"800-588-2300 EMPIRE!" exclaimed the lady on the Empire commercial. "Ah, that dude is a joke," mumbled the Dell pc guy. "What I really want is LUNA carpet. Man, that girl is hot!"

All of a sudden, the phone rang. The Dell pc guy walked over and picked up the phone. "Hello?" he asked. "I'll be there tomorrow, or your money back!" said the mysterious, yet enthusiastic sounding voice.

"Who is this?" asked the Dell pc guy. But before he could get an answer, the mysterious voice on the other line disconnected. "Hmph, must be a prank call," he reasoned. "I'm having my big party tomorrow night, so it could be one of those R.S.V.P things, but that dude doesn't sound like someone I invited."

So, the Dell pc guy walked downstairs to feed his Old Navy dog, and when he got back upstairs, the living room T.V. was showing the LUNA commercial. The Dell pc guy sat down to watch the LUNA commercial. "Man, I gotta write down that number so I can get carpet from her! She's so hot!" he exclaimed.

All of a sudden, right before the telephone number showed, the Empire man came on the screen. "Oh, come on. I can't believe this!" he shouted. The Dell pc guy tried to change the channel, but the empire man was on EVERY CHANNEL. "They can't do this to me! I HATE the Empire man!" screamed the Dell pc guy.

So, being there nothing else on T.V. to watch because the Empire man commercial just played over and over again, he went to bed and had a good night's sleep and forgot all about the Empire man, until he woke up.

The first thing he heard his dog, barking vigorously at something downstairs, so he went to go check it out. "Hey! Hey! Old Navy dog! Are you ok?" he asked, but the dog continued barking.

Then, the Dell pc guy looked up and saw it. It was one of those cardboard signs of the Empire man, smiling at him, like he was his best friend. Something was wrong, for, the Empire man had a knife taped onto his hand! "What does this mean?" wondered the Dell pc guy.

Then, the Dell pc guy heard a noise. He looked behind himself and saw him. It was the Empire man. "Who are you? And how did you get in my house?" the Dell pc guy screamed. But, the Empire man said nothing, just moved closer, with his knife in hand, to the Dell pc guy. "Come on man, I'm too young to die! I still gotta get my carpet from that hot LUNA chick!" he begged.

And with a sharp stab of his knife, he stabbed the Dell pc guy's dog, the Old Navy dog. "Noooooooooooo!" screamed the Dell pc guy. "He was my best friend! You knew I had no life and you just went and stabbed my most beloved blessing in the whole world!" *director's cut*(Ya know, I never would've thought that the cool dude, the Dell pc guy would ever say that kind of thing. I mean, I never thought I would hear the words "my most beloved blessing" from THAT guy. I thought he was a tough guy, not a sissy)

Then, the Empire man turned back to the Dell pc guy, and swiftly, but fiercely thrust his already bloody knife into the Dell pc guy. The Empire man held him there for a second, just to spit in his dead face. Then, he swiftly pulled his knife out of the body, and the Dell pc guy collapsed, dead onto the floor.