Chapter 4: BREAK THROUGH

Harry's first night at the Burrow was pure bliss. At the very moment he had laid his head on the orange pillow, he had sank into a dreamless, carefree, deep sleep without the use of any sleeping potions. However that was three days ago. As soon as he was thoroughly awake again the tension fed by grief, anger and guilt flooded back at him and he let it happen.

On the second day he started to snap at Ron and Hermione for nothing. On the third day he was nearly in Privet Drive conditions and barked at the twins as they asked him out for a game of Quidditch. The atmosphere among all of them tensed strongly. Everyone walked around quieter like in a hospital not to cause any disturbance. Harry was treated with utmost wariness, what didn't help at all quite the opposite.

The afternoon was grey and rainy. You heard only the rain and the sounds of Ron and Hermione's game of wizard chess - the battle of the little figures accompanied by her cursing when she lost another and his triumphant snickers.

Harry cast them an annoyed look. He sat on his favourite couch staring out of the window lost in his thoughts. Sometimes he would grumble something beneath his breath. No one could understand his muttering, but not one of them had the courage to ask, not anymore.

Previous queries he had cut down either simply snarling at person asking. Which was fine in comparison with the second possibility. When he just opened his mouth as if to say something but nothing came out. Instead tears formed in his eyes and he had that look so sad, that it broke the hearts of all people in the room at one strike. However before anyone could react he was gone and when he came back he wouldn't allow anyone come near him.

Ginny sat cuddled in an huge armchair with a book on her knees.

"What are you reading?" Hermione inquired.

"Ahm, nothing important, really" Ginny stammerd quickly. She didn't want anyone to know what she was looking for, not until she had found at least the tiniest bit of information, and especially Harry shouldn't find out, not now.

"Well, lets see maybe I read it too". Hermione was faster than Ginny and snatched the book out of her hands. She glanced at the cover which said: Historical Magic Artefacts and their Legends. Facts or Fantasy; By Christian Guyblumghe.

"Nope, never heard of it. History class?"

Ginny nodded warily and was saved from further interrogation by Ron who called Hermione back to the game.

Ginny glanced at Harry. He hadn't noticed. "Good", she sighed relieved. 'On the other hand' she thought sarcastically 'what does he get these days anyway. Yeah, gets his tempers really bad, if for a second he does not brood. Well, fine now she was angry too, about ... yes about what?'

Ginny hated it when couldn't do anything. 'It's worst when you're helpless. If you can't or are not allowed to help. Damn' nice day, really nice.' Ginny thought clenching her hands in anger and nearly ripping her book in that process.

Ron shot her a quizzical look, "Hard stuff?!"

"Yeah", she mumbled and forced a halfsmile before stomping out of the room.

What SHE didn't notice was, that Harry wasn't at all that closed up. He wanted their company, sought for it, but then again it was to much to bear and he had to get away and .. Most of the time he didn't know what he wanted. Except now that Ginny left he knew exactly. He wanted her to stay, run after her. In a desperate childish attempt he hefted his stare at her retreating figure to bring her back on command of his will, but nevertheless remained seated. "Nice day again", he mumbled "really nice day".

Dinner should become even "nicer". It wasn't a usual noisy Weasley meal, no laughing or bickering, barely low conversations. Harry poked dull at his food.

"Don't you like it, my dear. Shall I get you something else?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"No everything's fine, thank's" he replied unconvincingly.

That's it, Ginny had had enough. "Oh thanks mum, everything's fine clearly" she said her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Isn't it Harry darling," she smiled at him oh so sweetly.

Harry looked back at her his anger rising. "What, is it?" he hissed.

"Oh nothing, just so peachy. Everything's all right, isn't it" her voice increased dangerously.

"Well, if you think so" he snarled back.

Ginny, face red with anger, shot out of her chair causing it to double over and landing on the floor with a loud thump. Everyone at the table jumped.

At the top of her lungs she screamed "No, I don't think so, stupid git. Nothings alright, not you, not me, no one in this room is, but you seem to have the only insight on the cause. Come on now, let's get over with it! Spit it out!"

Harry in turn slowly rose to his feet. Facing her upright withstanding her angry glare. "Get over with what?" he too got louder.

"You have to tell, how should we know. Are we even existing? Is there anyone besides you, who can think and has feelings? What do we know" she shouted so fiercely that she ran short of breath.

Harry's barrage was broken and he screamed "Well, if you insist on it, that's the problem, you don't know. You don't have the slightest idea how I'm feeling. He's dead. I'm to blame. Again I'm on my own. Stuck at the Dursleys. And you don't even seem to bother anymore that he's gone. All happy again no serious harm done. So by Merlin get over it!!!!" With the last word he had turned around and ran out of the kitchen door.

Ginny didn't hesitate for a second running after him still yelling "Don't you dare to run away like that! We are not finished yet! You wai.. Her voice faded away now the kitchen was very quiet.

Ron was the first to shake away his befuddlement. He stood up as did his mother, same thing on mind, to follow.

Hermione held onto Ron and said weakly "Ahm, Mrs. Weasley, I can't exactly explain why but I really believe we should leave it up to the two of them, for now."

The older women pondered this shortly than nodded and sat down again. "Let's finish dinner" Now it was Ron's turn to poke at his meal. It didn't taste as good as it had just minutes before.

After a while the twins had gained their composure and natural good mood back. George said in awe "Did you see that death glare, she cast him? Very scary!"

"Definitely" Fred replied "I wonder if she'd spent to much time with that basilisk-snake-thing in her first year."

Mrs. Weasley cast them a perfect version of that glare which silenced the twins at once. "You two are up for the dishes" she told them before she headed for the living room.

Bill smirked at Charley and said "For my observing it was always more of a Weasley women family treat, wouldn't you agree, Charley"

"Definitly".

"And you two are to help the twins. Up you go! Move now!" Mrs. Weasley stern voice was heard from the living room. Four grown-ups - as you say so - shrieked and hurriedly started cleaning up.

Ron and Hermione joined Mrs. Weasley in the living room. She looked up shortly form her knitting and smiled at them encouragingly. They sat on down on the couch closely for support, watched the last raindrops fall and the clear blue evening sky appear. Whilst Hermione leaned into Ron, he took one of her hands stroking it absentmindedly, as if that would be their most normal routine.

Harry had settled down on a bench in the backyard. It was dry, sheltered from rain by a large tree. 'Well done Potter! Just lost Sirius and now you got rid of the rest of your family. What else can you loose today.' Ginny slumped down beside him.

"I..." they started simultaneously.

"You..." again speaking at the same time then went silent. It didn't feel all that awkward, although Harry was on his edge. 'What do you have to loose?' he thought 'Carry on.'

"I have to kill Voldemorte" he stated followed by a long pause "Did you hear me? I may become a murderer."

Ginny answered quietly yet calm and sturdy "Killing Voldemorte crossed my mind" she did not even blink at his name.

"You didn't understand me...".

She broke him off, "I very well do. Someone has to kill Voldemorte. There should be no one so stupid to think, that we could just send him to Azkaban or somewhere else. However why do you think, it's you. Don't get me wrong." She smirked half-heartedly "You're the boy who lived and all that, but there's Dumbledore, members of the Order..."

"The prophecy" he interrupted.

"You said it had been destroyed"

"It has. However, fortunately or unfortunately as you like, Dumbledore was the one who heard it in first place. It's me to kill or to be killed" and in a hushed voice he murmured Trelawny's exact words he had memorised already. "Now your speechless, aren't you?"

"Not really, I thought my answer's clear. There are to many lives in question, if the prophecy is right it has to be you to succeed."

"Even if I could. Who wants to ki..."

"Correction, defence."

"Is there a difference?" he asked.

"At that special cause? DEFINITLY"

"Is that right?"

"As grandma Weasley always said. There' s no right or wrong. Just the right or the wrong way and neither is easy."

"I don't believe that you forgot about Sirius" Harry said after a while.

"Then why did you say it?"

"I was angry because... I did."

"How come?"

"The first night at the Burrow. I was so happy."

"And?"

"I forgot him"

It dawned an Ginny "But you never did. I heard all of them talking about him in the best way. You heard too. No sad memories, but most of all of the good sort, as it should be."

"To ignore, that he's dead?"

"No, not at all, just don't remembering everything that is bad. It's like, you would just recognise me blushing, skipping books and sticking my elbow in butter. I've much more to offer," she stopped suddenly.

Harry pondered and therefore wasn't all attention. Otherwise he would have noticed her forced smile. 'By Merlin, where did that come from, stupid me!' she scolded herself mentally.

Harry answered "I think I got you're point, although I sort of liked the skipping, blushing as well as the elbow thing, now that you speak of it," he said smiling.

Getting more earnest he continued, "I STILL do think of the Chamber of Secrets and everything, but those memories are not that threatening anymore and more important they are just a part of everything I connect with you."

"Thank you Harry" Ginny said faithfully. Harry looked questioning. "Thank's for not just seeing me as the stupid girl you saved... and thank's that you saved me."

"Please Ginny stop! How often have you already thanked me. There's nothing more to say, as that I would do it just the same again. So stop it, really! he exclaimed.

"Well, here's the deal. I stop thanking you and you stop remembering Sirius just the sad way," Ginny laughed.

"I think you got the easier part out of that" Harry joked.

"Take it or leave it!" Ginny said holding her hand out to him.

He knew he was beaten. How could he refuse to take her hand.