Lost in the Shadows

Laura

A/N: I would love to write for Enlightened!Nelson, but I love asshole!Nelson too much.

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I dreamed I was dying. I dreamed I flatlined again, and I went flying. They were all trying to bring me back, I could hear it, but I couldn't come to them. I tried to run to them, across the field I was in last time I flatlined, but I saw Billy coming back again. He pulled his hood back again and smiled, holding his hands out, and behind him I saw the shadow of someone else. Champ was there, I think. If he was there he was barking at me. Behind Billy walked Maggie, and she seemed as small as Billy herself. Her face was thinner than it is in life, and she looked transparent. She and Billy started walking towards me, getting closer and closer until I could almost touch them.

I woke up wishing for Rachel. It was a lingering feeling, like all those nights before I was in here when I would wake up from a dream about her and the first thing I would realize is, "She's not here." It was like when, for the first few years of med school, I roomed with Dave – this, of course, was when he hadn't decided to be an atheist and was experimenting with Buddhism or something – and he burned incense. I'd wake up late and there would be another char mark on the windowsill and it would be all cleaned up, but the rest of the day I would smell vanilla. I always felt like that when I dreamed about Rachel. The rest of the day I thought I saw her shadow, or the sound of her voice would make me jump. Little things like that. I hadn't had a single dream about her since I'd been in here, but the end of this dream reminded me of Rachel in a strange way I had no idea how to explain. I rolled over and punched my fist angrily into the pillow. Nothing is more frustrating than dreaming about a girl you can't have. A tiny noise made me sit up, blinking confusedly and pushing my hair out of my eyes. It took my a minute to realize the little ball in the corner of my room, just by the door to my bathroom, was a person. It took me the time it took to put on my glasses to realize it was Maggie. She had her arms wrapped around her knees and her head was pillowed on her arms. I could tell she was asleep. I stared blankly at her, then I stood up slowly and walked over to her.

"Maggie?" I whispered, patting her shoulder tentatively. "Maggie?"

She woke up with a tiny scream and clawed at the wall. I reached out and hesitantly grabbed her shoulder to hold her still. She snapped her head up and looked at me with wide, terrified eyes.

"Nelson!" she gasped, her small chest rising with quick shallow breaths as she caught her breath. "Mnn..!" she mumbled, the word she was trying to say getting caught in her throat and stopping before it became audible. "Too cold in my- scared of the- I can't remember what to do-"

She buried her head in her hands and started crying, slow, hoarse sobs that racked her shoulders and sounded like she was choking. After a minute I put my arms around her shoulders and tried to comfort her. Not fun, since my mind was still thinking Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. I hadn't really had the opportunity to comfort a girl when she was really messed up. Girls I've dumped never really wanted me to comfort them, they just wanted me to get away from them as fast as possible and never ever mention to anyone that they'd slept with Nelson the Creep. The top of Maggie's head rested lightly against my chest as I softly ruffled her hair.

"You did what?" I asked. She sniffled morosely and hiccuped, the fluctuation of her diaphragm making her ribcage shudder under my fingers.

"It gets cold," she whispered softly, and looked down at the ground. "Too cold to sleep and I don't want to."

"God," I whispered, feeling her fingers. The skin was cold, like she'd been sitting in the snow. "You're like ice. Do you want me to call someone?"

"NO!" she shrieked in a muffled voice and tried to leap from my arms. I caught her around the waist and pulled her back, bringing her hands to my chest to keep them warm.

"It's okay, Maggie, God," I said exasperatedly. "Just sit still."

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I'm so sorry this is really short, but I have to get out of this scene. I've been busy with two plays at once and then getting ready to go to London.