Chapter 4: So Right? Not much to say in terms except, enjoy! (a/n: Its one-week later) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What I have here James" said Sirius, motioning to what he held in his hand, "Is a Muggle magazine. Complete with what to Do's and Don'ts of the love world."

"Were did you get this," asked James flabbergasted.

"A lot of haggling with some Slytherians."

"Is this going to work in enough time to get Lily before the dance?"

Remus grinned. "He's a wizard, not a miracle worker."

James hit him in the back of the head with the magazine.

"You're just doing this so you don't have to kill yourself on the day of the dance" said James.

"Yes and no. You and Lily seem so right for each other but then when you think about it. Its so wrong" said Sirius.

He snatched the magazine back and pointed to a section in the back.

"Just never use these pick-up lines. It shows how many times they have been used and how many times it worked."

"Thanks Padfoot!"

"Anytime Prongs" said Sirius.

James got up from the dinner table.

"He and Lily haven't spoken since Snape kissed her" pointed out Peter.

Remus cracked open a book and propped his feet up.

Sirius grinned. "Good point Wormtail except...Snapes still in the Hospital Wing!"

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"Oh get over yourselves" laughed Lily at her friends.

"Remus and Sirius are never going to notice us" they complained.

"You have NO idea how lucky you are," said Lily flatly.

James walked into the Common Room and plopped onto the couch.

"Were just going to leave you two alone" said Tammy, grabbing Sam's arm and ushering her out of the room.

"Lily-"

"Don't talk to me Potter. I'm trying to study," She said icily.

"What a cawinkie-dink" he said sarcastically.

Lily grinned. "You, James Henry Potter, cracking a book?"

"Not a book per say."

"What is it then?"

"Wouldn't you like to know" he said cockily.

"Fine be that way," she said jokingly.

'What is going on? Why isn't she yelling? Maybe its just me but...is she flirting?' James thought to himself.

He tuned out Lily and got down to reading.

::How To Start a Conversation::

1. Start with a joke.

A good one. It's a great icebreaker, and if it's genuinely funny (though not dirty), you've got a good chance. If you get a laugh, go on to introduce yourself. If you don't, get out — fast. 2. Make eye contact Yes, most women like attention, but they don't necessarily want you to gawk or ogle to get it. Instead, show her that you're genuinely interested and sincere when you tell her she "has incredible eyes." 3. Ask her advice

Solicit her opinion on something like what you should get your sister for her birthday (shows you think she has good taste) or if she knows how the so–and–so Supreme Court case turned out that day (shows you think she looks intelligent). 4. Open up online

The next time you introduce yourself on Match.com, do it with a little flair. Start with a romantic or funny story or create a riddle with an answer that reveals something about yourself. 5. Act innocent

If you want to introduce yourself without appearing overly suggestive, that's exactly what you should say. "I'm really not trying to pick you up; I just wanted to know if you've ever been to such and such, because I know I've seen you there before, and I didn't want you to think I was rude by not acknowledging you." 6. Ask for the introduction

If you're feeling extra confident and thick–skinned, simply ask, "Would you like to meet me?" 7. Be charming Some one–liners can be effective — and irresistible — if done right. Try one of these (with a playful and confident approach): "If he doesn't show, I'll be right over here" or "There you are! I've been looking all over for you." 8. Be brave

Subtlety has its place, but sometimes it's best to just go for it. After sizing up the situation and how much time you have to work with, you may just want to come right out and say, "I'm really attracted to you and would like to spend some time with you." 9. Walk by, nod or wink and keep going

If she's interested, she'll follow and introduce herself. 10. A novel idea

Try this opener: "Hi, my name is?"

::Some Guy/Girl Turnoff's::

1. The unwashed look

Lank, greasy, uncombed hair; stains on the clothing; green stuff in the teeth — a grunge fashion statement or just lousy hygiene? You may not want to hang around long enough to find out! 2. Roving eyes

Dudes who ogle their dates' dimensions (and worse, other women's too) and never look above the neck don't deserve second dates. 3. Prejudice

She leans in close, glances around quickly to see who's listening and says something that reflects prejudice and ignorance. Where do people get the nerve? Maybe they don't realize you know anyone who is gay, disabled, or of a different ethnic or religious background — or any other characteristic that makes us unique. 4. Free–loadin'

Never assume that someone else will pay your way. If your date takes it for granted that you're footing the bill, or tries to take advantage of your generosity, it's time to think again. 5. Cluelessness

If a guy invites you to his house for dinner, you should be able to find your way to the bathroom without wading through pizza boxes and last month's laundry. And when you get to the bathroom, the toilet seat should be down. 6. Machismo

If your date starts making all the decisions without first consulting you — from deciding where to go to ordering your meal to dictating the music — tell him to take his macho ape act elsewhere. 7. Complete disregard

If you run into a group of your date's friends and you don't get introduced, consider this date the last. 8. Lack of control

There's nothing more fun than taking care of someone who's had too much to drink, is there? Cut the apron strings, call a cab and say bye–bye. 9. Couch potatoes

Don't settle for someone who's more comfortable dating on the couch than being seen with you in public. 10. Cell phones

When your date spends more time talking on the phone than talking to you, end the date with a polite, "Don't call me; I'll call you."

::How Badly Do You Want To Turn Her Off? Some Very Bad Pick-Up Lines::

|Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see! |3|0| |Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock! |3|0| |Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself |5|0| |in them. | | | |Do you have a boyfriend? [No] Want one? [Yes] Well, when you want a |4|0| |MANfriend, come and talk to me. | | | |Do you want to see something swell? |4|0| |Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and |7|0| |gently squeeze her nose) BEEP! | | | |Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a|6|0| |cab home together? | | | |Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks? |2|0| |Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. |4|0| |I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced |2|0| |nipples. | | | |I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. |2|0| |I'd marry your cat just to get in the family. |5|0| |I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade. |1|0| |My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a |2|0| |public place. | | | |No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks? |2|0| |Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow |6|0| |yours? | | | |Pardon me, are you in heat?! |2|0| |Should I call you in the morning or nudge you? |5|0| |So, you're a girl huh? |6|1| |Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her |1|0| |clothes. | | | |Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it|2|0| |ain't floppy. | | | |Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some |2|0| |friends because my face seats five. | | | |You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case. |1|0| |You make my software turn to hardware! |1|0| |You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear. |2|0|

|Submitted Line |Attempts |Success| | | |es | |To a girl with braces, and if you have them as well: |--- |--- | |"Hey, wanna hook up sometime?" | | | |If you were a booger I'd pick you first. |not |0 | | |enough | | |Pardon me, have you seen my missing Nobel Prize |--- |--- | |around here anywhere? | | | |Are you accepting applications for your fan club? |--- |--- | |Hey baby... drop that zero and get with the hero in |10 |10 | |other words... you better come with me. | | | |Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, |--- |--- | |wha-wha-what's your name? | | | |My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time |--- |--- | |you want to | | | |Hi... would you f*** me? I'd f*** me, I'd f*** me |--- |--- | |real hard!! | | | |Is your name Pepsi cause' I've gotta have it. |--- |--- | |There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I |--- |--- | |couldn't go by myself..... | | | |Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you |--- |--- | |checking out my package. | | | |When I first saw you, I knew we could win the Stanley|--- |--- | |Cup in tonsil hockey. | | | |Want to taste my d***? (What!?!) I said, "do you want|--- |--- | |to taste my drink?" | | | |They call me "coffee". I grind so fine. |--- |--- | |Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my d***? |--- |--- | |Which one of the Spice girls are you? |54 |2 | |Male: Hey, I don't feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I|1 |0 | |feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: | | | |What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is | | | |already sticking out. | | | |Weren't you at the tractor pull last night? I |--- |--- | |remember your t*ts. | | | |Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards |--- |--- | |with a little bit of you wrapped up in it. | | | |(Used while you and a male friend wear a bib. Walk up|--- |0 | |and stare at breasts) Mama! | | | |This is a test of the emergency pick up line service.|Instead, |0 | |Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you|they had | | |would have just heard a bad pick up line. |to hear | | | |that. | | |Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to |--- |0 | |explore Uranus. | | | |Guy: I bet you're a C-cup. Girl: How'd you know that?|--- |0 | |Guy: My testicles are the same size. | | | |My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold |--- |0 | |it in | | | |Did your father have shex with a carrot? Cause you've|--- |0 | |got nice eyes. | | | |I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 |--- |0 | |woman went down on the Titanic | | | |Can I take you to the Bone-yard? |--- |0 | |I may not be dairy queen but I'll treat you right!!! |--- |0 | |Tickle your p*ssy with a feather? (What?) I said, |--- |0 | |"Particularly nice weather." | | | |My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.|--- |0 | |Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just |--- |0 | |happy to see me? | | | |Damn, have you been eating beans and rice lately? |--- |0 | |I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go|--- |0 | |get some coffee? | | | |I just shit into my pants. Can I get into yours? |4 |-3 | |Do you like magic? (Yes or No) I want to cast a spell|--- |0 | |on you with my magic meat wand. | | | |For what sort of person are you looking? Wait- don't |15 |5 | |tell me: medium height, blue eyes, etc... | | | |Roses are red, violets are blue, I have warts, so |--- |0 | |will you. | | | |Don't worry about the missing teeth. It just means |--- |0 | |that there is more room for your tongue. | | | | |--- |0 | |I can see you. [Uh, yeah.] Great! Then how about |4 |2!!! | |tomorrow. | | | |Hi, I'm foreign. I've got Russian hands and Roman |Get it? |Haa | |fingers. |Rushing |haa | | |and | | | |Roaming? | | |Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body |? |2 | |Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to | | | |assume the position. | | | | |--- |0 | |If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable. |--- |0 | |Can you help me up? My d*** is too big. |--- |0 | |Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I'm |--- |0 | |sure you can offer 69. | | | |Excuse me, but do you have tickets? (Tickets for |--- |0 | |what?) (Points to arm and flex) To the gun show! | | | | |--- |0 | |Beww BEWWW Beww (What?) That is the sound of the |--- |0 | |ambulance coming to pick me up because when I saw you| | | |my heart stopped! | | | |Good day for weather. |--- |0 | |You know what you and corn have in common? (No) |--- |0 | |Absolutely nothing! (laugh hysterically at yourself.)| | | |I wet my pants... can I get in yours? |--- |0 | | |--- |0 | | |--- |0 | |You must be this beautiful (make hand gesture for |--- |0 | |small height) to ride the me. | | | | |15 |12 (I | | | |believe| | | |this | | | |guy) | | |--- |0 | |You know, when you and I get old and your |--- |0 | |son/daughter comes up to me and says "Daddy, how did | | | |you meet mommy?" I'm gonna have to tell him/her how | | | |quiet you were, or how difficult you were being." | | | | |--- |0 | |Drive around like a car and make screeching sounds |--- |0 | |and say "Uh, sorry, my uh, breaks aren't working | | | |well. Where are you headed?" | | | |Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) |--- |0 | |How big are your breasts? | | | |It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one |--- |0 | |that tripped me. | | | |Um, you have really beautiful.....uh....eyes, yea. |--- |0 | |You are pretty. What I mean is... You have a nice | | | |forehead. (Messing Up) Do you believe in when I walk | | | |by..... (To yourself) Oh Man, shit, STUPID STUPID | | | |STUPID! | | | | |--- |0 | | |--- |0 | | |--- |0 | |You must be an adverb, because you sure do modify me!|--- |0 | |Excuse me. Do you put on a foundation before you put |--- |0 | |on a powder? (Yeah.) Can I have your phone number? | | | | |--- |0 | | |--- |0 | |Hi, I have my own place... well, my own room... in my|--- |0 | |parents basement... | | | | |--- |0 | |Did you invite all of these people? I thought it was |--- |0 | |just going to be the two of us. | | | |Your graphics are so beautiful that they rival Doom |--- |0 | |3. | | | | |1 |1 | | |--- |0 | |My name is Justin. Justincredible. |--- |0 |

James burst out laughing at the awful pick-up lines.

Lily looked at him like he was crazy. As soon as James was able to compose himself they started talking again.

"James you were so quiet. What is so darn funny? What are you reading?" said Lily, full to burst with questions.

"These are some bad pick-up lines from a Muggle magazine. Sit down and I'll read you one" he said wiping the funny tears from the side of his eyes.

Lily sat back down at the desk she was sitting at and looked at James.

He had to suppress his laughter as he read aloud." Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) How big are your breasts?"

"James that's horrible" yelled Lily. Laughing a little too. She wadded up some paper and through it at James witch made him laugh even harder.

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"They are so right for each other" mumbled Sirius to himself. "So right." _______________________________________________________________________I didn't make those up! I swear! Can someone explain the HTML on this site? It's confusing! I got all this stuff on a Romance site. I went on the site just to find this stuff! Hehe...It gets VERY romantic soon. Your gonna laugh/giggle all through.

~ Emily a. k. a IluvSurius ~