I didn't think it was possible, but my reviewers are getting more insane than ME. Hn… this cannot be so. Therefore, I shall take that insanity, shake it, mash it, beat it, twist it, and add some spice, and VOILA! My next chapter will thusly be MORE insane (hopefully) and even better! You ARE still wearing your T-shirts I gave you… RIGHT?! * Glares pointedly at you all*
My token one review response: Angel Red Flame: Of course you can say kiss in PG… *shrugs * it was for effect… a joke… insanity? Yeah. That. Also, yes, you are correct… the cob, and its 'cob cob cobbity cob' associates were indeed borrowed from Adult Swim and their lovely black and white letter cards. I had mentioned this in one of my disclaimers, but since you brought it up, I figured I should make it clear. ^__^
Thanks to everyone who reviewed!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. I don't own any other copyrighted things… that's what "copyright" MEANS. I own Sam, I own my sheepses, and Pierce is her own self, though I've borrowed her essence for this fiction. …Essence? Wow, that sounds weird. Ok, I borrowed her. Plain and simple. The R.A.L. has been taken from an old inside joke, and so I must give credit to Jessie, as it was her ingenious insanity that first created the wonderful flying, glowing, baa-ing R.A.L. Ok, if I say one more thing I DON'T own, it'll give the whole thing away. I OWN NOTHING!!! All right then, on with it! March! HUP! 2, 3, 4… HUP! 2, 3, 4…
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Draith is… for once… NOT sitting in a circle of sheepses, for her wonderful sheepses of awesomatic doom have abandoned her for the heliocentric leadership of the aristocratic Sam the First.
And so, Sam has formed his woolly army, able to trample whole tomatoes in a single romp. He has formed these fluffly invaders into his "Bored" Collective; each sheepsie outfitted with a fluffy cottony implant that connects him/her directly to the mind of San the First!
However, there is one sheepsie who has forsaken the way of the First, and defected. Wandering the dangerous path back to Draith, his way led him too close to a Nuclear Power Plant. Unfortunately, this poor loyal lambie was washed in radioactive goo. This was lucky in some ways, as it severed his link to the other sheepses' "Bored" Collective. And so, this brave little sheepsie, who did indeed survive this peril, has become now, R.A.L., Radio Active Lamb.
He is a wanderer. A rogue lamb. That's right… Rogue lamb. We're sorry… we're so sorry.
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I believe it was last Hiei and Botan starting to sing, yes? Oh, THIS will be interesting...
Suddenly, helped by Pierce's glaymore powers, Botan and Hiei are visually transformed into Sonny and Cher outfits, as they are about to begin their duet. Pierce giggles to herself in complete amusement. Draith comes back from the back room, and spots the two at the Karaoke place. She stares, wide-eyed. For Botan is dressed as Sonny, and Hiei is outfitted with a shiny sequined Cher-ish pantsuit, and LONG black hair down his back. Cocking her head to one side and thinking that the suit really shows off Hiei's legs, Draith takes a seat in a barstool next to Pierce to watch the show.
Pierce has ordered a plate of dumplings, and is eating one. She suddenly stops. "Oh no! I think this dumpling's still alive!" Insert sound effect here Moo. "See! It's still alive!" She pokes at the dumpling a little as Draith watches, eyebrow raised. "Poor little guy, and I stabbed him!" Pierce holds up the offending fork. She starts pushing her fingers on the dumpling. "Breathe, little guy, Breathe! Someone knows CPR, right??"
A random tavern freeloader walks over, raising his hand. "I do."
Pierce looks up. "Oh thank you, random tavern free-loader!! Please, help my dumpling! He's still alive, and I've stabbed him!" The random tavern freeloader begins CPR on Pierce's dumpling. "I feel like a cannibal! I've betrayed my dumpling roots!"
As Pierce receives her dumpling back from the random tavern freeloader, and holds it carefully, patting its dumpling head reassuringly, Hiei and Botan have already begun to sing, in perfect tune and sounding amazingly like the pair they are impersonating…
"They say our love won't pay the rent, before it's earned our money's often spent…"
"Well I don't know, if all that's true, but you've got me, and baby I've got you…"
And on and on it goes… each taking a part in the song and singing it out, looking at each other as Sonny and Cher often do while singing. All of the wallabies and kangaroos are clearly enjoying the song, the kangaroos are still clapping in a weird odd not even close to accurate and fitting beat.
As Hiei and Botan are just finishing up the last round or so of the "I've Got You Babe" song, a bang is heard from the rafters of the suddenly now very high vaulted ceiling over that area of the bar. Looking up, the wallabies see that there's an upright piano on its way down to fall right on Hiei and Botan's heads! The wallabies try to shout out and tell them of the danger, but, as only wallabies tend to speak wallaby, no one can understand the noises that they are making.
Botan mistakes them for being disruptive, and shushes at them to be quiet. They get louder as the piano comes closer, amazingly in a bit of slow motion. Hiei just keeps on singing, and Botan finally ignores the small woodland creatures.
Finally, piano only a couple meters above their heads, one wallaby gets a light bulb of an idea, which actually appears over his little wallaby head, and shouts out one word. "HN!!" The others look at him as if he's crazy.
However, immediately Hiei looks up and, gathering his energy, he reaches an arm up and punches the piano with a fireball around his fist. The piano bursts into flames, exploding all over the room. Botan has just finished the song, so everyone wildly cheers and claps for the amazing pyrotechnics that closed off their performance. They both bow to their adoring audience, reveling in the praise they're getting. After Botan realizes what happened, and that Hiei had just saved their lives, she throws her arms around his neck, hugging him tight. "Thank you, dear prospector! I thought for sure we were goners!!"
To everyone's shock, after finishing his own, Hiei hugs her back. However, this could be merely because Hiei's a bit of a hentai little fire demon at times. He is shocked, however, when Botan pulls him back a little and looks at him, then ki- err, spars with him, quite, well, for lack of a better word, aggressively. Everyone stares, wide-eyed. Then the kangaroos clap and start boxing with each other. The wallabies seem to enjoy the show. Draith giggles.
Pierce, however, not in the LEAST bit sober, gapes at the two, Hiei now responding in kind… She stands up at the bar, looking irked beyond belief. She finishes her drink and yells, "Hey! Ferry Girl! Get your hands OFF him! He's MINE!!" Another patron starts to point out that Botan's hands weren't all of the worries at the moment, and thusly that other patron gets, well, violently injured as he becomes intimately acquainted with Pierce's daggers. Finished with her outburst on the poor now pinned-to-the-wall-by-his-shirt man, she stomps over and viciously shoves Botan away from Hiei. "THERE! Don't you ever TOUCH him again!" She seethes at the blue haired girl who now is on the floor, looking rather startled.
~~~
Pierce: O__O What… in the seven levels of fae hell…. Is happening to my story?!
Draith: ^__^ I had one cheat card left from being in charge, and I just used it! So there.
Pierce: Oh, you little, little, LITTLE halfling. You are SO paying for this later!!!
Draith: Whatever you say, Pierce…
~~~
Hiei looks a bit lost. And confused. And… inspired? He sings, to the tune of a well-known song the authoress cannot name for fear of having to type up MORE disclaimers… "Milk that cow, cuz she's six weeks overdue, and I'm thinking… if we don't milk her now, she's gonna explode!"
Pierce looks at him. "Conspiratorial cows, then, half-pint?"
Hiei blinks at her then nods. He looks at himself and Botan. "Onna… change us back."
Pierce chuckles. "No! This is much more fun!" She does change Botan back, however, leaving Hiei dressed up as Cher while the rest of the tavern returns to their drinks, saddened that the act has come to an end. "Hmm…" Pierce thinks for a moment then captures Hiei in a see-through box, just big enough for him to move in, small enough to be cramped.
Everyone in the bar laughs.
Pierce uses her newly acquired authoress powers to bring back Kurama so he can see the poor little Hiei stuck in the box. Kurama looks at Hiei and chuckles as well. He gets glared at.
Pierce is downright giggling. "Yes, hello? I'd like to order a medium Hiei-in-a-box, please!" Now taking on a different sounding voice, "I'm sorry, ma'am, they only come in SMALL!" She bursts into fiffles. Fiffles?! That MUST be a typo… One surely cannot simply burst into something that doesn't exist. Fiffles do NOT exist. Spell-check says so. And spell-check is ALWAYS right. Honest. Spel chekker iz awlwayz rite.
After enjoying the fun for a few more minutes, Pierce lets Hiei out of the box. He scowls at her. Then he looks at Kurama. He glares. Pierce realizes her mistake in bringing the fox back to an angry Hiei. Kurama realizes this as well, and runs out the door of the tavern… Everyone thus runs after him quickly, leaving the bar with everyone yelling "BYE!!" after them.
Outside, Kurama runs into a garden. He quickly disappears from view. Hiei leaps in the garden after Kurama. He hacks away at the plants and foliage with his pretty katana, yelling as he goes. "Oh come out and fight me like a man, yah pansies!" said as he sliced through a patch of, yes, that's right, pansies.
Suddenly, a gerbil jumps out of the garden, landing right on Hiei's face, and holding on for dear life. He chitters at Hiei as the fire demon tries to pry the little rodent off, to no avail. "Get it off!" he screams. Hiei drops his katana, now running about madly flailing his arms, yelling about being mobbed by a rodent like creature thing.
Kurama takes this as a sign that he's off the hook, and comes out of the garden, picking up Hiei's pretty katana, and taking it. He walks over to where Hiei has sat down on a stump, trying to stay calm while the gerbil is still quite attached to his face. "Alright Hiei… I will remove the gerbil, on one condition."
Hiei growls. "What is that, fox? You and your conditions… You should have shampoos, they sound better and get your words cleaner for the mile, you know."
Botan, Pierce and Draith giggle at Hiei's complete insanity.
Kurama sighs. "If I remove the gerbil, you have to promise to stop trying to kill me."
Hiei is silent for a moment, then, as the gerbil chitters and leaves a safari gift on Hiei's cloak, he agrees. The gerbil is carefully removed from Hiei's face, and set free to go frolic in the garden happily with his little gerbil friends and family. "Hn." Hiei gets up, and takes his pretty katana from Kurama, though sheathing it in its scabbard instead of Kurama.
"I'm so glad you two are getting along!" Botan grins at them. "I was afraid I'd have to just hit you over the head with my oar of DOOM, Hiei." She giggles and twirls around a few times before stopping, looking quite dizzy.
Just as they were getting ready to be on their way to who knows where for who knows what, the duck comes back, stops, and starts rattling off, "Afflack"s upon "Afflack"s. Pierce and Hiei listen intently. The duck finally finishes his rant, and looks up at the two expectantly.
Hiei snorts. "That's no great revelation, you aquatic fool!" He then walks away to drink more fae ale/Livewire mix.
Pierce rolls her eyes at Hiei. "Ignore the paranormal goat boy, Duckie… So, what is it you're trying to say again?" She looks perplexed. She squats down low so she can look the duck in the eyes, and avoid the flying bats of doom that are buzzing above her head. She tries hard to listen to the duck and not to Hiei singing not too far away.
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle-dee. There they are all…"
The duck responds with more "Afflacks"s and a few "Affleck"s. Pierce's eyes widen, and she shakes her head. "Bad Duckie, that's insane troll logic!"
"Affleck, Afflack, Afflack, AFFLECK!!"
The limo returns, and Ben leans out the window, shakes his fist at Pierce and the duck, and yells, "Damn you and your troll logic!" then speeds off. Good… he SHOULD be off speed. One should never be ON speed. We authors think that's bad for you. Drugs are bad. Just say No.
Pierce grabs the Livewire bottle that's in Hiei's pocket. Hiei looks at her calmly. "Pierce… would you kindly get out of my pants?"
Draith giggles. "Yeah, don't you know no means no??"
Pierce's jaw drops. She promptly kills them all.
~~~
Draith: NO!! What are you DOING?!
Pierce: Well she SHOULD! I mean SERIOUSLY! Who SAYS THAT?!
Draith: …Butch did…
Pierce: -__- FINE. Rewind, and Pierce DIDN'T kill them all… baka.
~~~
Pierce gets the Livewire out of Hiei's pan- err, pocket rather quickly, petting it lovingly again. "My precious Livewire… They tried to take you from us, yes, precious, they did… But you're safe now!" She takes a big gulp.
All of the sudden, dozens of penguins appear out of nowhere. You'd think people would be used to this random magical-ish sudden materialization of objects and beings by now, but NOOOO! Humph. The penguins form a circle-type thing around the five. Each birdie is holding a bottle of fae ale…
They begin to chant… "Doo-Bee Doo-Bee Doo!" They continue chanting even as Hiei covers his ears and begs to hear no more. Yes, no typhoon, he begged. Oh, what's that? It's "typo"? Oh… my, this is awkward…
Just as Hiei was about to cry in headache-y torture, the penguins go POOF! and disappear into thick air. However, replaced in their stead, is a single monkey. They all stare at the monkey, who is dressed in flowing green robes, and a tall green floppy-looking hat. His hands are clasped in front of him, as if he is politely waiting for something.
Botan takes the opportunity to speak up. "Uhm… hi there, little monkity fellow! I'm Botan, and these here are Kurama, Hiei, Pierce, and Draith. What's your name?" She said it all politely, as ever Botan does, but the monkey scoffs at her as if she were speaking baby talk to an adult.
The monkey eyes them all before… speaking? "I am the Blessed Sacred Monkey of the Inflatable Cheese. Bow. Now. …Brown cow."
They all stare at the monkey with wide eyes. O__O ß wide eyes… get it? See? Then look at each other, and Kurama shrugs, gesturing to the monkey. "Well, I guess we should… can't get any weirder, right?" Oh you poor, poor, deluded kitsune…
However, they all take Kurama's advice, as he's supposed to be the smart one of the bunch, and bow to the Blessed Sacred Monkey of the Inflatable Cheese. The monkey seems very pleased. "I shall now lead you onward in your quest."
Pierce speaks up this time. "Uh, monkey dude? We have no quest… Though I do know the air-speed velocity of an unladed swallow!"
Hiei looks at her after drinking more of his hidden mixage. "Onna that made absolutely no sense." Look who's talking, short-stuff…
"Matters it not! You shall follow ME now." The monkey then turns, and hops onto a magically appearing moped, and heads off towards the blankness that is the horizon. They all follow him, naturally, until he stops… at a fruit and vegetable stand… filled with, you guessed it, fruits and vegetables. The monkey chitters wildly, and all the fruits and vegetables yell in return. The monkey turns back to the five visitors. "Welcome… oh lowlier than vegetables visitors… to the Church of the Holy Cabbage… Lettuce pray!"
As the fruits and vegetables all folds their hands and begin to chant softly to themselves, Hiei looks at them and does NOT remember any fruit or vegetable EVER being able to TALK… So he promptly takes out his pretty katana. "They must be rotten…" He then chops them up, as they scream in horror. Wow, that's rather violent.
Wait… it's just fruits and vegetables, people, really!
Now that there's fruit and tossed salad all over the table, the remains of the fruits and vegetables strewn all over, several little fluffly sheepses walk up and eat all the chopped-up greens and things. As Draith hides behind Kurama, the sheepses finish eating and go on their merry way, not even noticing their archenemy.
"Phew!" Draith lets go of Kurama, relieved.
The Blessed Sacred Monkey of the Inflatable Cheese seems a bit irate. "How could you destroy my loyal followers?! Now I have nothing! NOTHING!!" The monkey breaks down into sobs. Horrible sobs. Like, we're talking huge, loud, pitiful, "Mommy I don't WANNA go to school today, they'll beat me up and take my lunch money and stomp on my bag and give me a swirly and then just point and laugh at me as my hair sticks up from the toilet water!" sobs. Or close enough anyways.
Hiei feels badly for the deprived monkey, an amazing emotion, as Hiei never takes pity on something so trivial. He then dons a chef's hat, and begins tossing fruits and vegetables about, seeming to be making something quick fast like a bunny… Hiei bunny? Oh, that's a funny image…
After several minutes of careful concentration and fruit/vegetable flinging, Hiei presents a plate to the Blessed Sacred Monkey of the Inflatable Cheese, who has finally stopped sobbing to look at his gift. Hiei grins proudly. "Crème brû-lée!" he exclaims.
Kurama, Botan, Pierce and Draith all yell at once, "Crème brû-lée?!" sounding incredibly incredulous.
Hiei looks at them all. "…What?" he says, sounding all cute and innocent. Aww.
The duck quacks.
Haha, you forgot he was still there, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!
Hiei downs another hidden bottle of his fae ale and Livewire mix, and begins to march in place. "The duck! "The duck flies at midnight! The duck flies at midnight!" (Even though it's still evening.) Then he starts prancing about them all (yes prancing) and yelling at the top of his lungs on and on about how ducks shouldn't at night because they can't see, and it's dangerous with all of those cannons that shoot bricks at the walls of turpentine. (…What?) Ignore it, he's high. (Oh, right, carry on.) I will. (Fine.) Good. (Do it.) I will, baka! (Don't insult me, you dolt!) Hey!
~~~
Pierce: Draith… will you PLEASE stop arguing with the parenthetical people!!
Draith: B-but, she called me a dolt!
Pierce: Let it go, halfling, let it go.
Draith: Humph.
~~~
"THE DUCK FLIES AT MIDNIGHT!" (It's going to be a long day…) SHUT UP!
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Off in the distance, Draith sees one lone lambie, with Pierce at its side. It appears that RAL has found Pierce, and decided to protect her as well from the evil diabolical "Bored" Collective that Sam the First has created.
Now these three have bonded together, to form a force so unstoppable, not even Liquid Plunger could unclog THIS drain!! Oh yes… they are clogged.
The reign of Sam the First… is soon to be thrown down.
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Well now, what did you think of THAT?! I know it took longer than forever to get out, but was it worth it at least? I had to update SOMETHING, for fear that the turtle jelly bean lymph node thingies would yell at me to go back to pruning their hedges… and no one wants that. Ok, enough nonsense. For now.
Review!!
Oh, if you want a character of your very own to be in this story, request in your review! I'll pick one person to add to the insanity soon! You can give me a name and other details if I pick you, but other than that, I'll have control of your character… So it's kind of like signing over your soul to the devil. Only, it's not your soul, just a made-up character in a story.
Oh, yeah, silly me, and I'm not the devil. * Smiles sweetly* Most likely one of the first requests will be picked, so think fast and review!
Crème brû-lée!!
-Draith
