Optimal Balance
Chapter 4/?
By: Lazuli
Another chapter! Still not the longest chapters in the world, but this part pretty much needed to be done, and I'm not certain at the part it ended at. I'm sure that I could continue on and have a twenty page monster…but I need to rewrite the scene that's coming up, since this deviates from my handwritten copy. I want to thank everyone that has reviewed so far—you're all so great and supportive. Yami no Matsuei does not belong to me, but I do claim all rights to this story. The description of Hisoka's home was taken from the manga. I hope this part isn't too boring, and I hope you enjoy!
Hisoka blinked up at Watari, a little startled by the vehemence of that statement. "Found… the connection?" He questioned, brows drawing together. "What conn…" His voice trailed off as he put it together. "As to why I can't remember?"
Watari nodded eagerly, blond hair falling into his eyes. He pulled Hisoka closer, pointing out the data on the screen. "It all goes back to Muraki, I think. Muraki was the one responsible for your death, and once…"
He stopped in mid-sentence when Hisoka jerked away from him, trying to shy away from some unknown fear. "I don't know what you're talking about. I died because of an illness. No one killed me." He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to hide his shaking. "I'm taking a lot in here, but there's only so far you can stretch your credibility."
"But, Bon—" Watari reached out for him again, only to have Hisoka move farther away. "I think that it would be best if you listened to this, it could help restore your memory if we can confirm some of this."
Hisoka frowned. "No. I want to go now, please." He turned his face away, looking towards the door. "Didn't Tsuzuki say that he was going to take me to my house after all of this?" His expression tightened. "I just want to go home and try and be by myself for awhile, without everyone hovering over me and determined to correct me on a number of matters."
Watari was saved by saying anything more when the door opened, letting Tsuzuki inside. "Are you ready to go, Hisoka?" His expression was calm, no hint of what went on when he visited Tatsumi and Konoe. "I have everything taken care of—I'm sure that you would like to rest."
Hisoka nodded, barely looking at either of them as he hurried out of the room, Tsuzuki trailing after him, giving a hasty goodbye to Watari. "Hisoka, wait up! I have to show you where your house is, after all." There was that cheerful grin on his face again, eyes lighting up with some private amusement, joke—It was nothing like before.
Hisoka slowed down once they were out of the EnmaCho building, pausing by one of the sakura trees. "I just wanted to get out of there." He said softly. "Watari was saying a lot of gibberish." He looked away for a moment, wondering if some of the nonsense that Watari said was true. Only one way to find out. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, staring straight at Tsuzuki, watching the smile falter, eyes holding a careful, wary look.
"Tell you what, Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked, surprise lacing the tone of his voice as they started walking again, some people waving hello, some moving away from the pair of them. "We haven't had a lot of time to talk, really."
Rolling his eyes, Hisoka clarified himself. "About me being the partner that you were searching for." An uncomfortable silence met that statement, and Hisoka looked back up at Tsuzuki, but the older man's expression and emotions were unreadable. "It's true then, isn't it?"
Tsuzuki bit his lip and nodded, eyes shadowed. "Yes." He said softly. "You were my partner before you… vanished." His shoulders slumped slightly. "I didn't want to tell you—even if I did tell you, I didn't think that you would believe me. You were already suspicious of me as it was, I didn't want to compound my mistake by telling you that."
"But why haven't you told me since?" Hisoka demanded. "When I asked you if you found your partner? You could have told me that I was your partner." He swallowed. "If it was because you didn't want me, I don't mind. I'm used to it, you know."
Tsuzuki whirled on him, eyes wide. "That's not it at all, Hisoka!" He protested. "I wanted you as my partner. I never wanted you gone, I never wanted you to forget that you stayed with me when no one else had." He tried to grasp onto his thoughts, make himself clearer. "I just wanted you to be happy. When you seemed happier when you forgot who I was, who you were, how do you think that made me feel?"
He sighed and continued walking again. "You have to have a very good reason for becoming a shinigami. It's not the best of jobs." His mouth turned up briefly. "While we're the most highly respected in Meifu, what we do is hardly…nice." Tsuzuki bit his lip. "And you seemed content, nothing remaining of what drove you to be a shinigami in the first place. I wanted you to keep that."
Looking vaguely annoyed, Hisoka raised an eyebrow at Tsuzuki. "It wasn't your choice though, was it?" He asked. "What if I need to be a shinigami and you were going to screw up a lot more things by keeping it a secret?" He looked away. "You don't know me, Tsuzuki. You don't know how I'll react to something. Maybe I want to be a shinigami. I saw what you did, it doesn't seem too difficult."
Tsuzuki grimaced at that. "What you saw was the most low level spirit retrieval. We hardly ever get cases like that, it's not our department to do so. The only reason why I did it was because I was in the area, and they hate wasting money." He rolled his eyes. "Usually we do much more…messy cases."
He paused in front of Hisoka's house, shrugging slightly. "I'm sure much more will be covered tomorrow, Hisoka. Tatsumi and Konoe want to talk to you, but I gave you a couple of days at least. You're still officially an employee here." Now he looked vaguely amused. "Just don't let Tatsumi scare you too much. He can be a tyrant." Now there was a bit of a whine thrown into his voice, alluding to more of the childish attitude that was becoming more obvious.
"I'm sure I'll be fine." Hisoka said dryly, watching as Tsuzuki unlocked the door of the small house. It was a small two storied structure. There was a small deck on the bottom, a chair barely visible. A few plants were on the windowsill, something that surprised Hisoka. He liked plants, but he had apparently been away for a long time. These looked well taken care of in spite of his absence. I wonder if Tsuzuki was the one that took care of them. Somehow he could see the older man taking care of the plants. Next to the plants was a mailbox, his name carefully inscribed on the side.
Tsuzuki opened the door wide to let Hisoka in. Taking the key handed to him, Hisoka wondered if he should invite Tsuzuki in, or just let it go. What he really wanted was the time alone, where he didn't have to think at all, but there was something unsaid here, something that needed to be taken care of. I suppose it can wait until my mind sorts itself out.
"Then…I'll see you tomorrow?" Tsuzuki asked hesitantly, eyes unreadable. "You're allowed entrance to JuOhCho anytime—One of us will be there at all times. Tatsumi hardly ever leaves, and I can't remember the last time Watari left that room he calls a lab." He reached forward, almost as if he wanted to touch Hisoka, but pulled back at the last minute, one hand running nervously though his hair. "You won't be alone here, Hisoka. I…it's not as bad as you might think it is."
And with your comforting words about the joys of being a shinigami, I'm sure everything will be perfect. Hisoka thought sarcastically. You don't exactly promote the position. "Fine." He hovered in the doorway of his home, an unsubtle signal that he was ready to go and didn't want to be bothered anymore. Tsuzuki finally got the hint and started backing away with a quick wave and a muttered goodbye. Once he was out of sight, Hisoka shut the door and surveyed his new home.
It was very…sparse. That was the first thing that came to mind, but somehow he wasn't too surprised. He never liked clutter—never had a use for it in his life. What he first noticed was all the windows and the large glass door that led out to the deck—it was a house that let in plenty of light. There was a small table in the corner, some type of ornamentation on it, and a few more plants in pots. Above him there was a hanging plant, the vines trailing down, and on the floor next to the entranceway was a small rug.
At least some things make sense. He thought dryly. I never liked closed in spaces after what my family did to me. Always…always I needed something more spacious than what the average apartment offered. There was a large fish tank in the corner, and he went up to it, absently feeding the fish. After his inspection of the small kitchen, seeing what food was there, he moved on to the bedroom, which was as sparse as the rest of the apartment. The only objects on the walls were a small clock, and a mirror hanging over the dresser.
I still don't remember this place, but if I had the chance to do what I wanted with a place, this would be it. The way things are set up are my style exactly. He went over to the bookshelf, picking up a volume at random and smiling faintly. "Even down to my taste in books." He murmured, half to himself. It was all so surreal still, the concept that he was dead, that this was the rest of his eternity—or whatever passed for it in this world. He put the book aside and lay down on the bed, intent on just closing his eyes for a few moments. Within seconds, he was sound asleep.
~
Tsuzuki made himself comfortable in the chair that Hisoka vacated, watching Watari as he moved around the lab, babbling about things that Tsuzuki had no care to hear. What the scientist was avoiding was any mention of Hisoka. Getting tired of it all, he started to stand up, frustrated. "Watari, I am leaving if you don't get to the point. What exactly did you tell Hisoka, why did you tell him, and what did he tell you?" His voice clearly showed his exasperation, and Watari sighed, pushing up his glasses with one hand.
"Tsuzuki, you couldn't keep that from Bon. I don't even know why you wanted to keep up the secret after he came back to Meifu. You know that it wouldn't hold out for long. Everyone here knows him as a shinigami—we are rather distinctive." Now his smile was a little strained. "And Tatsumi would never stand for it. And what would you do without him, Tsuzuki?" His gaze was shrewd as he fixed it on his friend. "We know how much he means to you. We don't want to risk the chance of losing you again."
Tsuzuki waved away his concerns, pasting a smile on his face. "Now, Watari—you know I've improved a lot since then. Even if Hisoka wasn't my partner, it would still be okay because he was happy." His smile wavered ever so slightly. "Wasn't that what Tatsumi always said? Your happiness is my happiness?"
Watari rolled his eyes. "You're so full of it." He muttered. "And you're not fooling anyone. I can't wait until Bon is back to his normal self again. Then we won't have to put up with these stupid games of yours." He pointed a finger at Tsuzuki. "He's still the same Bon, and you're still the same as well. You won't be able to start off when you ended, but you can pick up the pieces soon enough. And keeping information from him is not the way to get things back to normal."
Sighing, Tsuzuki rubbed at his face with one hand, eyes tired looking when he lifted them again to Watari. "I know, and it's hard to see that sometimes. Hisoka seems like he would be happier by himself sometimes—but I can't let that happen. I don't want him to ever be alone again."
Watari shook his head. "Well, he's not going to be. The rest of the us will make sure that he fits right back in again, but you know that he's always trusted you—from the very beginning."
"It's not the same." Tsuzuki said stubbornly. "There's nothing to work off of now, Muraki is gone and I don't ever want to put him in that same type of danger again, just to get his memory back. He has a different outlook on life right now—and do you honestly want to turn him into that again?" He shook his head. "He was hurt so badly when Muraki cursed him—and the pain of death for three years…" He sighed and looked off. "There are some memories that are better forgotten."
"You, Tsuzuki Asato, are an idiot." Tatsumi said firmly, entering the room and frowning down at his co-worker. "You do realize that while some memories are not vital to production, deliberately keeping Kurosaki-san in the dark is not the way to go about things."
Tsuzuki turned sullen. "He's my partner." He muttered. "You said to take care of him, and him being a shinigami is not the happiest of occupations." His expression turned almost wistful. "And he doesn't have anything to hold him here anymore."
"Are you so sure about that, Tsuzuki-san?" Tatsumi questioned, one eyebrow raising in inquiry. "You and Hisoka were very close, you know that." He pointed out. "You're very special to him, and even if he doesn't remember now, he will later and what do you think that will do to him if he thinks you really did want to get rid of him?"
Tsuzuki snorted and shook his head. "If Hisoka remembers, he'll understand." He said stubbornly. "He knows me as well as I know him and he would understand why I did it." He looked sad for a moment.
"Then cross that bridge when you come to it. If Kurosaki-san wants to leave after he remembers everything, then he may. As for right now, he is under our jurisdiction, and Enma himself has decreed that he stays." Tatsumi smiled faintly. "Much in the same manner as you, Tsuzuki-san. As long as you are here, it is vital that Kurosaki-san is here, and you will be here for an unforeseeable amount of time."
"I don't need to be reminded." Tsuzuki said sharply. "Just let me deal with things my own way, won't you?" He asked. "If I let you guys in charge of things, you'd spill all sorts of private stuff that he wouldn't be able to deal with at the time. I think he should just gradually remember." There was a slight pause. "And if at all possible, I don't want him to remember Muraki." His expression was inescapably stubborn.
Tatsumi opened his mouth to protest when Watari put a restraining hand on his arm. "Leave it, Tatsumi." He said hurriedly. "You don't have the time to deal with this right now, but you can bring him on assignments—slowly." He suddenly looked very thoughtful. "I mean, Tsuzuki is strong enough for several shinigami and Hisoka can knock him out or at least get him out of the area before anything too dangerous happens." His lips turned up in a grin. "He's done it enough times before."
Tsuzuki protested, eyes filling with tears at the implication. "You're so mean, Watari! I don't need to be watched over like a child." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I've been doing this for longer than any of you."
"And destroyed more property in Chijou and Meifu than any ten shinigami combined." Tatsumi pointed out swiftly. "You need Hisoka around just to keep you steady. As long as you have your partner watching out for the worst of the dangers, then whatever assignment we put you on should be fairly easy to handle." He tapped his finger on the desk, frowning thoughtfully. "After all, if we can send the GuShoShin with you, then even an untrained shinigami will be help."
"Hisoka is more than that!" Tsuzuki protested. "And he doesn't deserve to be used like that." He ran a hand through his hair, sighing explosively. "I can keep him out of danger if anything happens." He finally conceded, but then raised an eyebrow. "Or you can just put him through training again."
Tatsumi looked pained at the mention of the money and time it would take to retrain an already experienced shinigami. "But Kurosaki-san already knows what to do." He tried to plead. "It's just a matter of remembering—"
Tsuzuki tilted his chin up in the air, as stubborn as a child trying to get his way did. "I am not putting Hisoka in unnecessary danger, and think of the expense of treating a shinigami if he got hurt on the job." He saw Tatsumi swallow and he hid a triumphant smile. "Taking out a small amount of time to train him will not hurt matters any."
"But—you could train him…" Tatsumi tried one last avenue, but Watari was already laughing at that, shaking his head at the suggestion of Tsuzuki training Hisoka.
"No go, Tatsumi. Bon's talents are wildly different from Tsuzuki's—we never did get Hisoka to properly learn fuda magic, and calling a shikigami is completely out of the question at this point in time." Watari grinned. "Plus, can you see Bon submitting to Tsuzuki as his teacher?"
Tatsumi looked pained at the thought, ignoring Tsuzuki's whining about how mean all of them were, trying to set his mind on the current problem. He turned to Tsuzuki, cutting him off in mid-whine. "Bring Kurosaki-san to the meeting in two days. We'll see what we can do then. We want to get him back into the routine of things. Hopefully that will help him regain his memories."
"Bon hasn't lost his empathetic ability, just some of his control of shielding over it. You can block your emotions from him, but his insight to other matters is valuable. He's also very sharp, so as long as you keep an eye on him like normal, there shouldn't be any problems when you do go down to Chijou on assignment."
Tsuzuki nodded reluctantly, letting the conversation move to other things, but his mind was on Hisoka, and he hoped that things would make sense soon, that they would be able get their Hisoka back. The only clue they had to the memory loss was Muraki, but that man was far beyond any of them now.
~
Hisoka settled back into his chair, sighing. He decided to come to this meeting against his better judgement, not really caring for these people, what lives they led outside of his. Even with the proof that he was a shinigami, it wasn't as if he could really contribute anything.
And Tsuzuki isn't even here. He rolled his eyes. He came because Tsuzuki asked him, told him how important it was that he come to this meeting—he had only been able to grant him two days of peace, but his gave into the man's incessant pleading to show up today.
The door to the small conference room slammed open, Tsuzuki running in, some type of pastry clutched in one hand. Tatsumi looked up from the speech he was giving, frowning.
"Tsuzuki-san, I would have expected better of you than to be late today. Did I not tell you specifically to be here early, since there were matters to be arranged before the meeting started?" He demanded, as Tsuzuki settled meekly into the seat next to Hisoka. He put the bun in front of Hisoka with a cheerful wink.
"I'm sorry, Tatsumi-san—there was just this really good desert shop—and I wanted to get Hisoka something for breakfast since I'm sure that he really didn't eat breakfast and you really can't go long without something to eat…" This was all said in practically one breath, entreating Tatsumi with a look.
Hisoka rolled his eyes at the whining tone, the childish attitude of the older man, but was strangely touched that he went out of his way to get something for him. He pushed it away, though, frowning. "I don't like sweet stuff." He said sharply. "If I did before, it's different now."
"I know you don't like sweet stuff." Tsuzuki perked up immediately, ignoring Tatsumi glowering in the corner. "This isn't sweet—it's just red bean paste—I know you like those." He practically beamed at Hisoka. "See, I do know you." Hisoka blushed at the cheerful wink accompanying the smile.
Tatsumi cleared his throat, frowning down at the end of the table. "Be it as it may, Tsuzuki-san—you are late when you said you would not be." He paused. "Although I do not know why I ever imagine you to be on time." He rubbed at his forehead, as if he had a headache. "We have important business to attend to. You have a case."
Tsuzuki looked astonished, and Hisoka remembered what he said earlier about him being taken off all but the simplest of assignments because of his lack of a partner. "You mean…something actually turned up?" His expression was suspicious. "What are you up to, Tatsumi?"
Konoe next to the secretary frowned. "It's not a joke. There is a large number of missing souls in the area, and from what we can trace from the area, it's some type of demon or malevolent spiritual activity. We need you and Kurosaki-san to investigate." He carefully avoided looking at Hisoka.
Hisoka was astonished, he jumped out of his seat and stared at Tatsumi and Konoe. "You've … you've got to be kidding me!" he exclaimed. "I don't know one thing about being a shinigami, or what to do on this sort of thing. I mean—I guess that I knew before, but I don't know anything now, and isn't that a little bit dangerous?"
Tsuzuki gave him a weak smile. "Apparently they deemed that it was fine for you to go—Tatsumi hates wasting manpower, and with a case like this, I wouldn't be allowed on my own." He bit his lip. "And you're still my partner, Hisoka. You and I work in that area where the activity has taken place."
"But—but…" He tried to form a good protest, but the only things that came back sounded ridiculous to his own mind. The fact that he wasn't trained in all this. That the thought of going back to Chijou scared him—what if he ran into his family, someone he knew? He still wasn't quite adjusted to the fact that he was dead, and having to deal with demons on his first assignment wasn't exactly thrilling to him.
Watari grinned openly at him. "Look on the bright side, Bon. You're already dead, so what's out there can't kill you." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Of course, it can maim you and put several holes in your body that would take a long time to regenerate—" He stopped when Hisoka paled slightly at the mention of holes in his body.
"Watari, stop it." Tsuzuki gave him an irritable look. "If Hisoka has to come on this assignment, I'm going to make sure that nothing gets to him. He's my partner, not yours and I don't care to scare him about the worst that can happen out there." He muttered under his breath, almost too low for Hisoka to hear. "After all, when he remembers that will be bad enough."
Hisoka glared at all of them. "I'm not a baby, but I don't know the situation here. I hope that you're going to brief me on this before you just toss me down there with a guy who thinks that buying food for his partner is more important than attending a meeting that can affect the outcome of a situation. He's supposed to explain things to me, not the other way around."
Tsuzuki's ears flattened and he turned watery eyes on his partner. "But you love me around, Hisoka!" He pouted. "You know that I'm only looking after your health, and of course we wouldn't expect you to do anything that you're not capable of."
Hisoka snorted, but then nodded towards Tatsumi, quite as if his outburst never occurred. "Let's get on with it, then." He said shortly. "I want to make sure I understand everything."
Tatsumi frowned a little at the derisive tone, but he let it slide for now. He needed a little leeway at first. Finding you were dead was bad enough, but forgetting you were dead and then finding out later that you had been dead for the past three years of your life…well, anyone would be annoyed. He cleared his throat and went on.
He explained the case as succinctly as possible, outlining all the information they managed to gather, pointing out what he wanted each of them to do. Having Hisoka pose as a student was usually standard, but they were all wary of Hisoka slipping into that role again, where names might come up where they weren't needed. And it was lucky that the case called for something else. It was younger children that was being taken—so all they were going to do was observe and try and track down the demon—ghost—whatever it was as soon as she struck. It was going to be long and time consuming—but—
Tsuzuki frowned over the details of the case, eyes darkening at the thought of the young children dying when they weren't supposed to, souls being trapped, hurt…used—it was sickening and a case that always tore at him inwardly. It was a very good thing that Hisoka was going to be accompanying him on this assignment, just to keep him sane.
Hisoka looked up at his partner, sighing inwardly. It was going to be a long assignment, one that he wasn't sure that he was ready for, but he belatedly realized that this was his chance to prove himself. His chance to show that he was strong and capable. He would succeed at this. Things will turn out just fine.
