Chappie-1: As it comes (with a tree branch)
DISCLAIMER: None of these characters are mine (damn) or real! Also any spelling mistakes hereby are to be said as on purpose and are to be taken as jokkes!
It was an unusually cold night, enough to give even the strongest person hypothermia yet the boy sitting in the tree did not seem to feel the cold. He sat among the branches with a fixed stare among his features giving him an unusually hostile expression. As he sat there the scar on his forehead throbbed, this was a good sign.
It was most peculiar shaped, an interrobang.
"They're almost there", he thought with a strange expression coming onto his face.
He stared in the window fixing his stare ever more. The room was his own, along with his wives.
It was late and he was getting bored, as he was about to just go back inside three women walked into his bedroom, one of witch was including his wife.
They just stood there talking and laughing which if you were sitting in a tree with a branch up your ass would seem pretty boring. Finally after much coaxing the women started to undress, this is what he had been waiting for. Down to they're underwear they went until up in the tree the branch that he was sitting on broke off.
Down he went down to the ground.
"OWWW! That fucking hurt!"
His wife heard the branch snap and rushed out still in her bra and underwear.
"Barry what are you doing?"
"I'm sitting here with a fucking branch shoved up my fucking ass, what do you think woman!"
"I meant up in the tree you dick head?"
"Pining for the fiords," he had heard that somewhere and it was the first thing that came into his head.
"PINING FOR THE FIORDS? Do you even know what that means?"
"I know it has something to do with Norway," he cheeked slyly.
"Ah hu, just get up will you!" Barry got up with some help from his wife, while managing to cop a feel while she unstuck the branch from his ass.
This man was Barry Trotter, (no not Harry Potter) and his wife was Ermine Cringer, (again not Hermione Granger) who over the years had somehow gotten married, (I think it had something to do with a night in Vegas with one too many wine spritsers and Ermine getting pregnant with their son Nigel Trotter (never mentioned before).
You might be asking who the other women in the room were. Well it was Barry's 2nd 15th Birthday (young eh) (explained in Barry Trotter and the unnecessary Sequel, no I'm not going to tell you you'll just have to buy it)
Anyway back to the story, it was Barry's 2nd 15th birthday and his wife being sooo nice while he goes through puberty a 2nd time got him some strippers in hopes his libido would reach the same level as hers but somehow Barry found out (Nigel) and he went to watch them get ready.
It worked, (YES!) and later that night the coconut scented luv oil was brought out once again and details of what happened will not be revealed but I'll tell you that Barry got his birthday wish (still not telling!!! Ha ha ha!)
In the morning Barry was rudely awoken by his owl Earwig holding an invitation to his birthday party in the Ho's Head Pub, (a strip club) in Hogsbleed.
He quickly accepted and went to wake Ermine.
Nigel wasn't allowed to go because he was a muddle, which lead to the smashing of many a bedroom but no problem, with on wave of her perfect wand Ermine cleaned it up perfectly.
DISCLAIMER: None of these characters are mine (damn) or real! Also any spelling mistakes hereby are to be said as on purpose and are to be taken as jokkes!
It was an unusually cold night, enough to give even the strongest person hypothermia yet the boy sitting in the tree did not seem to feel the cold. He sat among the branches with a fixed stare among his features giving him an unusually hostile expression. As he sat there the scar on his forehead throbbed, this was a good sign.
It was most peculiar shaped, an interrobang.
"They're almost there", he thought with a strange expression coming onto his face.
He stared in the window fixing his stare ever more. The room was his own, along with his wives.
It was late and he was getting bored, as he was about to just go back inside three women walked into his bedroom, one of witch was including his wife.
They just stood there talking and laughing which if you were sitting in a tree with a branch up your ass would seem pretty boring. Finally after much coaxing the women started to undress, this is what he had been waiting for. Down to they're underwear they went until up in the tree the branch that he was sitting on broke off.
Down he went down to the ground.
"OWWW! That fucking hurt!"
His wife heard the branch snap and rushed out still in her bra and underwear.
"Barry what are you doing?"
"I'm sitting here with a fucking branch shoved up my fucking ass, what do you think woman!"
"I meant up in the tree you dick head?"
"Pining for the fiords," he had heard that somewhere and it was the first thing that came into his head.
"PINING FOR THE FIORDS? Do you even know what that means?"
"I know it has something to do with Norway," he cheeked slyly.
"Ah hu, just get up will you!" Barry got up with some help from his wife, while managing to cop a feel while she unstuck the branch from his ass.
This man was Barry Trotter, (no not Harry Potter) and his wife was Ermine Cringer, (again not Hermione Granger) who over the years had somehow gotten married, (I think it had something to do with a night in Vegas with one too many wine spritsers and Ermine getting pregnant with their son Nigel Trotter (never mentioned before).
You might be asking who the other women in the room were. Well it was Barry's 2nd 15th Birthday (young eh) (explained in Barry Trotter and the unnecessary Sequel, no I'm not going to tell you you'll just have to buy it)
Anyway back to the story, it was Barry's 2nd 15th birthday and his wife being sooo nice while he goes through puberty a 2nd time got him some strippers in hopes his libido would reach the same level as hers but somehow Barry found out (Nigel) and he went to watch them get ready.
It worked, (YES!) and later that night the coconut scented luv oil was brought out once again and details of what happened will not be revealed but I'll tell you that Barry got his birthday wish (still not telling!!! Ha ha ha!)
In the morning Barry was rudely awoken by his owl Earwig holding an invitation to his birthday party in the Ho's Head Pub, (a strip club) in Hogsbleed.
He quickly accepted and went to wake Ermine.
Nigel wasn't allowed to go because he was a muddle, which lead to the smashing of many a bedroom but no problem, with on wave of her perfect wand Ermine cleaned it up perfectly.
