CHAPPIE 2- THE HO'S HEAD (SERIOUSLY)
Disclaimer: None of the Barry Trotter or Harry Potter characters are mine, they belong to J.K. Rowling and Micheal Gerber. Also any spelling mistakes are hereby to be known as on purpose and are to be seen as JOKKES
Ermine never liked Barry going to strip clubs but because it was his birthday (and the thing with the libido) she made an exception. They were greeted at the front of the pub by their friends, which included Ferd and Jorge Measly, Hafwid and Lon.
They greeted them all cheerfully, except for Lon in witch his dog brain had taken over and was urinating on a fire hydrant.
In they're 6th year Lon as struck by a bugga playing quiddet and it lodged itself in his head. Further attempts to remove it forced the bugga to come out the other side of Lon's head. Nurse Pommefriet was famous for unnecessarily giving students animal parts and Lon ended up with a dog's brain. He still had a hole in the side of his head and when the wind blew in just the right direction it played a tune, which, if you were a muddle (not including Nigel of course) it would scare you, so he was made to wear one of those hats with earflaps.
About an hour later Barry and Ferd went to find Ermine. They were looking around for a while when they saw a flash of brassiere, (which wasn't uncommon in a strip club).
"There she is!" said Ferd pointing in it's direction.
When Ermine got drunk she became an exhibitionist. Her friends had seen nearly every part of her body, (except for Barry who had seen ALL of hr body.
They were about to go over there when an especially ugly transvestite stripper who was obviously drunk confronted them.
"Hey I know you!" IT said in a feme-fake voice,
"Your Harry and your Fred!"
"No way! What kind of stupid ass gay names are Harry and Fred you freak, FuK oFf!" Barry and Ferd said simultaneously.
The transvestite just laughed in their faces with their rum reeked breath before collapsing into Lon's crotch who was trying to check out some strippers dressed as poodles.
Ermine who wasn't very far away came up to him and laughed out, "Lon! I didn't know you went that way!"
Lon jumped up from his seat letting the transvestite fall to the floor and then fell to the floor himself whimpering. He had had a crush on Ermine for years.
"There, there Lon, I was only joking." She said slightly embarrassed.
Lon looked up at her and slyly humped her leg. She looked at him then at everyone else and then at herself before realising that she was only in high heals and a g-string.
Barry was appalled and turned on a little at the same time, "so I have questions for you HOW MUCH and GIVE IT TO ME!"
Ermine answered very smoothly, "Well Barry I'm appalled that you would ask such a thing, you know that I'm very flexible for you but not till later!" At the end of that speech Barry had just enough time to breath in "ALL RIGHT" before falling into a fit of laughter.
Ermine went to get changed but not before gaining several tips from many gentlemen, including a very drunk Hafwid who gave he a $100 and his hotel room key.
Later on:
Barry was totally drunk, absolutely smashed if you will.
He was the kind of drunk that went around punching people in the face, asking for tips and singing songs about little green goblins, which were a little offensive to some of the goblins that were actually in the bar.
At one stage of the night he went up to Ermine and slapped her one and told the invisible little green goblin next to her to shut up! Ermine was so angry that she started to scream and shout and before anyone knew what had happened Ermine let out a mighty scream and yelled out,
"Immupetise!"
This was one of the tree deadly spells, Aveda Neutrogena (death by moisturising), Cruciverbia (death by crossword puzzle) and Immupetise, which put you under someone else's control.
Anyway Barry froze up, just like he was being hypnotised. Ermine had this look of crazed anger that only an overworked housewife could understand. Suddenly, as if by magic (which it was) Barry started singing about the goblin while doing a strip tease. The song went a little like this,
"See the little goblin, see his little dick, See his little apron, isn't he a prick!"
Barry in his subconscious was glad that Nigel wasn't there because if being 15 and having a 43 year old wife and your 16 year old son being older than you wasn't embarrassing enough, he wouldn't know what his son would do if he walked into a dirty ho strip club and his mother was making his father do striptease while singing a song about goblins.
"Well, that's a lot to think about Barry old mate!" His subconscious told him.
Disclaimer: None of the Barry Trotter or Harry Potter characters are mine, they belong to J.K. Rowling and Micheal Gerber. Also any spelling mistakes are hereby to be known as on purpose and are to be seen as JOKKES
Ermine never liked Barry going to strip clubs but because it was his birthday (and the thing with the libido) she made an exception. They were greeted at the front of the pub by their friends, which included Ferd and Jorge Measly, Hafwid and Lon.
They greeted them all cheerfully, except for Lon in witch his dog brain had taken over and was urinating on a fire hydrant.
In they're 6th year Lon as struck by a bugga playing quiddet and it lodged itself in his head. Further attempts to remove it forced the bugga to come out the other side of Lon's head. Nurse Pommefriet was famous for unnecessarily giving students animal parts and Lon ended up with a dog's brain. He still had a hole in the side of his head and when the wind blew in just the right direction it played a tune, which, if you were a muddle (not including Nigel of course) it would scare you, so he was made to wear one of those hats with earflaps.
About an hour later Barry and Ferd went to find Ermine. They were looking around for a while when they saw a flash of brassiere, (which wasn't uncommon in a strip club).
"There she is!" said Ferd pointing in it's direction.
When Ermine got drunk she became an exhibitionist. Her friends had seen nearly every part of her body, (except for Barry who had seen ALL of hr body.
They were about to go over there when an especially ugly transvestite stripper who was obviously drunk confronted them.
"Hey I know you!" IT said in a feme-fake voice,
"Your Harry and your Fred!"
"No way! What kind of stupid ass gay names are Harry and Fred you freak, FuK oFf!" Barry and Ferd said simultaneously.
The transvestite just laughed in their faces with their rum reeked breath before collapsing into Lon's crotch who was trying to check out some strippers dressed as poodles.
Ermine who wasn't very far away came up to him and laughed out, "Lon! I didn't know you went that way!"
Lon jumped up from his seat letting the transvestite fall to the floor and then fell to the floor himself whimpering. He had had a crush on Ermine for years.
"There, there Lon, I was only joking." She said slightly embarrassed.
Lon looked up at her and slyly humped her leg. She looked at him then at everyone else and then at herself before realising that she was only in high heals and a g-string.
Barry was appalled and turned on a little at the same time, "so I have questions for you HOW MUCH and GIVE IT TO ME!"
Ermine answered very smoothly, "Well Barry I'm appalled that you would ask such a thing, you know that I'm very flexible for you but not till later!" At the end of that speech Barry had just enough time to breath in "ALL RIGHT" before falling into a fit of laughter.
Ermine went to get changed but not before gaining several tips from many gentlemen, including a very drunk Hafwid who gave he a $100 and his hotel room key.
Later on:
Barry was totally drunk, absolutely smashed if you will.
He was the kind of drunk that went around punching people in the face, asking for tips and singing songs about little green goblins, which were a little offensive to some of the goblins that were actually in the bar.
At one stage of the night he went up to Ermine and slapped her one and told the invisible little green goblin next to her to shut up! Ermine was so angry that she started to scream and shout and before anyone knew what had happened Ermine let out a mighty scream and yelled out,
"Immupetise!"
This was one of the tree deadly spells, Aveda Neutrogena (death by moisturising), Cruciverbia (death by crossword puzzle) and Immupetise, which put you under someone else's control.
Anyway Barry froze up, just like he was being hypnotised. Ermine had this look of crazed anger that only an overworked housewife could understand. Suddenly, as if by magic (which it was) Barry started singing about the goblin while doing a strip tease. The song went a little like this,
"See the little goblin, see his little dick, See his little apron, isn't he a prick!"
Barry in his subconscious was glad that Nigel wasn't there because if being 15 and having a 43 year old wife and your 16 year old son being older than you wasn't embarrassing enough, he wouldn't know what his son would do if he walked into a dirty ho strip club and his mother was making his father do striptease while singing a song about goblins.
"Well, that's a lot to think about Barry old mate!" His subconscious told him.
