Ford quickly turned the Guide to standby as Arthur entered the room. It hummed softly, then, as most computers do, did the last thing Ford wanted it to do. It began to recite, very loudly and clearly, the last passage Ford had been working on. He tried to smother it with a pillow, but the chipper voice could still clearly be heard.
"Arthur Dent," the Guide read, "last remaining male from the planet called Earth. Mostly seen wearing a tattered bathrobe. Strange affection for tea (see English drinks) and cricket (see stupid English games). Currently sought after by Ford Perfect, who thinks he is really Froody. Best kisser in the universe."
"uh... heh." Ford blushed and smumbled, which is an odd mixture of stammering and mumbling that only Ford could accomplish.
Arthur sat on the bed beside Ford. "Best kisser? But we haven't... I mean... you and I..." Arthur tried his hand at smumbling, failed bitterly, then resorted to "...."
"Well... no... I mean... er..." Ford smumbled with gusto. "One can.... Dream... can't they? Heh... stupid book..."
"You mean... you dream about... us... and.... Us doing... stuff...?"
"No...! Yes...! I mean... well... I don't know what I mean." Ford blushed, causing the freckles to stand out on his nose. He shook his fiery hair into his face, trying to hide behind it. It didn't work, but it did make him feel better. "What I think I am trying to say is... I love.... I mean.... Well, yes. I love you."
Arthur pondered. He pondered and in the pondering found that pondering was really a waste of time. He also figured out the final digit of pi, but didn't realize what it was. "Ford... I lov..."
It was that instant that the mattress returned to life, throwing the two of them to the floor. It reared savagely and rushed from the room, leaving a wake of chaos in it's trail. It was really terrible and from the distant room one could hear Marvin's forlorn cries of "Oh, a mattress attack, just what I needed." But neither Ford nor Arthur took notice, they were both too engrossed with problem of kissing. Arthur especially, seeing as he was trying to live up to the title of "Best kisser in the universe."