Time after Sometime

Summary: "I guess we're not getting that cup of coffee, are we?" … "No. We're not."

Rating: PG

Notes: Hurray for my first Alias fic. Please let me know if I suck. Many thanks.

One other note: I don't own Alias, so please refrain from taking legal action against me. I'm afraid all you'll get is some Sweet Breath and lip gloss.

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"I guess we're not getting that cup of coffee, are we?"

"No. We're not."

Seven seconds later I heard the dial tone that meant she no longer trusted her voice to keep from breaking and betraying her emotions to me. As if I didn't already know what I had done. It wasn't enough – breaking her heart when she found out I was married. Not necessarily to Lauren – but that I was married, with someone else. That I had moved on. No, it wasn't enough. I had just broken her heart again.

I closed my eyes. Drew a breath. Breaking her heart. Hurting her. I knew what she would do now. She would hang up the phone and fall into herself. In my mind's eye, I could see her on her couch. The one at her old apartment, of course. I had never seen her new place. She would curl up on her couch and cry.

I tried to force myself away from these thoughts. Sydney alone and hurting was something I could not bear. How do you think she's been since she got back? a small voice asked. My heart clenched.

I needed to move. If I moved, maybe she would leave my thoughts. Maybe I could live with myself. I turned and walked back into my bedroom. Our bedroom. Mine. And Lauren's. She was there, asleep. I absently slid back into bed, being careful not to touch her. She had been through too much today. I couldn't leave her now. I knew better than anyone what it felt like to lose a father. But I did not know, I did not have any idea, what it was like to realize that he was a traitor to the country he had sworn allegiance to.

However, this changed very little in our relationship. Things were still not working. They were still not right. I don't think that they were right from the beginning, but I was trying too hard to notice. Trying too hard to exorcise myself of the ghost of Sydney Bristow. I should have known that she would never really leave me.

I glanced to my right. Lying on the bedside table was my father's watch. Ticking.

You could set your heart by it.

The words resounded in my head. My words.

It stopped working the day I met you.

You. Her. Sydney. Who was alone, crying on her couch because of me.

No. Hell no. It was not humanly possible for me to do this to her.

I got up.

There was nothing in Heaven and Earth that could have stopped me.

Five minutes later I was in my car, the streetlights blurred from the slight rain. Streets flew by me. I have no recollection of making any conscious decisions to turn left, turn right, stop. I looked around me for the first time. There was Weiss's house. No lights. I vaguely remember him telling me that he had a date. Sydney's house. There was a light on.

It wasn't until I reached her door and knocked that I realized that I was shaking violently. I don't know if it was with the reaction of the day, or if it was the effect of the pain I was feeling for what I had done to Sydney.

Sixteen seconds later, the door opened and she stood before me. In the split second that I surveyed her in, I took in the overly bright eyes, the red nose and cheeks, the puffy eyes, and the trembling lips. I also took in the look in her eyes that told me I was the last person she ever expected.

Her lips parted. "Vaughn?" Softly, tremulously. I felt physical pain.

Without thinking I stepped forward and put my arms around her. In that moment, I felt the shreds of her control slip. She slipped her arms between my coat and my body, pressed her face against my neck and began to sob.

It was a funny thing…the more I touched her, the longer I held her, the more the pain seemed to ebb away. And so I comforted her in every way I knew how to. Soft kisses on her temple, forehead, hands twined in her hair, quiet reassurances.

I have no idea how long we stood there. Long enough that her sobs had faded into a muffled sniffle every so often and long enough that the ache in my chest was no longer physical.

In a moment, she pulled back enough to step out of my arms. I let her lead me to the couch, shedding my coat as I walked. Sitting down on her new couch, I pulled her down to me. I knew what had to be said.

I looked at her for the first time since I arrived. She looked hopeful, but she was guarding it. Not that I expected her to do anything else. The last time she was hopeful, I had broken her heart.

"Sydney…" I paused to collect my thoughts. "I told you in North Korea that there would never be anyone else for me. I meant it. You are…everything in my world. When you…died," I choked on the word; she reached for my hand, "I died with you. There was nothing I wouldn't give to have you back. Nothing. That's still true. For two years, Sydney, I thought you were dead. And your ghost haunted me. Every second of every day. I tried to rid myself of it, but then I realized that I didn't want to move on. I used to pray I would die, did you know that? I used to pray that I would die, so I would be with you." The words were tumbling out; I had no control. I was dimly aware that I was crying, that Sydney was brushing the tears away. "Like I said, I was so in love with you it almost killed me. And then you came back. And I tried to make things work with her." I couldn't bring myself to say Lauren's name. "But you…I love you, Sydney. I don't, I can't make things work with her. I have only ever really belonged to one person, and that was – is – you."

Sydney leaned forward so our foreheads were touching. "I love you," she whispered.

I smiled, a real smile. "I know I broke your heart," I said, reaching for her hands. "But I'll heal it, if you give me all the pieces."

A fresh tear slid down her cheek. "They were always yours," she said, trying to smile.

I kissed her then. Gently, nothing like the kisses we shared in Korea, those were desperate, anguished kisses. Twenty-six seconds later, I broke off the kiss. Smiling at her, I laid back and pulled her to me, where she nestled her face into my chest and wrapped and arm around me.

Fifty-two minutes later, her clock struck eleven. Sydney looked up at me, a question in her eyes.

"I'm not leaving," I said.

She smiled softly. Then she frowned. "What about Lauren?"

I sighed and ran a hand down my face. "I can't leave her yet. Not now. Not during all this." I can feel Sydney nod. I'm glad she agrees with me. "But someday. Someday soon," I promised. "Then maybe we can finally get to Santa Barbara."

She laughed quietly at that before untangling herself from me. When I didn't move, she grabbed my hand and pulled me up with her.

"We are not sleeping on the couch," she said, matter-of-factly.

Eight minutes later, I slid into the bed behind her. Wrapping my arms around her, I marveled at how good this felt. She was Sydney… I belonged here.

I needed more than tonight. But there would be other nights. For the first time in two years, I let my mind go. There would be other nights. If I had my way, she would be living with me as soon as her lease was up. And then I would have all the time I wanted. No, tonight was not sufficient.

But it was enough.