Author's Note: Before I begin part 3 I'm going to take the time to answer some questions. BLINX KASSHU to answer your question, I have the G-Gundam Technical Manual. There's information on every Gundam and character that appears in the series. That's all for this weeks Q&A, now for the fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for myself, Mr. Black, and his Afro Gundam. Despite Domon's best efforts, the God Gundam is still mine. Ha ha ha ha ha! ^_^
*Stalker appears
STALKER: Now everyone. It has been one day since the Shuffle Alliance arrived in Neo Iraq. Rain has managed to convince Domon to leave the author alone…
DEUCE: Yeah, but does he ever listen?
STALKER: Good point. Anyway, today a Gundam from Domon's past will resurface. But will it be friend… or foe? Let's get things started! Gundam Fight all set? Ready… GO!
Desert Storm! Attack on Iraq!
Part 3: The Spy
*Our heroes are trudging, dehydrated through the Neo Iraqi desert.
DOMON: *tongue hanging out* Damn! *wipes away a sweat drop from his forehead* Who'd have thought that it would be so *BEEP*ing dry here?
RAIN: No shit, Sherlock! It's a desert! Of course it's gonna be hot and dry!
*Chibodee rubs up against Rain in a very provocative way.
CHIBODEE: Unlike a certain hot and steamy gal…
*SMACK!*
RAIN: Pervert!
GEORGE: Shame on you, Chibodee, hitting on a married woman. You disgust me.
DEUCE: Damn, man. You're even more perverted than me!
CHIBODEE: Ow, geeze… You didn't have to hit me so damn hard!
RAIN: Serves you right!
DOMON: *completely dehydrated* Huh? What's going on Rain? Damn, I'm thirsty…
RAIN: Nothing.
SAI: Chibodee just tried to…
*Rain shoves a sock down Sai's throat.
RAIN: Can it, Sai!
ARGO: This heat is unbearable. I really could use some water…
DEUCE: Hmmm… You say you're all thirsty, huh? I can take care of that.
*Deuce uses his strange author powers to transport the group to a nearby town.
DEUCE: Here we are!
SAI: What about our Gundams?
DOMON: Don't worry. They'll just mysteriously show up when we call for them.
DEUCE: Not the God Gundam.
DOMON: You give that back to me you prick!
DEUCE: Nope. Sorry.
DOMON: Deuce! I'm gonna *BEEP*ing kill you!
DEUCE: Ha! Fat chance! If you so much as even threaten me, I'll just use my powers and do something extremely devastating to you.
DOMON: Go ahead. Do your worst.
DEUCE: *evil grin* Okay, you asked for it…
*In a flash, dozens of hamsters appear at Domon's feet.
HAMTARO: Hi. I'm Hamtaro. These are the Ham Hams. Do you want to be our friend?
DOMON: AAAAHHHH!!!! Okay! I'll stop! Please, just take them away!
DEUCE: I knew you'd see it my way.
*Deuce makes the demon hamsters disappear.
CHIBODEE: *pointing to a building* Look! A bar! We should be able to get some beer, er I mean, water, there!
*They go into the bar. Domon and Rain take one of the few tables for themselves. Chibodee and the others head right up to counter. Chibodee throws out the names of at least a dozen drinks to the bartender, who just looks at him.
BARTENDER: *says some Arabic crap*
CHIBODEE: Huh?
DEUCE: I'll take care of this.
*Deuce uses his powers to make everyone speak English. Chibodee repeats his order.
BARTENDER: Sure thing. It'll take a while though.
CHIBODEE: I can wait.
ALLENBY: I'll take a Mountain Dew.
*Everyone just looks at her.
ALLENBY: What? I don't drink beer.
*At Domon and Rain's table, a large pitcher of water has just been brought to them.
DOMON: Rain, just what happened with you and Chibodee earlier, anyway?
RAIN: He just tried to hit on me, that's all.
DOMON: He's dead.
KYOJI'S GHOST: Hello, Domon.
DOMON: AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!
*Kyoji disappears.
*Meanwhile, at Saddam's palace, everyone's favorite (I mean this in the loosest sense possible) dictator is plotting something.
SADDAM: *screaming at his intelligence officer* WHAT?! You mean to tell me that the Shuffle Alliance is here in Neo Iraq?!
OFFICER: Y-y-yes, Mr. Hussein.
SADDAM: Then start production on Scud Gundam model 2!
OFFICER: Mr. Hussein! We can't do that!
SADDAM: Do it or it's an Anthrax infection for you!
OFFICER: Yes, sir! Right away, sir!
*Back at the bar, Allenby has finished off her 15th Mountain Dew.
ALLENBY: Bartender! One more Dew!
GEORGE: She sure can put away a lot of soda…
CHIBODEE: She sure can…
ARGO: …
BARTENDER: Huh?
SAI: He says he'll take a Sam Adams.
*Just then, Chibodee's large drink order arrives.
CHIBODEE: *wide eyed* ~drool~
*Soon the group is refreshed and they meet up out side.
DOMON: Where are the others?
RAIN: Here they come, Domon.
*Chibodee, drunk as hell, walks up to Rain and puts his arm around her shoulders.
CHIBODEE: Ey, babey. Ya wan ta come ova ta my place ta'night an' have some fun, eh?
RAIN: Get off of me!
*Rain pulls out the mallet and begins to wallop the Neo American with it. Allenby, who is on the world's largest sugar high from her 30 Mountain Dews, heads over to Domon.
ALLENBY: HiDomon!Doyouwanttohavesex?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?Ilikesex!Ohlookabird!HeyNobelGundam!
*Allenby snaps her fingers to call her Gundam. Nobel Gundam arrives within seconds. The Mobile Trace System activates. Fantasize now. You won't get another chance in this chapter. Done yet? Good. Let's continue.
ARGO: …!!!!!
DOMON: RUN!!!!!
ALLOENBY: *in her Gundam* WeeeThisisfunGundamFightReadyGoHeyWhereareyouallgoing?!! *she starts a destructive rampage* ComebackhereI'mhornyIwantsexDomonComeonPleasePleasePleaseOooMoreMountainDew!
DOMON: Deuce! Can't you do anything! You are the author!
DEUCE: Nope. My powers don't work on people on sugar highs!
DOMON: Then can you at least give me the God Gundam back?
DEUCE: No way.
DOMON: KUSO!
*After two hours, Allenby's sugar high wears off. The others collapse from exhaustion. Chibodee starts to get a hangover.
DOMON: *pant* *pant* *pant* Geeze, *pant* Allenby, *pant* that was *pant* worse than the Berserker System.
ALLENBY: I'm sorry. That's strange, I usually don't go on rampages like that unless I've had 50 Mountain Dews.
*Everyone collapses in comical anime style. Later, after everyone else has calmed down…
RAIN: Didn't General Sexual say something about a spy in Neo Iraq?
GEORGE: I believe he did.
DOMON: He said that the spy would find us.
SAI: Do you think that spy will find us?
VOICE: Already have, dawgs!
DOMON: Hey! I recognize that voice!
*Out of nowhere a shirtless black guy shows up. It's Mr. Black.
MR. BLACK: Yo! What up Shuffle dawgs. You can call me Mr. Black. I's the spy dats lookin' for yas!
TO BE CONTINUED…
STALKER: All right, everyone, it's the moment you've all been waiting for! What? It's not? Okay. Never mind then.
Author's Note: I know. This chapter kind of sucked. Sorry. I had those damn state required HSPA tests all week. I'm kind of out of it right now. I'll try to do better in the next chapter.
