out and gently caressed her upper arm. "Just for future reference, I haven't been sleeping with Jackson. This is the first time I've seen him since that morning at your apartment."
I let my fingers linger up her shoulder to her neck. Moving in even closer to her I whispered "yeah I know." Deep inside I knew she was telling the truth. Kathryn wouldn't have gone back to Jackson but for some reason it was easier for me to believe she had. Leaning in closer to her my lips soon found hers and gripping the back of her neck I pulled her into a kiss.
It felt as if it had been years since the last time we did this and yet at the same time it felt as if nothing had changed. I kissed her and the past four months never happened. She was still mine and we were still together. The kiss went from tentative to heated in under a second.
It was Kathryn who finally pulled away. She looked up at me in a sort of dazed surprised. "I had almost forgotten how good that was" I told her.
"I hadn't" she replied. Turning around she said "I think I'm going up to bed."
"I'll go with you"
I can't really recall much of that trip up to our old guest room. We were pretty much pawing one another the whole way there, both really not considering what we were about to do. When we eventually got to the room I pushed open the door and picked Kathryn up into my arms. We kissed roughly and then I tossed her down onto the bed. Quickly I removed my own jacket and climbed on top of her. She moaned as I kissed her neck and tugged off her robe. My hands immediately moved up her smooth, flat stomach to her subtle breasts. I knew every inch of her body by heart and yet I was surprised by how much this felt like the first time.
Kathryn pulled my mouth back to hers and her hands moved in between our bodies, down to my pants. I jerked away though and started kissing down her body. As I did she whimpered "god, I missed you Sebastian."
Hearing her voice suddenly made me acutely aware of the cloud that was hanging over us. Things weren't like they were before, everything had changed. Sleeping with Kathryn wouldn't make everything okay. It was with that thought I pulled away from her and sat up. "I can't do this."
"What? Why? Don't you want me?"
I buried my head in my hands and sighed "of course I want you. I've always wanted you Kathryn."
She placed a hand on my back. "Then what's wrong?"
"I had this inane idea that by fucking you everything would go back to the way it was but it can't. I don't trust you Kathryn."
Recoiling back from me she replied "oh."
Getting to my feet I spun around and looked at her "I'm sorry but I don't."
Kathryn regarded me with anger. "What do think, that I'm plotting against you with Jackson? Jesus fucking Christ it's in the past Sebastian. I thought you were ready to move on"
"That's the point" I yelled back. "I don't think I am. I don't trust you and I'm certainly not ready to be with you like we were. I'm not sure I ever will be."
"Why because you're in love with Megan now?"
I rolled my eyes at her. "Of course not. I've only loved one girl in my whole life and you know that. However no matter what I feel for you Kathryn I can't just forgive and forget."
I knew I was hurting her but it had to be said. Even though there was a part of me screaming to go through with it I couldn't start things up again until I was sure I could trust her again.
Kathryn grabbed my jacket and chucked it at me. "Fine then get the hell out."
"Kathryn..." I sighed.
She fell back into the bed and looked away from me. "Just leave me alone okay?"
"All right"
Solemnly I turned and walked out of the bedroom, ruining what had promised to be an interesting evening. As I slowly walked down the hall I wondered if perhaps I was doing the right thing by not rushing things along. I knew the look that appeared on Kathryn's face when I pushed her away was going to haunt me for the rest of the night.
I was almost to the staircase when I heard the sound of smashing glass followed by a loud thud. For a second I just thought it was Kathryn throwing a temper tantrum over not getting her way but then it was quickly followed by a loud, terrified scream. I took off as fast as I could back to the bedroom.
- to be continued (Please Review)
