Jessica gazed down at the wise drunk. Soon, they could begin their
journey to the Promised Land, the land where polka reigns over all beings.
This was so exciting. Although, she wondered why a prophet of the polka
would sleep in the gutter? Perhaps it was about time to wake him, before
the rats tried stealing his clothes again.
"Sir," Jessica said gently, shaking the drunk's arm, "perhaps
you should wake up. I'm anxious to begin our journey."
"What? Who's there? Ratford, is that you? I told you to stop
eating my clothes. Hey, a lollipop!" the drunk mumbled and rolled around.
He proceeded to pick up a discarded lemon lollipop and put it in his mouth.
Jessica shuddered. "Um, I don't think you should eat that. Oh
goodness, don't crunch it." She watched in disgust at this man's habits.
If this truly was a prophet of the polka, she'd need to get him together.
"All right, that's it! Get out of this gutter, spit out that disgusting
lollipop and let's get ready for our quest!"
"There's a quest? Oh, oh yeah. Well, first we need to cross that...
Um... Big blue thing."
"The ocean?"
"Yeah, that's it. So let's take one of those big ocean floating
things. There should be one leaving today... Or, was that three years ago?"
"It's called a boat. How about I get us there, you just conserve
your intelligence," Jessica said, becoming quite irritated. She lifted
the drunk up by the collar and started to drag him down the street.
"Sarah! Oh no, Sarah!" Jim cried out in panic. He was running
about the shabby inn room, flipping over cots. "Where is she? Sarah? Sarah!"
He searched in a hole in the wall, and soon made his way through the rest
of the inn, barging into other people's rooms and making a mess of everything.
At least, a larger mess than the inn already was.
"What's all this? You be quiet big hair boy! You disturbing the
big paying suckers, er, customers! You getting kicked out now!" the inn
keeper scolded Jim.
So, Florence and Harry found themselves awakening in mid air
as they were thrown out of the inn, with Jim flying soon after them.
"Ah, that cot was more comfortable than I tho-ahhh!" Florence
screamed as she hit the earth.
"My wounds are healed, hurraaah!" Next came a screaming Harry,
who landed and hurt his back. It didn't help to have Jim land right on
top of him. "Oh goodness, the pain of it all!"
Jim immediately stood up and began calling out Sarah's name,
in a frantic search for his lost goat. He began digging a hole in the sand.
"Sarah, are you down there?"
"Jim, get a hold of yourself! I'm sure that Sarah just went for
a little walk for fresh air. She'll be right back," Florence reasoned.
"I suppose you're right, but... I have a feeling she's in trouble."
"Don't worry about her, she's fine."
At that moment, a man ran by. "Hey, guess what? Some guy found
a goat on the street, we're gonna go sacrifice it to the great polka-gods
further down the beach. This is great!" and with that said, the man ran
off, to join a group of people who were carrying an unconscious Sarah in
the air.
" 'Don't worry, she's fine,' you said. 'She'll be right back,'
you said. Remind me not to listen to you and your common sense anymore,"
Jim grumbled, and then dashed off towards the group of psychotic cultists.
"Oh great gods of polka, hear our words!" another man in blue
and black polka-dot robes said out to the sea. A great group of the cultists
stood behind him, humming and waving their hands in their air. Two cultists
were in front of the man in robes, holding Sarah high above them. "Accept
this sacrifice, oh mighty ones, so that you may forgive us from our sins!
Take this goat as a sign of our undying love to you oh mighty gods of polka!"
"Hey, that's my goat!" Jim exclaimed, holding the Bungle Sword
ready and in a battle stance. "No one, and I mean no one, sacrifices my
goat!" He narrowed his eyes at the cultists.
"No, this is the gods' goat now! Minions, get him!" the man in
robes ordered, as he turned around, pointing to Jim.
"Alalaorafleed!" the battle cry crashed through the air and Jim
lunged forward, the Bungle Sword slicing at the cultists.
"I've had enough of your incompetence! You couldn't even figure
out if that mammoth was a man or a woman! You're idiots! You can't do anything!"
Murry and the rest of the clerks stood before Doofus as he yelled at them,
and then began to hack and cough. "And get me a new inhaler, this one's
broken!"
"President Gengai, with all due respect, Olaf is a very tricky
person to find. As for that... thing, some of your yelling should be directed
at Mojo. After all, the test sample we sent him blew up the computer, he
should have built it to resist such things," Murry stated.
"..."
"Quiet Parrot," Rusty hissed.
"Why don't you both be quiet?" Helga suggested, angrily.
"Silence!" Doofus exclaimed, adjusting his extra thick glasses.
"Luckily I've brought in some people who can find Olaf: Jirdiegger and
Pinky!"
Immediately came the sound of two laughs. The first was gruff
and deep, while the second screeched the air, and had a more feminine tone.
"Gya ha ha!" "Kya ha ha!"
First entered a fat man with shaggy black hair and a matching
beard. He wore a dark green suit and stood in front of the Clerks. This
was Jirdiegger. Next came a woman with long blonde hair that had been put
up in a pony tail. She wore a sparkling red dress with a long slit that
revealed a large portion of her left leg. She stood beside Jirdiegger.
This was Pinky.
"You will follow their orders exactly. Now, all of you leave
my sight. I need to get a new pair of glasses for my welcoming ceremony
this evening," Doofus said, waving a hand. At that command, the Clerks
left, followed closely by Jirdiegger and Pinky.
"Jim, you idiot! We have two dozen angry cultists after us, and
it's all because of that darn goat!" Harry cried. He, Jim and Florence
were all running from the cultists, and Sarah lay unconscious in Jim's
arms.
"Hey, you're always going on about saving the planet. Goats are
part of the planet too!" Jim countered.
"You shall feel the wrath of the polka!" part of the crowd roared
from behind. They started to throw numerous polka-dotted items at the three
companions' heads. A few of the objects hit their legs and backs, and one
man threw a piece of wood that knocked off Jim's hat. The cultists stopped
running and screamed. They immediately turned and ran in the opposite direction.
The group stopped and turned around. Jim carefully put Sarah
down, and then retrieved his hat. He slipped it back in place, covering
his mangled hair. "Gee, you'd think that people around here would have
seen a bad case of bed head and hat hair before."
"Jim, your hair goes beyond bad," Florence stated.
"So what would you say it is?" Jim questioned.
"I'd say it's horrid, atrocious, gruesome," she counted them
off.
"Okay, okay, I get the idea!"
"Hideous, ghastly, loathsome, repugnant, terrifying, detest-"
"Enough! No more!"
Florence smiled sweetly and said, "Before I sold chocobos I sold
thesauruses. I was actually pretty good, I might even say splendid, wonderful,
amazing, astounding, marvelous, sensational, glor-"
"Stop it! No more synonyms!" Jim shouted.
"So, what were the feeding habits of the Thesaurus?" Harry inquired,
looking at Florence.
"No, a thesaurus isn't a dinosaur, it's... Oh forget about it,"
Florence sighed.
"What? What is it? Tell me!"
"Guys, pipe down. Do you hear that?" Jim asked, tilting an ear
out. "It's some sort of polka music, but not like the kind we've been hearing
before. This sounds different, almost like a march."
"Hey, maybe this has to deal with Doofus' arrival," Florence
said.
"Let's go see what's happening. There's a crowd gathering, follow
them!" Harry cried. He quickly followed a group of people in polka-tops
and polka-pants. Florence was right behind Harry, and Jim took a moment
to pick up Sarah.
"Come on Sarah, let's go." He hugged the unconscious goat, and
looked at her with a concerned and worried expression. He then dashed off
after the others.
"Hey, where are we going? What happened to Ratford?" the drunk
questioned.
"We're going to try to find the homeland of the polka; the Promised
Land. As for Ratford, I have no idea. Now come on, are you going to lead
me to Promised Land or not?" Jessica answered.
"Oh yeah. Well, first we go left... And then we go... Um, over
there. Man, my head hurts."
"Oh, you poor thing. Let me help." Jessica tenderly held the
drunk by the shoulders for a moment, then kicked him in the shin.
"Arg! That hurts! You kicked my leg! The pain, it burns!" the
drunk man was screaming at the top of his lungs, holding his shin.
"Well, you're not concentrating on the pain in your head are
you?" Jessica smiled, and then turned her head as she heard something else.
"Hey, do you hear that music? Let's go find out what's going on."
She dragged the drunk along until they came to a great crowd
of people anxiously awaiting the new President's arrival. Polka-dot banners
hung in the hair and glittering confetti rained down as the polka march
played.
"Oh yeah, the President's heading across to the western continent,"
the drunk remembered, sounding sensible for once. He gazed out blankly
for a moment. "We must take the boat with the President to the land of
the polka!"
"Do you really think he'll let us join him?"
"Of course he will. I know him personally! Now let's find his
boat and sneak on before he sees us."
Jessica sighed and followed the drunk in a random direction,
to what he believed would lead them to Upper Junon. It would be there that
the President would depart.
"We've done it, sir! Gya ha ha!" Jirdiegger guffawed.
"We have Olaf! Kya ha ha!" Pinky cackled.
"Excellent work! Now he won't be able to ruin my parade. Let's
take a look at him before I go out for my welcoming ceremony," Doofus said
with a smile.
"Bring in Olaf!" Jirdiegger commanded, turning towards the door.
Parrot and Rusty brought in a large man, wearing an apron. He
was kicking against their grip. He had whipped cream all over him and smelled
of fish. "I told you, my name is Omaf! I sell fish and whipped cream! Let
go of me!" he pleaded.
"Sure you are," Pinky said with a wicked smile. "He's been lying
like this since we found him. He didn't have Jimbles with him though. I'm
guessing he has her hidden somewhere."
"All right, Olaf. Where's the fish? Where's Jimbles?" Doofus
interrogated as Rusty and Parrot brought him closer.
"Jimbles? I don't know a fish named Jimbles. What do you want
from me?"
"Come on, Olaf! You're only making this hard on yourself!" Jirdiegger
rumbled.
"We're tired of your lies! Tell us or else!" Pinky sent a slap
across Omaf's face.
"I'm telling you the truth! I don't know any Olaf! Just leave
me alone." The man began sobbing on the spot. "Please don't kill me."
Doofus raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Get him out of my sight
before he decides to ruin the carpet. Ugh, too late." The carpet beneath
Omaf began to turn a shade of yellow. Rusty and Parrot dragged him away,
as he continued to bawl.
"Keep searching for Olaf. In the mean time, my ceremony awaits.
Let my grand festival begin! Besides, I'm starting to get tired of all
these damn polka-dots." Doofus walked off, adjusting his new, silver taped
glasses and gently breathing into his inhaler.
The parade began and that horrible polka music flooded through
the streets as the people cheered on to their new President. Doofus smiled
and waved out to the people who had gathered. It was then that the two
groups joined the crowd to witness the Doofus' arrival. They didn't know
just how close they were to each other, through all the cheering and the
music. It wasn't until the President was about to be taken up to the upper
level of Junon that they finally met each other again.
Jessica and Jim bumped into each other as they were about to
jump into an elevator to follow the President. "Hey, idiot! Get out of
my way! Oh, it's you Jim!" Jessica exclaimed.
"Jessica, I was starting to wonder if we'd see you again. Are
you going to rejoin our quest to stop Olaf from his evil deeds?" Jim asked,
rubbing his head.
"No, Jim, I'm not going to. I've found a new quest. I will find
the Promised Land and this man will show me the way!" she pointed in a
direction where no one stood and looked around. She then pointed to a man
who was on the ground, licking dirt.
"Ah, the sweet nectar of fallen whiskey on dirt," the drunk mumbled
and continued licking up the dirt. "Ew, the bitter nectar of dog pee on
dirt."
Jessica sighed, "Oh fine, I'll join up with you. Where are we
going?"
"We're going after Doofus!" Harry exclaimed.
"And why are you doing that?"
"Since when did these guys ever need a reason? Let's just go
and stop bothering to make any sense of it," Florence stated with a slight
sigh.
"There's a very good reason," Harry defended. "Doofus must know
where Olaf is. He's going to be sailing across the sea, so that must mean
that Olaf's there!"
Jessica sighed and then finally noticed the unconscious Sarah.
"What happened to her?" she asked, looking up to Jim.
"I'm not entirely sure, she just won't wake up. I hope she's
all right." he gazed down at his poor goat with a saddened look in his
eyes. "Well, let's get going! We have a fiend to fight!" Jim jumped onto
the elevator and the others piled in as well.
Upper Junon was a fanciful place, with even more music and cheering
than in the lower half. Polka-dots were everywhere, and Jessica's eyes
sparkled. Sadly, there wasn't enough time for them to join the festivities,
as they had to find the boat that would be carrying Doofus Gengai. Luckily,
the sign reading, "Rufus Gengai's Personal Sea Liner, This Way" helped
a lot.
"This is it guys, we're off to explore a whole new world!" Jim
exclaimed.
"Well, it's not really a new world," Florence said. "It's just
a new continent, if you can even call it that."
"Let's just hope they have showers aboard because you guys are
starting to smell," Harry commented.
"It's not like your the King of Sweetened Scents yourself," Jessica
bit back, sarcastically.
"Come on guys, stop arguing and let's get aboard this thing.
We'll have two whole days of sailing in which we can argue," Jim pleaded.
He stepped onto the ship and the others followed, sneaking through
carefully and taking crew uniforms so they wouldn't draw any unwanted attention.
Their cruise had begun, though there was a dark, unexplainable feeling
looming in each of them, saying that it may end soon.
