You asked for it.  You wanted a sequel to my first amazingly funny G-Gundam fic, "Deadly New Threat! Attack of the Hairy Bastard!"  Well, here it is! Presenting…

                                 Desert Strom! Attack on Iraq!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the real characters or Gundams in this fic except for the God Gundam.  I stole it from Domon last week.  Now it's mine! Ha ha ha! ^_^

Author's note: There are jokes in this fic that may offend some people.  I apologize in advance for any offense towards the nationality, culture, or beliefs of any readers.  Thank you.

                                          Part 1: The Crisis

            *Stalker is doing his usual bit.

            STALKER: All right, everyone.  It has been one year since the end of the 13th Gundam Fight.  Domon and Rain are now happily married and living on Earth.  Strangely, even though it's been one year since his death, Domon is still haunted by the ghost of his brother Kyoji.  But more importantly, one man threatens to destroy the peace that has finally returned to the Earth and its colonies!  Let's get things started! *throws off his jacket and eye patch* Gundam Fight all set?  Ready… GO!

            *Some stuff written in Japanese appears on screen.

            DOMON: Desert Storm! Attack on Iraq!

            *The Shuffle Alliance plus their crews are at Chibodee's house, crowding around the Neo-American's big-screen TV, watching as Neo-American president George W. Bush gives a speech to G-Gundam's version of the United Nations.

            BUSH: …We have reason to believe that Neo-Iraqi president Saddam Hussein is trying to develop his own version of the Devil Gundam, which terrorized the Earth and its colonies before it was defeated a year ago, in addition to his already vast arsenal of missiles and biological and chemical weapons.  We must stop this threat before it gets bigger and… uh… threatier.  Neo-Iraq must be freed from this mad-man.  We must-

            *Suddenly Chibodee throws the remote at the TV, busting the screen.

            CHIBODEE: GRRR!!! What the hell does President Bush think he's doing?!  Instigating war with Neo-Iraq is a violation of the "No Wars Treaty" that established the Gundam Fight as the means for settling international disputes! I really don't need this sort of thing right now! Argh! *blasts a Cyclone Punch into the nearest wall*

            SAI: Yeah! What you need right now is a new TV.  It's almost time for Joe Millionaire!

            DOMON: Sai, that show ended last week.

            SAI: Oh.

            *A knock at the door interrupts the conversation.

            CHIBODEE: *trying to calm down* Shirley, could you get that?!

            SHIRLEY: Yeah.

            *Shirley opens the door. A military man walks into the house.

            MILITARY MAN: This is the house of Chibodee Crocket, Queen of Spades, right?

            CHIBODEE: Yeah, it is. What do you want?

            MILITARY MAN: Oh, and I see the rest of the Shuffle Alliance is here too.  Good.  That saves me a few trips and phone calls.  Anyway, all of you will have to come with me.

            RAIN: But why?

            MILITARY MAN: Sorry, ma'am, but I can not tell you here.  You all have to come with me.  That's all I can tell you at this time.

            *Kyoji's ghost materializes behind Domon, scaring the crap out of the younger Kasshu.

            KYOJI: You should do what he says.  It could be important.

            SAI: The transparent guy is right!  This could be important!  Right, Mister?

            ARGO: …

            SAI: *laughs* ^_^ I agree with you on that, Mister!

            DOMON: Kyoji, do you REALLY have to keep scaring me like that?!

            KYOJI: Um… yeah.

            DOMON: KUSO!

            *Everyone stares at Domon.

            DOMON: What?... Let's just go, okay?

            *They leave.  A short time later they arrive at the military HQ.

            MILITARY MAN: Sir!  I have brought the Shuffle Alliance, Sir! *salutes*

            GENERAL: At ease, Private.  Could you leave us?

            MILITARY MAN: Sir, yes Sir! *leaves*

            GENERAL: Members of the Shuffle Alliance, welcome to Fort McNutsack!

            MARIA LOUISE: Fort McNutsack… What an odd name…

            *Chibodee starts to crack up.  George just looks at him.

            GEORGE: Might I ask what you are laughing about, mon ami?

            CHIBODEE: Nothing…

            GENERAL: Ahem Anyway, my name is General Homer Sexual.

            NASTASHA: General Sexual, why have we been brought here?!

            GENERAL: *blinks* Nastasha?  Nastasha Zabigopf?  My, you still look as good as you did when we met back in high school.

            NASTASHA: ~giggle~ *blushes*

            ARGO: o.O …??

            NASTASHA: Argo, you take that back!

            ARGO: …

            NASTASHA: I'm warning you, Argo…

            ARGO: …!!

            NASTASHA: No, I'm not going to hurt you.  Just don't talk back next time, okay?

            ARGO: …

            NASTASHA: Good.

            GENERAL: o.O Anyway, the reason you all have been called here is because of a decision made by our show's United Nations rip-off.

            CHIBODEE: And the decision is…?

            GENERAL: Instead of allowing Neo-America to go to war with Neo-Iraq, a small task force will be sent to take down Saddam and his weapons.

            DOMON: And that's why you need us.

            GENERAL: That's correct, King of Hearts.  We can only send the Shuffle Alliance to do this.  Anyone else, and the "No Wars Treaty" would be broken.

            *Master Asia' s ghost appears.  Domon gets the shit scared out of him again.

            DOMON: What is it with all these ghosts today?!

            MASTER: General Sexual is correct.  The Shuffle Alliance is considered to be a separate peace-keeping force allied with everyone and, at the same time, no one.

            GEORGE: That made absolutely no sense.

            MASTER: Sorry, I was trying to make a point.  I'll explain.

            CHIBODEE: Does anyone care what this dead, washed-up old has-been has to say?

            EVERYONE: NO!

            MASTER: Hmph.  Well, I tried. *disappears*

            GENERAL: Anyway, a seven person team will be sent into Neo-Iraq for this operation.

            SAI: Seven people?

            ZUISEN: He means the five of you plus two others, Sai Sici.

            SAI: Oh.

            GENERAL: Anyway, we have a spy inside of Neo-Iraq.  Don't worry about finding him, he'll find you.  He should have information  that will most likely be vital to your mission.  That is all you need to know.  Domon Kasshu, King of Hearts, it is time to choose the two others to complete your team.

            DOMON: Hmmm…

            RAIN: Domon, I can do it!

            ALL: What?

            DOMON: No Rain.  It's too dangerous.  You could get hurt.

            RAIN: Domon, if you think that I'm going to let you go off and fight in some other county without me by your side then you are sadly mistaken.  Besides, I have been able to successfully pilot a Gundam WITHOUT getting my ass kicked.

            ALL: WHAT???

            ARGO: …????

            RAIN: That's right, Argo.  Rising Gundam!

            DOMON: Fine.  You're in.

            GENERAL: Okay.  That makes six.  Who will bee your final member?

            *Domon walks over to Gen. Sexual's phone and dials "0".

            DOMON: Operator, get me Neo-Sweden!

                                    TO BE CONTINUED…