Bubble Bath 10
Whilst Severus was enjoying a virtuous repose, about to awake to an entirely less-virtuous evening, the boys were putting the first steps of the plan into practice.
Mission: Locate Neville.
Not that that was difficult, Even Harry, the-boy-who-breathed-through-his- mouth, correctly suggested that Neville was likely to be found in the Gryffindor common room, and sure enough that was where he was.
Mission: Separate Neville from the herd for a discussion in private.
Ron had the feeling that neither Hermione nor Snape would like to have their private affairs spread all over Hogwarts. Professor MacGonagall, whilst viewing Hermione as a favourite, would still come down on her like a ton of bricks, if she ever found out that she and Severus had been shagging like nifflers. Ron found the idea that Snape could be thought of as taking advantage of Hermione frankly ridiculous; if anyone was taking advantage it was her, and on a regular basis judging by the exhaustion lines on Snape's face.
Having suffered beneath the onslaught of Hermione in full flow, he felt that the poor sod should be given a medal, and, if they ever broke up, a warning should be put in the Daily Prophet so that no other poor sod would end up in deep waters without knowing what he had let himself in for.
No, Hermione was more than capable of taking care of herself. She was a force of nature, like an avalanche, and all you could do was roll yourself up into a tight little ball and let it wash over you and hope that when it was all over you would still have the use of your limbs.
Neville was surprisingly difficult to lure out of the common room, and in the end Ron had hissed at him in exasperation, "For god's sake, Neville, can't you take a hint. We need to have a word with you in private."
Apparently he could take a hint, when it was dropped on him from a great height, because he packed away his things, yawned elaborately and said he was going to see Trevor 'for a little chat'.
Harry and Ron waited a suitable interval, and then followed. Not that there was any reason, other than the prying eyes of Ginny Weasley, to pretend that they weren't going to have a little chat with Neville; it's just that Ron felt that if a job was worth doing it was worth doing properly. If secrecy was the name of the game, then secrecy would be maintained at all times.
In many ways, Ron missed the war. It might have been violent, frightening and may occasionally have prevented him from having fun, but it has also been thrilling and interesting. Somehow, Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes didn't have the same excitement value as a ducking a well-aimed hex from a Deatheater.
Mission: Persuade Neville to pull a prank in Potions. Without letting on that Snape was in on it.
This was easier than either Ron or Harry had expected, once Professor Snape's name had been mentioned anyway. It was almost as if Neville wanted to get into trouble with him. Instead of the 'oh, I'll get into trouble and have a detention, no, no, no, I can't do it' they expected they got, 'oh, I'll get into trouble and have a detention, yes, yes, yes, I'll do it."
"Neville," said Harry, in his best, we're all Gryffindors together voice, "Ron and I were wondering if you were up for a bit of fun."
Ron had anticipated and blocked Neville's move for the door, although he had the grace to look apologetic. "Sorry, mate," he said. "We need a favour."
"Honestly, Neville, it'll be fun," wheedled Harry.
Neville sagged a little, but Ron still kept a close eye on him to prevent him bolting.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked.
"We want to get our own back on Malfoy," said Harry. Neville didn't look impressed.
"So," continued Ron, "what we have in mind is slipping a little something into your cauldron in Potions, and then slipping the contents to Malfoy when he's not looking."
"I'll get detention," said Neville, with an odd tone in his voice.
"Nah," said Ron airily. "Snape'll never notice."
"I'll get detention," Neville said again, sounding even more peculiar than before. There was a pause whilst he considered the suggestion. "I'll do it," he said, sounding very decisive. "Just let me know what you want me to add, and I'll do it."
Ron looked at Neville with a terrible suspicion running through his mind. Neville liked Professor Snape. Liked him in the Hermione sense of the word. All the time Neville had been shaking in Potions, it had been with suppressed excitement and not terror at all. He wouldn't put it past him to have made deliberate mistakes so that Professor Snape would shout at him, even hoping for a detention.
Dear god the boy needed help.
Even Harry thought it was suspicious, and after Neville had headed off back to the common room, he looked at Ron with dawning horror and said, "You don't think he fancies Professor Snape, do you?"
"I'm afraid so." Ron shook his head at the awfulness of it. "We'd better keep quiet about it as well; there's no saying what Hermione would do if she found out. Could be very nasty."
Harry nodded in agreement, then looked up at Ron with a peculiar expression. "Ro-on," said Harry. "You don't fancy Professor Snape, do you?"
Ron didn't like the way Harry was looking at him, almost as if he had grown another head. Of course he didn't fancy Professor Snape; he liked girls. "Bugger off Harry. What on earth makes you think that?"
"The rest of Hogwarts seems to."
"Fuck me," said Ron. "The world's gone mad. At this rate, we'll all have to stop washing our hair and wear false noses if we ever want to shag again."
They looked at each other before collapsing into fits of giggles, and if there was a touch of hysteria to their laughter no one would blame them. It's one thing to face Voldemort, it was quite another thing to face up to the fact that two of your friends fancied the Greasy Git.
The world had indeed gone mad.
Whilst Severus was enjoying a virtuous repose, about to awake to an entirely less-virtuous evening, the boys were putting the first steps of the plan into practice.
Mission: Locate Neville.
Not that that was difficult, Even Harry, the-boy-who-breathed-through-his- mouth, correctly suggested that Neville was likely to be found in the Gryffindor common room, and sure enough that was where he was.
Mission: Separate Neville from the herd for a discussion in private.
Ron had the feeling that neither Hermione nor Snape would like to have their private affairs spread all over Hogwarts. Professor MacGonagall, whilst viewing Hermione as a favourite, would still come down on her like a ton of bricks, if she ever found out that she and Severus had been shagging like nifflers. Ron found the idea that Snape could be thought of as taking advantage of Hermione frankly ridiculous; if anyone was taking advantage it was her, and on a regular basis judging by the exhaustion lines on Snape's face.
Having suffered beneath the onslaught of Hermione in full flow, he felt that the poor sod should be given a medal, and, if they ever broke up, a warning should be put in the Daily Prophet so that no other poor sod would end up in deep waters without knowing what he had let himself in for.
No, Hermione was more than capable of taking care of herself. She was a force of nature, like an avalanche, and all you could do was roll yourself up into a tight little ball and let it wash over you and hope that when it was all over you would still have the use of your limbs.
Neville was surprisingly difficult to lure out of the common room, and in the end Ron had hissed at him in exasperation, "For god's sake, Neville, can't you take a hint. We need to have a word with you in private."
Apparently he could take a hint, when it was dropped on him from a great height, because he packed away his things, yawned elaborately and said he was going to see Trevor 'for a little chat'.
Harry and Ron waited a suitable interval, and then followed. Not that there was any reason, other than the prying eyes of Ginny Weasley, to pretend that they weren't going to have a little chat with Neville; it's just that Ron felt that if a job was worth doing it was worth doing properly. If secrecy was the name of the game, then secrecy would be maintained at all times.
In many ways, Ron missed the war. It might have been violent, frightening and may occasionally have prevented him from having fun, but it has also been thrilling and interesting. Somehow, Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes didn't have the same excitement value as a ducking a well-aimed hex from a Deatheater.
Mission: Persuade Neville to pull a prank in Potions. Without letting on that Snape was in on it.
This was easier than either Ron or Harry had expected, once Professor Snape's name had been mentioned anyway. It was almost as if Neville wanted to get into trouble with him. Instead of the 'oh, I'll get into trouble and have a detention, no, no, no, I can't do it' they expected they got, 'oh, I'll get into trouble and have a detention, yes, yes, yes, I'll do it."
"Neville," said Harry, in his best, we're all Gryffindors together voice, "Ron and I were wondering if you were up for a bit of fun."
Ron had anticipated and blocked Neville's move for the door, although he had the grace to look apologetic. "Sorry, mate," he said. "We need a favour."
"Honestly, Neville, it'll be fun," wheedled Harry.
Neville sagged a little, but Ron still kept a close eye on him to prevent him bolting.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked.
"We want to get our own back on Malfoy," said Harry. Neville didn't look impressed.
"So," continued Ron, "what we have in mind is slipping a little something into your cauldron in Potions, and then slipping the contents to Malfoy when he's not looking."
"I'll get detention," said Neville, with an odd tone in his voice.
"Nah," said Ron airily. "Snape'll never notice."
"I'll get detention," Neville said again, sounding even more peculiar than before. There was a pause whilst he considered the suggestion. "I'll do it," he said, sounding very decisive. "Just let me know what you want me to add, and I'll do it."
Ron looked at Neville with a terrible suspicion running through his mind. Neville liked Professor Snape. Liked him in the Hermione sense of the word. All the time Neville had been shaking in Potions, it had been with suppressed excitement and not terror at all. He wouldn't put it past him to have made deliberate mistakes so that Professor Snape would shout at him, even hoping for a detention.
Dear god the boy needed help.
Even Harry thought it was suspicious, and after Neville had headed off back to the common room, he looked at Ron with dawning horror and said, "You don't think he fancies Professor Snape, do you?"
"I'm afraid so." Ron shook his head at the awfulness of it. "We'd better keep quiet about it as well; there's no saying what Hermione would do if she found out. Could be very nasty."
Harry nodded in agreement, then looked up at Ron with a peculiar expression. "Ro-on," said Harry. "You don't fancy Professor Snape, do you?"
Ron didn't like the way Harry was looking at him, almost as if he had grown another head. Of course he didn't fancy Professor Snape; he liked girls. "Bugger off Harry. What on earth makes you think that?"
"The rest of Hogwarts seems to."
"Fuck me," said Ron. "The world's gone mad. At this rate, we'll all have to stop washing our hair and wear false noses if we ever want to shag again."
They looked at each other before collapsing into fits of giggles, and if there was a touch of hysteria to their laughter no one would blame them. It's one thing to face Voldemort, it was quite another thing to face up to the fact that two of your friends fancied the Greasy Git.
The world had indeed gone mad.
