Hermione wandered into potions a good ten minutes late. Her air of calm
insouciance was entirely assumed. Not that she was anxious about Snape's
reaction, oh no, but because she was worried about her own.
She was torn between pinning him to the desk and rogering him senseless, or shouting abuse at him. Neither of which would play well to an audience.
Still, if she played her cards right, she could get to do both.
"Miss Granger," came those silky tones. "Merely because you are Head Girl does not give you the right to turn up to lessons late. See me immediately after class to arrange a detention."
"Professor Snape, I had to speak to Profesor McGonagall quite urgently."
"Nonetheless, you should have been here on time. You already have one detention for lateness. Do you want to have another detention for disrespect for a teacher?"
Hermione searched his face for some reaction to the news she had spoken to McGonagall, but there was nothing visible. Then again, he hadn't spent five years spying on Lord Voldemort and lived to tell the tale by being easy to read.
She meekly answered, "No, Sir," and moved to take her seat. Harry and Ron were making faces at Severus behind his back to show their solidarity with her. She opened her textbook and began idly flicking through the pages. She had a lot to think about before her detention tonight. It looked like getting one over on Professor Snape was going to be harder than she had originally thought.
Severus Snape was livid. How dare she turn up to class late? How dare she? Surely she didn't expect to get special treatment just because they had been.. intimate.. the night before? He stormed around the classroom, deducting points at random, even from his pet Slytherins.
Suddenly he stopped as a thought struck him. Of course! She was trying to get a detention so they could spend more time together. Clever girl. Perhaps she even had a detention fantasy? That could be . interesting. Several fascinating scenarios ran through his heated imagination, and he rather absent-mindedly gave Longbottom ten points.
The Gryffindors were horrified to see the Professor standing stock still in the middle of the classroom with a scary grin on his face and his eyes fixed on Hermione.
Harry nudged her to get her attention. "Look," he hissed. "Look at Snape. He's giving you the evil eye."
Hermione just shrugged. "He's probably planning all the bad things he's going to do to me in detention." She was mildly disturbed to see him wink at her. What on earth had got into him?
Severus was wondering the same thing. He felt a little giddy, and had an unaccustomed fluttering in his stomach. He rather thought he was happy, but he didn't have enough experience to be sure. It could just be indigestion.
He was a little bewildered when he made the arrangements with Hermione for detention at 8pm that evening. It seemed that the detention fantasy was too much to hope for, but he couldn't for the life of him work out what had put her into such a foul mood.
A dreadful thought hit him during lunch. He had of course heard the rumours about her tryst with Weasley - who in the school hadn't. Perhaps his performance hadn't been up to par. He cringed at the thought that Weasley had been better than him. He consoled himself with the thought that she hadn't complained the night before, and by all accounts she hadn't been slow to communicate her dissatisfaction to Ron.
He remained worried throughout the afternoon's lessons, remaining uncharacteristically silent and barely managing to take thirty points off Gryffindor. Dinner was a nightmare, and he retired to the dungeons to fret in peace.
Dammit! Rumour had it that Weasley was allowed at least ten attempts to get it right. There was the bath, he raised one finger, the sofa, two fingers raised, the bed, five fingers raised. He was allowed another five tries, it was only fair. He consoled himself with the thought that Gryffindors were renowned for being fair. Unless. unless. the awful realisation hit him, she was complaining about quantity and not quality. Or, even worse, both.
Consequently, by the time Hermione arrived he had worked himself up into something of a state. As soon as she crossed the threshold he blurted out, "What's the matter?"
Hermione took that as an admission, if not of guilt, but at least a sign that he had something to be guilty about. "You know every well what's the matter. Don't try and play the innocent with me, Severus Snape."
He flinched. "Surely it wasn't that bad? You seemed to be enjoying it at the time."
Hermione was speechless. This wasn't going as she had expected. "And you think that makes it alright?"
"Doesn't it?" He was confused.
It was apparently the wrong thing the say because it started Hermione on a long rant which apparently dealt with his perfidy, stupidity and something to do with polyjuice potion. Nothing, however, about his failings in bed which was a relief but. "What on earth are you talking about Hermione?"
"Minerva. Polyjuice. Last night. Surely I don't have to spell it out for you?" Looking into his blank face she realised that he had absolutely no idea what she was referring to. Which meant that someone else was the guilty party. "Shit," she said.
It took barely five minutes to explain what had happened the night before, and barely six minutes for the implications to sink in.
"Good God, Hermione, didn't you know that Minerva was going to visit Albus last night?"
"Obviously not," she snapped.
He paced around the room. "Couldn't you tell? Didn't she seem a bit odd?"
"For heaven's sake, Severus, I'm a teenage girl full of raging hormones. I was just thinking about sex. I wasn't really thinking about who this person was standing in the bathroom talking to me. It looked like McGonagall, I naturally assumed it was McGonagall."
"And it didn't seem strange to you that the Vestal Virgin of Hogwarts suggested that you should try and seduce me?"
"What part of my last statement did you not understand," she said in exasperation. "I was just thinking about how I was going to get you into bed."
"You mean you find me physically attractive." He hadn't meant to say that, there were more important issues at hand, weren't there?
"Yes." There was a very loud and obvious der at the end of that sentence despite Hermione not actually vocalising it.
"Gosh." He sat down on the sofa.
"Well why else would I have slept with you last night? Not that there was a lot of sleeping involved as I recall." She smiled a smile that would have put the Cheshire Cat and the Cat who got at the cream to shame.
"I thought perhaps you might be attracted to my.. personality. I am aware that I am not an attractive man," he said painfully. "I thought that perhaps you had come to enjoy the time we spent together and the conversations we had. A meeting of minds, you might say, rather than being physically attracted to me."
Hermione resisted the urge to laugh in his face. Having the disposition of a porcupine with piles was not normally associated with being irresistible to women. She smiled, "That too."
She crossed the room to where he was sitting. "You have beautiful hands," she said, kissing them. "And you have beautiful eyes." She kissed his eyelids too. "And you have a very sexy voice." She kissed his lips, then pulled back a little and said, "And besides, you're hung like a donkey and shag like a demon."
So he pulled her down onto the sofa and proceeded to prove her right.
At some point during a fairly hectic night they managed to make it into bed. Hermione was just on the point of falling into very welcome slumber when suddenly Severus sat bolt upright next to her and said, "Draco Malfoy."
"Severus, traditionally it is considered impolite to shout other people's names when you are in bed with your lover. Particularly when it is the name of another man."
"I think that only applies when you come", he replied, smirking.
"That is a very disturbing image, I could well have done without. So you think it was Draco Malfoy then, what are you going to do about it?"
"Buy him a very expensive present?" he offered. "I don't know what he thought he was playing at, but it seems to me he's done me a very big favour and deserves some sort of reward."
"Severus," she said sweetly, "can you remember what I looked like in the bath last night." From the sudden fire in his eyes it appeared he could. He was lost in reminiscence for a moment, and was gazing at her chest lovingly when the penny dropped.
"You mean he's seen your tits."
"I would have put the matter a little more delicately than that, but that is the essential point."
"I'll kill the little bugger."
Hermione relaxed in the certain knowledge that getting Snape to do what she wanted was almost certainly going to be fairly easy.
And Draco Malfoy was going to be toast.
She was torn between pinning him to the desk and rogering him senseless, or shouting abuse at him. Neither of which would play well to an audience.
Still, if she played her cards right, she could get to do both.
"Miss Granger," came those silky tones. "Merely because you are Head Girl does not give you the right to turn up to lessons late. See me immediately after class to arrange a detention."
"Professor Snape, I had to speak to Profesor McGonagall quite urgently."
"Nonetheless, you should have been here on time. You already have one detention for lateness. Do you want to have another detention for disrespect for a teacher?"
Hermione searched his face for some reaction to the news she had spoken to McGonagall, but there was nothing visible. Then again, he hadn't spent five years spying on Lord Voldemort and lived to tell the tale by being easy to read.
She meekly answered, "No, Sir," and moved to take her seat. Harry and Ron were making faces at Severus behind his back to show their solidarity with her. She opened her textbook and began idly flicking through the pages. She had a lot to think about before her detention tonight. It looked like getting one over on Professor Snape was going to be harder than she had originally thought.
Severus Snape was livid. How dare she turn up to class late? How dare she? Surely she didn't expect to get special treatment just because they had been.. intimate.. the night before? He stormed around the classroom, deducting points at random, even from his pet Slytherins.
Suddenly he stopped as a thought struck him. Of course! She was trying to get a detention so they could spend more time together. Clever girl. Perhaps she even had a detention fantasy? That could be . interesting. Several fascinating scenarios ran through his heated imagination, and he rather absent-mindedly gave Longbottom ten points.
The Gryffindors were horrified to see the Professor standing stock still in the middle of the classroom with a scary grin on his face and his eyes fixed on Hermione.
Harry nudged her to get her attention. "Look," he hissed. "Look at Snape. He's giving you the evil eye."
Hermione just shrugged. "He's probably planning all the bad things he's going to do to me in detention." She was mildly disturbed to see him wink at her. What on earth had got into him?
Severus was wondering the same thing. He felt a little giddy, and had an unaccustomed fluttering in his stomach. He rather thought he was happy, but he didn't have enough experience to be sure. It could just be indigestion.
He was a little bewildered when he made the arrangements with Hermione for detention at 8pm that evening. It seemed that the detention fantasy was too much to hope for, but he couldn't for the life of him work out what had put her into such a foul mood.
A dreadful thought hit him during lunch. He had of course heard the rumours about her tryst with Weasley - who in the school hadn't. Perhaps his performance hadn't been up to par. He cringed at the thought that Weasley had been better than him. He consoled himself with the thought that she hadn't complained the night before, and by all accounts she hadn't been slow to communicate her dissatisfaction to Ron.
He remained worried throughout the afternoon's lessons, remaining uncharacteristically silent and barely managing to take thirty points off Gryffindor. Dinner was a nightmare, and he retired to the dungeons to fret in peace.
Dammit! Rumour had it that Weasley was allowed at least ten attempts to get it right. There was the bath, he raised one finger, the sofa, two fingers raised, the bed, five fingers raised. He was allowed another five tries, it was only fair. He consoled himself with the thought that Gryffindors were renowned for being fair. Unless. unless. the awful realisation hit him, she was complaining about quantity and not quality. Or, even worse, both.
Consequently, by the time Hermione arrived he had worked himself up into something of a state. As soon as she crossed the threshold he blurted out, "What's the matter?"
Hermione took that as an admission, if not of guilt, but at least a sign that he had something to be guilty about. "You know every well what's the matter. Don't try and play the innocent with me, Severus Snape."
He flinched. "Surely it wasn't that bad? You seemed to be enjoying it at the time."
Hermione was speechless. This wasn't going as she had expected. "And you think that makes it alright?"
"Doesn't it?" He was confused.
It was apparently the wrong thing the say because it started Hermione on a long rant which apparently dealt with his perfidy, stupidity and something to do with polyjuice potion. Nothing, however, about his failings in bed which was a relief but. "What on earth are you talking about Hermione?"
"Minerva. Polyjuice. Last night. Surely I don't have to spell it out for you?" Looking into his blank face she realised that he had absolutely no idea what she was referring to. Which meant that someone else was the guilty party. "Shit," she said.
It took barely five minutes to explain what had happened the night before, and barely six minutes for the implications to sink in.
"Good God, Hermione, didn't you know that Minerva was going to visit Albus last night?"
"Obviously not," she snapped.
He paced around the room. "Couldn't you tell? Didn't she seem a bit odd?"
"For heaven's sake, Severus, I'm a teenage girl full of raging hormones. I was just thinking about sex. I wasn't really thinking about who this person was standing in the bathroom talking to me. It looked like McGonagall, I naturally assumed it was McGonagall."
"And it didn't seem strange to you that the Vestal Virgin of Hogwarts suggested that you should try and seduce me?"
"What part of my last statement did you not understand," she said in exasperation. "I was just thinking about how I was going to get you into bed."
"You mean you find me physically attractive." He hadn't meant to say that, there were more important issues at hand, weren't there?
"Yes." There was a very loud and obvious der at the end of that sentence despite Hermione not actually vocalising it.
"Gosh." He sat down on the sofa.
"Well why else would I have slept with you last night? Not that there was a lot of sleeping involved as I recall." She smiled a smile that would have put the Cheshire Cat and the Cat who got at the cream to shame.
"I thought perhaps you might be attracted to my.. personality. I am aware that I am not an attractive man," he said painfully. "I thought that perhaps you had come to enjoy the time we spent together and the conversations we had. A meeting of minds, you might say, rather than being physically attracted to me."
Hermione resisted the urge to laugh in his face. Having the disposition of a porcupine with piles was not normally associated with being irresistible to women. She smiled, "That too."
She crossed the room to where he was sitting. "You have beautiful hands," she said, kissing them. "And you have beautiful eyes." She kissed his eyelids too. "And you have a very sexy voice." She kissed his lips, then pulled back a little and said, "And besides, you're hung like a donkey and shag like a demon."
So he pulled her down onto the sofa and proceeded to prove her right.
At some point during a fairly hectic night they managed to make it into bed. Hermione was just on the point of falling into very welcome slumber when suddenly Severus sat bolt upright next to her and said, "Draco Malfoy."
"Severus, traditionally it is considered impolite to shout other people's names when you are in bed with your lover. Particularly when it is the name of another man."
"I think that only applies when you come", he replied, smirking.
"That is a very disturbing image, I could well have done without. So you think it was Draco Malfoy then, what are you going to do about it?"
"Buy him a very expensive present?" he offered. "I don't know what he thought he was playing at, but it seems to me he's done me a very big favour and deserves some sort of reward."
"Severus," she said sweetly, "can you remember what I looked like in the bath last night." From the sudden fire in his eyes it appeared he could. He was lost in reminiscence for a moment, and was gazing at her chest lovingly when the penny dropped.
"You mean he's seen your tits."
"I would have put the matter a little more delicately than that, but that is the essential point."
"I'll kill the little bugger."
Hermione relaxed in the certain knowledge that getting Snape to do what she wanted was almost certainly going to be fairly easy.
And Draco Malfoy was going to be toast.
