As I drove on my way to China Town, I noticed something strange. The sun started looking very peculiar. It appeared to have a face. Yes, I'm sure it was a face. As I drove further down the rode, it was looking more and more like the face of a baby. Yes, the sun was a baby's face. A laughing baby's face. I thought of this very strange because I've never seen a baby's face in the sun before. The baby smiled at me and I was disgusted.

The clouds in the sky started to break up, and the sky was as clear as a piece of carpet cleaned up with Oxi-Clean after being crapped on by a dog. Ahhhh....beautiful. The grass looked greener over here, and there were more and more daisies everywhere. Then, all of a sudden, I saw a little green man.

"Could this be a martian?" I thought to myself. The little guy walked out into the road and I immediately slammed on the brakes. I got a closer look of him, and I could clearly see a jelly stain on the side of his face. This was an emergency! He needed to be cleaned up. I could tell he wanted it, too.

*Directors Cut*(How in the world does this guy know what the little martian wants, or needs? Maybe the little guy wants a Bagel Bite? Does this guy know that? Well, I suppose if he does know everything any little tyke wants, he would make a very good father, except the fact that he's a cleanoholic...poor clean kids with their bright colors and blinding whites...)

I grabbed my Oxi-Clean and rushed out of my Porsche 911. "Hey little guy, you need to be cleaned up?" I asked. "Dipsy!" exclaimed the martian and ran away. I stood in the middle of the road, dumb-struck. All of a sudden, three little martians came out, including the green one. They were red, yellow, and, of course, green. These little fellas had jelly stains all over their bodies. It was like Flash Flood, but jelly style.

I was so freaked out, when I tried spraying them with my Oxi-Clean, I stupidly dropped it and it spilled all over the road. Now who was gonna clean them off? Not me, obviously. I looked at the road. It was now a bright black, while the rest of the road was gray. There's power for ya.

The martians were coming towards me with dopey smiles when another one of them came out of nowhere. "How many of theses things are there?" I thought. This one was purple, and fast. He started taking off for me and slipped on the Oxi-Clean, kicked the bottle up, and into the yellow one's face. I blurted out a laugh, for it reminded me of the Three Stooges, only...there were two...The purple martian had fallen on his face and was now thrusting his body up and down on the ground. Was this some type of martian ritual?

*Director's Cut*(Idiot...)

The green and red martians then started coming for me. They were about a foot away from me when they stopped. Each of these martians had a silver screen on their stomachs, much like a TV. The green martian's little TV turned on and started showing the Empire commercial. Then the green martian said "Again!" and I watched it again. The green martian showed it once again and another time after that.

I looked at the yellow martian on his back. His arms and legs were flailing up in the air and green goop was coming from his mouth. The purple martian was still doing his little ritual on the ground. I stared to back away from the martians, getting kind of creeped out. I ran to my car and drove off, hoping to never see them again...

*Director's Cut*(Of course he never wants to see them again! They're TELETUBIES! *shudders* NO! NOT AGAIN! YOU ALREADY PLAYED IT LIKE 5 TIMES!)