Title: When The Time Was Right
Author: Su Freund
Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com
Website:
Status: Complete
Category: Angst / Romance
Pairings: Jack / Other, Jack / Sam
Spoilers: small reference to Abyss
Season: Future
Sequel/Series Info: None
Rating: PG-13
Content Warnings: Use of some bad language and non-graphic sexual situations.
Summary: 'A dark haired woman next to Jack poked him in the arm. "Oops, sorry." He continued, "this is Millie, my...um... girlfriend. Daniel, T and, last but, by no means least, Carter." He said by way of introduction. It was all Sam could do to keep her beer in her mouth.' Sam is devastated when she discovers that Jack has a woman in his life. The impact on SG-1, and the whole of the SGC, could be disastrous unless Jack takes action that makes him decidedly nervous
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2004 Su Freund
File Size: 96 KB
Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net
Author's Note: 1. My thanks to Bonnie for her beta of this fic. What would I do without her corrections and suggestions? 2. This story ignores what is now canon from the Season 7 episode Chimera and was written before that episode aired. 3. Apologies to anyone called Millie; no offence intended. 3. On my site this fic is illustrated with a gorgeous wallpaper by Jodi Marie, which contains some of her forever marvellous photo manipulations. Direct link: m
When The Time Was Right
"Hiya Kids!" O'Neill was all smiles. "Drinks anyone?" he waved in the general direction of the team and the bar. A dark haired woman next to Jack poked him in the arm. "Oops, sorry." He continued, "this is Millie, my...um... girlfriend. Daniel, T and, last but, by no means least, Carter." He said by way of introduction.
It was all Sam could do to keep her beer in her mouth. Her stomach suddenly turned somersaults. Girlfriend? Jack had a girlfriend? Since when? Who the hell was this woman? Trying her best to appear friendly and casual, she looked closer at the woman.
Millie? For crying out loud, who had a name like Millie? Only hookers had names like Millie. This was no hooker, not unless she was very high class indeed. She was dressed in designer clothing, very smart / casual. Her makeup was perfect, not a hair out of place. And what hair she had. Long dark curls framed an extremely attractive face. Sam gulped helplessly, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.
"Drink Carter?" Jack called, cheerily.
"Sure, sir. Another beer please." Internally, she recited 'act normally, act casually'.
In the bathroom she leaned over one of the basins, taking deep breathes to get herself back in control. The others didn't seem surprised about Millie, the fact that this woman existed in Jack's life. How come she didn't know about her? Obviously Jack hadn't thought her important enough to mention it to. Oh my god!
She knew she had no hold over Jack. It wasn't as if they had that sort of relationship, or as if they ever could while he was her CO. Nevertheless, she felt sick; angry and upset that he didn't even think highly enough of her to tell her about it. As if she was no longer important to him. She gasped at the truth of it. She really was no longer important to him. He'd moved on, found someone else.
Why hadn't she realised, before now, that his feelings had changed? She hadn't noticed any change in his attitude towards her, or been aware of any banter between Jack and the others that might have given her a clue about this relationship he was having. He looked happy, goddamn him!
Then she felt guilty for thinking that. How could she deny him some happiness? He deserved something, someone in his life. He couldn't have her, clearly no longer even wanted her. He should have told her, though; let her down gently instead of ramming it right in her face. She could have moved on too. Some hope of that, she thought bitterly. She loved Jack, thought he felt the same. Until now, she had continued to hold onto some hope of a future with him, when the time was right. Now? What was she going to do now?
Sam determinedly held back the tears that were trying force themselves from her eyes. If she stayed here much longer they'd be sending that woman in to check up on her. She was a Major in the US Air Force, Goddammit! She could keep this under control. No way did she want Jack to even guess at what she might be feeling. However, her over active brain wouldn't let her off that easily. She became angry with Daniel, and Teal'c. Both of them knew how she felt about the Colonel; neither had thought to give her any warning of this.
Then her anger swung back to Jack. He had the temerity to turn up with his girlfriend when he knew she would be here. Flaunting it in her face, the bastard! He was clearly showing her that he no longer had any feelings about her, or expectations for a future together. Did it give him some sort of thrill to hurt her like that?
Crap! She wanted to go home; leave them all here to get on with enjoying themselves, while she wallowed in misery and self pity. She could work herself up to a huge temper and scream and shout at him; punch the bastard in the face or something. He deserved it.
She knew that she would do none of those things. If she went home now it would be pretty obvious why. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Nor would she shout at him, or punch him in the face. That too would give him the satisfaction. Besides, he'd probably have her up on charges. She was determined to show nothing, act as if it was perfectly alright with her that he'd gone and fallen for another woman. She'd show that son of a bitch.
Sam pulled herself together and, looking in the mirror, was satisfied that her mask was firmly in place. Even if she said so herself, she looked pretty damned hot. She sighed, remembering how she bought this top with Jack in mind. He seemed to like her dressed in blue and this colour matched her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she rejoined her friends, and the laughter and conversation, seemingly as if nothing had happened. She was proud of her performance and figured she probably deserved an Oscar.
Jack's own performance was worthy of the Best Actor award. He was thinking how beautiful Sam looked tonight, had noticed her blue top as soon as they walked in. It suited her; hugged her lean frame tightly, showing all her curves to glorious advantage, and it matched her eyes.
He had never intended for Sam to find out about Millie this way. He wouldn't ever want to hurt her. Unfortunately he'd been unable to start the truck and Millie offered him a ride. She also insisted on coming in to meet his friends. He didn't want her to but how could he say no? Her unexpected arrival that night had put him somewhere between the proverbial rock and hard place.
He felt obliged to pretend that he felt something about her, that he wanted her to meet his friends, get involved in his life. It was all a lie; a fake. He was good at doing that; with his both love and work life. He'd been a love 'em but leave 'em kind of a guy when he was younger; thrown women away easily with no heartbreak, at least for him. Then he'd met Sara and it had all changed. Then Sam. She changed him so fundamentally that he would be eternally grateful to her no matter what the future held. It now looked to him like his future didn't hold much of anything. Sam seemed not to give two hoots about him and Millie.
He'd met Millie at a friend's wedding about three months ago. Greg was getting married for the fourth time. Jack never knew how he paid all the alimony; didn't like to ask. The ceremony and the party afterwards, were dreary. Jack didn't know anybody there apart from Greg, who'd lost touch with all the other people they had in common after he'd split from his second wife.
Millie was seated at his dinner table, probably because they both came alone. She wrote for a fashion magazine, the sort of thing that Sam didn't even know existed, and wasn't at all Jack's type. Somehow, they got along alright; she made a play for him, and kept him close to her all evening. They disappeared early from the boring party and, cutting most of the preliminaries, went back to her hotel and had sex. He'd kept wishing she was Sam.
Jack's heart was cold to Millie, but he pretended warmth. He felt nothing, except a little sexual gratification. He figured that he didn't ever feel much of anything anymore, except maybe for Sam, and his team. Being with Millie did nothing to melt that icy heart, although he very much wanted it to. His almost desperate desire was to determine that he could still feel something; almost anything. Generally speaking, pain and loneliness were his two greatest bed fellows.
He felt a little guilty that he didn't really care much about Millie. He had needed... someone. Frankly, he had needed Sam, but knew he couldn't have her. He could bear the loneliness no longer, thinking he'd go crazy without someone in his life that cared about him; desperately needing some love and attention, someone he could call his own. Millie had come into his life when the time was right. She was attractive enough, good company, was fine in bed. However, if she disappeared out of his life tomorrow he would sigh and get on with it; probably wouldn't even miss her.
It was just a fling, some fun. Millie wasn't in love with him anyway. For her it was almost as casual as it was for him - almost. She lived miles away and they only saw each other every couple of weekends or so anyway. This visit was a surprise and she insisted that he still go to meet his friends as arranged. She would be warming the bed up for when he got home later. In fact they'd warmed it pretty well before they'd even left the house. The sex was all that kept it alive for Jack; it was the only time he felt anything.
The woman he really cared about was sitting right opposite him now; it was as simple as that. However, she didn't seem to give a damn. He'd guessed right about that but it still smarted. He had prayed that this thing with Millie wouldn't hurt Sam. His prayers were answered all right. It hurt like hell that she cared so little. He secretly wanted to see some kind of reaction from her, but there wasn't a flicker. Bitterly disappointed, it seemed that his life had just been flushed right down the toilet. He guessed that, subconsciously, he had still held onto hopes that had now been well and truly crushed.
After one drink, Millie left the team mates to themselves. Jack said he'd get a cab home. She whispered something about a sexy negligee she'd brought with her especially, and smiled at him seductively. Sam nearly lost it right there and then. She was mentally calling Millie all the names under the sun, then realised that it wasn't Millie's fault that Jack was a total screw up. It was him that deserved the name calling.
Daniel could not believe what was happening. When Jack walked in with Millie he wondered what the hell he was playing at. Jack had mentioned Millie to him, and Daniel said he should tell Sam. Jack was so insistent that it was only a casual thing and Sam didn't need to know yet. He'd tell her eventually, when the time was right. He never got around to the telling her part. To him it seemed presumptuous, as if he assumed too much by even suggesting she would be interested in knowing about Millie. He had thoroughly convinced himself that she no longer considered him anything more than a friend.
Turning up here with his lady friend tonight, when Sam was around, was one of the dumbest things Daniel thought he'd seen Jack do. The guy was not exactly tact personified at the best of times. This did not appear to be the best of times.
Daniel felt deeply for Sam and the pain she must be feeling right now. She was cleverly hiding it, but Daniel thought he knew better. She never spoke of her feelings for Jack, but Daniel knew they existed, nonetheless. Just as he knew Jack's existed for Sam.
He felt uncomfortable and could see Teal'c felt it also. They eyed each other occasionally, speaking without any words of their sorrow and anger at O'Neill's lack of regard for Sam's feelings. Daniel didn't know what Jack thought about Millie, he refused to be drawn on the subject, but Daniel was certain that he was still madly in love with Sam. He sure had a funny way of showing it. God, Sam deserved an Academy Award for this performance.
Sam was at the bar getting the drinks and a guy started taking to her. They became quite animated. Daniel thought she was being overly flirtatious; too bright a star. When he glanced at Jack, he noticed narrowed eyes looking in Sam's direction. Did the guy have the audacity to be jealous? What right did he have? He was so angry that he wanted to thump Jack but knew he didn't have a hope in hell of beating him, even in a fair fight. He'd zap him with his brains, wit and invective, when the time was right.
Jack muttered something about helping Sam with the drinks and sauntered over to the bar area. Teal'c raised his eyebrows, moving to get out of his seat to follow, concerned about what O'Neill might say or do, but Daniel put a restraining arm on him, whispering for him to leave it. It wasn't a good idea to get involved right now.
"I must protect MajorCarter." Said Teal'c, firmly.
"Wait to see if she needs protecting first, Teal'c, ok?" Teal'c nodded his agreement and sat back in his chair once more.
"You ok Sam? Need a hand?" Jack eyed the guy she was talking to, making his meaning clear. Is this guy bothering you? Jack looked a little like a predator stalking his next victim.
She smiled happily at Jack, a big fake smile. Jack was too caught up in his own confused feelings to notice that the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"No sir, it's fine. This is Nick."
Knowing that he was hardly in a position to push it, and Sam clearly indicating that it was none of his goddamned business, Jack merely nodded to both of them and picked up the drinks, taking them back to their table. Sam totally failed to see the pain in his eyes. She called after him.
"I'll be back over in a minute, Colonel." She'd show that bastard how little she cared about him and his floozy.
Jack was virtually silent when he got back to the table and Daniel tried to get a conversation going to break the increasing tension. He could see Jack surreptitiously watching Sam and the guy, while feigning disinterest. Once again he felt the urge to thump him, hard. Look a little closer Jack and you'll see right into her heart, he thought.
Sometimes he despaired at Jack's lack of insight into people and their feelings. He could be great at it sometimes, he wasn't a good team leader for nothing, but at other times he seemed to keep his eyes and mind very tightly closed. It bugged the hell out of Daniel. The guy was a mass of contradictions.
As Jack watched Sam flirting with the guy, Nick she'd called him, he thought about how he had lost her a long time ago. Jealousy would get him precisely nowhere. It was a destructive emotion and he should try to control it. For crying out loud, at least he felt something. Careful what you wish for O'Neill; this was Sam.
Sam. How often had he bitten his tongue to stop himself calling her name instead of Millie's? He yearned for Sam so much that, when he had sex, he saw her face instead of Millie's. He refused to call it making love; he only wanted to make love to Sam.
He pondered his relationship with Millie. What had he been thinking? Was he crazy? Then he recalled that he almost was going nuts when he'd met her. A moment of despair; he still got them sometimes, like when Charlie died. He could feel himself tipping slowly over the edge on occasion, but he always managed to pull himself back. His feelings for Sam, having her around, helped him to do that. She made him feel something, and she was worth living for. What now?
Millie knew nothing about him except that he was a Colonel in the US Air Force, liked hockey, and pizza. He kept wondering what they found to talk about. Talking hadn't mattered; the sex had. That was all.
Sam, on the other hand, knew him only too well. It was scary how well sometimes. That's probably what put her off him, he thought bitterly. Frankly, he never had understood what she saw in him in the first place.
He'd thought for some time now that she'd lost interest in him. She could flirt with him more easily than she used to; get more involved in the silly banter. She'd never been as comfortable doing that before, and he took it as a sign that she'd mentally moved on from him and so could now just treat him as a friend.
If that's all he could get, he'd take it. The idea of her not being in his life was too much to bear; so he'd take what she would give. It didn't stop his heart from breaking though. That was why he decided to let Millie's moves on him bear fruit. He couldn't go forever without someone, without sex. He'd been like a priest since he'd realised how he felt about Sam. That wasn't him, although, if he'd genuinely thought she felt anything anymore, he would have waited; forever if necessary.
His eyes narrowed again as he watched. Was Sam giving that guy her phone number? She was giving him something. God, she's coming back, he thought, try to act like nothing happened Jack. You feel nothing, O'Neill. Sam's your 2IC, that's all. All it ever really was and would be. Inside he was shattered, but none of that showed in his face. It was his turn to fake the big smile as Sam came back to the table.
After that, the rest of the evening might have been an ordinary night out with the team; on the surface. Within each of them something smouldered, the first sparks of a fire that could raze a swathe through their friendship, and the team.
Daniel wanted to knock their heads together. Scream at them to forget the regs and just be happy; love one and other. In truth, he admired their desire to respect the regulations and act honorably. He could understand the need for that particular regulation, even though he was no great believer in the military regs. However, all these bottled up emotions between Jack and Sam were a huge mistake and he was scared it built into something so much worse. He feared disaster.
When Jack got home that night he asked Millie to leave; it was over. Even the sexy negligee couldn't tempt him. He was done with it; couldn't stand the pretence anymore. Feeling like a heel, he called her a cab to take her to a hotel, paid for her room on his credit card. He was alone again.
Back on duty at the SGC, Jack and Sam, SG-1, got on with the job in what appeared to be the usual way; the atmosphere was a little strained. Three weeks later, Jack learned that Sam was seeing that Nick guy and his heart broke just a little bit more.
********
6 weeks later:
O'Neill had been looking all over the base for Carter. As he turned the corner he almost bumped into General Hammond coming the other way.
"General." He acknowledged. "Oh, sir, have you seen Major Carter?"
"She's taken a few days leave, Jack. She told me she'd already cleared it with you." Hammond's eyes narrowed, suspiciously. He'd noticed that things between the members of SG-1 were a bit off-balance lately. "Didn't she clear it with you, Colonel?"
"Yes, Sir. Sorry Sir. It slipped my mind."
He smiled, to conceal his confusion. What the hell was Carter playing at, taking leave without speaking to him about it? He was her CO, for crying out loud. He was angry with her, but nevertheless felt the need to protect her and cover for her. Despite her behaviour, he didn't want to get a member of his team into trouble. He would deal with it. That was his job. Boy he'd give her a piece of his mind when he saw again. He felt let down and disappointed in her. Why the hell hadn't she mentioned it to him? He guessed she probably wanted to go away for a few days with that Nick guy. He swallowed the emotion rising in him at that thought. Maybe she'd been too embarrassed to ask him. It was insufficient excuse for not asking your own CO about leave. She went above his head, for crying out loud. That was unforgivable. He'd have her cleaning out latrines with a toothbrush before he was through with her.
She'd been distant lately and he'd missed her friendship. He figured her head was in the clouds over that Nick. Perhaps she was trying not to rub it in too much so was avoiding him where possible. She must know he was hurting. Although maybe not; she probably had the impression that he didn't give a damn. He'd tried hard enough to create it. God it was him that originally found someone else, so why would she think he cared in the first place? Perversely, he was glad she probably didn't know how upset he was; it saved a little of his wounded pride.
********
Sam had tried to suppress her feelings for Jack, and her pain at his loss. She buried herself in her work, but when Nick called to ask her on a date she'd thought what the heck? He was around the same age as her, and very good looking.
So they'd gone out a couple of times, the first time for dinner, the second to the movies. On the third date, he'd made his move on her, asking her back to his apartment for a drink, and to stay the night. Once again, Sam thought, what the heck? The Colonel was no doubt screwing that Millie woman night and day; as often as he got the chance. Damn him to hell! Despite her best efforts she couldn't get Jack out of her mind.
Nick wasn't very good in bed and, because at heart she cared nothing for him, or a relationship with him, she never bothered to tell him what she wanted or needed from sex. Sam faked it and sex had quickly become a chore. She kept imagining him to be Jack and it drove her nuts. Although she anticipated that she would never have needed to fake it with Jack. He oozed sex appeal, at least in her mind. She simply couldn't imagine that he wouldn't be good at it but had lost her chance to find out and regretted that.
Sam was disappointed in Nick. It was so long since she'd actually had sex that she relished the idea of it. However, it wasn't the person she wanted to be with. That person didn't want her anymore. It was probably just as much her fault as Nick's that the sex was crap. She just couldn't respond to him in any way that was real. A part of her heart died when Jack walked in the room with Millie.
The relationship with Nick only lasted a couple of weeks or so. In the end she tired of it; longing for Jack, and seeing Nick in the spare time she'd rather be doing something else with. She thought she'd rather take up knitting. The whole thing started just to show that bastard O'Neill that she could manage perfectly well without him. If he didn't want her, there were plenty of men out there that did. She never really wanted it.
Nick seemed shallow and immature. She laughed at the notion that anyone could be more shallow and immature than Jack was sometimes. With Jack it was different. Although often irritating, she knew that it was all part of the Jack O'Neill show. Nick didn't stand a chance; who could when held up in comparison to The Great Colonel O'Neill? Not so great; just a great bastard.
It got to the point where she couldn't take anymore. Seeing Jack every day, her heart torn asunder by him, was intolerable. She had to get away from the SGC, have time to think about her future without the distraction of work, of him. She arranged the leave and called her brother to organise a visit to San Diego. Perhaps her family was the thing she needed right now. At least it got her away from Jack.
She knew he would be pissed when he found out she'd gone without mentioning it to him. Frankly, she didn't care if he was. Ok, so she should at least consult her CO about taking leave, but she wasn't sure he would be her CO for much longer. She was contemplating a transfer request, out of the SGC, uncertain that she could bear to face him anymore
*******
A few days later, Jack was summoned to Hammond's office. Seeing the look on the General's face, he knew it was something serious.
"Sit down, Colonel." The General indicated the chair opposite him.
"Sir." Jack sat, half dreading what Hammond might want to talk to him about.
"It's Major Carter, Jack."
'Oh crap, what now?' went through Jack's mind.
"She's requested a transfer, away from the SGC; doesn't want to come back here. All she says is that it's for personal reasons."
Hammond watched Jack's face carefully as he spoke and saw the shock register. Jack had paled.
"Any idea why, Jack?"
"What? I... god! A transfer? I...I..."
Jack was finding it difficult to be coherent, his usual professionalism gone. Transfer? He was going to lose her altogether? He hadn't anticipated that. Hammond was surprised by Jack's obvious shock; O'Neill was the consummate professional, not given to letting his personal feelings distract him, or show in his face.
"I... have no idea sir."
"I've noticed that things seem a bit strained in your team lately. Has anything happened that I should be aware of?"
"N... no sir."
"I'm holding her request, Colonel. Before I put it through I want to know why we're losing one of our best people. I need you to find out; try to persuade her to stay if possible."
"Me, sir?"
Jack gulped at the idea. He was the last person on earth that she was likely to talk to. He wanted to confront her about this about as much as he wanted to face re-capture and torture by Ba'al. Ba'al might even be preferable.
"She's at her brother's in San Diego. Here's the number. Call her Jack."
"I... sir... wouldn't it be better to ask Daniel?"
"You are her Commanding Officer, son. I expect you to do it."
"Yes, sir." Jack stood and saluted his acknowledgement, taking the piece of paper from Hammond's hand, and left his office in a daze.
Hammond pondered O'Neill's reaction. He hoped that his faith hadn't been misplaced. He had trusted O'Neill and Carter to manage their feelings for each other and get on with the job. Had he made a mistake? Was this problem personal; something between O'Neill and Carter? He certainly hoped not.
Jack was stunned. He sat in his office fiddling with the piece of paper Hammond gave him. He already had this number; he had all the numbers for his team, where to reach them when they weren't at home, just in case they were needed. Sam had even slipped him a note giving him Nick's number. It served to twist the knife even further into his wounded heart.
She'd gone to her brother's? Had she taken Nick with her for a cosy family get together? Maybe it was getting serious between them and she was leaving because her job and the relationship didn't sit well together. The idea made him sick at heart. He wasn't sure he wanted to know why she was leaving. How could he deal with that?
A number of times he picked up the phone starting to press the digits, but couldn't bring himself to call. Maybe tomorrow, maybe from home. Looking at his watch, he realised it was probably time to get himself home. That might be the best place for him. He needed to recover his composure before plucking up the courage to make the call. Go home, relax a little, then call. Relax? Who was he trying to kid? Don't kid a kidder, Jack, he thought, lying to yourself does not become you.
With a heavy heart he left for the day. Tomorrow. Yeah, he'd call her tomorrow.
********
Sam called Daniel to tell him her decision about the SGC. He tried to talk her out of it; she wouldn't tell him why. He knew why, but had been attempting to get her to talk to him about it. He'd vainly struggled to get one or the other of them to open up to him over the last few weeks. It was like trying to crack open a rock with a penknife. Now he was good and mad at Jack. This was all his fault, the jerk.
By the time he got to Jack's front door he was feeling confrontational. When he saw Jack it deflated him. He was visibly shaken, pale, and upset. He didn't have the heart to shout at the poor guy. He wondered if Jack had been drinking but could see no evidence of it in the house. Not drunk; depressed.
Since he'd got home, Jack had done virtually nothing but think about Sam; about never seeing her again. He had not believed that day would come. Stupid of him. When Daniel arrived his first instinct was to tell him to go away and leave him alone. Then he thought better of it. The company might help give him cold comfort. He went to make coffee, got totally side- tracked by wallowing in self pity, so Daniel ended up forcing him to sit in his living room while he made it. Jack had hardly said a word to him since he arrived.
Eventually, Jack broke the silence.
"You're her friend, Daniel. Why's she leaving us?"
"You really don't know?"
"You think I should?"
"God Jack, you can be such an idiot sometimes."
Jack just stared at him, dumbly.
"Tell me how you would feel if Sam turned up in a bar to meet you and your friends, with a handsome man hanging on her arm?"
"What? This has got nothing to do with that!"
"Jack, for Christ's sake open your eyes. You broke Sam's heart. You turn up flaunting your girlfriend in front of her?" Daniel's voice was rising, despite his sympathy for the man sitting opposite him, "Whispering about naughty negligees and keeping the bed warm for you. Then you have the temerity to be jealous of another guy chatting her up."
"Daniel, that's ridiculous. She didn't care for one minute that Millie was with me. That was pretty clear. I'd lost her a long time before that."
"What makes you think that?"
"Things had got so comfortable between us, she seemed so much easier around me than she ever had been."
"And you saw that as a bad sign?" Daniel said incredulously.
He was astounded that Jack was actually speaking to him like this. Jack, who kept his emotional cards very close to his chest, and rarely talked about his feelings. However, when he saw Jack shrug, his anger increased.
"How dare you shrug as if you didn't care when you so clearly do. We are losing one of our friends here, one of the team, and all you can do is shrug? You are a selfish ass, Jack. So caught up in your own feelings and insecurities, your self doubt, that you can't even see how much Sam cares about you. That's what drove her away. You drove her away!"
"Don't say that, Daniel, please..." Jack's voice was cracking up.
"It's true!"
"Is that what she said?"
"She didn't have to say it. Do you really think she ever would? She's as stubborn and full of pride as you are, you stupid son of a bitch!"
Daniel was so vehement that Jack wondered whether it really was true. Why would Daniel say it if it weren't true? He gasped at the realisation, and shuddered. He'd really screwed it up this time.
"She looked and acted like she didn't give a damn, Daniel." Jack insisted stubbornly. Daniel could almost feel the pain emanating from Jack like it was a tangible thing.
"Appearances can be deceptive, Jack. You of all people should know that. You're a master at hiding behind a façade."
"Crap!"
"It's not crap, Jack. It's true!"
"I didn't mean... shit! It doesn't matter what I meant." Jack shouted, then continued in a more subdued tone. "What do I do Daniel?"
"Go to San Diego."
Jack looked up, surprised. Go to San Diego? Sam would probably shut the door in his face.
"I can't do that Daniel. I don't think Sam would..."
Daniel interrupted, angrily. "Jack! Are you really going to let your stupid stubborn pride get in the way of this? Don't be more of a fool than you have been already!"
He knew Daniel was right; he was foolish, stubborn, and proud. It had probably screwed things up for him more than once before now. He leaned back in his seat, sighing loudly and rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. Goddammit! Then he looked hopefully at Daniel.
"Wanna come with?" The idea of going it alone made him so nervous that he felt queasy; he needed some moral support.
"You're kidding right? If I'm right, you are the only one that can handle this Jack."
"If you're right? What if you're wrong?"
"Stubborn pride again Jack? What do you have to lose?"
He'd lost so much already. Although it filled him with dread, he knew that Daniel was right, once again, and resigned himself to the inevitable. He'd speak to Hammond and persuade him that the personal touch was better than a phone call. As it turned out, Hammond was easily persuaded. The next morning Jack caught a flight to San Diego.
Continued in Part 2
Author: Su Freund
Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com
Website:
Status: Complete
Category: Angst / Romance
Pairings: Jack / Other, Jack / Sam
Spoilers: small reference to Abyss
Season: Future
Sequel/Series Info: None
Rating: PG-13
Content Warnings: Use of some bad language and non-graphic sexual situations.
Summary: 'A dark haired woman next to Jack poked him in the arm. "Oops, sorry." He continued, "this is Millie, my...um... girlfriend. Daniel, T and, last but, by no means least, Carter." He said by way of introduction. It was all Sam could do to keep her beer in her mouth.' Sam is devastated when she discovers that Jack has a woman in his life. The impact on SG-1, and the whole of the SGC, could be disastrous unless Jack takes action that makes him decidedly nervous
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2004 Su Freund
File Size: 96 KB
Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net
Author's Note: 1. My thanks to Bonnie for her beta of this fic. What would I do without her corrections and suggestions? 2. This story ignores what is now canon from the Season 7 episode Chimera and was written before that episode aired. 3. Apologies to anyone called Millie; no offence intended. 3. On my site this fic is illustrated with a gorgeous wallpaper by Jodi Marie, which contains some of her forever marvellous photo manipulations. Direct link: m
When The Time Was Right
"Hiya Kids!" O'Neill was all smiles. "Drinks anyone?" he waved in the general direction of the team and the bar. A dark haired woman next to Jack poked him in the arm. "Oops, sorry." He continued, "this is Millie, my...um... girlfriend. Daniel, T and, last but, by no means least, Carter." He said by way of introduction.
It was all Sam could do to keep her beer in her mouth. Her stomach suddenly turned somersaults. Girlfriend? Jack had a girlfriend? Since when? Who the hell was this woman? Trying her best to appear friendly and casual, she looked closer at the woman.
Millie? For crying out loud, who had a name like Millie? Only hookers had names like Millie. This was no hooker, not unless she was very high class indeed. She was dressed in designer clothing, very smart / casual. Her makeup was perfect, not a hair out of place. And what hair she had. Long dark curls framed an extremely attractive face. Sam gulped helplessly, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.
"Drink Carter?" Jack called, cheerily.
"Sure, sir. Another beer please." Internally, she recited 'act normally, act casually'.
In the bathroom she leaned over one of the basins, taking deep breathes to get herself back in control. The others didn't seem surprised about Millie, the fact that this woman existed in Jack's life. How come she didn't know about her? Obviously Jack hadn't thought her important enough to mention it to. Oh my god!
She knew she had no hold over Jack. It wasn't as if they had that sort of relationship, or as if they ever could while he was her CO. Nevertheless, she felt sick; angry and upset that he didn't even think highly enough of her to tell her about it. As if she was no longer important to him. She gasped at the truth of it. She really was no longer important to him. He'd moved on, found someone else.
Why hadn't she realised, before now, that his feelings had changed? She hadn't noticed any change in his attitude towards her, or been aware of any banter between Jack and the others that might have given her a clue about this relationship he was having. He looked happy, goddamn him!
Then she felt guilty for thinking that. How could she deny him some happiness? He deserved something, someone in his life. He couldn't have her, clearly no longer even wanted her. He should have told her, though; let her down gently instead of ramming it right in her face. She could have moved on too. Some hope of that, she thought bitterly. She loved Jack, thought he felt the same. Until now, she had continued to hold onto some hope of a future with him, when the time was right. Now? What was she going to do now?
Sam determinedly held back the tears that were trying force themselves from her eyes. If she stayed here much longer they'd be sending that woman in to check up on her. She was a Major in the US Air Force, Goddammit! She could keep this under control. No way did she want Jack to even guess at what she might be feeling. However, her over active brain wouldn't let her off that easily. She became angry with Daniel, and Teal'c. Both of them knew how she felt about the Colonel; neither had thought to give her any warning of this.
Then her anger swung back to Jack. He had the temerity to turn up with his girlfriend when he knew she would be here. Flaunting it in her face, the bastard! He was clearly showing her that he no longer had any feelings about her, or expectations for a future together. Did it give him some sort of thrill to hurt her like that?
Crap! She wanted to go home; leave them all here to get on with enjoying themselves, while she wallowed in misery and self pity. She could work herself up to a huge temper and scream and shout at him; punch the bastard in the face or something. He deserved it.
She knew that she would do none of those things. If she went home now it would be pretty obvious why. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Nor would she shout at him, or punch him in the face. That too would give him the satisfaction. Besides, he'd probably have her up on charges. She was determined to show nothing, act as if it was perfectly alright with her that he'd gone and fallen for another woman. She'd show that son of a bitch.
Sam pulled herself together and, looking in the mirror, was satisfied that her mask was firmly in place. Even if she said so herself, she looked pretty damned hot. She sighed, remembering how she bought this top with Jack in mind. He seemed to like her dressed in blue and this colour matched her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she rejoined her friends, and the laughter and conversation, seemingly as if nothing had happened. She was proud of her performance and figured she probably deserved an Oscar.
Jack's own performance was worthy of the Best Actor award. He was thinking how beautiful Sam looked tonight, had noticed her blue top as soon as they walked in. It suited her; hugged her lean frame tightly, showing all her curves to glorious advantage, and it matched her eyes.
He had never intended for Sam to find out about Millie this way. He wouldn't ever want to hurt her. Unfortunately he'd been unable to start the truck and Millie offered him a ride. She also insisted on coming in to meet his friends. He didn't want her to but how could he say no? Her unexpected arrival that night had put him somewhere between the proverbial rock and hard place.
He felt obliged to pretend that he felt something about her, that he wanted her to meet his friends, get involved in his life. It was all a lie; a fake. He was good at doing that; with his both love and work life. He'd been a love 'em but leave 'em kind of a guy when he was younger; thrown women away easily with no heartbreak, at least for him. Then he'd met Sara and it had all changed. Then Sam. She changed him so fundamentally that he would be eternally grateful to her no matter what the future held. It now looked to him like his future didn't hold much of anything. Sam seemed not to give two hoots about him and Millie.
He'd met Millie at a friend's wedding about three months ago. Greg was getting married for the fourth time. Jack never knew how he paid all the alimony; didn't like to ask. The ceremony and the party afterwards, were dreary. Jack didn't know anybody there apart from Greg, who'd lost touch with all the other people they had in common after he'd split from his second wife.
Millie was seated at his dinner table, probably because they both came alone. She wrote for a fashion magazine, the sort of thing that Sam didn't even know existed, and wasn't at all Jack's type. Somehow, they got along alright; she made a play for him, and kept him close to her all evening. They disappeared early from the boring party and, cutting most of the preliminaries, went back to her hotel and had sex. He'd kept wishing she was Sam.
Jack's heart was cold to Millie, but he pretended warmth. He felt nothing, except a little sexual gratification. He figured that he didn't ever feel much of anything anymore, except maybe for Sam, and his team. Being with Millie did nothing to melt that icy heart, although he very much wanted it to. His almost desperate desire was to determine that he could still feel something; almost anything. Generally speaking, pain and loneliness were his two greatest bed fellows.
He felt a little guilty that he didn't really care much about Millie. He had needed... someone. Frankly, he had needed Sam, but knew he couldn't have her. He could bear the loneliness no longer, thinking he'd go crazy without someone in his life that cared about him; desperately needing some love and attention, someone he could call his own. Millie had come into his life when the time was right. She was attractive enough, good company, was fine in bed. However, if she disappeared out of his life tomorrow he would sigh and get on with it; probably wouldn't even miss her.
It was just a fling, some fun. Millie wasn't in love with him anyway. For her it was almost as casual as it was for him - almost. She lived miles away and they only saw each other every couple of weekends or so anyway. This visit was a surprise and she insisted that he still go to meet his friends as arranged. She would be warming the bed up for when he got home later. In fact they'd warmed it pretty well before they'd even left the house. The sex was all that kept it alive for Jack; it was the only time he felt anything.
The woman he really cared about was sitting right opposite him now; it was as simple as that. However, she didn't seem to give a damn. He'd guessed right about that but it still smarted. He had prayed that this thing with Millie wouldn't hurt Sam. His prayers were answered all right. It hurt like hell that she cared so little. He secretly wanted to see some kind of reaction from her, but there wasn't a flicker. Bitterly disappointed, it seemed that his life had just been flushed right down the toilet. He guessed that, subconsciously, he had still held onto hopes that had now been well and truly crushed.
After one drink, Millie left the team mates to themselves. Jack said he'd get a cab home. She whispered something about a sexy negligee she'd brought with her especially, and smiled at him seductively. Sam nearly lost it right there and then. She was mentally calling Millie all the names under the sun, then realised that it wasn't Millie's fault that Jack was a total screw up. It was him that deserved the name calling.
Daniel could not believe what was happening. When Jack walked in with Millie he wondered what the hell he was playing at. Jack had mentioned Millie to him, and Daniel said he should tell Sam. Jack was so insistent that it was only a casual thing and Sam didn't need to know yet. He'd tell her eventually, when the time was right. He never got around to the telling her part. To him it seemed presumptuous, as if he assumed too much by even suggesting she would be interested in knowing about Millie. He had thoroughly convinced himself that she no longer considered him anything more than a friend.
Turning up here with his lady friend tonight, when Sam was around, was one of the dumbest things Daniel thought he'd seen Jack do. The guy was not exactly tact personified at the best of times. This did not appear to be the best of times.
Daniel felt deeply for Sam and the pain she must be feeling right now. She was cleverly hiding it, but Daniel thought he knew better. She never spoke of her feelings for Jack, but Daniel knew they existed, nonetheless. Just as he knew Jack's existed for Sam.
He felt uncomfortable and could see Teal'c felt it also. They eyed each other occasionally, speaking without any words of their sorrow and anger at O'Neill's lack of regard for Sam's feelings. Daniel didn't know what Jack thought about Millie, he refused to be drawn on the subject, but Daniel was certain that he was still madly in love with Sam. He sure had a funny way of showing it. God, Sam deserved an Academy Award for this performance.
Sam was at the bar getting the drinks and a guy started taking to her. They became quite animated. Daniel thought she was being overly flirtatious; too bright a star. When he glanced at Jack, he noticed narrowed eyes looking in Sam's direction. Did the guy have the audacity to be jealous? What right did he have? He was so angry that he wanted to thump Jack but knew he didn't have a hope in hell of beating him, even in a fair fight. He'd zap him with his brains, wit and invective, when the time was right.
Jack muttered something about helping Sam with the drinks and sauntered over to the bar area. Teal'c raised his eyebrows, moving to get out of his seat to follow, concerned about what O'Neill might say or do, but Daniel put a restraining arm on him, whispering for him to leave it. It wasn't a good idea to get involved right now.
"I must protect MajorCarter." Said Teal'c, firmly.
"Wait to see if she needs protecting first, Teal'c, ok?" Teal'c nodded his agreement and sat back in his chair once more.
"You ok Sam? Need a hand?" Jack eyed the guy she was talking to, making his meaning clear. Is this guy bothering you? Jack looked a little like a predator stalking his next victim.
She smiled happily at Jack, a big fake smile. Jack was too caught up in his own confused feelings to notice that the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"No sir, it's fine. This is Nick."
Knowing that he was hardly in a position to push it, and Sam clearly indicating that it was none of his goddamned business, Jack merely nodded to both of them and picked up the drinks, taking them back to their table. Sam totally failed to see the pain in his eyes. She called after him.
"I'll be back over in a minute, Colonel." She'd show that bastard how little she cared about him and his floozy.
Jack was virtually silent when he got back to the table and Daniel tried to get a conversation going to break the increasing tension. He could see Jack surreptitiously watching Sam and the guy, while feigning disinterest. Once again he felt the urge to thump him, hard. Look a little closer Jack and you'll see right into her heart, he thought.
Sometimes he despaired at Jack's lack of insight into people and their feelings. He could be great at it sometimes, he wasn't a good team leader for nothing, but at other times he seemed to keep his eyes and mind very tightly closed. It bugged the hell out of Daniel. The guy was a mass of contradictions.
As Jack watched Sam flirting with the guy, Nick she'd called him, he thought about how he had lost her a long time ago. Jealousy would get him precisely nowhere. It was a destructive emotion and he should try to control it. For crying out loud, at least he felt something. Careful what you wish for O'Neill; this was Sam.
Sam. How often had he bitten his tongue to stop himself calling her name instead of Millie's? He yearned for Sam so much that, when he had sex, he saw her face instead of Millie's. He refused to call it making love; he only wanted to make love to Sam.
He pondered his relationship with Millie. What had he been thinking? Was he crazy? Then he recalled that he almost was going nuts when he'd met her. A moment of despair; he still got them sometimes, like when Charlie died. He could feel himself tipping slowly over the edge on occasion, but he always managed to pull himself back. His feelings for Sam, having her around, helped him to do that. She made him feel something, and she was worth living for. What now?
Millie knew nothing about him except that he was a Colonel in the US Air Force, liked hockey, and pizza. He kept wondering what they found to talk about. Talking hadn't mattered; the sex had. That was all.
Sam, on the other hand, knew him only too well. It was scary how well sometimes. That's probably what put her off him, he thought bitterly. Frankly, he never had understood what she saw in him in the first place.
He'd thought for some time now that she'd lost interest in him. She could flirt with him more easily than she used to; get more involved in the silly banter. She'd never been as comfortable doing that before, and he took it as a sign that she'd mentally moved on from him and so could now just treat him as a friend.
If that's all he could get, he'd take it. The idea of her not being in his life was too much to bear; so he'd take what she would give. It didn't stop his heart from breaking though. That was why he decided to let Millie's moves on him bear fruit. He couldn't go forever without someone, without sex. He'd been like a priest since he'd realised how he felt about Sam. That wasn't him, although, if he'd genuinely thought she felt anything anymore, he would have waited; forever if necessary.
His eyes narrowed again as he watched. Was Sam giving that guy her phone number? She was giving him something. God, she's coming back, he thought, try to act like nothing happened Jack. You feel nothing, O'Neill. Sam's your 2IC, that's all. All it ever really was and would be. Inside he was shattered, but none of that showed in his face. It was his turn to fake the big smile as Sam came back to the table.
After that, the rest of the evening might have been an ordinary night out with the team; on the surface. Within each of them something smouldered, the first sparks of a fire that could raze a swathe through their friendship, and the team.
Daniel wanted to knock their heads together. Scream at them to forget the regs and just be happy; love one and other. In truth, he admired their desire to respect the regulations and act honorably. He could understand the need for that particular regulation, even though he was no great believer in the military regs. However, all these bottled up emotions between Jack and Sam were a huge mistake and he was scared it built into something so much worse. He feared disaster.
When Jack got home that night he asked Millie to leave; it was over. Even the sexy negligee couldn't tempt him. He was done with it; couldn't stand the pretence anymore. Feeling like a heel, he called her a cab to take her to a hotel, paid for her room on his credit card. He was alone again.
Back on duty at the SGC, Jack and Sam, SG-1, got on with the job in what appeared to be the usual way; the atmosphere was a little strained. Three weeks later, Jack learned that Sam was seeing that Nick guy and his heart broke just a little bit more.
********
6 weeks later:
O'Neill had been looking all over the base for Carter. As he turned the corner he almost bumped into General Hammond coming the other way.
"General." He acknowledged. "Oh, sir, have you seen Major Carter?"
"She's taken a few days leave, Jack. She told me she'd already cleared it with you." Hammond's eyes narrowed, suspiciously. He'd noticed that things between the members of SG-1 were a bit off-balance lately. "Didn't she clear it with you, Colonel?"
"Yes, Sir. Sorry Sir. It slipped my mind."
He smiled, to conceal his confusion. What the hell was Carter playing at, taking leave without speaking to him about it? He was her CO, for crying out loud. He was angry with her, but nevertheless felt the need to protect her and cover for her. Despite her behaviour, he didn't want to get a member of his team into trouble. He would deal with it. That was his job. Boy he'd give her a piece of his mind when he saw again. He felt let down and disappointed in her. Why the hell hadn't she mentioned it to him? He guessed she probably wanted to go away for a few days with that Nick guy. He swallowed the emotion rising in him at that thought. Maybe she'd been too embarrassed to ask him. It was insufficient excuse for not asking your own CO about leave. She went above his head, for crying out loud. That was unforgivable. He'd have her cleaning out latrines with a toothbrush before he was through with her.
She'd been distant lately and he'd missed her friendship. He figured her head was in the clouds over that Nick. Perhaps she was trying not to rub it in too much so was avoiding him where possible. She must know he was hurting. Although maybe not; she probably had the impression that he didn't give a damn. He'd tried hard enough to create it. God it was him that originally found someone else, so why would she think he cared in the first place? Perversely, he was glad she probably didn't know how upset he was; it saved a little of his wounded pride.
********
Sam had tried to suppress her feelings for Jack, and her pain at his loss. She buried herself in her work, but when Nick called to ask her on a date she'd thought what the heck? He was around the same age as her, and very good looking.
So they'd gone out a couple of times, the first time for dinner, the second to the movies. On the third date, he'd made his move on her, asking her back to his apartment for a drink, and to stay the night. Once again, Sam thought, what the heck? The Colonel was no doubt screwing that Millie woman night and day; as often as he got the chance. Damn him to hell! Despite her best efforts she couldn't get Jack out of her mind.
Nick wasn't very good in bed and, because at heart she cared nothing for him, or a relationship with him, she never bothered to tell him what she wanted or needed from sex. Sam faked it and sex had quickly become a chore. She kept imagining him to be Jack and it drove her nuts. Although she anticipated that she would never have needed to fake it with Jack. He oozed sex appeal, at least in her mind. She simply couldn't imagine that he wouldn't be good at it but had lost her chance to find out and regretted that.
Sam was disappointed in Nick. It was so long since she'd actually had sex that she relished the idea of it. However, it wasn't the person she wanted to be with. That person didn't want her anymore. It was probably just as much her fault as Nick's that the sex was crap. She just couldn't respond to him in any way that was real. A part of her heart died when Jack walked in the room with Millie.
The relationship with Nick only lasted a couple of weeks or so. In the end she tired of it; longing for Jack, and seeing Nick in the spare time she'd rather be doing something else with. She thought she'd rather take up knitting. The whole thing started just to show that bastard O'Neill that she could manage perfectly well without him. If he didn't want her, there were plenty of men out there that did. She never really wanted it.
Nick seemed shallow and immature. She laughed at the notion that anyone could be more shallow and immature than Jack was sometimes. With Jack it was different. Although often irritating, she knew that it was all part of the Jack O'Neill show. Nick didn't stand a chance; who could when held up in comparison to The Great Colonel O'Neill? Not so great; just a great bastard.
It got to the point where she couldn't take anymore. Seeing Jack every day, her heart torn asunder by him, was intolerable. She had to get away from the SGC, have time to think about her future without the distraction of work, of him. She arranged the leave and called her brother to organise a visit to San Diego. Perhaps her family was the thing she needed right now. At least it got her away from Jack.
She knew he would be pissed when he found out she'd gone without mentioning it to him. Frankly, she didn't care if he was. Ok, so she should at least consult her CO about taking leave, but she wasn't sure he would be her CO for much longer. She was contemplating a transfer request, out of the SGC, uncertain that she could bear to face him anymore
*******
A few days later, Jack was summoned to Hammond's office. Seeing the look on the General's face, he knew it was something serious.
"Sit down, Colonel." The General indicated the chair opposite him.
"Sir." Jack sat, half dreading what Hammond might want to talk to him about.
"It's Major Carter, Jack."
'Oh crap, what now?' went through Jack's mind.
"She's requested a transfer, away from the SGC; doesn't want to come back here. All she says is that it's for personal reasons."
Hammond watched Jack's face carefully as he spoke and saw the shock register. Jack had paled.
"Any idea why, Jack?"
"What? I... god! A transfer? I...I..."
Jack was finding it difficult to be coherent, his usual professionalism gone. Transfer? He was going to lose her altogether? He hadn't anticipated that. Hammond was surprised by Jack's obvious shock; O'Neill was the consummate professional, not given to letting his personal feelings distract him, or show in his face.
"I... have no idea sir."
"I've noticed that things seem a bit strained in your team lately. Has anything happened that I should be aware of?"
"N... no sir."
"I'm holding her request, Colonel. Before I put it through I want to know why we're losing one of our best people. I need you to find out; try to persuade her to stay if possible."
"Me, sir?"
Jack gulped at the idea. He was the last person on earth that she was likely to talk to. He wanted to confront her about this about as much as he wanted to face re-capture and torture by Ba'al. Ba'al might even be preferable.
"She's at her brother's in San Diego. Here's the number. Call her Jack."
"I... sir... wouldn't it be better to ask Daniel?"
"You are her Commanding Officer, son. I expect you to do it."
"Yes, sir." Jack stood and saluted his acknowledgement, taking the piece of paper from Hammond's hand, and left his office in a daze.
Hammond pondered O'Neill's reaction. He hoped that his faith hadn't been misplaced. He had trusted O'Neill and Carter to manage their feelings for each other and get on with the job. Had he made a mistake? Was this problem personal; something between O'Neill and Carter? He certainly hoped not.
Jack was stunned. He sat in his office fiddling with the piece of paper Hammond gave him. He already had this number; he had all the numbers for his team, where to reach them when they weren't at home, just in case they were needed. Sam had even slipped him a note giving him Nick's number. It served to twist the knife even further into his wounded heart.
She'd gone to her brother's? Had she taken Nick with her for a cosy family get together? Maybe it was getting serious between them and she was leaving because her job and the relationship didn't sit well together. The idea made him sick at heart. He wasn't sure he wanted to know why she was leaving. How could he deal with that?
A number of times he picked up the phone starting to press the digits, but couldn't bring himself to call. Maybe tomorrow, maybe from home. Looking at his watch, he realised it was probably time to get himself home. That might be the best place for him. He needed to recover his composure before plucking up the courage to make the call. Go home, relax a little, then call. Relax? Who was he trying to kid? Don't kid a kidder, Jack, he thought, lying to yourself does not become you.
With a heavy heart he left for the day. Tomorrow. Yeah, he'd call her tomorrow.
********
Sam called Daniel to tell him her decision about the SGC. He tried to talk her out of it; she wouldn't tell him why. He knew why, but had been attempting to get her to talk to him about it. He'd vainly struggled to get one or the other of them to open up to him over the last few weeks. It was like trying to crack open a rock with a penknife. Now he was good and mad at Jack. This was all his fault, the jerk.
By the time he got to Jack's front door he was feeling confrontational. When he saw Jack it deflated him. He was visibly shaken, pale, and upset. He didn't have the heart to shout at the poor guy. He wondered if Jack had been drinking but could see no evidence of it in the house. Not drunk; depressed.
Since he'd got home, Jack had done virtually nothing but think about Sam; about never seeing her again. He had not believed that day would come. Stupid of him. When Daniel arrived his first instinct was to tell him to go away and leave him alone. Then he thought better of it. The company might help give him cold comfort. He went to make coffee, got totally side- tracked by wallowing in self pity, so Daniel ended up forcing him to sit in his living room while he made it. Jack had hardly said a word to him since he arrived.
Eventually, Jack broke the silence.
"You're her friend, Daniel. Why's she leaving us?"
"You really don't know?"
"You think I should?"
"God Jack, you can be such an idiot sometimes."
Jack just stared at him, dumbly.
"Tell me how you would feel if Sam turned up in a bar to meet you and your friends, with a handsome man hanging on her arm?"
"What? This has got nothing to do with that!"
"Jack, for Christ's sake open your eyes. You broke Sam's heart. You turn up flaunting your girlfriend in front of her?" Daniel's voice was rising, despite his sympathy for the man sitting opposite him, "Whispering about naughty negligees and keeping the bed warm for you. Then you have the temerity to be jealous of another guy chatting her up."
"Daniel, that's ridiculous. She didn't care for one minute that Millie was with me. That was pretty clear. I'd lost her a long time before that."
"What makes you think that?"
"Things had got so comfortable between us, she seemed so much easier around me than she ever had been."
"And you saw that as a bad sign?" Daniel said incredulously.
He was astounded that Jack was actually speaking to him like this. Jack, who kept his emotional cards very close to his chest, and rarely talked about his feelings. However, when he saw Jack shrug, his anger increased.
"How dare you shrug as if you didn't care when you so clearly do. We are losing one of our friends here, one of the team, and all you can do is shrug? You are a selfish ass, Jack. So caught up in your own feelings and insecurities, your self doubt, that you can't even see how much Sam cares about you. That's what drove her away. You drove her away!"
"Don't say that, Daniel, please..." Jack's voice was cracking up.
"It's true!"
"Is that what she said?"
"She didn't have to say it. Do you really think she ever would? She's as stubborn and full of pride as you are, you stupid son of a bitch!"
Daniel was so vehement that Jack wondered whether it really was true. Why would Daniel say it if it weren't true? He gasped at the realisation, and shuddered. He'd really screwed it up this time.
"She looked and acted like she didn't give a damn, Daniel." Jack insisted stubbornly. Daniel could almost feel the pain emanating from Jack like it was a tangible thing.
"Appearances can be deceptive, Jack. You of all people should know that. You're a master at hiding behind a façade."
"Crap!"
"It's not crap, Jack. It's true!"
"I didn't mean... shit! It doesn't matter what I meant." Jack shouted, then continued in a more subdued tone. "What do I do Daniel?"
"Go to San Diego."
Jack looked up, surprised. Go to San Diego? Sam would probably shut the door in his face.
"I can't do that Daniel. I don't think Sam would..."
Daniel interrupted, angrily. "Jack! Are you really going to let your stupid stubborn pride get in the way of this? Don't be more of a fool than you have been already!"
He knew Daniel was right; he was foolish, stubborn, and proud. It had probably screwed things up for him more than once before now. He leaned back in his seat, sighing loudly and rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. Goddammit! Then he looked hopefully at Daniel.
"Wanna come with?" The idea of going it alone made him so nervous that he felt queasy; he needed some moral support.
"You're kidding right? If I'm right, you are the only one that can handle this Jack."
"If you're right? What if you're wrong?"
"Stubborn pride again Jack? What do you have to lose?"
He'd lost so much already. Although it filled him with dread, he knew that Daniel was right, once again, and resigned himself to the inevitable. He'd speak to Hammond and persuade him that the personal touch was better than a phone call. As it turned out, Hammond was easily persuaded. The next morning Jack caught a flight to San Diego.
Continued in Part 2
